


House of Lutin

by Tinalouise88



Category: Labyrinth (1986), The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-08 05:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 102,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12247674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinalouise88/pseuds/Tinalouise88
Summary: In a world of falling birthrates. Sarah finds herself thrust into a role of a handmaiden at the House of Lutin. In a strange station of handmaiden and the Lord's next wife.  Darker theme.  Lutin is French for Goblin





	1. Chapter 1

Hello, welcome to my next hair-brained, slightly strange idea.

While you don’t need to read the book, this is based on the Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. A brilliant book that will make you think about the world in a different way.  The style of name and the whole style of community is derived from the book.  

Of course, I also don’t own the Labyrinth. Maybe in my dreams, but the reality is that while I own a bunch of merchandise, and a large amount of Bowie stuff. I don’t own any rights to it. 

I hope you will enjoy this story.  It's not my usual style of writing being in the first person. I’m also trying to work on more showing and less telling. So this will be an exercise for myself as well as working out these thoughts in my head! 

 

Thank you to Sheyrina the Labyrinthian Dragon, for her amazing beta help and helping me turn this into something from 1500 words to 2400.  Thank you Sheyrina! 

 

* * *

 

My name is Ofjar, I used to have another name but that name barely exists now, I am only known by Ofjar.  If you asked my name that would be my reply; because my real name has no importance now. 

 

I grew up in a small city, my father well off as a barrister. I was born during a revolution, a revolution of puritanical ways. My mother was mortal, while my father was born of fae blood.  I don’t remember my mother. She died when I was just an infant.  They were never truly married, and I carried the stigma of their affair; along with her dark hair and stormy green eyes.  She found her way into our realm one day. My father finding her and took her in. Less than a year later I was born, only a few short months my mother was gone from us.  When I was fourteen he took another wife, she was only a few years older than myself, soon we welcomed a child. Toby he was called, and how I miss his dimples as I think about him now. 

 

At sixteen, I came to the academy, not by choice but by force. It was decreed that all girls below a certain rank would go through the academy. I still remember the day when they showed up at our house to take me. They barely allowed father and I to say goodbye. There was a good chance that we would not see each other again for a long time. The academy was more of a prison than a school. If you didn’t comply they would torture you until you did; one girl Calla was burned on the side of her face. No one would marry her now. You see this academy prepared you for marriage or the marriage market. When that failed, they turned you into handmaidens because looks were pointless in that way of life. 

 

Our world is failing, my world is experiencing issues with procreation. To many interbreeding among higher class families, too many sterile men and infertile women that has decreased our population.  I am half mortal, my reproductive organs are pristine. The children I can bear makes them excited as I sit on the examiner's table in nothing but a clumsy paper gown.  I am poked and prodded, checked out in the most intimate ways before given the green light. I was still pure, I never even kissed a boy before. I am told to keep a record to keep track of my cycle, failure to do so would be mean punishment.

 

I spent a year in ‘training’ but it was not an education. We didn’t learn anything besides how to be a good vessel. How to keep your body healthy, how to know the signs of pregnancy, the signs of miscarriages.  Any sort of reading that was not educational was forbidden within the academy, they didn't want us to get any idea’s that may disrupt our future.  We learned how to please our husbands, while still being a virtuous woman. Lay back and let him do the work, but if he asks you to do something. Do it, pretend to like it, to please him.  How to be a good housekeeper, which most of us girls knew how to anyway. There was no rank in the Academy

 

Then came the day of Graduation they called it when we dressed up in white gowns we made for ourselves. Mine was pretty, yet with my ever changing and growing body I had to let out the seams under the arm few days before trying to make the bust less tight. The knowledge that there were more women than men weighed heavily on us. Half of us would be brides, the other half would be trained to be handmaidens and be assigned a family

 

Handmaiden a revered, yet shameful destiny of our young women; no one wanted to be a handmaiden. The only role you play is a vessel, a birthing woman for other families who could not have children. You were important to the community but at the same time the lowest class of people.  Instead of a holy union, and a marriage bed, children of your own. You had ceremonies, a child which you would feed until old enough to wean. Then you were sent away, the child wasn’t yours, you had no claim over a child you grew and birthed.  The more children you could birth the higher in the standing of the close-knit community of the handmaidens you become.  

 

I prayed every moment on the stage that I would be chosen for a bride. I did not want to be a handmaiden. 

 

I could see him in the back of the room, his gaze penetrating me at such a distance. I’ve seen him before at the Academy. I also knew he wore a wedding band, his story a sad one with a sick wife.  I caught his gaze multiple time as he came to talk to the headmistress; he owned the building we lived in.  I always averted my eyes during those moments; he had a strange appearance with one pupil of his eye larger than the other. Giving the impression of being mysterious with his one eye was darker in colour than the lighter ice blue. It sent shivers up my spine whenever he was around. He only spoke once to me, even as he picked up the fallen peach from the basket of fruits I carried once. 

 

“Peaches, so succulent sweet and tart at the same time, ” He grinned and took out a large bite. “Thank you for this, ” He tipped his hat and walked away. His voice made my knee’s weak, it was smooth, much lower than expected from his tall lanky frame that was covered in tight trousers, waistcoat with a billowy shirt. 

 

Still, his gaze unnerved me, as fought the urge to fidget as the men looked at us.  One by one, our numbers were called. Names were irrelevant at this point, only would they know our names if we become their wives.  If we became a handmaiden, we would become under the care and ruling. We would take their name in some form.  If his name was Jonathon, you may be Ofjon or Ofthon.  An abbreviation of their name, we were of them. If your post changed you got used to a new name. Us girls though we all knew each other's names. It was the last sense of normalcy for us as we created our own sisterhood out of sheer survival rather than friendship. 

 

“Number 25, ” Our Mistress called out; my own number and I took a step forward, a white veil frosted over my dark hair. My body tall and slim, I did not possess birthing hips that told me, but my bosom was plentiful and my waist trim.  I was taller than most of the girls here, my skin slightly tanner than most. Another tells a tale sign of my heritage of being mortal. 

 

“Standing taller than average, 25 is an elegant speaker. Enjoys taking care of her personal items with great importance. An expert at mending and skilled at drawing; she is half mortal by her maternal side enhancing greater chances of conceiving and fetal survival.” A trying ploy to get them to reconsider my mortal half with greater chances for children.  I kept my eyes downwards, hearing the shuffling of the crowd. The hesitance of crowd, deciding if my savage blood worth the embarrassment.  

 

Mortals were strange to my kind, finding their way into our kingdom by chance.  Most mortals were peaceful, but our people will never forget the warriors that found their way to our lands. Our ways of life, of the deities that we pray to confuse them. They bounded together one night and tried to destroy a village. Witches, they called us if they only knew what witches looked like. Ever since that day, mortals became a sore subject; people like my father claimed you cannot hold a person to someone else’s actions, while others just called them savages. The leaders of the community taking action, trying to take the fear out of daily lives. Little things came over time, girls being taken out of school at younger ages, more arranged marriages. Less revealing and flamboyant clothing for both sexes. Soon what has always been accepted as youthful voyageur; the ability to experiment as young adult with various partners of either sex became immorally wrong.  The handmaidens came into existence as the decreasing birth rates of the wealthier classes. Young girls from the country, of poorer areas of the city were taken and thrust into a life they never imagined. While wealthier girls were thrust into marriages like pawns by their fathers trying to gain favour for their families.   

 

This was my world, and I had no way to escape it.  Father always told me to keep strength. 

 

“Nothing lasts forever, there will be an end to this way of life.” I can hear his voice as my heart thumps in my chest as no one spoke up. The man’s gaze never left me as I glanced at the crowd through my lashes shyly I watched him place his sign high up in the air. It was a transitional sign.  I breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t my first choice, but it was better than the alternative. We were told of the signs shortly before we went on stage and what they meant. White meant marriage, red meant handmaiden. A striped sign of both colours was transitional, which what he held up silently If you were pretty you may have competition between the men. It usually came down to money, the larger the donation to the academy the more likely you were able to gain favour with the mistress and win the girl of your choice. It was rumoured once that a bidding took over an hour before the Mistress put a stop to it. 

 

“Thank you, ” the mistress nodded to him and allowed me to step back. My hands are gripping the sheer cotton lawn of my dress that fell below my knees in a long sheath. Wing like shoulders jutted out from the yoke that ran over my collarbone straining over the top of my breasts.  I knew his story. His wife was dying, he could take me as a handmaiden to try to give his wife happiness of a child before she died.  Then upon her death, he would marry me and elevate my status. Only men of high rank are able to do such a thing. They have the money and strings that allow such allowances.  

 

The mistress goes through the rest of the girls, some younger than myself. Those girls came from poor families. Why feed another mouth if you could send them away to be clothed and fed.  My own birthday had passed six months ago. I was born in the middle of winter shortly after the new year.  I was only seventeen, and yet my life was already taken away from me. 

 

We are sent back to the academy, we don’t even meet the men who will essentially control our lives. Weddings would be arranged or uniforms would be made for your post. I would dress as a handmaiden, long skirts of dark read with crisp white blouses. Mine would have the crest of his house. The House of Lutin, except the crest would be in gold as I would be also his intended. I would have another gown of ivory made for the day that we would marry.  Not white, I will not be a virgin bride, but he will be my first and only either way.  Until then, I would be the handmaiden, someone who has no choice to lie and spread her legs for the man of the house. The thought of the joining ceremony unnerves me slightly. I know the mechanics, however, the act itself is still so far out of my comfort zone of thought. Am I scared? Of course, luckily though, I would have a month to prepare herself mentally for the event. She just ended her fertile time, giving her at least three to four weeks before it would come again. 

 

Some days I wish I could laugh it off and say, ’It’s a piece of cake!” I used to always tell my father it wasn’t fair. Nothing was ever fair in my life. Never knowing my mother, being forced into the academy. Now as the days approached for when they would come for me.  It wasn’t a happy departure, I fought, I tried to run but they caught me. Kicking and screaming as they dragged me away. I could hear Toby crying for me in the background as they pulled me away from the life I’ve known. 

 

So if you ask my name, I will tell you its Ofjar. I am of Jareth the handmaiden to the house of Lutin.  I sleep in a small room with little comforts of life in it; I live for the time when I could read a book for leisure, to be the young woman who frolicked in the glen near her house. Picking flowers for the kitchen table, to be able to kiss those sweet dimples of my brother as his mother tends to her duties and my father. 

 

If you asked me my name before all this before I was taken from my family. The name my mother gave me, that my father called me with affection even when I spilt the ink over his books. 

 

I would tell you, Sarah, My name is Sarah.

 

 

* * *

 

I live for reviews! Tell me what you think of it so far. The good and the bad!

It will be a slow burn more than likely. While situations may be controversial, I don’t plan on going to dark with this story but I will never know where a story takes me truly until it happens. 

 

Tina. 

 


	2. Chapter

First off I have to give a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed and followed, favourited. Thank you all so much for the love. 

 

A massive thank you to Sheryrina Labyrinthian Dragon for being an awesome beta and giving me feedback. 

 

Anyway’s onto Chapter 2

* * *

 

 

 

My life returned to its regular mundaneness as we were driven back to the Academy. I went through my daily tasks of personal hygiene and spending my mornings helping the new girls adjust to the schedules of the Academy. I remember too well how afraid I had been my first days here. I tried to comfort them as best I could, helping them to keep under the radar of the mistress who gave punishment when she saw fit, even for the littlest things. I still remember my first and only offence that landed me in her office, her cane knocking me to the floor as the wind was rushed out of my lungs in the process. I gasped for air as she brandished the rod down across my back once more. 

 

I tried to run, to escape what was my prison in my first week of captivity. Of course, they caught me. It was foolish of me to think I could escape them. At the end of it all, they carried me back to the barracks, tossing me unceremoniously onto my cot in front of the other girls with my shirt ripped open and my back covered in welts. No blood had been shed, but that only made the raised marks burn and swell from the pressure underneath the skin. I cried from the pain. I cried because I knew then I would never see home again. 

 

It didn’t take long for us to create our sisterhood; Lyla, Calla, Dmitria, and I bonding quickly as they removed my clothing and wrapped me up in a sheet, helping me to stumble over to the small washroom and arguing if hot or cold water would be better for me. Cold water would help the swelling, but warm water would help with the pain. In the end, it was a mixture of hot and cool compresses as I sat on the floor, repaying the favour in a few short weeks when the mistress broke two of Lyla’s fingers for managing to bring in candy, Calla being burned on the right side of her face shortly after. We learned to watch each other's backs and keep us out of trouble. We were friends, but at the same time we were all spies for each other. Good deeds came with rewards and favours from the mistress; it could be tempting to tattle on a friend. 

 

We learned we could write to our families, but we never received replies from them. None of us were sure if they were ever mailed, or if letters were kept from us. It was another way to break us, cutting us off from the outside world. We had no one now, not even our families wanted to keep in contact with us. Still, it was in the dark of the night when I promised myself to leave this place alive. I promised myself I would honour my family and not shame them by hanging on the wall of traitors. I grew quieter. I grew meeker in my words and gestures. I soon became a model student, because the alternative of not living I could not fathom.  

 

As I look back now, I know the girl with the fiery spirit is still within me. I have regained her in some aspects, though parts of me were left in the office as I begged for forgiveness. Other parts of her were left in the ornamental bedroom by the drops of blood that fell upon the sheets along with my tears.  The long night of labouring alone in my room, too afraid to tell them, knowing the child was too early and it would cease to be mine when it arrived. If it would survive at all. 

 

I had my first encounter with him a few days after being chosen. He had come to the Academy like some intended do. Some talk about wedding plans, others used it as a chance to get to know their betrothed while having tea in the parlour under the watchful eye of the mistress. I had not expected him that day. I was dressed in my blue dress, the Academy uniform.  A muted blue, knee length skirt with a high neckline and long sleeves. My hair down around my shoulders, wavy from the braid it had been in all morning, wrapped around my head as I cleaned with the younger girls. Now, I sat in the garden, drawing in the few moments of free time I had. I rubbed the pencil into the page as I watched the flower sway in the cool breeze of the summer night. 

 

I didn’t hear the footsteps come up behind me. It wasn’t until I heard a strange “flash” of bright light. I turned to see him standing there, his hat upon his head, pieces of his blonde hair poking through in various spots, wearing a dark blue jacket, wool trousers with patent shoes, and holding a camera in his hand. I haven’t seen a camera since leaving home. Father had one, and I enjoyed using it, spending my pin money on getting films developed when he allowed me to use it. This one was different, as I watched the photo paper dispense.  

 

I didn’t quite know what to do or say. I should never be alone with a man, not here like this, yet this man was my future.  I scrambled to my feet, unsure of what to do as my charcoal scattered on the ground. 

 

“Please, they told me you were out here,” he began, his hands offering up a peace sign to stop. “I apologize for the picture.  Just seeing you in your element was something I could not pass up.” 

 

He passed me the photo, holding it out for a good moment before I took it, hesitantly as the picture faded into view. Mirrors are rare in the academy. Vanity is frowned upon. Cosmetics were forbidden, but good skin care was encouraged along with good grooming habits.  It was the first time I’ve seen a photo of myself since I left home.  My dark hair longer than it has ever been, it made my tanned skin seem paler than it was. I had a serene look on my face as I looked at the flower bush, with one hand poised slightly above my sketchbook of paper.  I would almost call myself pretty in it.  It made memories surface as I traced the photo lightly, flooded with thoughts of my family and wondering if they thought of me, or what I may look like now.  

 

“I shouldn’t be out here alone with you,” I tell him, thrusting the photograph towards him, which he refused with a shake of his head as I saw the curtain of the Mistress’ office flutter in the corner of my eye.  “I have no use for it. I cannot even send it to my family,” I blurted out as I grabbed my fallen pencils from the ground, hurrying away from him. Leaving the photo on the bench for him, he didn’t stop me, which I am thankful for as I walked quickly across the floors. 

 

“Ofjar!” Her voice rang out across the hall from the top of the stairs. I stopped dead in my tracks at her words and my new name I still wasn’t used to hearing. “Please ring for tea and change out your uniform quickly.” I merely nodded with wide eyes. 

 

“Leave your hair down,” he spoke up, as if he somehow knew I would quickly pin it up in the process.  I looked up at the mistress who just raised an eyebrow at me. He was my intended; if he wanted my hair down, then so be it. 

 

“Excuse me,” I turn to our guest and rush towards the kitchen, which was on the way to the barracks, thankfully. The barracks were a large room with few windows; long lines of cots, similar to what the military would have, steel bed frames with a spring mattresses covered in muted blankets of various colours of grey and blue. Each cot had a trunk at its foot for clothing and other necessities that we women had. Our worldly possessions were in those trunks, it’s where I placed my sketchbook and pencils in a small basket before hastily unfastening the buttons down my back, shrugging out of my uniform and grabbing my only other dress besides my white one. Light green for when we went to the temple on holidays and festivals. It was in the same sheath style of my white, only with long bell-shaped sleeves. Tossing it over my head, covering the slip that hid my brassiere and panties from view, I checked to make sure my stockings had no runs.  Satisfied they did not, I ran a wide tooth comb through my locks and tied half of my hair back from my face with a simple ribbon. It was still down, technically.

 

He was back out in the garden, sitting at a table someone placed for him when I arrived back into the main hall. I watched our Mistress point to the garden, I nodded my eyes cast downwards and walked silently outside.   I watched him turn at the sound of footsteps and the sound of the door opening. 

 

“It’s a nice afternoon,” he explained, and stood up to pull out my chair. I could hear him click his tongue at the ribbon in my hair, or was it a chuckle at my defiance?  I am not sure.  It was awkward small talk for the longest time. Weather, and how we liked to drink our tea; sugar for himself, milk and sugar for myself. Though I have gotten used to drinking it plain over the past year, and sugar was rare.  As they considered to much sugar unhealthy for us. 

 

“I hadn’t planned on doing this, I wanted to wait until—well, then, of course, the Mistress spoke of your graduation.  I couldn’t let you slip past me,” he explained, his elegant fingers wrapped around the fine china cup as he took a sip of his tea. “I hope that is not too forward of me to say?”

 

I blushed and looked down at my hands.  Was I that special to him? I am sure there are girls prettier than myself here. 

 

“Tell me about your family?” he asked, trying to make me withdraw from my shell. I drew a shaky breath. I explained I was from Concordia. My father was a barrister. We lived outside the city in a modest house. We had a valley in our backyard, and I would often take my younger brother out during the day to run around, to keep him out of my stepmother's way. 

 

He watched me carefully as I spoke; his hat on the chair beside him letting his golden hair glimmer in the sunlight. It wasn’t long, but it wasn’t short, either, as he brushed some of the waves back, leaving a few to hit his forehead. His teeth were sharp and pointed, and his smile had some sort of trick that made it always seem like he was jesting.  He continued to drill me with questions.  Where had I learned to draw?  I shrugged and answered I just could. My favourite colours? I didn’t have one.  I learned he was thirty-six that afternoon. 

 

I was seventeen and a half and he was thirty-six. Not the worst age gap. Another girl was chosen to be the bride of a man of fifty, and another a handmaid for a couple who were nearing sixty.  No, our age difference was nothing compared to others.

 

He took another photo of me before he left, placing myself among the rose bushes in the garden.  I stood there rather awkwardly, unsure of what to do or say at his request. ‘Obey the word’ rang through my head as I smiled sweetly for the camera at his request, though the smile never reached my eyes. They remained hollow and empty if you looked into them long enough.

 

I walked him to the front door, bidding him goodbye. It would be the last time I would see him before I would arrive at his house I would soon find out. As the next two weeks passed by without a sign and word from him, I brushed it off.  He was a lord; he must be pretty busy to talk to essentially a young lady of no intellectual mind.  I walked back to the barracks, sitting down on my small bed. I grabbed a piece of my sketchbook and a pencil.  ‘Dear Father-‘ I began for the first time in almost a year. I was halfway through when anger bubbled in me, causing me to crumple up the paper and toss it away from me.  I sank down into my pillow, tears falling down my face for the first time in months. 

 

 

 

 

His interest in photography was something I would grow used to; he would always play around when I wasn’t expecting it. He would place some in large albums in the sitting room, others framed up on the mantle for when we entertained to show off our perfect family. When my past of being a handmaiden was long forgotten and hidden in the depths of our minds.

 

It would be years before I would learn of his first act of kindness towards me. The act of kindness that showed up at my family’s door one morning. A small envelope tied with ribbon, the photograph he took of me in front of the rose bushes nestled inside. I wouldn’t see my father cry at the sight of it, or my stepmother showing it to Toby, trying to make him recognize me, thankful for whoever sent it, not knowing how my life was changing quickly.  All they knew was that I was alive and looked well, not noticing the hollow look of my mossy eyes. 

 

It would still be years before I would see them. Toby would be grown by then, only hearing stories of the sister he had.  It was only when I walked into my childhood home for the first time in decades that I would see what he had done for me and my family as I took in the framed photos on the mantle of the fireplace. Me, standing in my wedding dress by the fireplace the evening of our wedding, photos of myself holding our newborn children; they were all there, and yet he never said a word. 

 

 

* * *

 

Thank you for reading, as always please tell me what you thought! Reviews are cookies and I love cookies!

 

Tina


	3. Chapter 3

Hail to the beta Sheryina who makes turning my thoughts and bad sentence structure into readable works!

To RedWood Manning- Its more inspired by the book and based on the book, my apologies for the confusion. I agree it is an intense amazing book, and i do other enjoy Atwood's books as well. I know I could never go as far deep or intense as she has written for Handmaids Tale. In reality, I have mashed The Commander and Nick almost together in one character, or at least for what I have planned, they are one person who has both roles of the two characters in the book depending if you like to believe that Offred survived and that Nick helped her escape. Personally I kind of think he was a double agent for the EYE.

Anyways onto Chapter 3

* * *

I can still remember the feeling of nerves and adrenaline coursing through my body with each turn we took. I was sitting in the back seat of the old style black car, my small bag of belongings packed neatly away in the trunk. I remember feeling like it was a beginning to an end. With every door that shut, a window is opened, but the windows seemed too small for me to climb through.

I thought he would come again, but the past two weeks had been silent. I don't know why I had hoped he would come again; I felt awkward and naive next to him. Mostly because I _was_ awkward and naive compared him and his worldly knowledge. I may look like a woman, but still, my mind was undeveloped and unsure of many things. What did make the sky blue? What came first, the egg or the chicken? I may never know those answers. Women weren't allowed to study sciences or any other complicated subjects now. We could learn to read and write, draw, or play music. Literature was something of give and take. Many books were often excused from our pre-approved reading list, which were simple classics about finding a good husband, the book of our deities to understand our festivals and worship days, and lastly, a large amount of books on etiquette and household matters. My father had allowed me to read much more than he should have. How I miss the books about adventures in the deep sea, the glorious sands of the deserts far from us.

I stared out the window, trying to memorize the houses we passed that became fewer and fewer. Vast amounts of land took over, large trees with blooming flowers for kilometres as far as I could see. I edged closer to the window, seeing my reflection in the glass, seeing my expression of complete awe at what was before me. Oh, how I wished I could stop and wander among the trees and pick some blossoms. It was an orchard, I would soon learn, which he owned, cultivating fruits for the country. His speciality was peaches, something I had looked forward to for the summer time, as they were my favourite fruit.

It wasn't until Mistress cleared her throat, pulling me from my thoughts, that I reluctantly straightened up at her look. I smoothed my red skirt over my knees with my palms, my new shiny black shoes peeping out from the hem of the long skirt. I did not like the colour red; it was never a colour I considered that looked well on me. At least it was a dark red, not overly bright or orange, but a true blue toned red.

The wind changed as we turned a bend in the road, letting the floral scent of the blossoms drift towards me, and I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear from the partially opened window. Maybe I will like this place? It reminds me of home with all the greenery and flatland. The Academy was secluded, but the rare times we went into the city, I disliked the crowds and the hustle and bustle. As we turned another bend, large stone walls appeared, the wrought iron above it in decorative swirls and fleurs-de-lis, and what seemed to be peculiar, almost gremlin faces.

 _Lutin_. The word came to the surface as I wracked over my mind. I only knew the official language of the kingdom, though Father knew a little of the old language and would read me fables from the past, trying to explain the certain words if I asked. I cannot remember if he ever explained Lutin to me, but seeing the gremlins made me remember father explaining Hobgoblins, the more amusing and less frightening of goblins. I found it interesting that his estate was named in such a fashion.

My heart started to beat faster as I saw the gates up ahead; the imminence of my future was waiting for me. For a moment, I thought about jumping out of the car and trying to run for it, but where would I run to? I would be caught in an instant.

I could feel the Mistress stare at me like she knew what I had been thinking for the brief moment. I sat back further into my seat and closed my eyes. I could hear the gates open for us, and when I finally opened my eyes, I saw the large, intimidating, sand-coloured stone house. Large shutters in blue graced the windows, and as I bent forward to look above, I counted at least three floors of windows, along with smaller ones which I assumed were the attic and some of the servant's quarters. It was more of a mansion than a house!

I grabbed my hat from the seat beside me and placed it on my head as the car came to a stop. My heart was thumping, and my hands were shaking as I secured the elastic back underneath my hair. The door opened and I watched the Mistress slide effortlessly out of the seat.

"Come along, Ofjar," she called when I didn't follow her, resulting in me scrambling from the seat and awkwardly stepping out the car. The driver had my bag, which I took and held in both hands.

"Come along," she repeated as she walked up the stairs to the front entrance, and I tripped up them after her. She turned to me before ringing the doorbell, her voice as low and rigid as the look on her face. "You represent the Academy, do not disappoint me." I merely nodded and stood behind her as the door opened and we were ushered inside. My cloak was taken, as well as my bag, to be put in my room as we are led to the parlour.

It was rather a domestic scene. He was there, sitting on the sofa, reading as she lay on the chaise near him. She is pretty, or was, at least, in her better days. Her skin is sallow, and her light brown hair, despite being up in a fashionable way, dull and lifeless. She looks painfully thin compared to my own weight, but as she sees us, her face and her eyes light up.

"They are here!" She spoke in her singsong voice, clear and light. She struggled to pull herself upright, her legs seemingly uncooperative. "Welcome, Ofjar, Madame."

I knew in that moment that she didn't know the full extent of my being here. No wife or woman would be this joyous at the prospect of having me in their home. I can feel his gaze on me. "Thank you," I spoke softly.

"Please sit, Ofjar." She said my name so innocently. She didn't know I would be her replacement, so she had no reason to hate me. I sit carefully on the edge of the loveseat as she continues on. "I do hope we get along. Nothing is more harmful to these arrangements than if we do not get along. You are giving us a great blessing with your choice." Anger bubbled inside me. Choice? I'd had no choice when I was taken from my home and auctioned off to a room of men. Thankfully, I'd learned to guard my emotions over the past year and keep my expression emotionless.

"Dinah," he says her name with a drawl, warning her, it seems, as the woman looked at him, frowning. The drawl which would eventually say my own name, sometimes in anger, other times when he wished to feel the shiver run down my spine alone in the night. "Ofjar must be weary from the long trip, and most likely wishes to freshen up. You can talk more later."

"Of course. Tilda will show you to your room," she spoke to me but made no move to get up herself.

I would learn she used a chair to get around the lower levels of the house most days. Her bedroom was on the floor above, and she was carried up and down the stairs when needed. Most days she sat in the parlour, resting. A genetic disorder, something about her nerves not responding correctly. Some days she would be able to walk a few steps here and there, other days she wouldn't leave her room.

I largely kept out of her way. She was too chatty and joyful at the arrangement. I softened over the months. How could I deny her hands from my stomach those months she had been alive to feel the child kick? Mostly, I couldn't fathom becoming close with someone who I would replace. It didn't sit well in my conscience, so I kept away. I kept out of everyone's way, eating alone in the corner of the kitchen. I was allowed small freedoms to be outdoors, as long as I was back before dinner time. I was allowed to wander the orchards, and even pick ripened fruit if I wanted something. I loved the smell of the fresh air the mountains in the distance brought us, the streams of cool water that ran through the orchards.

I wouldn't have the luxury of having a fellow handmaiden out here. I was secluded, and that unnerved me to a slight degree. I was alone in this world, and my sisterhood was scattered from border to border. Should I have a child, there would be no ceremony with fellow maidens to help me through it unless they were alerted early enough to travel the distance. There would be no chantings of "push" or "breathe" as I laboured, it would just be myself, alone, and him.

I kept away from him the best I could for the first weeks after the ceremony. He always managed to find me though, in the orchard, the barn, occasionally the library I visited with permission, keeping to the one wall of books that were deemed appropriate. I always knew when he appeared; the hairs on the back of my neck would stand on end, the musky spice of his cologne wafting into my nostrils before I even heard his footsteps some days. He never spoke or touched me out of turn, but the look in his eyes showed the burning desire for me.

I had arrived three days early, allowing time for myself to adjust to my surroundings, which I was thankful for. However, the anxiety that came with thinking of my first ceremony petrified me; it wasn't going to be hypothetical or pretend. My first night I spent curled up into a ball, refusing dinner and any person who came to knock on my door. It didn't have a lock, yet they allowed my seclusion. I heard his footsteps at one point in the night as I muffled a sob into my pillow. I heard him place something by the door before leaving. Curiosity got the better of me as I carefully opened the door, seeing a small packet on the floor tied in blue ribbon. It was a large, leather, spiral bound book with thick blank pages. It came with a box of coloured pencils, something I mentioned missing at the Academy. I traced the leather, then placed them on the small desk that sat in the corner before crawling back into my bed.

The sun came up too quickly on my third day since arriving. I kept mostly to my room the first day, wallowing in self-pity. The second day I ventured into the common areas, the kitchen, and the backyard, making friends with one of the cats from the nearby barn. Sometimes I could feel him watching me from the windows of what I assumed to be his study.

On the third day, I woke up from my afternoon nap with my stomach in knots as I looked around my third-floor room, not necessarily in the servant quarters, but far from the guest rooms. It was plain, with cheerful yellow walls, and a quilted comforter on a small, white wood bedframe. There was a matching chest of drawers to hold my clothing, with a statue of the fertility deity placed on a small lace doily. The washroom was an ensuite, with a large clawfoot tub and pedestal sink across from the toilet. I sat down on the edge of the tub as it filled, enjoying the solitude and privacy of bathing alone.

I undressed slowly, peeling away the layers I wore until I stood naked while kicking my underwear away from me. I stepped into the scalding water, hissing from the sting which numbed my limbs as I submerged myself. My hand slid down my stomach, stopping as my fingers threaded though the dark curls at the junction. I had no idea of the pleasure a woman could feel. They never taught us about that. We were taught to ignore and to never touch ourselves in any way that seemed inappropriate. Was this inappropriate? I was alone, no one would know. As I pushed my hand lower into myself, a sharp knock rapped on the door of my bathroom, breaking my courage as my hand flung from the water.

"It's seven!" the housekeeper called out to me before walking away.

"Another time, I suppose," I said to myself as I hauled my body from the tub and dressed in my bra and slip. No underwear was required for tonight I reminded myself as I pulled on a blouse and red skirt, pinning my hair up around my head with a long, single braid before leaving my room.

I knew the room I was headed to. They showed it to me the day I arrived. The room of white and gold, with touches of blue here and there. I wasn't sure if it was his room, or possibly just a guest room they would use. The hallway seemed much longer than it had a few days ago as I walked down to the large, intimidating door. The door opened before I could knock, and my mind screamed for me to run. My feet stayed glued to the floor. I could see Dinah already on the bed in her spot, and I could see his back as he faced the unlit fireplace with a glass of amber liquid in his hand.

"Are you ready?" His voice was so low I felt a shiver run down my spine, the uncertainty that was to come.

Was I ready for this?

How could I be?

* * *

Well, there you go! Remember I love hearing thoughts or even worries about the chapters. Reviews are like cookies, and everyone loves some sort of cookies in general!

Tina


	4. Chapter 4

Well, I will start this off by saying.  This is not a pretty chapter, I had to take a lot of breaks and breathing exercises to get through it. 

 

A huge thank you to Sheyrina for working through this with me when I was doubting myself. 

 

Anyways here is Chapter 4

 

Warnings-While it is not necessarily consensual, it is also no necessarily non-consensual. 

A strange threesome. 

* * *

 

 

 

My mind was still reeling as I curled up on my bed, my clothing wrinkled and in disarray from the ceremony. My whole body felt numb, like my mind and body weren’t connected to one another.  I shifted, grimacing at the feeling of warm slickness that coated my privates and thighs. A mixture of him and the liquid he ended up using to help the process along. It was called lubrication oil I would learn later on. 

 

I don’t remember responding to his question asking if I was ready.  I remember him placing a glass in my hand, telling me to drink.  It was his glass, and as I drank, it burned my mouth and throat like fire. Coughing as I sputtered at the sweet taste of peaches that accompanied the burn, holding my hand to my chest, he raised an eyebrow. “I meant slowly,” he added.

 

My head went slightly fuzzy and I felt slightly lopsided. I remember flashes that kept coming into my mind. How I managed to somehow walk to the bed and place myself on it, I wasn’t sure. Dinah took my hand and pulled me near her.  She smiled at me, then took the pins from my hair, her fingers combing through the long strands. What was with these people and my hair, I thought.  I let out a small moan as she massaged my scalp. Guiding me to settle with my head between her thighs, I laid on her skirt. She continued her rather skilful assault to relax me, even as I dared not look at her or even him, instead looking up at the ceiling, praying it would be done quickly.

 

Lost in my own mind, I jumped as he touched my ankle, making me look to him. His shirt undone and his pants unzipped, he beckoned us closer to the edge of the bed. His chest was scattered with fine, light blonde hair that tapered down into his underwear. Somehow, Dinah unbuttoned my blouse a few buttons, the swell of my breasts on display from the low neckline of my slip.  

 

My eyes snapped open at the new memory, my body beginning to shake for the shock of it all.  I gasped for air and tried to calm myself. I haven’t had a panic attack in a year.  I was a shy, nervous child, and my father had taught me how to calm myself when I felt one coming on. It was little things that could set me off; crowds of people, losing sight of my father while in the town. I mostly grew out of them as I grew older. It wasn’t until we heard the decree of the council, that any female above the age of fifteen who was not of status blood would be sent to the Academy, that I had one at the prospect of my future being taken from me. 

 

I dashed off my bed in the direction the bathroom, the bile already making its way up my throat as I leaned over the toilet, heaving. I rested my head on the cool porcelain floor, unsure if I would have another round of vomiting. I breathed deeply, trying to banish everything from my mind. I tried not to think of it, but the moment my eyes closed I was back in that room. 

 

He was standing there before me, rubbing himself with a clear liquid. My skirts bunched up around my hips, I was still decently covered, but I felt open to the world.  He placed the bottle to the side, stepping forward and moving in-between my legs. I closed my eyes again, trying to breathe.  I felt him lean forward and kiss her. “I do this for you,” he whispered to her. 

 

I could feel him press against my most intimate area. I choked back a sob as he tried again.  I could feel him pulling the delicate skin of the area, trying to insert himself. He stepped back for a moment before I felt a warm liquid and the touch of his fingers.   I would later be told that baths usually washed away any sort of natural moisture we had, and my scalding bath did just that. 

 

The liquid was a strange feeling, almost like I wet myself as it coated my folds. My breathing hitched as I felt him slide his finger inside me, twirling it around with the liquid. If his finger felt like an invasion, I didn’t want to imagine what it felt like to have him inside me.  My eyes closed tightly.  Dinah was stroking my hair, like it would give me some sort of comfort, her other hand dangerously close to my breast. Everything was hyper-sensitized now, my whole body on alert.  He removed his hand before pulling me closer to the edge of the bed.  I could feel the hard tip of him against me once more. There was no pulling this time, just the intense pressure of him pushing his way inside of me when I desperately wanted to push him away.  It was like my brain and my body where two separate entities at that point, my mind screaming as my body did nothing the more painful it got. An intense burning sting as I felt my body give way to him, and I must have gasped. My eyes shot open as Dinah cooed at me, still stroking my hair, her free hand catching my own that raised off the bed.  

 

“Relax,” I heard her whisper repeatedly. She moved my hand with hers to my own breast, making me squeeze it with her. Not knowing it was to give him that necessary push to finish as each thrust from him sent me upwards, my head hitting Dinah in the womb. 

 

I blocked the rest of it out. I didn’t know how long it went on for until he grunted, gripping my hips tightly for leverage until he pulled away. He ran his hand through his hair and quickly did up his pants. 

 

I moved to get up but found hands pressing me back into the mattress. “Stay,” her voice coaxes me. “It is best to stay laying down for a while,” she explains gently as she leans across me, her small breasts dangerously close to my face, and fixed my skirt so I was modestly covered. She scooted herself back, using her arms to bend her legs at the knees and move them away from my head. She beckons me to scoot further back and rest on her lap. I stayed silent as she spoke, talking about random things or the radio shows she likes to listen to. Finally, I am allowed to raise myself up and button my blouse, my hands shaking so bad that she swatted them away and did it for me.  She wiped my face with a sad smile. I didn’t even realize I had cried. “It's over now, it won’t hurt next time.” 

 

Next time, words I didn’t want to hear. 

 

 

I opened my eyes, the anxiety bubbling inside me once more. I hoisted myself up, before frantically digging through the small drawers of a cart that held toiletries. It was like they were wiped clean of any possible sort of harmful item, like they knew I would look for something. I ripped at my clothing, tossing them away from me until I sat, only wrapped a towel. I let out a howl as I curled up against the tub, my body shaking as I tried not to cry.  My thighs were streaked with pink from my own blood, parts of me wishing I would get pregnant right away, so I wouldn’t have to deal with another ceremony again. Except, one day we would marry and it would be expected of me again. If the Mistress was right, she had only a year to live left. 

 

I didn’t hear the door open, or even the sound of his bare feet until they stood in front of me.  He tried to reach out to me, which only made me curl up more towards the tub, clutching one of the feet in sheer terror. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want…I never wanted to…” He began, his voice full of shame as he spoke. “Please, let me take care of you. I was raised better than this, my father would be ashamed of me. I never wanted any of this, but she asked, and soon her friends knew she asked.  I had no options then but to agree to this whole scheme. Then, the day I saw you at the Academy, your eyes so distant and hollow, I just wanted to see them shine. Please, let me take care of you?” he pleaded, and his words swirled in my head. 

 

How could I trust him? His words took on meaning as I processed them longer.

 

Never wanted this? Was he just a victim of this society like the rest of us? Do power and money not buy freedom as I thought?  Finally, I nod my head, unsure of everything but tired of debating in my head.

 

He picked me up in my haze and sat me on the toilet, turning to twist the hot and cold water taps. He grabbed a washcloth, wetting it as the stream filled the bath.  Carefully, he wiped the inside of my thighs, his touch light as a feather and never venturing further than necessary.   He picked me up once more, lowering me into the warm water.  Kneeling with the elbows of his shirt rolled up, he ran the wet sea sponge over the bar of soap, lathering it up.

 

If I had known what he was thinking as he saw me with my knees curled up to my chest that night, I would have understood why food was suddenly pushed on me at every meal.  He took in the sight of my ribs as he ran over them, counted each vertebra down my back. I never noticed how thin in the past few weeks. I rarely found myself hungry, skipping meals whenever I could as they often made my stomach turn.  

 

He caressed the side of my face gently as he motioned for me to lean back so he could wet my hair down.  He washed it slowly, his long fingers massaging into my scalp. We didn’t say a word to each other, both trying to come to terms with what happened early that evening.  He dried me with a fluffy towel as I stood, taking in his shirt, now partially see through in areas from the bathwater. 

 

“Where are your nightgowns?” he asked quietly as he wrapped the towel around me for modesty.  I had barely thought to even be embarrassed to be naked in front of him.  Maybe he was telling the truth, that he never wanted this. He never wanted to subject me to this lifestyle that had befallen us. 

 

“Second drawer,” I whispered.  He nodded and left me standing in the bathroom as he went to my chest of drawers. He gathered it up in his hands, ready for me to raise my hands above my head to dress me.  Soon, I was tucked into my bed with a towel spread across my pillow to help dry my hair overnight. 

 

“I did not lie, Sarah,” he whispered. “I never wanted it to be like this.”  

 

My eyes widened at the sound of my name, something I haven’t heard in so long.  He smoothed my hair from my face and bade me goodnight, making no other move for contact. I learned he was telling the truth as I walked silently in the main part of the house, my second month in my new home. Dinah had been having a good day and was enjoying company of the nearby neighbours. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but as I heard her mention my name, I stopped to listen. 

 

“Ofjar is a dear girl, but I wish he would have chosen earlier when I asked him about finding a girl for our family. He was against it, but I forced his hand. He denies me nothing. Though I really hope the child doesn’t take too much after her. Her hair is so dark, and you’ll be able to tell right away the child is from a handmaiden. Although, if she doesn’t conceive soon—” her voice dropped low. I could hear her friends comforting her. There was no “if,” it was only a matter of _when_ her body failed her completely. It was only last week she had a seizure that kept her abed for almost a week. 

 

 

It took three months.  I felt the beginning signs of nausea and aching breasts. With three separate nights of similar patterns, awkward encounters with the three us in the large bed, followed by his need to right his wrongs and allow his conscience relief by caring for me afterwards. Sometimes washing away the reminders of the night, even if that meant possibly hindering conception.  Other times he read to me from the corner of the room, his voice husky, sending a calming lull that drifted me off to sleep.  

 

Sometimes I felt like the old fairy tales, how a princess was trapped in a castle with her captor.  Maybe he was cruel, or disfigured, but still she saw through the mask he wore and forgave him for his faults.  How do you forgive someone for hurting you?  How do you go on each day knowing they may be around the corner? 

 

You just don’t think about it, because survival is the only instinct that you have at that point. 

 

* * *

 

Well, there you have it, any comments and reviews will be helpful in letting my mind be at ease with this chapter. 

 

Some background info on why I wrote things like I did. 

 

As the book it self describes the Ceremony for the non book readers.  From the good old internet

 

"The Ceremony" is a non-marital sexual act sanctioned for reproduction. The ritual requires the Handmaid to lie on her back between the legs of the Wife during the sex act as if they were one person. The Wife has to invite the Handmaid to share her power this way; many Wives consider this both humiliating and offensive. Offred describes the ceremony:

 

_Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood._

 

_My red skirt is hitched up to my waist, though no higher. Below it the Commander is fucking. What he is fucking is the lower part of my body. I do not say making love, because this is not what he's doing. Copulating too would be inaccurate, because it would imply two people and only one is involved. Nor does rape cover it: nothing is going on here that I haven't signed up for._

 

 

In the book Offred is captured and turned into a handmaiden with her daughter taken from her and her husband killed as they tried to run. 

 

Much like how I made Sarah in the story, she is given really two choices. 

Conform or die. Offred conformed to survive for her daughter who was out there. 

 

Any ways, thank you again. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Here is chapter five. Thank you for being patient with us as we got through halloween and life. 

Thank you for all the reviews and follows as well!

 

Thank you to Sheyrina who is a wonder human being in making me think about things and spending her time making this story the best it can be. 

 

To answer your question and probably some others as well.  I do consider Jareth Fae and they do live in another realm.  They don’t have much magic, beside special gifts.  I am always slightly confused of what to call their land. I think I bounces between kingdom, state, borders. I will try and sort that out haha! 

 

Tina. 

* * *

 

 

 

 

I woke up to red. 

 

I woke up to the familiar cramps and the feeling of sticky wetness on my thighs. 

 

I cursed to myself before rushing to the bathroom. I slipped my nightgown from my body and examined the damage before turning on the cold water of the bathtub to rinse.  I cleaned myself up before digging through the small cabinet until finding the small bag that contained the small cup that women used for our monthlies Young girls often used napkins until they felt comfortable enough to graduate to the cup.  It was a blessing when I finally felt comfortable enough to give it a go, not having to worry about leaks or stains.  I wrapped a robe around me as I stripped the sheets from my bed, finding another set of clean ones in the closet.  I placed them in the cold water, soaking with my nightgown, and crawled into my bed once again. Curling myself underneath the blankets, I sighed to myself. 

 

My body had failed me and I couldn’t help but think of the days that lead up to this. 

 

 

I walked in a daze for days, my mind still processing the ‘ceremony.’ The Academy explained the technical aspects of the act, but it seemed to be the bare minimum that we would need to understand it. They never went into detail about how it would feel and, of course, they would never go into how to process things that were happening to girls all over the kingdom.  

 

If I had lived nearer the city, I would have heard about handmaids jumping out of the buildings, or hanging themselves, trying to find a way out of the system.  Each death made the system tighter and even more suppressed for us.  

 

I was in my room when the housekeeper rapped on my door and told me I had a telephone call.  I nodded, slowly unfolding my legs from underneath me as I stood up from the chair, following her to the pantry where the service phone was located.  I picked up hesitantly, instantly hearing the alto voice of the Mistress. She reminded me of my duty, my place in society, and this house, the underlying tone of her voice telling me not to place a toe out of line. She would know, she knew everything; be a good girl, lie on your back, and pretend it’s not happening. 

 

I hung up with glazed over eyes and looked over to the window. I couldn’t bear to stay inside the house any longer, even if it was unbearably warm and humid outside. That made breathing harder with each breath I took as I walked about the yard.  I ventured out into the newly planted area of the orchard. The saplings were still too young to bear fruit, though they were taller than me, and the branches covered in green leaves and pink flowers would not produce for another year or so. 

 

“It is too warm to be out here.” I heard his voice before I even saw him. I turned to see him standing, dressed for the heat. Tan linen pants, white linen shirt that had half of the buttons undone, and his ever-present camera in his hand. On top of his head was a tan fedora, protecting his head from the heat.  I was suddenly wondering how long he had been watching me. It was bright enough that a flash wasn’t required, so any photos would be silent.  “I heard you got a phone call?” 

 

“It was the Mistress, checking in,” I answered quietly, my arms wrapping around myself in my nervousness.  “It’s mostly humid.  I am used to humidity.” 

 

“Yes, but the land is flatter here, and the heat can become overbearing quickly,” he informed me.  “How are you feeling?” he asked after a moment of silence. 

 

How do I answer a such a question? Mentally, I am no longer in a state of shock or panic, but my mind was still in a daze, clouded by images that still surfaced.  My body was another story.  I was beginning to wonder if I would ever feel the same as before that night. I had no physical marks but the dull ache that settled in the next morning with each step I walked. I stayed curled up in my room that morning, but that was nothing he didn’t know already. 

 

“I am fine,” I settle on telling him.  I can feel myself flush from the embarrassment.

 

“Don’t lie, S—Ofjar,” he corrected himself. 

 

“I am as fine as I can be, Sir,” I said with whatever dignity I could muster at the moment as I felt beads of sweat roll down the back of my neck. My hair is wrapped around my head in a long French braid, curling around into what looked like a crown.  Maybe I did misjudge the heat here? 

 

“Come inside. The temperature will only continue to rise.” He took my elbow, which was bare from the short sleeve blouse we wore on the warm summer days.  I had no choice but to follow him.  I stared at his hands, knowing that one of those long fingers had touched me intimately.  I take my arm back awkwardly as we walk. He looks sideways at me as I do so.  As I wrap my arms around myself once more, I heard him sigh.  He hung up his hat on the peg by the door.  I looked around, trying to find something to do. 

 

Less than a week I have been here, and I am already bored.  There was no cleaning to do, no looking after younger girls; I didn’t even have to cook.  Even at home, I had chores to complete each day, and Toby to watch after for Irene when she went to the marketplace.  Here, everything was done by others. Other handmaidens would have shopping or walking partners to spend their afternoons with.

 

I busied myself making a pot of tea, something to keep my hands and mind busy. I cut up some fruit and cheese, and a few slices of leftover cake, arranging them neatly on a plate.  All the while, he sat there. 

 

“How do you like the orchard?” he spoke up as I placed the tray in front of us.  “The house?” 

 

“Everything is beautiful,” I answered truthfully. “I forgot how much I enjoyed the greenery of the countryside.” I bit into a slice of peach, blushing as a stream of nectar ran down my chin.  

 

“Your room?”  He took a piece of cheese, popping it into his mouth with a small, crooked smile. 

 

“It is lovely,” I supplied him my answer. “The view of the plains are lovely to look at in the mornings as the sun rises.” 

 

“You watch the sunrise?” His brow furrowed, creasing in the middle between his short, rather sharp eyebrows. They had the slightest upturn to them in the arch before they turned downwards in a sparse fashion.  I frown in return and shrug. 

 

“On occasion.  I haven’t slept a full night in a long time.” It was the truth. I don’t remember the last time I had an uninterrupted night. I’ve watched the sun rise on multiple occasions since arriving at the Academy. 

 

“Well, that explains the constant shadows that grace your eyes,” he stated as he took one of the cake slices and accompanying fork. Frowning, he stood up and went to the icebox, grabbing a jar of thick cream.  “Cake always needs cream,” he grinned and poured it over the sponge cake. 

 

That was our first afternoon we spent merely talking, actually getting to know things about each other.  He had a sweet tooth it seemed, as he went for more cake after his first serving before I even finished my own.  He told me of his childhood, growing up here on the farm before it was an orchard.  How his brother died when he was young, his mother never recovering from the death. His father passed away when he was twenty, leaving him the farm.  His mother only lived a few years after that.  

 

He spoke of Dinah in their younger days, before the disease took over her life. The children they had lost; a stillborn son, a daughter who only lived a few weeks, and another forced miscarriage with an unviable. Unviable’s were fetuses tested for deformities or health issues.  As the birth-rate dropped, the more desperate doctors had become to find out the causes. Even the girls at the Academy had no idea what type of children we would bear to the world. Once you have two unviable, you were taken out of service.  Eventually, he and Dinah gave up as the disease became apparent, taking away her mobility.  

 

It was hard to tell if he ever loved her, or if he still loved her in a way. He never spoke of love, and I never asked how he felt.  He was attentive to her, made sure she always had what she wanted, but there was a distant look in his eyes when she was near. Maybe it was the constant reminder of the children they lost or the fact they weren’t compatible.  Maybe they had grown apart and, with no way out of marriage, they only had the option to stay together. 

 

It wasn’t my place to ask, either way, at this moment.  How badly did I want to look him in the eyes and ask him the ‘Why me?’  Why did he choose me of all the girls in that room, that day at the Academy? What made me so special compared to them? Maybe it was just my mortal blood? A better chance for children without issues? 

 

As the days melded into one another, some days I didn’t see him at all. Other days he joined me for tea, unexpectedly most times, in the breakfast nook as the kitchen staff started on dinner, and Dinah was resting in one of the sitting rooms. It all weighed on our minds. I already knew, somehow in the back of my mind, that it didn’t take. Women’s intuition they called it.

I was drawing one morning as Dinah was busily planning the nursery out for the future. The knock on the door shook me out of my drawing. The nearby neighbours came to visit, and behind the wife who came to visit Dinah was a girl in red I recognized. I remembered her name from before, Lena.  Yes, it was Lena.  Now, she was known as Ofsimon.  We were never great friends, but I had never felt so much relief to see a familiar face.  

 

Once dismissed we rushed to the opposite end of the house, our pace and footsteps echoing each other like times at the Academy.  I made us tea after grasping each other's arms until we settled down, carrying the tray to my own room for privacy.  

 

“How was it?” she finally asked me. It was on both our minds, both wanting to ask the other about the ceremony. She had been more experienced than most of us girls. The Mistress called her a whore when she first came to the Academy.  Lena laughed it off later; she didn’t care what they thought of her. She made money the only way she could after her family disowned her.  I smiled weakly and shrugged my one shoulder in response.  She caressed the side of my face, making me come undone. Tears cascaded down over my cheeks as she gathered me up in her arms, rocking me like a child.  I explained the oil, something she said was nice of him. Most men would just use their own saliva, or just force their way in.  She explained that there were ways to make myself ready for him, make it easier on my own body.  The things the Academy will never teach us girls. 

 

I didn’t tell her about him coming to me afterwards, how he bathed and comforted me. How do you tell someone that?  He found me after they left, Dinah already resting in the drawing room.  I caught his eyes for a brief moment as he came through the hallway door, his shirt covered in dirt and rolled up to the elbows.  Even his pants were dusty from the work.  He had spent the afternoon looking over the crops with the foreman. 

 

“I am glad you have a friend nearby.  Shall we have tea after I shower?” he asked with a smile, walking in from the direction of the kitchen.  

 

“If you wish it,” I answer him, deciding to tell him of the plans Lena and I made that afternoon. “We wish to go into the nearby town sometime for shopping this coming week.”  

 

“Just let me know what day and I will arrange a car for you.” He merely nodded to me as he headed towards the stairs, his shirt falling from his shoulders with each step he took. I blushed, looking away from the smooth muscles of his back.  

 

It was only a few days after when I woke up in a pool of my own blood.  It never caught me this off guard since I first became a woman in the eyes of society.  When I woke up once more I finally dressed and made my way downstairs with my laundry basket. 

 

The irony of the colour we wore stood out in my mind as I scrubbed the stains in the utility sink with a bar of soap in the laundry room.  The laundry was just off the kitchen. As I hear his boots, I hastily toss the sheets in the washing machine, along with my nightgown. I stretched to reach the laundry soap on the shelf above me. 

 

“Allow me,” he speaks up, grabbing the box for me.  I see him peer into the washing machine.  He looks at me and I just nod my head, blushing. “I will tell Dinah.” He nods his head as he sits down to take off his dirty boots and place them on the mud rack.  “If you need anything?”

 

“I will let someone know,” I told him quietly.  

 

“If you feel up to it, come by the study tonight,” he stated as he tied up the laces of his indoor shoes.  “I found that board game I was telling you about.” With that, he left the room.  

 

It was strange enough to have tea together during the day while Dinah rested. To go to his study at night, that was another whole kettle of fish. Yet, I found myself at his door, knocking lightly.  I had never been in this room.  The dark stained wood bookcases with the matching desk, all regal in their style and presentation.  Large windows that intersected that bookcases covered in dark blue velvet curtains.  On a table there were a pyramid of crystal orbs which spiked my curiosity. It seemed like a very strange thing to have. Most of people of our kind have some infinity of a gift.  My father was good at seeing the truth, Irene could make anything grow in our garden.  Even my ability to draw without instruction could be considered a gift.  In all his study was very masculine, even it smelled like him in that spicy musk scent that mixed with the woodsy floral that came from the orchard.  It suited him I decided as he smiled and lead me in showing me the board game like an excited child that was set up waiting for us.  

 

Next to our places were glasses of red liquid so dark it was almost black.  Cherry wine, barely aged, he told me, meaning the amount of alcohol was minimal, but it would relax me just the same.  It was sweet and tart as I took a sip. It stained my lips and tongue as I drank throughout the evening, the slight alcohol numbing whatever discomfort I had been feeling.  

 

Red is the colour of life, the colour of our blood that runs within our body.  

 

Except for this time, the colour meant failure. 

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Let me know what you all think. Your feedback is always appreciated! 

 

 

Tina


	6. Chapter 6

Here is chapter six!

Thank you Sheyrina for being wonderful as you are. I still stay you deserve that dragon plushie. For all your help.

Thank you all for the reviews and follows you are all amazing.

As always this was inspired by the handmaids tale by Margaret Atwood, and I do not own Labyrinth!

Anyway onto the chapter!

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Shopping. Such a mundane and ordinary thing to do when you did it on a daily basis. Except I don't remember the last time I felt so much freedom.

Our presence was strange to them, but society was too polite to say anything, even if we could feel their stares. When they first opened the Academy, they made it sound like a finishing school for underprivileged girls. So, families pushed their girls with hopes of a better life. I had just turned fifteen when they made it mandatory for all girls under a certain status who were not already married. Unfortunately, the Academy was much darker than anyone imagined. I was only part of the second batch of handmaidens that 'graduated.' The city acclimatized, thinking the elders knew best, however, the country still had yet to catch up. These farmers were still curious about what was happening around them. Lena and I were the only two they had seen; most of them would never have enough money to obtain a handmaiden. At least Lena looked like everyone else. She was petite with bright green-blue eyes that went with her light copper hair.

True to his word, he arranged a car for me to take over to the small farmer's market that was held on Thursday and Sunday mornings. Together, Lena and I bonded over picking up things from a list for the kitchen. We had an abundance of fruit and a small vegetable garden at our disposal, so most of the time my list was random bits and bobs. Spun wool was something I asked if I could buy, wanting it so I could make myself a new scarf and hat for the winter months. It had been strange to ask him as we sat in opposite chairs playing chess.

"There's a vendor at the market that sells wool. I was hoping he can dye it to match my red cloak. I know how to knit-" I began tentatively. "It seems my scarf and hat got left at the Academy, and I know fall will be approaching soon…"

"You need money," he finished for me as he took a drink from his tumbler with a small smirk. "I suppose you haven't been given any allowance for personal needs."

"No, it's not like I need much. It's not like I spend my days earning my keep," I rushed over my words, not wanting to sound ungrateful, but even at the Academy we were paid small amounts for the work we did in the kitchen or for cleaning. He was already on his feet and walking over to his desk.

"You do more than earn your keep." He looked me in the eyes and handed me a few silver coins in the palm of his hand. "I know the shearer and what he generally charges. That should be more than enough." He shook them to regain my attention, and I held up my hand, watching them tumble into my open palm.

It took some bargaining with the sheep farmer to dye it a bright red that matched the shade of the red that our cloaks were. He wasn't used to women who didn't know how to dye their own materials, and clicked his tongue about how women these days know nothing about domestic arts. In the end, when I picked up the wool, it was buttery soft and thicker than the manufactured ones you could buy in the city. I paid him with the coins that the master had given to me the previous night after asking the previous week.

If the weather was nice, Lena and I took a walk down near the river bank, leaving the purchases of the day stored away in the car. We both had ceremonies approaching us in the upcoming week. It seemed that once I felt comfortable with myself it would all come undone. She watched me carefully from the corner of her eye as we walked down the sandy banks. Occasionally, I stopped, gathering the small shells from various creatures.

"Sarah." Her voice so calm and motherly as she spoke my name as we were alone. It was strange to even consider her only a year older than myself. She took my hand and led us over to a large piece of driftwood. "Listen to me, do not fear it. It will only make things harder for you. Relax, pretend you're doing something else. Think of a cute boy you saw in the market." She smiled playfully at me. "Now, don't go blushing, we talked about this before. It's not like I am asking you do it in front of me." She laughed at my blush, wrapping her arm around me and tucking my head into her shoulder, despite the fact I was taller than her. "Just have fun. You'll figure it out, and what feels good to you. Once you do, just keep on what works and let go. They take away our choices and plan our lives, but they cannot take away our own pleasure."

I blushed even more but nodded to appease her, knowing she would keep going on about things until I agreed to something.

We made our way back towards the car that was now waiting on the side of the road for us. Lena was dropped off first as she was closer to the market than Lutin Manor was. I sat the last of the distance stroking the skein of wool in my lap. The driver took the bags to the pantry for me as I gathered out my personal purchases to bring to my room.

I placed the shells on the windowsill, smiling at the sight of them. It almost made the place look like home to me. I tossed the wool on the small desk and kicked off my shoes, spreading out on the small bed with a sigh. I must have fallen asleep as I was awoken to a knock at my door with my name being called out. I brushed my skirt with my hands and pushed back the stray hair from my face that escaped the long braid.

"The mistress requested you dine with them," Talia, the housemaid who always seemed put off by my presence, told me.

"Why?" I asked, my brow raising.

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "I didn't ask. Just be in the dining room at 6:30." Her voice lacked any emotion. "They dress for dinner." Her eyes roamed over my outfit I wore day in and out. "Mistress told me to tell you." With that, she turned and headed for the stairs, leaving me bewildered. It was already six o'clock in the evening.

I turned to my closet, knowing the only other gown I had that could be appropriate was the light green one. I grabbed that and headed to the bathroom, turning the hot water taps to fill the tub. I pinned up my hair and shed my clothing. I washed and put on fresh undergarments, then slipped the dress over my head. It was strange to not wear red.

The green gown was pretty, at least. It was long to the floor, with princess seams and a crisscross tieback at the waist. The sleeves were long, coming to points at my wrist, showing off my slender arms. The fabric was plain in its weave, but I spent countless hours embroidering the same colour needlework along the hem with scrolls of various floral motifs.

He was waiting at the base of the stairs, dressed in a dinner suit. "What's going on?" I asked him.

"I have an out of the kingdom buyer here for dinner. I thought it would be easier for you if we don't have to explain the circumstances around your place in this house. Dinah told him you were her niece and visiting. She told them your name was Jerrah."

I snort lightly at the similar sound to my own name. "Oh, okay." I merely nod my head. "You never told her my name? Actually, I never understood how you knew my name in the first place." I raised my eyebrows at him.

He grinned playfully and checked his pocket watch. "That is for me to know," he teased. "I also know your birthday."

"Well, that's not fair," I argued back. "I can only assume your name is something like Jared or Jerry, and yet, you know my birthday."

"Surely you know my name?" He stopped and turned to me with a look of surprise on his face. I shook my head, my lips crinkled into a thin line of awkwardness.

"Dinah often calls you Jare, or dearest. All the others call you master or sir," I explained. "You never truly introduced yourself to me."

"My name is Jareth," he admitted to me. "You may use it in private if you wish." He led me into the main staircase of the house.

"There you are, Jerrah. I see you found Uncle Jare," Dinah called up to us. I forced myself to smile and walked down the stairs, trying to ignore the heat of his hand on the small of my back. "Jerrah, this is Señor Randolph." Dinah introduced me as I hit the landing of the stairs.

"Good evening." I bowed my head to him with a smile as Jareth went over to Dinah who was in her chair. I looked at the foreigner. He had darker skin, darker than my own tan, and his hair was dark, like my own, but long, brushed down to his shoulders. He was tall, taller than Jareth by a few inches, with dark eyes flecked with gold. I itched to ask if he had mortal blood. I didn't know much about the other kingdoms, but I knew that my home kingdom was one of the more humanoid ones than the others.

"Such a pretty young thing. You must have boys falling all at your feet." He smiled at me during the awkward silence of my internal thoughts.

"Jerrah's had a few suitors come forward, but she sees no reason to rush into things," he speaks up for me. "Come, let's have drinks before dinner." He waved us into the parlour while pushing Dinah behind us.

I looked around the parlour, a room I rarely ever step foot in. It was covered in photos, it was strange to see photos of Dinah in her younger days, walking and smiling for the camera, or dancing in their wedding photo. All were on display.

"What do you do in your spare time?" The foreigner asked, bringing the attention to me. He sounded so sincere, trying to bring me into the conversation. My eyes flicked over to the bar where Jareth was making drinks for us.

"I draw and knit. Some days I will help in the orchard." I answered him as Jareth placed a half-full glass of sparkling clear liquid in my hand before he sat down behind me and next to Dinah. I took a sip; it was sparkling water with a touch of peach liquor in it for flavour.

It must have been a picture perfect scene to the outsider. I only spoke when I was spoken to and the food was over the top. Something I wasn't used to as I pushed it around my plate after eating the small green salad that came with it. Everything thing else was strange to me. I didn't even know what sort of protein was on my plate. My father had made good money, but we were never the family who ate protein every night. The whole evening was turning my stomach. How would the foreigner react if he knew who I was, or what I was here for?

"Are you not feeling well?" Dinah asked me. Her hand reached out to feel my fingers and I swatted it away without thinking.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, blushing. "May I be excused?" The tightness in my chest was making it hard for me to breathe. I didn't even wait for a reply before dashing out of the room. Was I just a doll to them? A pretty thing to show off to guests? Dinah did it more than often enough, calling for me when her friends visited, beckoning me to sit and listen to them chat like I wasn't even in the room. It was sickening after a while, and this whole new charade to make her feel better about my presence just made my stomach turn.

My mind turned to the foreigner. How long was this person here for? It was Thursday, and if my calculations were right, the ceremony would be on Saturday evening. Surely he would leave by then? They wouldn't go through with it with him here, would they?

I heard his footsteps coming out behind me.

"Don't touch me," I snapped, moving away from him. Even I was shocked at my own anger as he reached out to me. We stared at each other for a solid minute. "I am not a doll, I am not without feelings."

"I know that," he replied, his voice strained. "Would you rather be hidden up in your room? That was the only other option, Sarah," his voice husky as he said my name, his eyes dark and foreboding, sending shivers down my spine. A strange sensation settled in my lower stomach from hearing him say my name.

"How long is he here for?" I asked sharply, my eyes narrow slits as I held my stance. "How long?" I repeated myself.

"Until Sunday…" he admitted to me, anguish and guilt falling over his features as he ran his hand through his hair. I shook my head in disbelief and stepped away from him.

"I'll be in my room," I told him. "I wish to be alone," I added so he wouldn't follow me. I turned before reaching the kitchen. "If you wish me to play this part, I suggest you find some clothing that isn't a uniform for me." With that, I walked through the archway and turned towards the back staircase.

My body vibrating with the anger I held within, it wasn't until I reached my room that I slammed my door, kicking it. I ripped off my dress and kicked off my slippers before flinging myself on the bed in my slip. I laid there for a good while, Lena's words echoing in my mind: 'it's good stress relief,' she'd said with a smirk to me early that afternoon. I wasn't a complete ninny, I understood and knew more than she thought. I grabbed the book on the table beside my bed that I grabbed the day before. I didn't know what it was about, I just found it lying on the table and curiosity got the better of me.

I was in a strange world of pirates and damsels in distress, and by the third chapter I was blushing profusely. This was not on the allowed to read list, that was for sure. It made me curious, was this what lovemaking was? Was pleasure really like how the author wrote? I placed the book down on my stomach.

His voice saying my name echoed in my mind once more as I hesitantly brushed my hand over the cups of my slip. I could feel my nipple tighten underneath my palm. I moaned softly as I pulled it gently, experimenting. I grabbed the book once more, finding the one spot that made my breathing hitch. Could I do this? I grazed the inside of my thigh, over my panties. I stared at my door, in a way making sure no one was on the other side as I slid my hand underneath the elastic of the waistband. I tried to mimic the book, the way the man used his fingers. Rubbing against the small nub that I found gave me shivers each time I went over it.

My mind went blank. I didn't even think as I sought my own natural wetness to help stimulate myself when I felt things getting dry. I didn't know what I was doing, and in the end, it didn't matter. I learned quickly how to send that bolt of electricity running through me with a rhythm of fast and slow circles. Suddenly, I understood why Lena told me don't be afraid as I felt something mind boggling build within me. My back arched off the bed as I felt a strange bubble burst within me as I worked my fingers. I let out a shaky cry, muffling it by biting into my hand. I laid there for a moment, unable to think or move.

It wasn't until I heard the floor creak outside my door that I flung the blanket over me and curled up on my side, facing the wall. Whoever came in, it wasn't him. They placed something quietly in the wardrobe and turned off the light before leaving.

The next morning, I found three new gowns hanging in my wardrobe when I woke up. Pink, yellow, and blue; all pastels, of course. I chose the light blue one that was covered in fine spiderweb lace and brushed out my hair, wrapping the two braids around my head. I might as well enjoy the freedom while it lasted. I tied my shoes and headed down into the kitchen with a small smile on my face, thinking about how I had to thank Lena for the suggestion. She was right, I did feel better.

If I brought up that evening to him now, we would both laugh. We were just beginning to see the sharp edges of our personalities that would always be the cause of our marital spats. For him, he saw that underneath that meek Academy facade I'd built up, there was a young woman with fire and had many opinions, one who wasn't afraid to speak her mind. While I was beginning to see him as someone who I could spar with without fearing punishment, I was also learning he would never lie to me, not intentionally, at least. He valued honesty and knew if this would ever work, I had to trust him.

In the end, it was knowing just how his voice affected me when it went deep and rumbling in his chest. How it sent shivering waves down my body that loved to settle in my lower belly when I tried to ignore them. I learned how my body responded to my own touch and gave me another piece of freedom. Something they couldn't take away from me, as with time more and more rules were enforced on the women of the kingdom.

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As always, let me know what you thought of the chapter.

Tina.


	7. Chapter 7

Here is chapter 7! 

 

I hope you all enjoy it. 

Big thank you to my beta who takes time out of her day to help this story out and make it pretty for everyone to read. 

 

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If I thought the first ceremony was awkward and strange, the second was just the same.  Nothing can really prepare you for what happens in that room. The tension was high as we all took our places, at least two of us buzzing from the intake of alcohol. I took it gratefully when he offered it to me, downing it quickly and letting the burn radiate down my throat to my stomach. The most he ever gave me was just a taste when we sat in his study at night. More sparkling water or juice than alcohol, it was never enough to make my mind go fuzzy, unlike this drink.  No, this drink was for my own sake.  No one spoke as I shed my robe. It was later than it would have been if the house was just us. It was half-past ten now, and I was in my nightgown instead of my uniform. I had been getting ready for bed, unsure of what would happen when they sent a maid to tell me to meet them in the room. 

 

I guess we were going through with it anyway.  

 

He was wearing nothing but thin blue silk lounge pants, and Dinah was in a long, frilly nightgown, her long hair down from its elaborate hairstyle she often wore during the daytime, the mousey brown limp and straight. She beckoned me over as I reached my spot at the foot of the bed. I take a silent breath and settle down between her legs. She takes hold of my wrists, placing them above my head.  At least I knew what to expect, I told myself in my head. I had yet to bathe for the night, which I was silently thankful for.  

 

There's a quick, quiet prayer to the fertility goddess this time. 

 

“What's wrong?” I heard her ask as I lay there with my eyes closed. I could hear him growl under his breath.  I peeked from under my lashes, and I suddenly understood his issues as he used his hand on himself.  I’d never seen a man so unclothed. His chest sparkled with fine blond hair, his shoulders broad, yet still slim like the rest of him.  I felt myself blush as I caught sight of him, erect in his own hand.  I slammed my eyes shut, trying to banish the sight from my mind. I could imagine its size from what it felt like last time, but actually seeing it did nothing to calm my nerves, somehow knowing that it wouldn’t get easier the second time around. There was no way I could be ready for that, not even all the oil in the world could make me ready. 

 

“Nothing,” he answered gruffly.  I felt him touch my ankle that hung off the foot of the bed, his signal to me as I shifted my legs for him. Relax, I chanted in my mind, over and over again.  I didn’t see how the lamp illuminated the thin cotton of my nightgown. I bit my lip as I felt him press against me, forcing my body to not go on high alert at the intrusion. It wasn’t as horrible as the last time, but the feeling of him stretching me was something I was still not used to.  I opened my eyes, looking up at the ceiling as his thrusts rocked the bed. 

 

He carried Dinah to her room across the hall afterwards, leaving me in the bed alone.  I curled up, wrapping myself in a blanket.  I yawned, counting down until I could walk back to my room.  I must have fallen asleep as I woke up in the dark of the night, covered by silky blankets. I sat up on the large bed, my nightgown falling off my shoulder as I saw him sitting casually in a nearby chair with a book in his hands.  

 

“Go back to sleep,” he said, his voice low as he spoke. 

 

“I should go back to my room,” I responded, trembling as I tried to stay calm. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

 

“I’m not angry that you fell asleep,” he sighed.  He stood up, placing the book on the table beside him.  “Come along, then.” 

 

I nodded to him and crawled from my spot on the bed. Holding the robe closed as I stood next to him, I clutched it tightly to my chest from the inside.  “I can—”

 

“Just…allow me this,” he cut me off before I could finish my sentence. I just nodded and kept pace next to him.  

 

We walked silently up the back staircases. He made no move to touch me in any sort of way.  Something I appreciated, even when I was surrounded by his spicy scent that lingered on his robe.  He opened my door when we approached it and held it open for me.  He lingered in the doorway as I stood in the middle of the room. I could feel the sticky wetness coating the inside of my thighs, and I looked towards the small bathroom, wondering if I wanted to clean up now or just head back to bed.

 

He seemed to read my mind as he made his way into the small bathroom and turned the knobs of the water for me. Once it was filled, he left me alone to attend to my own business.  I undressed and settled into the warm water. I could hear him pace my room before knocking on the slightly ajar door.  I curled my knees up to my chest, trying to preserve whatever modesty I had left, and answered him softly.  “You don’t have to stay here,” I told him quietly. 

 

“I want to,” he responded as he sat on the edge of the tub with his back turned to me. 

 

“You own the building the Academy uses?” I found myself asking him. 

 

“Regretfully, yes.” I could hear him scowl at the admittance. “Of course, I did not know what the school was intended for at the time.” 

 

I nodded in acceptance.  “And if you tried to pull back your offer, you would be tried for disloyalty, even treason, against the government.” 

 

“That seems to be my fate,” he agreed with my statement. I looked down at the water, making small waves with one hand.  “I had no idea what sort of party I had been supporting, initially.”  

 

“No one did,” I murmured, thinking about my own father.  I finished my bath as the clock chimed two a.m.  He left the bathroom, leaving me to dry myself.  When I was dressed in a fresh nightgown, he was sitting in my chair, holding a book in his hands.  

 

He watched me climb into my bed, before opening the book. “Chapter one,” he read out loud. 

 

He read to me until I fell back to sleep, his voice a melodic lull in my mind, sending me into slumber as I curled up underneath the blankets.  I didn’t hear him leave.  All I know is he was gone when I woke up the next morning.  It was almost noon.  I dressed in the last gown that was left in my wardrobe. Pastel pink with a layered skirt, the top layer sheer with small raised polka dots; simple in its design, with a full skirt that went down below my knees. Floaty, sheer material made up the sleeves. The fit wasn’t too bad, either. The bodice was slightly pulling, but it still fit comfortably. I’d forgotten what it was like to wear pretty clothes. I would miss them when I went back to my uniform after the foreigner left.  

 

I grabbed a bite to eat in the kitchen before venturing outdoors, relishing the sunlight of the afternoon as I walked among the trees with a basket. 

 

I had been standing in the orchard with a basket filled with new fruit when I saw the foreigner approach me.  I nodded my head at him as I continued my task.  

 

“You are not their niece, are you?” His accent thick as he spoke to me.

 

“Pardon?” I asked him, hiding my shock as best as I could. “What makes you believe that I am not their niece?”  

 

“You have mortal blood.” He said it so simply, like he could see it so easily. “You look like many of the women in my kingdom of mortal descent.  Much like my own mother.  I can only deduce that you are not the lady’s niece.” 

 

“I am part of their family, but my mother was mortal, you are correct,” I told him.  It wasn’t a lie, technically. I _was_ part of their family, in a way.  

 

“If you need help—I have heard rumours…" he responded, exposing his own knowledge of our kingdom. 

 

“Please, whatever you think you know, just let it be.  It's easier for everyone and much safer for yourself,” I pleaded with him, looking around the field, hoping no one else had heard him. “I am not lying when I say that I would be punished by even telling you that.  Just let it be.  Please.” 

 

“If you insist,” he nodded his head. “I didn’t mean to distress you.  I believe my car is ready.  Have a lovely day, miss,” he spoke, bowing his head before turning to leave. 

 

I didn’t tell anyone about the foreigner offering help. I brought the basket of apples to the kitchen. No one needed to know.  It was better forgotten.  Instead, after changing back into my uniform, I spent the day in the kitchen helping the cook make pies for dessert.  I looked longingly at the pretty gowns before going to return them. 

 

I walked down to his study with the three borrowed gowns in my arms and knocked on the door, waiting to be called in.  I entered when I was, greeted by the sight of him sitting at his desk.  His hair was in disarray as he flipped through papers while he spoke on the phone before hanging up.  

 

“I just came to give you these,” I explained quietly, motioning to the gowns on my arm. 

 

“Keep them,” he answered, glancing at them quickly.  “I am sure you will get more use out of them than having them sit in a closet.”

 

“My uniform—” I said quietly.  “It’s not appropriate.” 

 

“ _I_ deem what is appropriate in my household. They are yours to do what you wish with. I know they are hardly new.  They were my sisters before she left home, but the least I can do is let you be comfortable in this house.” His tone of voice was short, which made me step away from him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be short, just dealing with some things. I will most likely have to go into the city this week.” 

 

I merely nodded my head at his statement, slightly puzzled at the mention of a sister whom he had never mentioned before. He never elaborated, which told me that it wasn’t a discussion he wanted.  “I will leave you to your work,” I say, turning on my heel, wondering what had made him so on edge.   

 

I made the quick walk to my room before hanging up the gowns for later use, still slightly too afraid to wear them without a reason. What if the Mistress made a surprise visit?  

 

Dinah was sitting in the living room, the radio turned on as she saw me walk by.  “Come, keep me company,” she called to me. “How did you sleep last night?” she asked me as she fixed her skirt around her. 

 

“All right.” I stood there looking around the room.  My finger traced over the ivory keys of the piano near me as I paced the room.  

 

“Do you play?” she asked me curiously. I shook my head. 

 

“I had lessons, but I was never that good.  I was always better at drawing. I can only remember one melody,” I told her, and she told me to play it for her. I sighed and slipped onto the bench.  Closing my eyes, I tried to picture the music in my mind. 

 

I placed my fingers on the cool keys, pressing down until I could find the right key. I ran through the music in my mind, transferring it over to my fingers. It was a pretty melody, one that my father never knew where I learned. He often teased me, saying I must have made it up.  

The truth was when I was young I got lost in the woods, and a young woman happened by me.  She taught me the melody from a little wind-up box as she walked through the forest to the main road. She told me to pretend she was imaginary, that a spirit guided me to the road if anyone asked what happened to me when she heard people calling out my name. Then she disappeared back into the woods. I must have only been five at the time.  

 

I let the last note fade away, turning to Dinah, who had gone pale. 

 

“How do you—?” She began to shake, her body jolting as she fell forward from her spot on the sofa. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and I leapt, catching her last moment as I yelled for help and she slumped against me. The nearby maids ran into the room, taking over for me as one placed her on her stomach on the floor, the other grabbing a cushion as she trembled in front of me. Jareth came rushing down the stairs by the time she stopped. 

 

“It’s okay.” He helped Dinah to sit up. “You’re all right.  Sip some water,” he took the glass from the maid. “Who was playing the piano?”

 

I stood petrified in my spot. I knew she had certain illnesses, but this was the first time I had seen one of her fits. “I was,” I spoke up hesitantly. “She asked me to play what I remember, so I played her a melody. When I finished, she was pale and asked ‘how do you-’ before she went into the fit,” I explained. 

 

“I’m sure it was nothing,” Jareth told me. “These things just happen as they do.  It wasn’t your fault.” 

 

“Jare, Luna’s song,” Dinah told him weakly as she leaned against him.  He looked at her sharply, and then at me.

 

“You’re most likely confused.  She couldn’t possibly know that.” Jareth shook his head before he stood up and picked her up from the floor and left the room. 

 

“Luna?” I asked, puzzled. “She called herself Lunette,” I murmur, picturing his face and thinking back to the young woman. The same blonde hair and sharp cheekbones? Could I have met his sister?

 

 

If I had only known what was to come in the forthcoming months. The ways my body would change and how the house relationships changed. I had never been so relieved when the ceremonies ceased, only to miss how his voice lulled me into sleep on those nights. Instead, it changed into late night talks in the kitchen when I couldn’t sleep, and quiet moments with his gentle touch on my stomach. The child was rarely active for Dinah but certainly knew when Jareth was around.  I never told Jareth about the offer of help from his buyer, who on the next visit would find me as Jareth’s new wife with a colicky child with my own dark hair.  An awkward moment for all of us involved when he pieced together how old the child was.  

 

The strangest revelation was finding out that I had met Jareth once before when I was young and he was looking for his sister who disappeared. I have no recollection of that day, and he never knew that a child of six was the last person to see his sister alive.  My life was just beginning to spin the intricate web that would shape my life. It was a beautiful shining web of love and lies.

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I hope you all enjoyed this, let me know what you think so far.

I have some interesting plot line developing up for future chapters that I can't wait for you all to read!

Tina

 


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay!  Working 55 hours a week between two jobs really wears you down! 

Thank you to my beta who constantly makes things pretty for you guys! 

Onto Chapter 8!

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The drive was as long as I remembered it. It was strange to go back into the city. He had been gone with Dinah for a few days before he came back to the house, announcing we would all be going into the city to stay at the townhouse for a few weeks now the harvest was wrapped up for the year.  

 

I am next to him in my seat, staring out the window next to me, my hands wrapped into my scarf that I had made for myself.  I felt myself growing dizzier as I watched the skeletal trees pass quickly from my view. I close my eyes, trying to relieve my turning stomach that seemed to roll like an ocean within me.  Trips to the market were short enough that they never bothered me, and on the way here I had sucked on ginger candy and had not eaten breakfast that day. 

 

This trip had been last minute. He and Dinah went for her quarterly doctor's appointment at the hospital a few days prior.  He came back alone, explaining we would spend the fall and winter in the city.  I packed my few things, placing my sketches into a portfolio so they wouldn’t be ruined with the move, and placed them in the small trunk they gave me for my belongings, rather than my small bag I had come with.  It was a nice change as I placed my clothing in the trunk along with my summer shoes. 

 

“Stop the vehicle!” I blurted out loudly. Thankfully, they listened, though I am sure it was out of shock with my sudden statement. I pushed off the safety belt and opened the door, dashing out of the car before they even stopped. I barely made it to the ditch before my stomach heaved, losing my breakfast. He was there next to me a moment later as I breathed deeply, trying to regain my composure. He held out a glass bottle of water to me. I took it gratefully, and rinsed out my mouth before spitting it out on the ground, then I took a drink to help my burning throat.  

 

“I thought…?” He looked at me, piecing things together in his mind. 

 

I shook my head. The second ceremony had been a failure, like the first. “I get motion sickness,” I tried to explain. “Long car rides make me queasy. It is still too early to assume anything,” I told him. The third ceremony had been only less than a week ago. It was still too soon to tell.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked me, digging through the pockets of his pants. “It’s not ginger, but peppermint should help you,” he said as he pulled out a few wrapped candies.  I raised my brow and looked at him.  At least I understood why he smelt like mint all the time, something I had recently taken notice of as of late. 

 

“Do you often carry around peppermints in your pocket?” I asked him with a slight tease. 

 

“I happen to enjoy them, so yes, I do,” he grinned at me as he handed me them. “We can take a moment, if needed,” he told me, looking at his watch. 

 

“Thank you,” I said quietly as I paced a few steps, trying to judge my stomach. “I think I will be all right, for a little while, at least. They gave me some sort of anti-nausea when I came here.  The trip to the Academy did not go well,” I explained to him as I moved back towards the automobile. The door was still open from my quick exit. I climbed in as gracefully as I could, and watched him close the door for me before he made his way to the other side. Once situated in his own seat, he told the driver to continue on, but should I need to stop, to follow my orders. I sucked on the candy as I closed my eyes, leaning my head back as we picked up speed. 

 

The city had changed much in the few months I had been away from it. It shocked me at the moment, guns were now being carried by soldiers and magistrates. The vehicle stopped as we reached the city. They knocked on the window before Jareth lowered it.  I lowered my gaze and fiddled with my scarf. The colour of my clothing gave me away. They knew my purpose. 

 

“Identification, sir.” They spoke as Jareth handed over a piece of plastic covered card. He looked over at me and handed it back to Jareth, but said nothing. “Enjoy the capital,” he told him before walking away. 

 

The more towards the city centre we got, the more patrolled it was.  Groups of other handmaids were walking down the streets with their heads down. Some with visible midsections, others still slender and wearing the normal uniform. I had left the pretty gowns at the Orchard. There would be no chance to ever wear them here. I could be severely punished if I was caught in one. 

 

“Simon and Rachel will be here as well, for the winter,” Jareth spoke as I looked at the groups of girls. His way of saying that Lena would be here as he didn’t know her name.  “They live around the corner from us, much closer than the countryside.” 

 

I merely nod my head and watch the streets.  No children running around and no bright colours hung up in the windows. It was all so monotone now. I wanted to ask him what was happening, but knowing the driver could hear us made it impossible to voice my question. If I felt watched in the countryside, town would feel like a prison. 

 

It would be a prison. 

 

Dinah was waiting for us as we pulled up into the long driveway.  I looked up towards the large townhouse. The manor house was large, but this had the same hobgoblin ironwork around the landing of the front door. “Welcome to civilization,” she smiled at me.   

 

I say nothing of how I much prefer the country to the city. She seemed much happier here, and I didn’t want to be on her bad side.  She pushed herself back inside with her chair, explaining the house to me. Where my room would be, as space was limited in the townhouse, made Jareth tense up like he hadn’t wanted me in that room. 

 

The room was covered in dusty rose-coloured paper with embossed silver flowers, white furniture, and a window that looked over the back garden.  He’d spent his winters here from a young age, his father bringing the family to town for the safety that is provided rather than the isolated manor house.   

 

This had to be _her_ room. I made the conclusion looking over the area where a few mementoes remained. I gingerly brushed the worn bear that sat on the bed, an old worn quilt, a porcelain doll up on the shelf with bright red hair.  I unpacked my belongings quietly, hanging up my skirts and blouses, my summer cloak, and shoes away in the closet. My undergarments and nightgowns went into the chest of drawers.  

 

I made my way across the hallway to where I was shown the bathroom I would use while I was here. I placed my toiletries in their respective places and looked at myself in the mirror for a good moment. My brows stood out boldly above my mossy eyes. I had freckles scattered across my forehead and nose from the time I spent in the orchard. I sat down on the bed afterwards, looking around once more. It was eerie to be here, not knowing what happened. I spent years believing it had been all just a dream.  Her long, ash blonde hair and blue eyes. She had been young when I happened upon her, with her cream colour cloak.  Possibly the age I was now? 

 

It was hard to tell someone’s age when you are that young. Everyone seemed so old to me back then.   She seemed young though, and if that was almost twelve years ago, Jareth would have been twenty-four, which made her a few years younger than him.   This room would have been for a young woman like myself. The twin bed, the leftover toys from childhood. 

 

What happened to her?  

 

I reached for my sketchbook and pencils, using my memory to sketch out her familiar eyes before carving out those similar cheekbones and nose. Her lips were fuller, her hair wavy and messy from the lack of braids. They were so similar, yet so different.  I wondered what a child would look like should we have one.  

 

I hadn’t lied about the motion sickness, but still, it weighed heavily on my mind.  Would he or she have my hair or eyes? Maybe they would take after him?  I ran my hand over my stomach before shaking my head. I must not get attached if things should ever change. 

 

I hide my drawing away at the bottom of a desk drawer. A small sachet of potpourri had a faint smell of vanilla and jasmine tucked away in the corner of the drawer.  I smile softly and place it back where it belongs. 

 

“What happened to you?” I whisper to myself. 

.

.

“I did not want her in there!” I heard him growl later that night as I sat in the large clawfoot tub in the bathroom. I curled up like a small child who would hear their parents arguing in another room. 

 

“It’s the only room available! I thought the guest room would be too strange, and the maids are already bunking two to a room. Where else was I supposed to put her, Jare?” Dinah shouted back. “It has been twelve years, let the room be used. She isn’t coming home. It is time to accept that!”

 

“No one disappears without a trace, Dinah,” he shouted. 

 

“Maybe she doesn’t want to be found then! You searched the whole entire kingdom. You are chasing nothing but a heartache. Let her be at peace, wherever she is. You may have lost your sister, but you came back half a man, and I lost my husband.  I am not as naive as you think I am, Jareth. I know very well that she will replace me, and frankly, I’m okay with that, knowing that if there is a child it will need a mother.  Maybe I am selfish for asking for this, but all I ever wanted was my husband back, and this person you have become is not the man I married. 

“Now, however, I see parts of him come out, but it’s not because of me, it’s her changing you. After my episode that I think frightened the daylights out of her, I asked her where she grew up.  Concordia.  Jareth, she lived in the last place your sister was seen. A place you visited long ago while looking for Luna, so I looked through the albums and found this…it may be in black and white but there is no mistaking who that child is,” she accused him. 

 

I sucked in a breath. It echoed off the wall before I dunked under the water, trying to drown out their voices to a muffled sound. I didn’t have many memories of my childhood, but Dinah’s accusation made it seem that Jareth had seen me a child, and possibly even took a photograph of me at one point. Father would have never allowed a stranger to take my photo, so it must have been a strange coincidence. There had been a faire a few days after my getting lost, could it have been possible that he snapped that photo then? 

 

I resurfaced for air, taking in a large breath and wiping my hair away from my face. 

 

I heard the door slam shut and him walking down the stairs. I stepped out the tub and dried myself off, wrapping a towel around myself before combing through my hair. It was getting too long and tangled, and I hit a snag with my fingers as I combed through it. I looked up into the steamy mirror with my dark, wet hair clinging to the side of my face. I opened the drawer that held the hair brushes, looking for a wide tooth comb.  My eyes caught the handle a pair of silver shears. 

 

I grabbed both, first combing out my hair with care. It went down past my waist now, the ends split and uneven. I grabbed the shears and carefully started chopping off sections of my hair without any anxiety.  I used to trim father’s hair for him before Irene came along. I cut until it sat just above the tops of my breasts, where my towel wrapped around me. Letting the long strands of almost six inches or more fall to the floor. Part of me wanted to go shorter, it would only take a quick snip of the shears, but I placed them down on the vanity counter.  

 

I looked down at the floor, realizing I would have to find a broom somewhere now. I shook out the towel that I unwrapped from around me and tied on my robe.  I scurried across the hall into my room, and threw on a pair of panties and a nightgown, then retied my robe.  

 

I walked down the stairs to the kitchens, knowing I would find a broom and dustpan somewhere in the utility closet.   He was standing at the counter, holding a drink in his hand, his eyes meeting mine. He was confused for a moment before his mind connected what was different. 

 

“You cut your hair?” he asked, though it was more of a statement than a question. 

 

“It needed it,” I answer back tentatively, unsure of what he wanted for an answer. I looked at the counter as his glass clicked on the granite. “I hope it's all right?” I added when he said nothing.  “There were cutting shears in the bathroom, and it has been so long since I had my hair trimmed.” 

 

“You cut your own hair?” he asked. "I prefer it long, but I know well enough not to tell women how to cut their hair."  It was a small joke; a good sign, I suppose.

 

I merely nodded. “I used to cut my father’s. It’s easy enough to do.” 

 

“Do you think you can do mine?” he asked. 

 

Not the answer I was expecting, but I nod my head. Ten minutes later, I was cutting his hair in the middle of the kitchen as he sat in a chair before me. His hair felt buttery soft and smooth underneath my fingers as I held the comb and shears cleverly in my hands.  I trimmed lightly down the sides, leaving the top slightly longer. Letting the one piece fall forward like it usually did. 

 

It would become a monthly occurrence. Usually, when he complained about the length of his hair, I would bring out the shears and trim his hair for him. It was generally after Dinah went to bed for the night.  Even when my stomach was large with child and bumped him with each step I took around him, I made the time to make sure his hair was neatly trimmed. 

 

Still, her room haunted me. Her presence still lingered in the dark corners as I lay in bed at night, wondering how to approach the subject with him. How could I tell him I saw her alive days before he came to my home?  I dreamt about her the more I stayed in her room. Pieces of our conversation becoming more prominent as I remembered more and more.  She talked about the coast, possibly a sailor?  

 

I had awoken from a dream after two weeks of living in the city once again. It was barely dawn, but my stomach was dangerously close to expelling its contents as I raced across the hallway. , my eyes widened at the fading memory of her blue eyes and her beautiful laugh that rang out with her sweet voice.  “Maybe I will have my own ship. No man will tell me what to do. I will rule myself. That is my dream.” 

 

I struggled to push myself up, only to feel the beginnings of another turn of my stomach. I lowered myself down before I lost the rest of my stomach contents.  

 

I wasn’t late like last time.  I could hear his footstep leave their bedroom from down the hall at my slamming of the door and probably sounds of my retching. I clutch the toilet with my hands with a groan.

 

I was pregnant. 

 

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	9. Chapter 9

Well, here is chapter nine! Sorry for the delay but holidays took up my life.

Thank you all for you follows, favourites and kind lovely reviews

Thank to my lovely Beta as well, who I would be lost without all her help.

As usual I may own a lot of merchandise but I don't own most of these characters or stories! They belong to Henson and Atwood and the producers of the show!.

I hope you all enjoy this!

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Pregnancy was a strange thing I learned. I expected many things, from sore breasts to morning sickness. I did not expect to be so fatigued all the time, or the fact that every smell sent me running for the toilet. Coffee, tea, chicken, baked apples, everything I loved was my enemy now. I survived on ginger biscuits and plain toast for most meals, and even then, I found myself relieving it shortly after. The biggest lie they told us at the Academy was calling it morning sickness; it was all day sickness that never went away.

I spent my days in my room and the tiny bathroom across the hall. Some days I barely left the second floor. Standing made me dizzy, eating made me sick, lying around made me feel lazy. It was a catch twenty-two as I was so bored, but so ill, at the same time.

It had been a surreal moment as I sat in the doctor's office after being poked and prodded after the first morning. It was confirmed that the last ceremony had taken, and I was with child. Telling me more of what to expect, what to watch out for, and the horse pills that I was supposed to take every day. The physical exam had been the most embarrassing as I was instructed to place my feet into the footrests. The nurse stood beside me as the doctor lifted up the paper sheet, talking me through the examination as another nurse helped the doctor.

"You said your last cycle was on the 14th?" he asked as he used one hand to press down on my lower stomach. I merely nodded my head. "Then you are about seven weeks pregnant, much like you thought. Lord Lutin says you are a rather energetic girl, and active most days. I encourage being active, but don't push yourself. If you are tired, rest, but there is no need to lay about all day. It will help keep you from gaining excess weight if you continue as you have. Keep up healthy eating and you will bounce back after the child is born." I nod at him as he patted my foot before standing up. "Get dressed," he instructed me, tossing the gloves he wore into the bin. "I will tell him the good news."

I watched him leave as the nurse handed me my clothing. I wrapped the paper gown around my waist as I sat up and put my arms through the straps of my brassiere, hooking it up the back behind me as she watched.

"Not many women can do that," she noted as she watched me.

"That's what I learned at the Academy," I said quietly. "My father had the task of taking me shopping when I was twelve and started to develop." I smiled sadly at the memory of his discomfort. Luckily, he met Irene shortly afterwards, and she helped guide me into womanhood from her own experience.

We drove back to the town house in relative silence. I would have another appointment in four to five weeks and so forth.

I smelt her perfume as I stepped into the doorway. She was here. Of course, she was. One of her girls was pregnant. She was talking to Dinah as I walked silently behind him into the sitting room. Pieces of my hair hung down around my face as I looked towards the floor. I pinned it hastily this morning, and it was coming undone with each passing moment.

"Ofjar, you've done well." Her voice lacked any real emotion, and I bit my tongue, thinking that I didn't do anything but lay there. "Well, answer me, girl!" She broke me from my thoughts.

I nodded my head, more hair loosening from the bun at the back of my head. "Thank you?" I answered hesitantly.

"Whatever did you do to your hair?" she asked me as she grabbed me harshly, pulling me closer as she yanked the leftover pins. It came tumbling down from its confines. "A woman's glory is her hair. The deities say so!"

I stood there, unsure of what to do. Her fingers were digging into my arm, yet I said nothing with a blank expression; the same I adopted when in her presence back at the Academy. It's strange how you can fall back into old habits. It wasn't until I felt his presence, with the warmth of his hand on my lower back, that I woke up from my trance.

"A young child of one of my workers placed gum in it," Jareth spoke up with a growl. "So, please, kindly release her. Cutting it out was the only option that worked, and considering she cried for days after it was done, I think that is penance enough."

"Is this the truth?" , she looked towards Dinah, who probably never noticed the length of my hair until that afternoon.

"Of course. My husband would not lie," Dinah replied after a moment. The Mistress looked at me before letting go of my arm. I rubbed it self-consciously as I looked towards Jareth.

"Go rest," he said to me. "I know you are not feeling well." He excused me from the room, and I nodded and hurried away. It wasn't a lie. I spent most of the car ride back either falling asleep or trying not to be sick.

"You are done here," I heard him tell the Mistress.

"Excuse me?"

"For today, if you wish to speak to Ofjar, then you may come back when she is feeling up for the company." His voice was stern. "I think it is essential that she does not stress over anything. We do not want to jinx anything, do we?"

"Of course not, sir," was her answer before I heard her footsteps move into the foyer. I hurried down the hall to my room and sank down on the bed, my mind racing as I pressed my hand against my flat stomach. I always felt my anxiety flare up around the Mistress. It was the fear she held over us girls that kept us in line. She could turn our lives around with a snap of her fingers.

"Let it be a boy," I murmured to myself. I did not want to bring a female child into this world.

* * *

I spent my days creeping around the house, lying down any chance I could to relieve my spinning head. I found myself more and more in Dinah's presence when I ventured downstairs. It was her that handed me the ginger biscuits, telling me they always helped her in those first few weeks. I nibbled lightly, stretched out on the lounge chair as she talked about her own time expecting. Nausea and sore, swollen breasts, how it felt when they moved at first. Tiny butterflies, she recalled as she tried to explain it to me. It was strange, at first, when she gave me advice, but as I didn't have anyone else who I could ask these sort of questions, it was strangely comforting—in a strange, weird way, considering I was carrying her husband's child.

"My mother was still alive during my first two. I don't think I would have made it through without her to answer my constant questions." She chattered along to herself for another moment before she looked over at me. "What about your mother?"

"She died before I was a year old. I never knew her," I replied back after a moment. "I was told that I resemble her a fair bit. My colouring is the obvious factor, but people would tell me my hands and smile reminded them of her."

"It must have been hard to grow up without her." Her voice was full of empathy, like I was the only child to grow up without a parent in this world. Except most of the new children would never grow up with both parents. Most girls would never truly be mothers. We would bear and feed the children until the day they were taken from us forever.

"You cannot miss what you did not have," I replied in return. My voice must have been more aggressive than I intended as she gave me a put-off look before changing the subject.

He was always there, in the shadows, watching over me. When I had fallen asleep in the sitting room one afternoon, out to the world around me, I didn't feel him pick me up and carry me up the stairs to my room. I think it was the first time he set foot in the room since we arrived. He never came in. He hovered by the door like it was too haunted to actually step into. I woke slightly as he placed me on the bed as gently as he could.

"Rest," he instructed me as he drew the blanket over me. I had spent most of my morning ill, and I softly joked that the only time I wasn't ill was when I was resting. He gently brushed my hair back from my forehead. A silent gesture, which made me open my eyes, catching icy blue eyes that held a look of silent longing. I nodded my head and burrowed into my pillow and blanket, watching him look around the room.

It was a few days later when I left the door to the bathroom open in my haste. When I heard the sound of the flash, I turned, wiping my mouth with a look of horror on my face. "You did _not_ just take a photo of me!" I shrieked as he took another one.

"I'm just trying to remember this place in time," he grinned at me. "One day, we may want to look back at these."

"One day, I may murder you in your sleep," I growled at him, in an obvious foul mood from the hormones running through my body from his photo taking. I stood shakily, glaring at him as I brushed off my skirt. "After all, this is _your_ doing!" I indicated my whole body with a large hand motion.

His face sobered, the smile falling into a frown at the corners. "I am sorry. I did not think…I just know that one day we may wish to look back on these days." He spoke so eloquently that I sighed, despite the fact that I had no want or need to ever relive these days.

"It is fine. It's not like I'm exactly level-headed lately," I replied.

"You're allowed to be," he spoke softly as he hesitantly brushed a stray piece of hair from my face. We gazed at each other as he caressed my cheek for a moment, then I turned quickly, falling onto the padded rug of the bathroom.

* * *

I counted the days that turned into weeks, waiting for the nausea to end, waiting for some telltale sign that things would get better. Each morning was the same as the one before, and I spent my first waking minutes over the toilet bowl. Two different plates of food at each meal, knowing the first one would never last long enough to be absorbed, I was losing more weight instead of gaining. The doctor wasn't overly concerned though, as I still managed to keep some food down. As fast as it started, it dissipated just as quickly. I woke up one morning for the first time in almost two months feeling somewhat normal. Normal as I could feel when you wake up one morning to find out that nothing fits anymore. Moving buttons on skirt plackets, and using safety pins to keep your blouses together as you try and let out the other blouses, only to be found having a breakdown in the middle of the sitting room floor when the machine refused to cooperate. I could handle the constant retching and the fatigue; not having a handle on my emotions was another matter. I was never an emotional person, which made these mood changes difficult for me to work through.

I ended up calling upon Lena, who was expecting her own as well, by now. Although she was faring much better than I was. We walked side by side, talking quietly about the weather and other nonsense, careful to keep our words hushed as we passed by the officers and personnel that monitored the streets. I hadn't been out in the city yet. I didn't know about the changes until we turned the corner into the square. When I saw the rotting corpses that were strung from archways, I covered my mouth quickly, gagging from the putrid smell that filled my sinuses. Men, women, and young girls, all hung up for us to walk by each day.

I ran for the bushes, causing a scene. Lena was trying to explain that I was pregnant and could be sick at any time. They stepped away from me, concerned that I would ruin their shoes.

There was no room for sins and disobedience in this kingdom, I learned. There were no second chances given unless you had a set of working reproductive organs. Runners, non-conformers, and sexual deviants were given the noose and put on display to set an example.

A way to show their power and control over us.

How could my world change so quickly in so little time? Was Jareth secretly relieved his sister escaped? Did Lunette know what was coming along the horizon? Was her disappearance a way to escape society? She would have been reaching marriageable age. Maybe he was trying to arrange a marriage for her that she didn't want to be in?

Lena pulled me away from the town square. We continued our walk with our baskets swinging as we made our way into a small store for the Reds. An older woman motioned for us to take off our cloaks. After almost an hour of trying things on, I ended with three new blouses and skirts, along with new undergarments to go with my changing body. Lena stocked up on a few things for herself, so she didn't run into the same issues as I did. We would be required to return the skirts afterwards, but the blouses and undergarments would be ours to keep. As we walked back, I noticed more signs. Mostly ones that told us Reds were not allowed; tea rooms and restaurants we were not welcome in. As we found our appetites returning, we found a small shop who still sold tea and scones to Reds. I'd never craved for the safety of the house until now, or the safety he provided me.

Yuletide had come and gone with little fanfare, and the new year started with harsh, cold weather. I woke up to a small wrapped gift on my bed. It was a set of watercolours and pad of thick paper with new brushes. I smiled and shook my head, knowing my friends would find theirs. Despite not having the energy to make anything that took actual skill, I managed to make small netted purses for Lena and Dinah, while for Jareth I found a piece of scrap cotton silk. Working on a tiny hem and his initials embroidered into one corner, I made a handkerchief that I had left on his desk for him to find.

Lena had made me a snood out of red thread to wear over my hair, to keep it in place without the need for braids. It was after dinner when Dinah presented me with a music box. I knew she meant well, but she had no idea she had given me a gift that represented my life. To her, it was a pretty box to place hairpins and my crest pin in at night. Instead, it was a constant reminder of my life.

A tiny girl trapped within a box.

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On scale of one to ten how much would you murder Jareth for taking that photo?I want to know haha. I built this chapter around that scene haha.

Next chapter will be slightly different and I look forward to what you guys will think. I'm switching it up slightly. I hope it is well received because I think we need it every once and awhile to balance out the story!

As always I love to hear what you think, reviews are like crack. Ok bad comparison haha! Let me know either way good or bad!

Tina.


	10. Chapter 10

Welcome to chapter 10! 

 

I hope you all enjoy this. It’s slightly different but I think we need it. 

 

Thank you for all the reviews last chapter and follows. You are all amazing people! 

 

As usual I don’t own anything related to this legally I just own a lot of merchandise! 

 

 

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When I began this, I only intended to tell my side of the story.  A story to ensure that the past never repeats itself. As I come to this turning of the tides, I find that I need to show another voice.  The voice of a man; a man who I have stood beside for many years now.   

 

He burned many journals for fear of being found out. However, a few entries have survived by my own hand. Ones that I saved from the embers of the fire because we must never forget where we came from, and how far we have come. 

 

Our children need to know what we fought for. 

 

Our children must know the mistakes of our nation. 

 

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An Interlude — Excerpt of Jareth’s Journal, around a similar time. 

 

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_January-10th_

_Lutin Townhouse_

 

 

_Sarah is pregnant._

 

_My mind is still adjusting to this news. After all these years, I might be a father. Such a strange notion to consider once more in my life. I had long given up on the idea of being a father._

 

_I find it strange to think this has become my life, supporting this movement because I have no choice in the matter. When they asked for the use of my building as a school for young ladies, I let them have it.  It wasn’t until the talks in parliament began taking strange turns that I decided to visit the school I owned._

 

_I was appalled at what I saw.  Young girls being groomed for older men who were widows or men with money. If they weren’t pretty enough to be married, I learned they would be used as surrogates. ‘Handmaids’ they were to be called by society._

 

_I realized then I had no way out._

 

_To go back on my word and pull the use of my building would be political treason. Two or three non-supporters have already disappeared without a trace. I had my wife to think about, which led to the realization of my own predicament with my own childless home. I would be expected, at some point or another, to obtain a handmaid. I put it off as long as I could._

 

_Of course, Dinah heard of them. I could never deny her anything. We both know the inevitable. I thought I was sparing her feelings by hiding what I did, initially. Instead, she saw it as a way for me to be happy, and for a child to have a stable home once she is gone._

 

_It’s hard to read Sarah’s mind, not just about the child, but about everything.  She spent the last weeks completely exhausted after being ill every moment of the day.  Some nights, when I looked in on her, I just watched her sleep.  Dinah had never been this ill when she carried our children. She complained of feeling ill, but it was never this constant.  I don’t like her to be in that room, the one my sister inhabited. Some days I feel like I will wake up, and Sarah will be gone as well._

 

_It was a strange afternoon when I saw Sarah standing there in her uniform. That dark hair and those mossy eyes. There was no denying who she was, even as I asked the Mistress to look over the records of the girls. I knew it was her. No, there had been no mistake who she was when I looked through her records. Her birth certificate, her mortal mother. I placed the old photo next to the newer one. It had been close to ten years since that day, but I was sure it was her.  Daughter of the magistrate and barrister of the town, she’d disappeared the day before. She spouted off things about fairies in the forest showing her the way home as I spoke to her father, who only heard of a young woman camping about near the riverbank the other night._

 

_Getting directions, I found the abandoned camp, the fire pit only a few days old.   My sister had been here; I could smell it in the air. I could smell her presence.  It was on my way out that I stopped by the fair, my camera in my hands as I snapped photos of the festivities.  It was that day that I snapped the photo of Sarah prancing about the maypole with the other girls.  Something about her stood out as I watched. It wasn’t until I developed the photographs that I took notice of the ribbon that tied her hair back. It had tiny moons embroidered on it. One strikingly similar to the one my sister had. I will only find the truth if I ask, but what if her answer is not what I am hoping for?_

 

_I wanted to go back. I almost did until Dinah informed me she was expecting once more. But I wrote this all before, of the anxiety and uncertainty that consumed our lives those days. The small child whose life ended too early.  A small and waxen child who we buried with pale blonde hair and blue eyes. Two weeks she lived in this world, but again you know this already.  Once more we tried, but the disease was already showing itself slowly. We were forced to save Dinah rather than continuing on with the pregnancy. We both decided to let it be._

 

_Of course, once the guild came into play, it only made Dinah feel like a failure as a woman—even myself, as a man—who couldn’t help populate this world. Husband and wife, yet incompatible to have children.  A certain generation who was failing their duties. It was when doctors began to notice that the younger the age of the mother, the more able she was able to have children that the Academy came to life._

 

_It was in the Scriptures. It was condonable in these instances.  Condonable.  The bile rose in my throat as I heard them speak those words in the house of commons.  How could they believe it right to rape young women for the sake of children? Children who they will never raise. Children who will never know their true mother in most cases.  It was condonable to them.  I am starting to wonder if I should burn this after writing what I just wrote. Heavens forbid they ever read what I actually think of this whole movement._

 

_It was rather relieving when Sarah began to creep about the house after weeks of being in her room. I called the doctor more than once, but they said it was common for some women. Make sure she gets fluids and eats whatever she can stomach for the time being.  The only time they would be worried is if she begins fainting from dehydration.  She was always so pale, and the small amount of weight she had gained since her arrival here disappeared.  I caught snippets of conversations as she spent her afternoons with Dinah, trying to make sense of what was to come and happening to her.  Things the Academy probably would have never told her about. Pregnancy was not strictly textbook she learned._

 

_Finally, when she reached her second trimester, I stood by the door of the doctor's office and I heard the rapid heartbeat of our child.  Something so precious and dear to my heart, yet my mind reminds me how this child came to be.  Sarah looked up at me.  I could see the amazement in her eyes with the underlying fear that stayed with her most days.  The rapid thumps from the machine, a part of me and  of her joined and growing each moment it was inside of her.  I can’t help wondering how they will look in my mind. They will have her colouring, that I am certain of. Her dark tresses will win out over my fair.  Still, I stood there listening to the rapid thumps that filled the room. I prayed for the first time in a long while._

 

_I prayed for my child._

 

_I prayed for Sarah to be strong enough when the time came to be my wife._

 

 

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Thank you  I hope you enjoyed this foray into Jareth’s mind. They may pop up time to time as this story progresses for insight and depth to what I have planned.  

 

Let me know what you all thought, if you liked this foray, if you didn’t like it wasn’t rather just stick to Sarah. 

 

Tina

 


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you! Thank you!

Your response has been amazing. I will continue to try and work in small chapters of Jareth journals for a peek into his mind. You are all amazing people and I would not be anywhere without your support.

Anyway here is chapter 11

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The days passed by quickly now. Each day I set out with Lena, bundled up in our winter wraps and boots. A thick blanket of snow covered the city, more than the previous years. Young children ran around the park by the careful watch of their nannies and mothers, while being far away from the city centre and the town square. We walked the cobblestone streets, huddled together for warmth and camaraderie out in the fresh air. We had found some of the other girls we once lived with at the Academy along with older handmaids who had befriended us since arrival. Tales of jealous wives who would abuse them without any repercussions and husbands who used the handmaids for their own enjoyment ran rampant among our groups.

I was the odd one out, one slated to leave this group, one who never spoke of life at the house, unlike the other girls. No, I was a special case it seemed, and they kept me at arm's length, knowing my days were short-lived. Their friendship was contingent on the handmaid's code. Wives and handmaids did not form or have friendships, something both Lena and I had come to terms with already, that we would be parted once I took my vows.

With each new day, I saw the changes in my body, and how my body was preparing new life. I saw the life that was leaving her body. She had lost the control of her legs that she managed to keep this long. Things like standing on her own were impossible now; now she found about hands not cooperating for her at times when trying to write or hold a utensil. Still, she smiled, and never complained as she grew worse.

"I have come to terms with my illness long ago," she told me one morning as I switched out the record for her. "I have come to terms knowing I don't have much longer in the world. At least, I know he will have someone beside him. He was closed off for so many years, after all the heartbreak, and with his sister disappearing. I was angry, at first, that you brought him back into the living, but I see it now as the deities letting me know that I can leave this world without worrying so much about him."

"I haven't—" I started, concerned about what she was going to say.

"I know you haven't done anything intentionally to warrant his change, but I have seen it, nonetheless. He was so cold and distant for many years. We both just lived separate lives unless we had company. Of course, over time things got better. We learned to build a new relationship with each other, but it was never like when we were first married," she shook her head. "Since you have been here, he's changed. I see more of the man I married years ago. He's happy. He's stopped drinking so much. He's even stopped smoking those awful cigarettes I always hated. All because of your arrival here. I know he is too much of a gentleman to blur the lines of this arrangement more than it has been blurred, but he _has_ changed."

"You don't worry about me?" I asked, somewhat surprised. I thought about all the evenings I spent in his study alone with him, playing card games, or listening to him read out loud, drinking the small amounts of spirits he gave me before I was with child. Now, it is cordials or sparkling cider waiting for me. Was that not proper?

My own feelings towards him were such a tangled web. I didn't even know if my feelings were my own feelings, or just because of the baby. He was an enigma to my mind. I should be afraid of him, should I not be? What would happen when we were married? When we were expected to share a bed and have more children. Would our marriage bed be like the ceremonies? Instead, I found myself craving the safety of the protection he gave me.

"You are so young and naïve. Even when the farm hands looked at you from afar, you never even took notice. You would never lead a man on intentionally," she replied, so casually that I gave her a look. "You are pretty, Ofjar. One cannot deny what is there in front of them."

"My name is Sarah," I say quietly under my breath.

"Pardon?"

"I have to use the bathroom." I faked a smile, and she nodded her head with a knowing smile.

 

I was past my twentieth week when I woke up one morning to find my stomach out for the world to see. It was strange how it could pop overnight, and how each passing day it only grew more noticeable beneath the wool of my skirt. It wasn't long after that I began to feel the flutters that Dinah once talked about as I lay in bed at night, which only grew into stronger kicks as the weeks passed by.

Spring was upon us, the snow melting away, and the temperature rising to the point that Jareth began the move back to the manor with some uncertainty. He wanted to watch over the planting of new trees, but he wanted the safety of the hospital and doctors for both Dinah and me.

"The midwife will be around," I argued. "I'd rather give birth at the manor than some hospital room. I don't want to be strapped down and drugged," I explained my reasoning as we went through birth plans and the variations. 'Twilight sleep' they called it in the hospital. Most women didn't even remember their labour. I had only heard the rumours of women being strapped down when the dosages of the medicines weren't accurate causing them to act out violently. At first, it was only for the wealthy, but then it became more accessible to the middle class, which led to exposing the truth of the brutal and inhumane way it was to give birth that way, which led to its decline, at least in the small country hospitals. As it was harder to conceal the conditions of the maternity wing.

In the end, I won the battle that I did not want to even consider that as an option. I wanted to remember the birth in all it's messy glory.

My labour, my birth plan, ultimately, my way. The nearest hospital wasn't too far from us. It wasn't the city's, but it would do in an emergency if needed. Instead, I would have the child at the manor with a midwife. I wanted Lena to be there, as well, but our own due dates were only weeks apart, so the chances were slim that she would be. She seemed rather happy with the arrangement, telling me she never wanted children or felt maternal in that sort of way. She'd rather pop out of a few kids and hand them over than be a mother herself. You could call her selfish and self-absorbed, but she just didn't feel cut out for it.

We figured at some point they must have us handmaids retire. Surely, they couldn't make us go on forever having children. I knew in the back of my mind that I would be expected to have more after this child. How many would he expect? How many would society expect of us? Would we be expected to use a handmaid if I didn't have enough children?

Finally, I found myself watching the scenery fly by while sucking on ginger candies in the automobile. It was the beginning of April now, and my own birthday was approaching. I would be eighteen soon. It was strange to think that I was almost another year older. I had come here at the end of June, and now, I was due for that same week I arrived.

The manor was open and aired out, waiting for us. I was just about to head back to my room to rest when I was told that they had aired out a second-floor room for me. Closer, and fewer stairs for me to climb in the last weeks of pregnancy. My first steps in and I knew it was hers. Except it was for an older version of her; light blues, silvers, and bronzes. More of the girl I had once met in the woods. This time there was a larger bed, and the window looked out over the front of the house. I sank down on the soft bed with a sigh and fell back with a joyful squeal against the softness and the rustle of the satin comforter.

The townhouse was a room for a child, and this was a room for a young woman. No dolls or toys left, collecting dust, but salted oak furniture, velvet drapes, and an old birdcage that stood in one corner of the room. I organized my things, knowing in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be here long enough to truly unpack. I found old dresses still in the closet, similar to the ones I wore not that long ago.

 

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_I was in the city market, walking through as Lena and I did our shopping. I didn't expect to see him. I didn't expect to see my father there dressed in finery. Did they convert him? No, he wouldn't._

_There were Irene and Toby beside him, acting like the perfect family. He hasn't aged much, only more grey now around the temples._

" _Papa!" I shout to him, my hands gathering my skirts as I run towards them. The guards stop me before I can reach him._

" _No Reds." They spoke gruffly, but treated me rather gently, which confused me until I looked down at my condition. I cradled my stomach in my arms as he looked at me._

" _Do you know her, sir?"_

" _No, I don't," he said coolly, looking at me with disgust in his eyes._

 

I woke sharply. It almost felt like I had been falling. I struggled to push myself upwards in the bed. I rubbed my eyes, only to find I had been crying in my sleep. I shook my head.

' _Forget about me, Sarah, just survive! It will be easier to just forget about me.'_

Those were his last words to me. What if they jailed him for trying to keep me at home? What if they were all gone? What if he was ashamed to have a handmaid as a daughter? We are so revered, yet such an enigma to society. Revered that we were 'Chosen' to give the nation children, yet treated like a second-class citizen as time moved forward.

I eventually gave up on falling back to sleep and wandered down to the kitchen in a pair of flannel, blue-striped pyjamas that I found hidden away in the utility room one day while doing laundry at the townhouse. They were too long, dragging on the floor as I walked, and hung off my shoulders, despite being tighter across my growing stomach that I had left unbuttoned. The only thing that kept me slightly presentable was that I was still wearing the wire-free brassiere underneath that I wore when I slept, as I found it more comfortable as of late.

I opened the icebox door, peering inside as I squinted in the dark. I sighed as I closed it with a huff, unsure what I even wanted at this moment. I sighed once more and reopened it, hoping it would show me something different, but it didn't.

"I wondered where those went to," his voice spoke up from the dark doorway before flicking on the kitchen light. "Everything all right?"

"Couldn't sleep," I answered him while looking down at the flannel that covered me. "I didn't know they were yours." I blushed, self-consciously. I knew they were his. Who else's would they be? He was wearing a pair of similar looking flannel pants that didn't drag on the floor and a robe over his shoulders that tied around his waist. I could just see the small scattering of blonde chest hair from the neckline of the robe.

"They are old. I think the housekeeper took them to be mended and forgot about them," he told me. I looked down and fiddled with the large hole on the hem of the shirt, and sheepishly smiled at him.

"I didn't wake you?" I asked him. It was two in the morning, and I had tried my best to walk down the stairs as silently as I could.

"I was already up when I heard you creep by," he replied, his hand grazing my hip as he passed by. "Why are you up?"

"I had a dream about my family," I said quietly. "Sometimes, I dream that I run into him somewhere. Sometimes, it's a heartwarming moment. Other times, he pretends I'm not his daughter," I explain. "He told me to forget about him, to just survive. How do I do that? What if he's dead? What about Irene and Toby? What if they were all killed for trying to hide me? My father wasn't exactly quiet about his distaste for the movement." I sigh and lean against the island, watching him as he opened the door to the freezer portion and dug to the back, bringing out a small container.

My mind recognized it at once, and I found myself salivating at the sight of it. I hadn't seen ice cream in so long. In general, sweets were discouraged for us. Keeping a healthy lifestyle was an important part of our life; a healthy body created a healthy child. I rubbed my stomach unconsciously, thinking about the small flutters that ran across the stretched skin.

"He's alive, that much I know, but you are right. He is being watched closely, and knows it," he said after a moment. "Unfortunately, that means any association with them would be detrimental to our place in society." His voice was low and full of empathy, knowing it would be hard for me to hear. It was no secret that they had been trying to recruit him for a more prominent position of standing in the movement.

I merely nod, understanding more than I probably should. Watching him grab two spoons, I moved and hopped onto one of the stools that sat at the island counter. He opened the container and tilted it over to me, offering it to me to take some. It didn't take any more encouragement than that. As I dug my spoon in, he passed me the chocolate ice cream. I moaned at the feeling of the cold chocolate melting in my mouth.

"I didn't even know I wanted this," I say as I finally swallow. As I felt a rather strong sensation, I grabbed his hand without asking, pushing the shirt out the way. "I think you are going to be his favourite person," I told him as I felt another strong thump against his hand.

"It could very well be a she," he replied, his eyes still holding their gaze where his hands were on my stomach.

"I thought all men wanted boys?" I teased him.

"I would love a son, but as long as everything goes well, it does not matter," he said carefully, his words coming out slowly, wanting them to be the right words. A strong heartbeat meant nothing once out of the womb. He tapped against the skin of my stomach with his index finger. Almost instantly, I felt another thump in the same spot, which made me smile.

"I think they are kicking, compared to using their hands," I told him. "I had a rather hard spot over here, which feels like a head to me," I explain, rubbing the spot with my palm on the opposite side, like they were laying horizontally, then vertically.

"May I?" he asked me, motioning to his other hand. I nodded and moved my hand, letting him place his other hand where mine had been. "I can't feel it," he said after a moment.

"I didn't realize what I was feeling at first, either," I admitted to him. "I mean, I can be totally wrong. It could be its bottom." I laughed lightly as I grabbed the container of melting ice cream and shoved a spoonful into my mouth with a grin, looking up at him. "You do realize you are going to regret showing me this?"

He smiled and chuckled. "Then I will tell them to buy more. A little ice cream won't hurt you." We both looked towards the wall as the clock struck three, and I suppressed a yawn. "It's off to bed with you."

He stood up and stretched before he helped me climb down from the stool. He put away the ice cream and led me to the staircase, walking me back upstairs to my room. Before he went to his, we stood in the doorframe for a moment. I reached up and brushed his hair from his face.

"You need a haircut," I reminded him quietly, blushing at my action. My stomach was pressing into him enough that I felt the child kick from the pressure as our gazes held. His lips were soft against mine for a split-second as both of us gave into the moment.

"I am sorry…" he stepped away from me, looking ashamed that he'd let himself lose control with me. "I shouldn't have—I am sorry."

He left me in the doorway before going across the hall to his own room, my mind racing from the kiss. I raise my hand and touch my lips in disbelief.

Oh, what a fine kettle of fish this was.

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Authors notes:

So I was watching mad men, and the episode where Betty Draper gives birth to Gene made me curious about birth practices throughout the ages.

Twilight sleep was a real procedure that began in Germany that a mother would be given a mixture of morphine and scopolamine. The combination relieving the pain of childbirth and also giving mother amnesia of the actual birth process where the child was medically extracted from the mother's body by forceps and other measures.

It started the early 1900's to replace chloroform during childbirth. Which Queen Victoria used herself, during her last two pregnancies. The doctors carefully crafted and measured doses for the wealthy mothers in Germany and word spread about the miraculous births.

It gained notability in North American hospitals shortly after 1915 but unlike the carefully measured and dosed women. Everyone was given the same doses, which lead to violent, and psychotic outbreaks from labouring mothers. Forcing doctors and nurses to restrain mothers for safety precautions.

Most mothers would wake up for hours after having the child. Only then to be presented with the squeaky-clean baby. Although the effects of the drugs also harmed the babies, who often had trouble breathing upon birth.

It lasted in hospitals up until the 1970's where it became ill-favoured to knock women out to the point of unconsciousness to have children. It rather an interesting yet frightening thing to research!

Who kissed who? I do want to hear your thoughts on who kissed who? Would Sarah have kissed Jareth out of spite of Dinah's words, and obvious hormonal ups and down that would only have added to the spite?

Or did Jareth give in to his own feelings? Despite it not being proper as he is still married to Dinah. Would he cross that line?

Tina.


	12. Chapter 12

Here we go with chapter twelve!

Thank you all for the reviews and follows and your thoughts about the kiss.

Thank you as well to my beta she is simply awesome and ps I had a dream of that skirt haha!

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Chapter 12

I walked around his study out of boredom. It had been raining all weekend, and I was beginning to feel restless being cooped up indoors. Jareth was outside with the farm hands, helping them build the new greenhouse, but it was by his words that I was not allowed outside. Things had been a quiet stalemate between us, neither one of us ready to talk about the other night. Neither one of us ready to admit to the other night. I stopped pacing in front of the window and looked out towards the path where I knew the men were. I found it annoying that the only reason I was sanctioned to the house was that I was pregnant. I didn't have the patience to read, and Dinah was resting, having not left her room this morning. My body hummed with pent-up energy that I didn't know what to do with, and not to mention the undeniable tension that still hung around Jareth and I from the other night.

We had a brief, awkward encounter the next morning as I made myself a cup of tea, both agreeing that it was not the right time. He was still married, and I had too many hormones running through my body to make total sense of anything I was feeling. The last thing we needed was gossip and a scandal. His words, not mine.

I shook my head and stomped my foot like a child, angry at being forced indoors because of a little rain. I wasn't going to have it, especially today. I walked as briskly as I could with my protruding stomach, finding the mudroom empty as I shoved my stockinged feet into a pair of rubber boots. I pulled a rain poncho over my sweater and pulled up the hood. It went halfway down my skirt. The bottom half would just have to deal with the rain.

I opened the door and took a step outside for the first time in three days. I sobered for a moment before I look up at the stormy clouds, my brows furrowing as I saw the darkness in them. I felt the wind change direction, whipping around me. My father had shown me how to read clouds and the weather when I was young.

I looked towards the area where the new greenhouses were being built, then back up at the sky once more. I knew from last summer that the weather changed quickly out here. I made a fast decision to head out to give them a warning, picking out my pace as the wind howled, watching the clouds in the distance. The men looked towards me as I approached them quietly from the doorway.

Jareth looked at me, none too pleased with my presence, but I cut him off before he could say a word to me.

"There is a funnel cloud making its way near us," I say as they all look at me like I had a second head. "You think I would walk all this way in the rain for nothing!" I shout at them. "I know what a tornado looks like! I am not a simpleton!" I watched one slink away and poke his head outside as the roof was coated with an opaque paper that had yet to be peeled off.

"The lady is right," he murmured.

"Drop everything and get to shelter!" Jareth shouted. The wind was already beginning to rattle the glass and metal structure. I watched everyone scatter. Most of them lived in cottages around the orchard property. A few stayed behind, knowing they would never make it there in time for living too far away.

"Why did you not just send someone?" He asked me, thinking I came out only to tell them, that I wouldn't disobey his request to stay indoors. He gripped my waist tightly as he began to head towards the manor. The wind was fierce.

"I was on the veranda getting some air when the wind picked up. I didn't even think, I just came," I explained as I tried to walk as quickly as I could next to him, despite already being out of breath. He stopped me after hearing my laboured breathing.

"Arm around my neck," he instructed as he hauled me up in his arms, his long strides still faster than my own pace before he was carrying me. He was silent in his intent to make it back to the house as quickly as possible. As it came into view, the help was already boarding up the shutters, shouting to the housekeeper as they saw us and a few others come up to the house. Jareth sat me on the counter of the laundry and stripped my raincoat from me as I kicked off the rubber boots. He pulled at the hem of my sweater, meaning to remove it from my body.

"I am hardly even damp from the rain," I said before I caught his look of 'don't test me.' I lifted my arms obediently as he pulled it over my head so I am only in my undershirt.

"Do you need anything from your room?" he asks me as he holds my waist and lifts me from the counter, placing my feet on the ground in front of him. I shake my head at him as he leads me into the laundry room and opens a cabinet, pulling out a pair of plaid flannel pants and a thick sweater. "Put these on, the cellar is cool and you will be more comfortable." I nod my head, pulling the shirt on over my head and stepping into the pants, pulling them up under my skirt. Only then I let my skirt fall to the ground. They were soft and the whole ensemble smelt like him. He handed me a pair of slippers, which I pulled on my feet with one hand as the other held onto his arm to keep balance.

"What about you?" I looked over his soaked clothing. He looked down at himself like he didn't realize his own clothing was wet in his concern for me. He turned back to the cupboard and pulled out another set of flannel pants and a thick pullover. I blushed as he went for the buttons of his shirt and hastily turned around to face the wall. The thought of seeing him undressed sent a wave of something unknown down my body. I shivered and tried to change my thoughts to something more appropriate. The whole house creaked from the wind as the shutters struggled against the bars keeping them closed. I've lived through this before, these sorts of storms were common in the spring, but it never scared me like this before. Maybe it was all the impending changes that were coming my way?

"Come," he spoke to me gently as he led me down to the kitchen where the trap door was open and waiting for us. He helped me to climb down the steep stairs. It was partially finished, with walls and a wood floor. The walls were lined with various shelves that held preserves and other canned items. There were chairs and a few chesterfields that had seen better days, along with a large bed where Dinah was curled up under a quilt. Jareth led me over to the old iron bed frame, which creaked as I sat down on it, and made myself as comfortable as I could with the blanket he handed me. The household gathered around, as well, sitting in various chairs. A basket of food sat in the middle of a small table, along with a gas lamp.

We passed time playing various card games as the wind and the rain pounded onto the ground above the basement. I huddled under a large blanket, sitting cross-legged on the bed for the longest time, only getting up to use the small water closet, which I was thankful for having down there. I motioned to Dinah, who pulled herself closer as I took her one hand, hoping for her to feel the steady line of kicks that I was being given. She only felt two before it settled down. I gave Dinah a sad smile as she took her hand away. I curled up as I listened to the wind howl. I vaguely recall feeling someone cover me with another blanket as I hugged the pillow tight.

* * *

_I woke up, finding myself back in my room. It was dark, which led me to believe it was the middle of the night as I rubbed my eyes. I noticed him over by the small desk with my folder of drawings in his hands._

_I had left it open._

_He had such a strange, sad look on his face when he looked at them. Illuminated by the moonlight from the window, his hair shone silver, and the fine lines of his face were more pronounced. Sometimes I forgot how much older he was. There were almost twenty years between us by my calculations. I still had yet to hear anything about his birthday, but it had to be soon. Dinah had never mentioned it in passing, which only told me that it was yet to come. We celebrated hers just before the new year._

_He turned to look at me with an intense look as he prowled over to my bed, and I struggled to pull myself up. He caressed the side of my face, whispering something I couldn't quite understand in another language. The old language? I shivered as I felt his lips on my ear. His eyes were dark as he shed his shirt, letting it fall to the floor with a rustle of silk before his hands, not missing a moment, attached themselves to my body. Roaming and caressing my curves, he effortlessly swung his body on the bed so it was poised over top of mine. His arms flexed, showing off the lithe muscles._

_My whole body buzzed with anticipation and need, clouding my mind. His lips found mine, his tongue pushing into my mouth. My inexperience showed with each fumbled response, my hands gripping his arms, his shoulders. My lips trembled as I kissed him back. I felt his hands gather up the hem of my nightgown, slipping underneath. A steady pulse settled between my legs, and I rubbed my thighs together for relief._

_My nipples turned to small pebbles as he brushed over them with his fingertips. They felt heavy and sensitive to his touch as he rolled them in his palms. A moan escaped my lips, which caused me to flush in the dark._

_What was I doing? What was happening?_

_The coil tightened in my lower stomach as I felt myself leak, growing slick with arousal. I whimpered at his touch. His hand went lower over my stomach, pushing my legs apart gently as he cupped me in his hand. His fingers traced over my slit, his fingers finding the pulsing bud that sent shivers up my back. My spine arched painfully from the sensations shooting through my body._

My eyes shot open as I sat up in my bed. I was in my room, alone, save for the child that resided within me. My door was shut and the clock next to my bed told me it was three in the morning. My body hummed from the dream that I had abruptly woken from. Lena had mentioned the whole wanting need that came from pregnancy, but it was the first time I had experienced it. I barely had a concept of physical love that didn't come from a few forbidden books I'd read.

However, every time I shut my eyes, the familiar images of him unbuttoning his shirt popped into my mind, which fuelled the ache between my legs. I groaned and flopped onto my pillows, grimacing at the cool sweat that settled on my skin. His scent lingered on the clothing I wore.

I closed my eyes with a small sigh, and gave into the need that my body was demanding.

* * *

The storm did minimal damage to the orchard. It was a neighbouring farm south of us that got the brunt of it. Thankfully, planting had only begun, which meant that the crops would be fine. However, the barn had been damaged so Jareth and the other men went over to help repair the next day, leaving us women at home early that morning. I had spent my morning with Dinah, going over a large stack of infant gowns that were covered with tiny embroidery and lace. Others were blue or pink, simple in their design; I had no idea that so many clothes would be needed. Some of them had been locked away in a trunk in the attic, others were new.

Stacks of diapers and plastic coverings sat in another basket. I remembered Irene doing the same things while expecting Toby, though he had far less clothing, that I can remember. I had been excited about Toby. I was still a young girl who thought babies came from love, who thought babies were always smiling, squeaky clean cherubs. The truth had been exposed after Toby had been born.

I retired to my room to rest after lunch and a short visit from Lena, who came by with Dinah's friends. We sat in my room with the tea set as I went over the past week, excluding the kiss that happened. She was flipping through my sketchbook when she landed on a drawing of Jareth half dressed like he had been in my dream.

"You've been holding out on me," she exclaimed, laughing as I blushed and stammered something about a dream.

"About time. I swear to even look at a cucumber will make me bothered some days, and you have to look at him every day. If you weren't getting hot and bothered by him, I would be worried."

My mouth hung open at her comparison, but it clicked in my mind, which made me sputter my tea. "Great and now I will never look at vegetables the same," I mumbled as I wiped my chin. She laughed brightly and shook her head.

"So, tell me about it," she urged, but I shook my head, refusing. If she only knew the truth, she would never let me live it down. Luckily for me, her visit was a short one, and I spent the rest of the afternoon with my pencils and sketchbook.

I can still remember Toby's chubby face and curls in the back of my mind. I smiled sadly as I made him look slightly older. He would be almost four now, a young boy, not so much a toddler now. I reached for my eraser, knocking over a charcoal pencil in the process. I found myself contemplating how to retrieve my pencil that had rolled behind the dresser. I stooped down, trying to reach it, but found it impossible. It was too far underneath, and I had long passed the point where I could lie on my stomach. I used the desk to haul myself back up before walking out to the hallway and over to the bannister of the staircase.

"Thomas!" I called out, knowing the footman was somewhere near. A young boy about my age with bright red hair. I heard his footsteps and a knock on my open door. "Can you help me, please? My pencil rolled behind the dresser and I cannot retrieve it."

"Of course," he nodded, and pushed the heavy wood away from the wall. I stood away from him as he stooped low and grabbed the pencil. "Here you go, Miss," he smiled and handed me the pencil. "Also, I found this. " He handed me a pale blue ribbon that had a jagged, ripped end. He placed it in my hand before moving the dresser back against the wall.

I looked at the ribbon with wide eyes. I didn't hear Thomas leave as I reached into the drawer that held my pencils. I had them on the day they took me, wrapped up in a roll and tied with a ribbon that I'd had since I was a child. I heard her voice in my mind.

_"Don't cry," she smiled at me as she wet her handkerchief and wiped down my tear-stained face. "Now, now, we will get you home." She pulled a ribbon from her pocket and brushed my hair from my face. She braided it deftly and tied it off. "There, now you don't look like you've been lost at all. See? No reason at all to cry."_

I found Jareth later in the evening, in his study. He had a glass in one hand, and in his other was rotating the glass orbs that usually sat on the table. It was memorizing to watch them twirl about, his long fingers manipulating and playing tricks in my mind. I always wondered why he had them. I picked up the lone one from the table as I sat down on the love seat. They were heavier than expected as I weighed it in my palm. It was cool and smooth against my skin as I rolled it around gently, trying to copy him. He turned to look at me but didn't say anything as he set down the crystals and poured me a glass of apple cider.

"You know, if you turn it a certain way, it will show you your dreams." He smirked as I fumbled with it, and it rolled out of my hand onto the love seat.

"What do you know about my dreams?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"I know I will do whatever I can to make sure they come true," he responded with a look that hit my gut like a pound of bricks. Why did his voice have to have that effect on me? Why did his eyes have that strange look to them? One that felt like he was looking deep within my soul every time he gazed at me?

I took the largest breath I could handle before reaching into the pocket of my skirt to pull out the old ribbon. I looked at it for a moment before I laid it in his hands. "And I will do the same, starting with this." I met his eerie eyes that were wide with shock. "I still don't remember much, but I will tell you what I do know."

* * *

Well, there you go!

Tornados, I have never really lived in tornado country. Being up in northern Ontario Canada we don't get much of that sort of weather. So I hope I did all right! I see the orchard almost in a flatland with decent rainfall and good soil. Not so much the prairies but how Southern Ontario is, and also what I saw when I was driving through Wisconsin and Minnesota on a road trip to go to Winnipeg last summer. Its lush and green and plenty of trees around. Also those Sunflower farms in Wisconsin…oh my god so pretty! And the clouds that floated low on the prairies of North Dakota….The dune beaches on Lake Michigan. I loved the drive, even if it took almost 20 hours to reach Winnipeg!

My friend who was Pregnant last year said her sex drive was like a light switch. For months it was off, because of all the morning sickness and what not. Then one day she just woke up and looked at her hubby and it flicked on hahaha. So Sarah has a little bit of a smut dream seemed natural for me.

At this point of the story, Sarah is about 26-27 weeks along or 7 months late April.

Also, what is your opinion of the child?

Boy or girl? A boy would have more freedom, and a daughter would be raised to be a little lady with most likely some sort of political marriage down the line or wanted for a political by other men for their sons. I'm on the fence about what it shall be at the moment so if you have any idea's let me know!

Anyways as always let me know what you thought in general!

Ps halfway done chapter 13 already!

Tina


	13. Chapter 13

Hello dear readers!

Welcome to chapter 13! I hope you all enjoy it. I want to say thank you for all the lovely comments, favourites and follows on this.

Without further ado. Let's get to it!

* * *

 

I took the largest breath I could handle before reaching into the pocket of my skirt to pull out the old ribbon. I looked at it for a moment before I laid it in his hands. "And I will do the same, starting with this." I met his eerie eyes that were wide with shock. "I still don't remember much, but I will tell you what I do know, and what happened that day."

"I can't believe you still have this," he struggled to say after a moment. "Let alone here."

"I had used it to tie a bundle of pencils together the day I was taken from my home," I explained. "Otherwise, it would still be—well, there." He nodded and stroked the ribbon. I'd never seen him so pensive about something before. He looked so sad as he held the dirty ribbon.

I reached for the cider and took a nervous sip before setting it back on the table. "I was about five or six, and Papa had yelled at me for some reason. I suppose I was misbehaving. He sent me to my room and went to his study, thinking I would do as he said. Instead, I snuck out the back door and ran off. I was a headstrong child, I suppose. The woods were the one place I wasn't allowed to go without an adult. I easily got lost within the first fifteen minutes. I ended up tripping over a large, dug up root. My braid had come undone by then, and I was full of dirt. She found me sitting on a tree stump crying. She seemed like such a fairy to me at the time, in her silver cloak and tousled hair. I remember telling her she was the prettiest lady I ever saw. She laughed and led me over to the riverbank, where she tied my hair back with a ribbon and washed my face with some water."

"She was very pretty. I never liked the attention she received from my friends, especially since she was younger by six years," he responded before getting up and walking towards the shelf in front of us. I watched him trace over the spines before he chose one and pulled it out. He came back and sat close beside me, flipping it open to the middle and placing it on my lap.

I reached down beside me and picked up my portfolio, pulling out the drawings I had made. I placed them side by side. There were subtle differences, but they were the same person. My memory was hazy, much like my drawings, but seeing the photos of a smiling young woman facing the camera made things sharpen in my mind. I traced the photo while going back to my memories.

"She told me to call her Lunette. She seemed to have this air about her that always made me believe she got to where she wanted to be. She wanted to be free, to not be ruled by men. She didn't like men from the few snippets I can remember. Something about how life was not fair to women. Men always got away if they made a mistake, but if a woman made one, it could destroy her. She wanted to rule herself, to command a ship like a pirate, but thinking about it now, I think that was just some sort of metaphor that I would understand."

I flipped the page of the photo album, gazing at the photos of Jareth when he was younger. Even Dinah, smiling as she stood in the orchard in a floral dress. It was strange to think I was merely a child when this photo was taken, and he was already married. I rubbed my bump as I felt it kick my ribs. I looked at him, his face in a far off place, but I could see the pain in his eyes. I grabbed his hand trying to comfort him, the awkwardness of the past few days gone for the moment.

"She told me to keep meeting her a secret, that she was just a fairy who led me back to the road. I was so mesmerized by her that I believed she was made up until a few months ago. I thought she had been a figment of my imagination. As we walked, she taught me this tune, one that I have never forgotten, from a small, musical box she carried. It was Dinah's reaction to the song that made everything come forward."

"When I heard it, I thought I was dreaming," he spoke up. "I want you to know though-"

"I understand. Somehow, in this bizarre way, I understand why you chose me out of the group of girls," I told him. "I understand because she haunts my dreams as I sleep in her bed. I've wracked my mind trying to understand that day, something that could help you. I can draw her face, Jareth, but I can't bring her back. I don't have the answers you wanted to find," I told him quietly. "I wish I could, but I was just a little girl."

"You've still told me more than anyone else in the past twelve years," he said after a moment, taking a drink from his tumbler while looking into the fire. I nodded my head and flipped the page of the album, my brow furrowing at the sight of a young man who stood next to Jareth in a wedding party; he must have caught my strange look.

"Lord Albany, when he was younger. And Luna," he explained looking at the photo.

"I thought he looked familiar," I murmured, thinking about the one dinner party they held around Yuletide at the townhouse. "He came to Concordia. I must have been about seven. He had a child with him that he gave to my father to bring to a nearby farm. A little girl, maybe about a year old? It explains why he kept looking at me strangely when I sat in the drawing room the one night. He must have recognized me, or at least found me oddly familiar. Much like how I felt trying to place where I had seen his face once before."

"Are you saying that Lord Albany has a secret love child that is just hidden away on a farm?" Jareth looked rather shocked.

I shrugged. "I suppose so? I was seven. I could be just spinning webs with my memories, though I remember a blanket with moons and stars on it." With that, he looked at me sharply.

"A child who was about a year old, with a blanket full of moons and stars?" he spoke slowly. "How did I not see it before!" He stood up, knocking the album in his anger as he did. "She suddenly disappears into thin air and he barely tries to help me even find her?"

"You're grasping at straws, Jareth," I heaved myself off the sofa and crouched awkwardly to pick up the album. "Maybe this was a mistake," I said out loud, placing the album back onto the shelf, anger bubbling up in my stomach.

"Albany was already married, and Luna…she had a large crush on him. I would tease her about it. If he took liberties that were not…" He went off on a rampage as he paced back and forth.

"You are turning this into something ridiculous!" I shouted at him, which stopped him in his tracks. "Even if she did have a child, how is it any different from this? I am no older than she was. I am scared to death every day that I will wake up one day in the next few weeks and be told that Dinah will make a miraculous recovery in some way or form. That despite trying to tell myself not to be attached to this child, it would tear me apart after all this time. I worry about Lena and her whole attitude because it doesn't seem normal. How are we supposed to hand over children that we carried for months and months? How can we carry and feed them, knowing they will be torn from us?"

His face sobered as I fell limply into a chair, exhausted from my rant. My blood raced, making me feel light headed as the room spun around me. I could feel the child toss and turn and somersault around as I felt my heartbeat thump in my veins.

"Sarah, Sarah!" I heard his voice call out to me, his hand on my shoulder, shaking me back into the present. "Deep breaths," his voice told me as my mind was focused somewhere else. I blinked a few times before his eyes came into focus, full of concern.

He crouched in front of me for another moment, his trousers pulling tight across his thighs, bunching in a way that emphasized what I already knew was hidden beneath them. My eyes flickered to them for a moment before I settled on focusing on the buttons of his shirt.

"You can't go off like that, not in your condition," he said after a moment, twisting for my glass of cider and placing it gingerly in my hand, holding it until he felt like I had a decent grip on the glass. "Drink."

I complied only because I didn't know what else to do.

"There is no—or ever will be—a cure for Dinah. At least, not in _our_ futures." His response was quiet. "You do not need to worry about that happening, ever." He tried to comfort me, but it did nothing for my state of mind. "Come, I'll start you a bath. Just try to relax, I don't want your blood pressure to spike like that again. It's not good for you or the child."

I merely nodded. With everything returning back to normal, I felt my bladder call out for release. "I have to use the washroom anyway," I said after a moment. I pushed myself up, testing my legs while holding onto the arm of the chair.

"Do you think I can have a snack before I have a bath?" I asked, my mind turning to food.

I heard him chuckle deeply in his chest before he nodded. "I will bring something up for you." He left me at the door to the washroom before heading down the stairs.

* * *

 

The days lingered on, and our exchange on Luna was not spoken about. He was still processing, and I didn't know what to say to him at first.

"You have a younger brother?" I heard Dinah speak up from her spot on the veranda. It was a nice day, and we both decided to sit outside for some fresh air. I nodded to her as I felt the new hound nudge my hand as he sat beside me. He had been brought home only a few days before and taken a strong liking to me. He was only a year old, but had a calm demeanour, especially when he was near me. I scratched his ear when he nudged me once more, his dark brown eyes giving me that puppy dog look. He really was a special kind of creature it seemed.

"That must have been a blessing," she smiled, bringing me out of my mind once more. "A miracle?"

"Not really. Irene, my father's wife, was closer to my own age than his," I explained. "She was only nineteen when they married. Father will be almost forty soon or will be forty this year," I mentally counted in my head.

"That must have been hard for you, to have another woman come in and play mother to you?" Dinah asked curiously.

"I was turning thirteen at the time. It was rather welcomed after my father's embarrassing attempts at trying to usher me into womanhood," I told her truthfully. "Having another woman around was comforting, knowing that if I had any problems, I could go to her."

"You were never jealous of her?"

"Some days, sure I was, although I was jealous of Toby more. He was the one who received all the attention at the end of the day. I don't mean to be unkind, but I really don't like talking about them," I trailed off as I stared off into the orchard. It wasn't until I heard a glass break that I turned around.

"Thomas! Nina!" I yelled as I saw the convulsions take over Dinah. I was no longer frightened by them after seeing them a handful of times by now.

They came rushing out at my cal and made her comfortable as possible on the wicker furniture until it stopped. It took a moment for her to come through the fit as we all watched her for any other warning signs.

"Thomas, can you move me indoors?" she asked weakly. "I think I will go take a nap."

"Of course, feel better soon," I said to her as Thomas gathered her small form up in his arms and carried her in. Nina was watching me now, judging my own state of being. "I am fine, Nina," I told her. "I think I will take a walk while it is nice out."

"The master told us that he doesn't want you alone," she informed me, causing me to sigh.

"I'll stay in the yard then, is that acceptable?" I asked her with a slight attitude. The way she hesitated said it all, but eventually, she nodded.

I walked around the house to the backyard, over to the large tree with a swing attached to it, and sat in it. The trees were beginning to bloom, the scent of blossoms blowing in the wind. The temperature was already high in the afternoons, despite only being early May. I spotted the red-haired hound trotting over with a wagging tail, like someone told him to come protect me. Some of the older workers told me that he knew I was expecting, and wanted to protect me from harm.

"Hello, Ludo," I scratched his ears as the large dog sat his head in my lap. "Make any friends lately?" I asked him. He whimpered while I scratched his ears, and sniffed around my pockets. "Sorry, no treats today," I shook my head at him as he huffed. "Now, don't give me attitude," I warned him, laughing and shaking my head." He gave me small stink eyes and grumbled. "All right, then, let's go find something together." I hopped off the swing and he followed me to the kitchens, only to see Jareth standing there in front of the ice box with the water pitcher in his hand. He looked at me before his eyes settled on the hound.

"I didn't realize by getting a new hound that you would turn him into a house pet?" He raised his eyebrows, but his voice was gruff with a teasing tone.

"I did nothing of the sort," I objected to his teasing "He just attaches himself to me when he sees me."

"He slept in your room the other night. He's not even supposed to be in the house," he stated with a look that said 'I know what goes on in my house.' I looked at him guiltily, and smiled sheepishly, knowing that showed off my dimples. He spoke the truth. The hound did find his way up into my room, curling up at the end of the bed as I sat there reading. "He won't listen to his name, Lupo. He only responds to 'Ludo' now?"

"That was an innocent mistake." I placed my hands on my lower back and hips—or what used to be my hips—as I stood there. I had gotten more round with each new day, which left my back hurting more than usual from the weight of my stomach. I was beginning to worry about how large I may get, knowing I still had several weeks left. I walked over to the cupboard where I knew the dog treats were, and opened the deep drawer.

"You are showing much more, lately." He said after a moment. I turned on my heel and looked at him, the canister that was filled with the biscuits the cook had made for Ludo in my arms. Small, bone-shaped cookies that sounded like a rock when you tapped it against something.

"And you have a death wish?" I asked him with a look that wondered if he had lost his mind saying that to me.

"Of course not," he laughed, placing a tin of biscuits on the table with a bottle of milk and two glasses. Cookies and milk; it was like he knew what I had been wanting. "You have merely blossomed overnight, and it's a welcoming sight to see. Have you thought of any names yet?"

I looked at him strangely. I had never even considered the possibility of naming the child, especially if Dinah was still alive when the child was born.

I shook my head at him. "I haven't—I never realized…" I stuttered slightly. "Whatever you choose will be fine."

"I already have children named for what I wanted. We named our daughter Eden, and our stillborn son, Lucius," he said after a moment. He reached for a biscuit and broke it in half. "I already spoke to Dinah about it, and we agreed that it will be your choice."

I nodded solemnly, slowly biting the edge of the jam filled biscuit, racking over my mind for any possible name that stood out.

"Emmeline, I like the name Emmeline, if it's a girl," I answered after a moment. "Soren for a boy, I suppose. I haven't thought much about it, truthfully." I watched him smile for a moment and nod his head.

"They are beautiful," he said, his voice clear as day.

If I only knew that in a few short weeks I would wake up in the middle of the night in immense pain, with a trickle running down my legs as I stood up. I thought it had been false labour I had been going through that afternoon and evening. Now, I knew that it wasn't. I didn't hear the commotion on the floor below as I paced with Ludo on my heels, whining as he saw me in pain. It was too early. I still had almost four weeks to go.

It was almost daybreak when I heard the handle of my door turn. I turned to see his ash-coloured face and hollow eyes. He took in my pain-filled face as I cradled my belly in my arms.

"It's too early," the words tumbled out of my mouth.

* * *

 

So we are finally getting to the juicy part of the story!

Which also leads me to say, I am working three jobs these upcoming weeks. I am working on a commision of Sophie Hatter for a friend, working at the Theatre and as well as my other job. While I have Chapter 14 outlined finding time to write will be difficult. I hopefully won't leave you hanging too long, but this theatre gig will help pay for my trip to New York in may so I can go see the Bowie Exhibit!

As always I love to hear feedback and your thoughts on whats happening in the story!

So what do you think of Ludo! I wanted to add a few characters and having a friendly dog seemed like a good substitution for Ludo. I grew up with beagles but this hound is a slightly larger bloodhound. I love hounds they always have such a look of adoration or complete weariness that I love. Plus floppy ears are just adorable!

We are learning more about Luna and her backstory and possibly the reason why she may have left home.

We are moving to prime baby time, now maybe one more chapter after this until the big event. I hope everyone is ready for it! I sure am!

Let me know!

Tina.


	14. Chapter 14

Hello and Happy Valentine's Day!

I bring chapter 14, which is a good chapter as it is full of fluff and cute moments.

We are approaching the turning point of the story within the next two chapters. Which are written and already with my lovely Beta, who does amazing work! I don't see this being massively long. I am thinking of keeping it around 25 chapters. But it's me what you're talking about so who really know!

Thank you all for the lovely Reviews and Follow and all your support you are all amazing!

* * *

Chapter 14

The days grew longer, and as I grew more restless, I found myself counting down the weeks I had left. It seemed like I was making up for lost time. Each new day I felt larger and more pronounced. I gave up on wearing my uniform skirt, which grew too tight. I sat with a bolt of fabric that Jareth brought home one day from the market, and fashioned myself a new long tunic that I belted underneath my breasts, the fabric rippling down to the floor. One was a light yellow and another a pale pink, but I gave up caring about colour in the need for clothing. What my uniform used to hide was put on display from the light weight of the cotton fabrics.

Jareth no longer worried much about me tramping around the orchard. Walking across the yard had me out of breath as the child continued to push up into my ribs. I had a short torso compared to the length of my legs, according to the midwife who came and checked on me every few weeks. Still, Ludo was constantly at my heels, his head nudging my thigh at times to let me know he was beside me. Even he seemed to grow larger and into paws that still seemed too large for his body.

Jareth had long given up on the hound and attained another hound from the litter, giving strict instructions that _this_ hound would be outdoors only and kept away from my 'witchery,' as he called it. He teased openly about Ludo's devotion, but never once threatened his presence in the house. Rather instead, a large pillow made its way into my room for him to sleep on the bed, along with a collar and leash should I need it. It was only a few weeks since his entrance into our home that we found out that he had no sense of smell, typical of his breed. He was really a giant lap dog in the end, who found a spot in front of the fireplace of Jareth's study, waiting for him when I went one night with him at my heels.

We sat with the windows open, the spring breeze coming through the windows of his study as I worked my pencils into the parchment, my fingers covered in charcoal from smudging areas. I traced over his form, his long legs casually crossed, a drink in hand as he rhythmically stroked Ludo's head beside him.

I stopped for a moment as I felt a strange sensation, gripping my pencil as my whole stomach tightened. It wasn't painful but wasn't exactly a comfortable thing to experience. He was up the moment the look passed over my face and sat beside me. Ludo nudged my hand with his cool nose as Jareth placed his hands on my tense stomach.

"Don't be in such a hurry, you still have a while yet before you're ready to come out," he said, his voice low. I felt the cramping dissipate after another moment. The midwife told me I would more than likely experience some sort of 'practise' contractions. "That was the first time you felt one?" he asked, looking up to see my face. I nodded after a moment. She told me to count the time between if I have more than one.

He's been through this before, nothing really surprises him anymore. It was almost another ten minutes before I felt it again, and then another twenty went by as he read out loud to me, my swollen feet over his lap, which I frowned at. I was never one for vanity, but the constant changes of my body put me in a strange sense of mind. It was no longer mine, and I wondered just how it could ever go back to the way it was before. Could my skin ever look the same? More than once he found me staring into the large hallway mirror, looking at my profile with a frown on my face. His gaze bore a look of admiration, a look that spoke volumes about his thoughts when he knew people were around to hear as he caught me looking in the mirror.

Now, I sat next to him, dressed in a light sleeveless camisole that covered my brassiere, and a pair of his flannel bottoms that I'd hemmed so I wouldn't trip over them as I walked. His one hand that wasn't holding the book open was placed on my stomach. The child always seemed to gravitate to where his hand was in some way or another, and he marvelled at the sight of the small imprint that protruded for a moment. It was an unreal moment that first time when they kicked so hard that I could almost see the outline of a tiny foot or hand print. The worst was when they hit my lungs, and more than once, as I progressed into my later weeks, I had the air knocked out of my lungs, Ludo often alerting the household as I gasped for air and something to hold onto for the moment.

Other days, my whole mood dampened with each new day, from the lack of sleep and general discomfort of growing a small human. Nothing had been as mortifying as having the child kick my already full bladder and feeling the warm trickle down my leg as I headed towards the house. Thankfully, it was the housekeeper who saw my predicament and gathered up the necessary clothing for me as I sat in the downstairs washroom. I cleaned myself up and put on a new gown, then I curled up in his study for the rest of the day, stewing in my own misery.

Shouldn't I be happy? Shouldn't I be grateful for this life that grew within me? What would have happened if I didn't become pregnant? Would he have kept me around? Would I be sent to work somewhere? Would anyone want me, knowing I couldn't bring life into the world?

He walked in, not noticing my presence at first as he rifled through his desk with a strange look on his face before he looked up and spotted me.

"Everything all right?" he asked after a moment, surprised at my presence.

I shrugged indifferently towards him. I could see him raise his eyebrow in the reflection of the window, but he left me alone as he sat down at his desk to work on whatever he had been looking for. Occasionally, the phone rang, and he talked about things I didn't understand. He was annoyed, and possibly even angry with something as he roughly hung up the receiver.

I turned my head toward him with a frown. I didn't ask as I pulled myself up from the sofa and walked toward him. His chair spun to greet me when I reached his side, and I didn't say anything as I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. I nuzzled him, feeling the scratchy stubble, and breathed in the scent of his cologne. I must have taken him by surprise as it took a moment before he wrapped his arms around my midsection. Tucking me into his embrace, he pulled me onto his lap to pull me closer. We are much the same. We only talk when we are ready, but we both know the importance of letting the other know we are there when they need.

It was the next day that the nursery got put together; better late than never. It was over breakfast that he informed me the furniture had finally arrived and the papering had been done. I almost dropped the spoon of my cereal. I had been itching to do something lately, and my own room was already spotless.

He chuckled at my excitement as I rushed through my small breakfast. I could only eat small portions at a time now, though the cook knew I'd be back for a snack or two before noon, and another before dinner, usually. The reality was that I was never _not_ hungry, and there was always a constant stream of food available to me.

We travelled up the stairs and down the hallway to the small room that was designated the nursery. The room was papered in small strips of light yellow and pink rosebuds with grey rabbits. The new white furniture was near completion by several workers and only needed to be placed. The room was across from his own, which would be ours, I supposed, at some point. A room I had yet to see or become acquainted with, though I knew, in time, I would be very acquainted with it. He already spoke casually of those days. Not so much expectations of him, but my place in the household, and what my duties as mistress would be to the manor and the townhouse after Dinah passed.

I looked around, deciding the best placement of the room. The window faced north, so I didn't have to worry about any direct sunlight coming through in the morning.

"I think the crib should be opposite of the window, just in case of a draft. The changing table and chest of drawers by the closet, and the toy chest under the window next to the rocking chair," I instructed them before looking around. I turned on my heel and walked across to my own room, and bent carefully to pick up a fur rug that graced the floor. I walked back and dropped it down near the finished crib. "There are three baskets in the sitting room, can you bring them here?" I asked one of the men. "Do we have the cradle?" I turned to him, knowing the child would be too young at first to sleep in the crib. He nodded his head.

"They are just refinishing it for us," he told me. It was the family crib; all Lutin babies slept in the crib at least once in their lives. "It can be placed in whichever room you need. I assume you will want to be close by for the nightly feeds?"

I nodded my head. I was nervous about the whole concept of breastfeeding. I remembered Irene crying those first few weeks as both she and Toby learned the ropes. It left a lasting impression on a young girl. Even now, as my own body was preparing for it, I'd found my now heavy and large breasts leaking occasionally in the past couple weeks. To top it off, they were sore and sensitive, too sore to keep tightly contained as I once did.

I walked over to the rocker and lowered myself into it, sighing in relief at how comfortable it was, and how the pressure on my lower back was lessening. He watched me with a smile as I sat with my hands perched on my stomach. Dinah, who looked tired, popped her head in through the doorway with a basket in her lap. She helped me to place things in different drawers and organized different sizes for different seasons. Her in her chair, and I sitting on the small ottoman from the rocker, Jareth watched us for a moment before leaving us be, telling us he would be in his study.

Something was still weighing on his mind. The phone ran rampant during the afternoon hours, our neighbours coming and going out of his study. A scowl graced his face when the paper was brought to him. The orchard seemed fine, so it had to be something political. I tried to scan the papers in his study, but they were always hidden from my view. Only the women's sections were left out for Dinah and me to read; the helpful columns of what to expect with new babies, and proper swaddling techniques for newborns. Most were pictures with few words, often simple like they assumed that none of us could read, or—the crazy notion crossed my mind—they didn't want us to be able to read.

Handmaids in red…

Would wives be assigned a colour to wear next? Would spinsters or workers wear another? Surely society would not go so far?

* * *

The day had been humid. My hair stuck to the back of my neck after I went out for my daily stroll around the veranda. The windows were kept open, letting in as much of the cool night air as we could get. I didn't like the sticky feeling that settled on my skin over the day, which prompted me to go to bathe. I twirled my hair up into a top knot and jabbed a few pins into it to make it stay put. I filled up the tall tub and used the toilet while it filled before carefully using a footstool to step into the warm water. I lowered myself with a sigh and leaned back on the cool porcelain.

Steam rose around me as I washed slowly with the bar of floral soap. I hummed as I ran over my body. It was the only time I really saw my feet now was when I poked them up out of the water. I frowned at the state of my nails. I really had to ask someone to help me trim them down. The last time, Dinah had done them. Painting them with the purple enamel that she used on her own nails. A great deal of the polish was still there, which surprised me, as nail polish never lasted half as long.

The water was beginning to cool when I decided that I should get out of the tub. Only then, when I tried, I realized my own predicament. If I thought peeing myself was mortifying, getting stuck in the tub was a sheer embarrassment. I tried once more before I gave up.

Dinah was already asleep, and the servants would most likely be downstairs. That only left one person, who knew I was here. I sat for another moment before I decided I might as well call for help, only to hear Ludo whine at the door, and then there was a small rap on the door.

I hid my face as I called him in, trying to hide my body from view. He may have seen me in the bath before, but in my state, it was the last thing I wanted.

"I need help," I finally said when he didn't understand what was going on. It took him a moment before he realized what I needed help with. He chuckled deeply with a grin on his face.

"This isn't funny!" I raised my voice to a high whisper. "Who gets stuck in the bathtub?"

"Every woman, at some point," Jareth grinned.

He stepped closer and held out his hands. I gave him a look, and he chuckled once more, closing his eyes. Grasping his hands, he pulled me up easily until I was standing. I quickly reached for my towel and wrapped it around my body, then took his hands once more as he helped me step out of the tub.

"Umm," I stammered, and motion to my towel.

"Of course, right," Jareth nodded and let me pass him. I padded across the hallway and shut the door to my bedroom. I pulled on my summer nightwear, a long flowing camisole made of the same yellow fabric of my new dresses. I ran short on fabric, so the top was split down the middle, allowing my stomach to poke through. Underneath was a pair of pink flannel pants from another bolt he brought home one day. I opened the door and saw him leaning against the wall, noticing for the first time that he was dressed in a pair of silky lounge pants and an open robe. He stepped forward as I adjusted my robe on my shoulders, letting it fall open. His hand traced over the exposed skin, which made me shiver as I stood in front of the doorway, his fingers tracing over the bump where my belly button popped out.

"I thought before we head to listen to the radio show that I would show you something, so we don't end up finding you all crinkled as a prune," he told me before he led me down the hallway. He stopped at a door near his room, frowning when he found it locked. "Well, I suppose we will have to take the long way around."

I followed him into his room. It was drastically different from what I expected. Lighter and darker grey were the colours that graced the walls, and dark brown furniture with touches of blue scattered about on the linens. He led me into his bathroom, all black and white marble, but on one side of the room was a frosted glass divider which led into a shower. I looked at him with amazement.

"You are more than welcome to use it. The door to the hallway is there," he pointed to the other doorway. "I will try to keep it unlocked for you. I only wish I had thought of it before. It would have been a lot easier for you over the last few weeks. You just turn these knobs and pull this lever, and then the shower will turn on." He showed me before turning it back off.

"Sometimes, I wonder what else this house is hiding," I say quietly with a small smile before we walked to his study. I curled up on the sofa as he settled beside me on the other side, letting me place my legs in his lap to be elevated. I felt the child squirm and adjust, rolling against my stomach in a full somersault, along with the strange bubbles that I learned were hiccups. I smiled to myself as the radio's voice filled the room.

If we only knew what a few days would bring us. If we only knew how things would change so quickly.

* * *

There you go, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!

Fun fact if you Hubby saw my search history on google he would have a heart attack haha. So much stuff about pregnancy and labour. I find it so fascinating, it doesn't bother me or scare me at all. I'm hoping soon I can get him to say okay to have a little one of our own.

As always let me know your thoughts, concerns, and musing on what going on? I love to hear your thoughts on it.

Next chapter, we shall get a small sneak peek into someones else mind!

Tina


	15. Chapter 15

I hope you all enjoy this one.

To do justice to the chapter I changed it up once more for you to see more into the story from not just one other, but two others.

Warnings there is mentions of suicide in this chapter. Nothing graphic or anything but it is a subject that is present.

* * *

Chapter 15

Readers, once more I am giving you this insight into his mind. Writing this, I know I cannot do justice to that day, as I was not there, nor do I know how he felt during those hours.

A new life was given as another left us.

 

 

_June 1st_

_(Scratched out nonsense)_

_Her days were numbered. I could feel it in my bones as Sarah's due date approached, while she, on the other hand, had been declining quickly. Her seizures were daily without fail now, and most of her days were spent in her room on the first floor that used to be a guest room. It was easier on her and the staff, she told me when she wouldn't be on the second floor after we arrived back at the manor. She knew her days were numbered, and she was strangely calm about it._

_It's like a new life is beginning and another leaving. Dinah was my first love, my wife. I loved her, of course, but as they say, being in love and loving another can be two different things. I suppose it was the latter, now, between us. When I went to her, I spoke to her about names for the child, and how I thought it would be a nice gesture for Sarah to name them. I never called her Sarah to Dinah. She's never asked Sarah's real name, and I have never given it. I don't think she wished to know Sarah's name. She's understanding, but it must hurt to see another take your place._

_So much is happening, and I am unsure of how much longer I can keep them off my back. I do not wish to be the face of their cause. I do not want Sarah to have to be subjected to the scrutiny. I think I managed to get them by saying that I will have a new child and a new wife before the summer ends, most likely. That my time will need to be focused on my family, which is the basis of this whole debacle they threw us in. A perfect family, with perfect children, is that not the ultimate goal they strived for when they made up this life we live?_

_Even as I write this, I can't comprehend what Nina woke me up too. She was crying as she whispered when I opened my door. I looked down the hall towards Sarah's room. I nodded and grabbed my robe. Thomas and Siobhan were already in the room trying to help the situation when we arrived._

_She wasn't breathing, Siobhan, the housekeeper, whispered to me. They managed to bring her around, but she still hadn't woken up. We also found an empty pill bottle that they said was half full the other night. I looked towards Dinah; she looked almost peaceful, and younger, in her state of unconsciousness._

_It was in the corner of my eye when Nina noticed Dinah tense up once more; they were lasting too long. As we watched the clock tick by, I rifled through the drawers beside her bed. I pulled out a handkerchief and tiny white pills fell to the floor. Then I saw it tucked away, an envelope with my name on it._

_She had been planning this._

_The last selfish, selfless act she could give me. My own freedom to be able to love once more. She knew if she stopped taking the medicine that helped keep the majority of her fits away, and took enough sleeping pills, she would just fade away._

_How do I mourn her? How do I mourn her when I am approaching what may be the happiest time of my life?_

_How do I wake Sarah, and tell her that the wait is over, that her place in the household would be by my side now? How do I tell her that the time is now? How do I step up to be a husband to her? Will she come to my bed? Will she want to be in my room?_

_I think I hear her pacing. She doesn't sleep long hours lately, and I hear Ludo whining at her door. I wonder if he got shut out? I should go tell her the news before the coroner arrives._

 

* * *

 

 

Along with his journal is the note Dinah left to him. He admitted, at times, when things were tough or we were fighting or close to being caught, that he would read it to be reminded of the gift she had given us back then. A chance to be a proper family, and a choice to try and change our world together, without the worry of being watched constantly.

I was never jealous when he spoke of the past. She was a part of his life before me. They had been through a lot together. It was she who brought me into his house. Once a year we would say our thanks to her as we stood at her grave, hand in hand. We chose the day I arrived to remember her, as our firstborn was born the day she left this world.

 

_Dearest Jareth,_

_If you are reading this, please forgive me. Forgive me for giving in and wanting to be at peace. Forgive me for leaving this marriage after everything I asked for. It was wrong of me to ask, yet I cannot fathom the last year without her presence. She is the type of woman I hoped our Eden would have grown into, strong and resilient to the world around her._

_Seeing you together, it just made me realize what I asked for and knowing that if I was alive, it would complicate matters even more. She deserves a chance to hold her child and not have to worry about who will be known as its mother. The child deserves a chance at a normal home, with two parents who love it. I see you with her, the small moments when you don't think people are watching. I know that you spend the evening together in your study, playing games and talking like we used to do in the old days._

_Promise me that this wasn't in vain. Promise me you'll be a good husband to her. You need to let the past die and move forward. Don't be half a husband or father. If I learned anything from her past, which isn't a lot, she needs you as much as you need her._

_I wish you all the joy and remember to help change the nappies. Don't leave it all up to her. I know you can't help much the first few months, so at least change the nappies. I know she spoke of not wanting a nursemaid but try and convince her, even for a few hours a week when the child is older. Don't let her live in that nursery, and take her out once in a while. Let her enjoy life and see the city in a different light._

_Promise me, that if you get the chance, you will end this. I see now, how unfair life has been for many of these girls._

_Lastly, there's a box in my room. I want you to give it to her. She'll need something pretty to wear, and I saw her looking at it in a catalogue once. It should fit her. I had the maids take measurements of her other clothes and gauge her size for after the child is born, though it is a very forgiving silhouette._

_Love her and protect her, Jareth. I will see you once more in the afterlife, where we can all be together again._

_Goodbye, dearest. Please bury me next to the children, so we can be together once more._

Love

_Dinah_

 

 

_June 1st -_ _Later that day_

_I write this, waiting, as I hear her screams. She cries as the midwife tries to calm her. She refused to go to the hospital just yet. Sometimes, I wish she'd stayed in the city. It would be a much closer drive. She's four weeks early. Even Eden, who was full term… I cannot think like that. The midwife isn't overly concerned. Thirty-seven weeks is classified full term. She's early, and the child will most likely be small, but shouldn't have too many issues. However, I can't help but worry._

_I barely managed to get a word out as I went to tell her about Dinah and she blurted out that she was in labour. She went on, being worried about being weeks early. I went to her and tried to understand how long she'd been this way. I watched how her whole body seemed to shake and tense at the same time, her eyes filled with fear. I left her for not five minutes to call the midwife and the doctor, who promised to be on her way as soon as she dressed._

_It wasn't until I helped her clean up and she asked about Dinah that I managed to tell her the truth of why I was at her door. I spent the morning and afternoon calling the city hall and walking the halls with Sarah. I was trying to figure out how this would work out, and the procedure to follow with registering the child under both of our names._

_Please let her survive, let them both survive._

_I hear my name being called…_

* * *

 

Now I ask for a moment of silence. Writing these things are not easy, though I knew from the start I would have to. I enjoyed Dinah as a character, and while I know everyone will be rejoicing that she is gone from the story. I do mourn her ending.

So, in other words, be kind to her if you can haha!

I hope everyone enjoyed this one though, the next coming chapters are already in the works and some big things are happening!

Tina


	16. Chapter 16

Well, here we are! The much-awaited chapter.

I want to say thank you to Sheyrina for all her editing and input about childbirth and that crazy interesting ping pong balloon video. Seriously childbirth fascinates me so much, I kept it pretty realistic but not so realistic where I either scare people or gross people out haha. I think I got a happy medium of sweet and salty lol.

Thank you all for the lovely reviews and follows. I really do enjoy hearing your thoughts and musings.

Without further ado

Chapter 16

* * *

I woke up with a strange feeling, a strange amount of pressure sitting low in my back. I struggled as I pulled myself up and made my way into the washroom. It was on the way that I noticed the child wasn't stuck up in my ribs anymore, but sitting lower, which explained why my body felt different.

Ludo was waiting for me at the door when I returned to my room. I sat down on my bed, then stood up once more and walked the length of my floor as I felt my stomach tighten. I did this two or three times an hour, Ludo at my heels, his cold nose alerting me to his presence. It was only three in the morning. I drank a sip of water and continued through my routine. It wasn't until the sun was breaking that I realized just how much time had passed. Each passing surge was stronger and more pronounced. I found myself having to grab the footboard of the bed as I tried to be as quiet as I could.

Should I alert someone? Should I let him know what was happening? He could call the midwife, but I was too afraid. Why was this happening? It was too early, what would he do if…

I couldn't even finish the sentence. The midwife said that the baby could come anytime in the next few weeks, but it was usually the latter. Forty weeks were the norm, sometimes a week early, or sometimes even a week late.

I was frozen as I stared at my door, unable to move as I felt a trickle of fluid run down my leg for the second time that night. _It was too early!_ My mind cried as I whined through a contraction, which made Ludo whine and scratch at the door, attempting to leave and find help. My whole body shook with the intense power of each surge. I stood there for a moment, knowing I had maybe another ten to fifteen minutes before another came. I looked down at the wood floor and used my one foot to drag over the towel that I'd used to clean up the other small puddle I had made. I felt the child move slightly and wedge more into my pelvis, which sent another gush of fluid down my legs onto the towel. I looked down with a crinkled nose but felt relieved when it was clear. I wasn't bleeding, which was a good sign, was it not?

I heard his footsteps, which only set Ludo into a full-blown bark. He didn't even knock, most likely confused by the bark. I looked into his pale face, his mouth opening to tell me something as I felt myself go into another contraction. The look on my face must have given me away.

"It's too early," I blurted out as I felt it go into full force. For the first time I let myself cry out, loudly. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the iron frame of the bed. I had both Jareth and Ludo by my side in a mere moment.

"How long?" he asked me, looking around the room like it would give him an answer.

"I woke up around two-thirty," I answered after a moment. "I didn't know, I didn't think—please, don't be angry—"

"Calm down," he said, his voice low. "No one is angry. These things just happen. I'm going to call the midwife and doctor," he told me as he kissed the top of my head. "I'm assuming that you're more comfortable standing up than laying down?"

I nodded my head at him; lying down made everything feel worse. He left and was back not five minutes later, telling me the midwife would be here within the hour, and the doctor would be on alert should we need to make a trip to the hospital.

"Breathe," he reminded me as I groaned through my teeth. I shot him a long, hard look. As I felt it pass, I straightened up. "I feel so gross," I said out loud as my lower half was covered in fluid.

"I can go start the shower?" he offered for me. I nodded after a moment and waddled over to my dresser. I riffled through it before pulling out a soft knit camisole nightgown, one I had planned to wear after the child was born as I could easily move around the bust for feeds.

If he was worried at all by this, I had no idea of his own true emotions. Part of me was relieved at his calm demeanour as he walked me to the bathroom down the hall. If anything, his own unflustered approach helped my own mind relax. He ushered me through the doorway before making his way behind the frosted glass wall to turn on the water. I realized, for the first time, he had no intention of leaving as he came over. I looked around, trying to find a way to undress without his prying eyes.

"Sarah—"

"I know you've seen me naked before, but I didn't look or feel like a whale," I rolled my eyes, annoyed at him as I felt another contraction begin. I grabbed the only thing that was near me, which was his arm until it passed. "Damn," I cursed, as they felt like they were getting stronger with each new one. He waited a moment before he helped me undress. He pulled the gown over my head and tossed it in the hamper as I scampered into the shower, thankful for the frosted glass that hid everything but my silhouette from view. The warm water felt good as I let it beat down on my lower back. I grabbed the bar of soap that smelt like him and ran it over my body. I wanted to stay in here forever.

"Breathe," he reminded me as he saw me hold onto one of the bars of the ribbed shower. "It will be easier for you if you remember to breathe correctly. I know I am just a man, but I have walked these early hours before."

I shut off the shower and reached for the towel that was waiting for me. "Is Dinah awake yet?" I asked meekly. "She said if she could, she would stay with me." I looked at him as his face gained a look of sorrow.

"Sarah…" he began. He stopped before he stepped towards me as I fixed my towel. "Dinah passed away this morning," he said quietly. "She had a seizure in her sleep and she stopped breathing."

I stepped away from him, my head spinning from the news. My stomach flip-flopped as I turned and found myself kneeling in front of the toilet, retching with tears running down my face.

Hours, it went on for hours.

The midwife finally arrived a little after eight in the morning. She had me eat a small meal, 'to keep up my energy' she told me as I ate small bites of toast and oatmeal in my room. They didn't want me to be downstairs as the coroner arrived to remove Dinah from the house.

"Thirty-seven weeks, early but nothing to worry your pretty head about," she told us as she checked me for the first time.

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" Jareth asked from his spot near the doorway.

"They can do no more than what I can here in this room," she told him—us, truthfully. "We have the heat lamp, if needed, for any sort of jaundice or if he or she has trouble keeping warm. Now out, Papa, this is women's work. Of-"

"Sarah, my name is Sarah," I tell her for the first time, rather sharply. "I think it's safe to say we can call me by my name now?"

"Of course," she nodded. If she was shocked by my outburst, she didn't show it. "You, too," she spoke to Ludo, who was camped out in the corner of the room. He looked up at her lazily from his spot in the corner, yawned, and laid his head back down, ignoring her command.

"Fine, but stay out of our way," she told Ludo and turned her attention back to Jareth, who looked down at me and kissed my forehead before taking his leave. I wanted to tell her that I wanted him here, that I needed him here, but my voice didn't want to work.

By mid-afternoon, I was exhausted as I sat down on my bed and curled up on my side. "Try and get some rest while you can," I heard his voice as he caressed my hair. He'd come in to check up on me in my tired haze. It was a long afternoon as I ventured out of my room, walking the halls. The maids gave me words of encouragement as the men kept away from the house. I saw Jareth here and there throughout the day and my wandering. The pains were a steady six minutes apart as I curled up on my side, but I managed to rest between the small intervals of time.

Dinah was dead.

My eyes shot open as I recalled his voice in my head telling me. I would soon be his wife. I wondered just when that day would happen? A small civil ceremony, more than likely, at the nearest courthouse? I used to dream of a wedding. Now, I can barely remember what that wedding looked like. A white dress? I wouldn't even get to wear one now, let alone have a chance to buy anything new.

I felt my body begin another contraction, shorter in time, yet it held on longer. I needed to pee, as well, the first time I'd thought of it since this morning. I pushed myself up and swung my feet over the edge.

"Did you have a good nap?" the midwife asked me as she saw me awake.

"As good as I could have when you're constantly being subjected to pain. I need the bathroom," I replied dryly. She nodded, and I walked slowly to the bathroom. It took a long moment before I felt my bladder relieve itself. I washed my hands and wandered down the hall. I stopped by the study, poking my head through the door.

"I really hate you right now, just so you know," I told him with a glare. He looked at me for a moment before barking out a laugh.

"My apologies," he said with a smile, "but you will have to say worse than that to wound me, my dear."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned around to venture back down the hallway, stopping halfway to hold the wall as I felt him come up behind me. He rubbed my lower back as I held the wainscoting on the wall for grip. How long had it been since this started? Twelve hours?

He walked with me down the hallway. As long as he didn't come into the room, the midwife didn't care too much. The fewer the people in the room, the better, as she set up her tools and made up the bed, which was stripped down and sheeted with plastic before being remade with old linen and towels, a mountain of pillows in the middle to prop me up when the time came if I didn't choose another position. It wasn't until the phone rang that Jareth left me to answer it. He had been awaiting a call, and came back a few minutes later with a relieved look on his face.

"This is what will happen. I have to wait for Dinah's death certificate, which should be a day or two. Given the circumstances, and having the need to register the child under both of our names, they will come here in a few days and do a civil ceremony. They will change the date for us so it appears that we married before the child was born, and later, if you wish and you have recovered, we can take photographs and have a small party. The most important thing is that you will be registered as the child's legal mother," he told me as I leaned against the wall for support. I merely nod my head, too wrapped up in the moment to even let what he said sink in.

It wasn't until the evening that things changed quickly, from the previous short, holding contractions to them becoming longer, and much more frequent.

"I hate him, I hate him!" I cried out as I felt things shift and move along. My face was flushed, and my hair stuck to my face from the sweat that ran down my neck and back. I couldn't sit still, yet I couldn't stand without holding onto something. The nurse showed up a little before dinner time to help the midwife. They said I would know. They said I would know when I felt like it was time to push.

"Never again am I doing this," I muttered.

The midwife smiled at me and patted my arm. "It will seem like nothing when it is over," she told me, trying to encourage me, but I only glared at her as I went through the motions for the hundredth time. 'Breathe' I could almost hear him say in my mind.

"Fuck!" I cursed out loud. It was so loud that it echoed against the walls of the room. I was expected to be told that I shouldn't curse, but they said nothing. If anything, I thought I saw the midwife grin as she bustled by me.

"Check her, Tilly. I think she is almost ready if she's reached the point of swearing," she told the younger nurse.

"I thought it would be sooner," the nurse responded with a light laugh.

"I'm right fucking here!" I yelled at both of them as I grasped the bed frame, panting through the never-ending pain as I was on my knees on the bed. They were right on top of each other now, and before Tilly could even check me, I felt for the first time what Dinah tried to explain to me. The intense sensation pressing down inside me as the baby crowned.

"Jareth!" I shouted as my whole body felt on fire. "Jareth!" I repeated until he was at the door, the midwife ready to shove him out as I looked up. I was rather thankful the foot of the bed was near across from the door, so my back end was away from him. "Just let him stay! I need him…oh my god." My mind whirled from every sort of pain and feeling I was going through. "I can't…do this….I can't…it hurts," I whined as he grasped my hands and knelt down in front of me.

"Yes, you can, Sarah. Just relax. Breathe and focus," his voice was calm as I crushed his hands and looked into those two-tone eyes of his. The look in his eyes was pure admiration and love. Lord, please let our child have his eyes.

The rest was a blur as I focused on the sound of his voice. I didn't care that I was mostly naked, soaked in sweat, and shaking from the exertion. I could feel everything, every tiny movement forward. I remember looking into his eyes as I let out a guttural scream, then I felt a strong wave of relief wash over me.

It took a moment before a small, shrill cry broke the silence of the room. Jareth watched me, his eyes flicking to behind me.

"What is it?" I asked, suddenly curious as they hadn't announced it. I twisted my body, the adrenaline masking any discomfort of the moment as I sank into the pillows they had laid out. Jareth placed a hand on my shoulder and kissed my hair lightly.

I saw a shock of dark hair as they checked out the little one's vitals.

"A little girl," the midwife told me as she laid out the small child on my bare chest. "She's breathing well, which was my main concern. She's a little thing, just under six pounds."

I nodded, but I barely remember hearing her tell me as I gazed upon the small infant who had a light spray of dark fuzz on her head. I looked up and behind me towards Jareth, unable to speak as my mouth remained open slightly. He smiled and kissed my forehead. We had another moment before they took her and cleaned her up, handing her to Jareth.

"All right, Papa, go ahead and show the household while we clean up the Mrs.," they told him. We both caught the Mrs. title, but said nothing of it. It was as good as true in a few days. I watched him cradle her in his arms like he'd done it a million times before. He turned to look at me once as I watched him leave.

"We still want the name Emmeline?" he asked me. I nodded my head.

They had me stitched up before they helped me clean up and dress in a nightgown, which gave them time to make up the bed and get rid of the stained towels. I was resting when he came back, holding her as we had our first nursing lesson.

I couldn't get over just how tiny and perfect she was. I looked at him and noticed the time on the clock for the first time. It was one in the morning, June 2nd. I spent almost a whole day in labour.

She had her own birthday, one not clouded by death.

I looked up to him as he traced the apples of her cheeks with a finger as she nursed. I smiled and kissed the bottom of his jaw. He tilted his head and used his hand to caress the side of my face. He kissed me gently, murmuring a quiet thank you against my lips as he did.

* * *

Now I have to ask, am I the only non-mother out there that find childbirth strangely fascinating? It doesn't terrify me or make me squeamish unless it involves needles, epidurals freak me out. I'm sorry I won't, I can't do it. I'll go natural as I can. Actually one of my friends had a home birth which isn't so common in Canada and loved it. I don't think I would go that far but even that interests me. Which is strange since I have 5 tattoos now! I ask my friends for all the graphic details, and just love to think about what our bodies can do as women.

Yes! The baby is a girl, I went back and forth for a while, but it was always a girl and as much as you have said it will reinforce their want and needs for a different and better future even though Emmeline won't have to worry about being a handmaid, but she will still feel the pressure of most likely marrying young and having children when she can.

Why did I choose the name Emmeline? It comes from watching too much Anne of Green Gables The sequel haha! I do love the name though and it was the only one the stuck with me when deciding.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! I do look forward to your thoughts on it!

Tina.


	17. Chapter 17

Okay, first off this one isn't betaed yet but I did find a rather cool editing software. I hope it's not too horrible.

I had an eventful night finding out that I will be training in another area of my work. While I help out there quite often in that department, I prefer my sewing Batcave so this is quite daunting for me to be there full time. I edited this to the best of my abilities to keep me from overthinking about new schedule changes and wanted to give you guys something hoping that your comments will give me a pick me up and keep me from going crazy and possibly actually getting some sleep tonight!

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Chapter 17

Those first days were a strange blur of emotions and surreal moments.

As I stood in front of the mirror in my room. I tugged nervously at the supportive undergarments. The ones that were meant to keep my whole midsection tucked away from sight. He managed to give me almost a week of recovery time, but still. My body was adjusting and returning to normal and I felt awkward in this new body of mine. My hips were wider and my breasts swollen and sore as they threatened to leak milk at the smallest cry. My waist was soft and rounded over even as I wore the supportive girdles that the midwives advised me on.

I grabbed my slip and pulled it on over my undergarments. I looked in the mirror satisfied, though for safety precautions. I shoved another nursing pad in my bra. I turn and pull the pretty ivory silk fabric from the hanger on the closet door beside me. I remember looking at in the catalogue with Dinah, I never imagined she would order it for me. Light gold polka dots scattered over the silk. It was cut on a bias which draped ever so slightly over my body, clinging to the dip of my waist and curve of my hips. The empire waist and cinched sweetheart neckline that went into long sheer sleeves. You could see the swell of my breasts above the silk, nothing too revealing but it was more than I usually showed.

It fits better than I imagined after they fixed a few small issues the day before. I turn and face the basket that sat on my bed I smile as I heard her make a small noise.

"Emmeline," I coo to her, while her bright blue eyes finally land on me as she hears my voice. I dressed in a frilly white lace gown, for the day and what it would be to us. She wasn't even a week old and yet she had already dozens of photos taken of her by Jareth, and today would be no different.

He took one the night she was born as I held her in my arms. Fighting the need to sleep, but unwilling to let her go. I must have looked a fright in it. As I began to creep around the house, the next few days. I noticed it was already developed and sitting on his desk. Even others he had taken of me placed around the house like they have always been there.

* * *

_Even I found myself stealing moments._

_I woke up in the morning in a strange daze. Suddenly aware of the pain of my lower half and the lack movement that I had grown used to. I shook my head awake as I heard the whimpers and his whispers by the window holding her in his arms._

_I pulled myself up, and quietly picked the camera on the bedside table and snapped a picture. I hoped it would turn out as the morning light filtered through the lace curtains. He must have caught me movement in the corner of his eye as he turned and smiled._

" _Look who's awake," he spoke softly to the bundle as he approached the bed._

" _How did you sleep?" He asked as he sat down on the edge._

" _I don't remember falling asleep. I don't remember sleeping that well in so long," I told him honestly as I held out my arms for her. He passed her effortlessly into my arms as I tried to remember to hold her head. Almost immediately she was searching for her source of food. I gritted my teeth, remembering the uncomfortable sensation as pulled my nightgown aside. Trying my hardest to get the most amount of flesh in her tiny mouth despite the pain._

_I watched him watch me before he spoke. "I can ask for a wet nurse or formula?"_

" _I thought they had formula prohibited?" I looked at him. Only when a mother's milk didn't come in or wet nurse unavailable, would it be allowable._

_His look gave me the answer I was expecting. Better for the baby. They told us back at the academy. I couldn't imagine all the other girls having to feed their child and bond with them in such a way only to give them up. It was like they wanted to torture us, women._

* * *

I picked up Emmeline with all the awkwardness still present from my new found role as I cradled her in my arms. I paused as I looked in the mirror once more making sure that the cosmetics I put on weren't too noticeable. The powder and rouge to helped cover up the sleepless nights; and the hours I sat up watching her breathe. More often than naught that is how Jareth found me in the middle of the night too afraid to take my eyes off of her.

Deciding I was happy with my appearance overall; I walked gingerly down the stairs. Trying not to grimace with each step. I had been so worried about the birth I never thought of the pain I would feel afterwards.

I never wanted a large party but the guest seemed to invite themselves one by one when the news broke about Dinah. They all held high positions in society and they all brought their families for the occasion. Lord Albany and his wife were the first and only ones actually invited for the day to be witnesses. Our neighbours came next, and so forth. In the end, our small ceremony turned into afternoon tea party.

They all turned at the sound of my footsteps as I approach the doorway. The women looking over my dark hair which I curled and pinned back in a low knot. Pearl pins and a few peach blossoms tucked to hide the comb of the netted hair cover. Ones he sent me an hour earlier as he dropped off a velvet box.

* * *

_I looked at him curiously as I stood there with my robe on and curlers still in my hair._

" _It is your birthday is it not?" He asked me with a playful smirk. "June 8th?"_

_I looked at him with a blank stare, how had I forgotten about my own 18th birthday? Nervously I took the box from him and opened it. Inside revealed a dainty silver chain and sickle-shaped pendent. Two pink coloured pearls on the ends of the curved points with a red stone in the middle near the top of it. I knew what the pearls stood for they were Junes birthstone and both Emmeline and I were born in June._

" _You once asked when my birthday was, it is in January. The two pearls are for June and a garnet is for January," he told me. He picked it up and placed it so it sat below my collarbone, doing up the clasp._

_I looked in the mirror admiring it as I recognized the familiar shape. I looked towards the cradle that held the same sickle shape on the footboard. I turn his arm to my view looking at the cufflinks on his shirt, more sickles. I look at him with a tilt of my head._

" _A family signature," he explained when he noticed me connecting the dots. He pulled out his pocket watch from his coat. "Dating back to my own great-grandfather," he showed me the silver watch. "One day Emmeline will have her own piece to pass to her own children." With that, a downpour of tears tumbled down my face. He laughed lightly and tucked me into his embrace kissing my forehead as he did._

* * *

The wives smiled at me and came to see the child as I reached the parlour. They fawned over Emmeline as she yawned in my arms for our guests. I could feel all the eyes of the men who looked me over. Knowing they all gave Jareth a look while wondering how did I look like I did. If they knew the number of undergarments I was wearing to fit in this dress they would think otherwise.

"You look pretty!" A small girl told me as she tugged gently on my dress. I bend my knees down to be at her level and give a peak of Emmeline at a better view. "Your dress is pretty as well," I tell her.

"Thank you," she giggled and ran back to her mother who was holding a younger child dressed in a little suit. He had a shock of red curls on his head, which neither his mother or father had. I swallowed hard trying to keep the shock off my face as I realized that I knew exactly who his mother had been. She had been there when I arrived, with her bright wild curly red hair as she tried to comfort the new group of girls. A job I once took over as my own before I left.

"Sarah?" he whispered in my ear gaining my attention. I shook my head and faked a smile. I turned and took in his navy blue suit that the tailor had cut to highlight his slim build. His ivory shirt and gold tie caught my attention as I reached up to straighten his tie that matched my dress. Even his hair was styled and brushed back from his face.

"May I?" He asked motioning to Emmeline. I pass her to him as he introducing the men to his daughter who was asleep in his arms.

"Now you have to work on a son." One man commented with a loud barking laugh. I schooled my emotions as I tried to keep my biting remarks to myself about having a baby until I heard him speak up.

"Considering this one is only six days old. I think we have some time," Jareth responded with a chuckle as he used his one free arm to wrap around my waist. "Will we proceed to the reason which everyone gathered here for?" He announced and beckoned the civil servant who would be officiating the ceremony. I watched him grabbed his things and approached the table. Jareth passed Emmeline to one of the wives who happily held her as she slept.

We stood before the table as we had a short ceremony, holding each other's hands. He squeezed mine gently as he felt me tremble. There were no vows, it was simple to the point. Nor was I asked if I consented to this union, that I was willing to enter this union. They have thought of everything it seemed to keep us women compliant.

He slid a cool gold ring on my finger, a twinkling ruby sparkled on the band surrounded by smaller diamonds. He remembered my aversion to large diamonds and preference to coloured gems. It came up one night when he asked me what I would want for a ring for when we married.

The officiant then offered me a gold band which was larger, which I guided onto his finger. This one was new with its ruby inlaid into the band with two diamonds beside it to match my own.

We were pronounced husband and wife shortly after the ring exchange. I wasn't sure if I was relieved that we weren't asked to kiss or found my own wedding lacking because I never had that moment? The officiant placed a large piece of parchment on the table before us. I looked over the calligraphy and curving lines until

Jareth handed me his fountain pen and I neatly wrote Sarah Lindell Williams in the spot of the wife.

Taking back the pen, I watched him write Jareth Elias Lutin. I smiled at, another small fact of the man I was still only learning about. We both watch as the officiant signed and pressed his seal into the document. I noticed for the first time that it was dated June 2nd rather than June 8th. Then it dawned on me we were officially married.

"Aren't you going to kiss her?" The young girl asked Jareth. "I thought you were supposed to kiss your bride?"

"Well, Miss Bethany you make a valid point," Jareth smiled. "I am supposed to kiss her." He looks to me, his arms wrapping around my waist and settling on my hip.

It's his lips are soft and firm on my own. His cologne is mixing in with my senses that were already haywire. Why was he so good at making my mind spin? He hadn't kissed me since the night Emmeline had been born. Even that one was a short and fleeting whisper of a kiss. Unlike this one which was already longer than the two previous put together. Unsure of how to respond; I kissed him back lightly. I must have been the epitome of a blushing bride. I saw the flashes of the camera beneath my closed eyes. Finally, he broke the kiss but still held me close as we listened to congratulations on our new marriage.

Jareth took Emmeline into his arms, still completely besotted with her. He was always trying to there when she had her awake time between feedings and changes during the day. Even during the night, he would check in. If she cried he would pace the room with her in his arms as I rested. I smiled as I stroked her hair as stuck out her tongue and waved her fists around. I already learned that was a sign of being hungry. I whispered quietly in his ear and he nodded and passed Emmeline into my arms.

I settled on my bed after taking off the beautiful dress afraid to ruin it. She settled contently at my breast easily which I was thankful for. I could hear them chatter below me but my head instantly turned when I heard a knock at my door.

"I'm sorry to disturb, I just wanted to know if you needed anything?" She asked from the doorway. She was Lord Albany's wife. Jareth invited them over to stand as witnesses, though I am sure he wishes to ask him about Luna and a possible child.

"I'm fine, thank you, but you are welcome to stay Lady Albany," I offered her to sit in the chair that Jareth often occupied.

"Children such a blessed ordeal are they not?" She stated as she sat down. "And please, call me Laurel," she offered the use of her name towards me.

I nod my head. "My name is Sarah," I tell in her return. There was a moment of silence before I spoke. "They should warn you about after the birth," I tell her I try to shift without disturbing her. "I feel like an emotional train wreck."

"They never do," she laughs softly. "She is beautiful either way, I am surprised that Jareth did not name her after his sister?"

"Emmeline was my own choice, though Jareth chose her middle name," I told her truthfully. "What do you know of Lunette?" I asked her curiously.

"She was a pretty girl, slightly odd in her ways but she was sweet. I am surprised you know of her?" Laurel looked around the room curiously.

"I happened upon a photo of her," I lied, not wanting to give away the history between Jareth and I. "Can I ask a question?" I asked hesitantly.

"Was nursing as painful for me, if I'm going by the look on your face?" As her smile titled to one corner as she saw my shock from her statement. "Yes, although I can say it does get slightly easier, skin toughen up and it won't be so tender. Just take care of yourself and it will get easier."

"I really hope so," I tell her truthfully. We continued to talk about trivial things until Emmeline finishes. She offers to change Emmeline for me as I went to the washroom myself to tidy myself up and redress. In the hall, I can hear arguing coming from his study.

"I asked for time, my late wife is barely in the ground, and my new wife and I are still adjusting to having a young child." His voice hard with a sentiment I could not place.

"Yes, but you are the perfect candidate," the other men told him. "This whole family of yours is what we need as an example, can you not see that?"

"Wouldn't it be a greater example should we have more children?" Jareth responded. "I am no politician. I am not my father I will need time to figure things out for my orchard and with that. I will need time."

"Very well, next election though. I expect you to head my campaigns." The gruff voice of the older man responded as I stood by the door.

"Best ignore that talk,' Laurel came up to me out of nowhere. "Politics are for the men to worry about. Although Jareth would make a fine seat in the house if he chooses," she smiled at me. Of course, a woman of her status would never worry about politics, her life was never at stake.

I fake a smile as I felt another onset of tears ready to fall. I take a deep breath knowing I had to be strong in front of the guests. I take Emmeline from her and turn to head down the stairs. Jareth joining us in the foyer a moment later not realizing I had heard him.

We ventured out into the orchard. Where the sunlight shone in beams around us as we took formal portraits. Another was taken of the two of us holding Emmeline between the both of us. It was only when the company finally left. He took the photograph of me leaning against the fireplace. Holding a bouquet of flowers while looking into the just off from the camera lens.

That was the one I would find on my father's mantel eighteen years later when I walked nervously into his house. It sat next to the one of me at the academy. Besides, that one was a photograph of me holding Emmeline the day after she was born. Others followed down the line. Some were from the newspapers. Some were official portraits that capital printed with our children. Us smiling happily at the camera while if they only knew what happened in the dark of the night. Using a few contacts we had with the outside world to help us. No one would expect it, not from the family of the vice president and we used it to our advantage.

* * *

Well, here we go.

Hopefully, I didn't butcher it too much trying my hand at editing myself and trying to learn how better writing.

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I'm getting into some deep stuff in the next few chapters, but I have a motto if don't feel entirely comfortable I'm probably heading in the right direction.

Tina


	18. Chapter 18

Welcome to Chapter 18 where you may wish to find a tissue because you may need it because I decided to tug at some heart strings lol

Thank you all for the reviews and follows as of late. You are all amazing and so amazed how well received this story is. Things are starting to turn as I write future chapters and looking forward to everyone's theories haha.

Thank you to my lovely Beta for managing to find some time in her busy schedule to edit this for us all!

I hope you all enjoy this!

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It wasn't the first time I found myself in his bed or him in mine as we stared at each other from our pillows in the silence of the morning. Dark circles graced our features and the general look of being tired. We were just happy she was asleep with a full stomach and clean diaper.

"What time is it?" I whispered to him.

"Five-thirty," he whispered back as he looked over my shoulder at the clock. Emmeline had woken up at three and refused to go back to sleep for a long while. I never remembered Toby crying this much, or maybe I was just young enough to sleep through it without caring. "Go back to sleep," he told me softly as he reached for the blanket and pulled it over the top of us. The first time we were too tired to cover up. His silent request asked me to stay, and I was too exhausted to even think about heading back to my own room when he had already moved the cradle that now stood at the end of the bed. Even Ludo was asleep on the rug before it. He was so tall that if he lifted his head enough, he could almost look in to watch her when he was interested.

It was strange that we were married. Not much had changed, but he was more comfortable touching me openly in front of others. It was the little things, like calling my name around the house, or slowly filling frames with the numerous photos he took of me. My artwork started to grace the walls, landscapes of the orchard, even a few of Luna I had drawn from memory, he had hung up in wooden frames he'd had made by a local man. In the few moments I had that I wasn't exhausted, I sketched Emmeline asleep in her cradle.

He was already gone when I woke up a few hours later, rubbing my eyes as I stumbled over to the cradle to find it empty. I padded across the hall to the nursery, finding it empty, as well. I made quick use of the washroom, finding my robe before heading downstairs.

As I made my way down to the kitchen, I found him drinking coffee as he held her, swaddled up in a clean blanket. I glanced at the clock. It was eight o'clock and she had to be hungry, I thought because just thinking about it made my breasts sore.

He looked up at my footsteps. "Look who's awake," he cooed down to Emmeline. "The cook left some oatmeal in the fridge," he told me with a smile. "Eat while she's still calm," he urged me.

I nodded and grabbed the bowl of cold porridge mixed with yogurt and topped with cut up fruit. I was halfway done when I stole a drink of his coffee from the mug he sat on the table with a small, sheepish smile while he looked at me with an amused look. By the time I was finished, Emmeline had decided she was done with waiting with a high shriek, her tiny first escaping the swaddling of her blankets. I settled her as he took my bowl and placed it in the sink. I was pretty sure half the household had seen me feed her by now at some point, as she was constantly nursing, and Jareth was no exception to that. He'd seen me in my most vulnerable moments, and I was sure he would see me in many more, especially if we had more children.

We ran through our day as she nursed. He had a few phone calls to make, and some parts of the orchard to look over. My ears perked up at the thought of going outside. The midwife told me that fresh air for both Emmeline and I would do us good, and that venturing beyond the veranda was more than fine, and actually encouraged.

With the thought of going out with him, I riffled through my wardrobe. There was no way I would fit in Luna's old gowns now while nursing, and my other choices I would rather burn. I spent most of my days in his pyjamas and tops that were easy for nursing. If I went outside, I wore the long tunics I had made, but that was all I owned. I looked down at my wedding ring and made up my mind.

"I need clothes," I told him as I walked into his study. "I need actual clothing for when company starts coming around. Every day the telephone rings asking to come calling, and Emmeline is two weeks. Eventually, I will have to have tea and play hostess, and I have nothing to wear! I know I am being awfully dramatic about this—" the words tumbled out of my mouth. Even I knew I was being irrational. His lips turned upwards at my outburst.

"Then I suggest you put on matching stockings and we will drive into town. We can stop by the clothiers and get you a few things until we can drive into the city and get a new wardrobe for you. Though, I should be apologizing, I should have thought of clothing for you long before this," he admitted to me, and smiled as he pointed to my legs. I looked down and realized I had a striped stocking on one leg and a plain stocking on the other.

"Excuse me," I flushed and hurried out of the room.

The drive was short to the nearest town. I suddenly felt self-conscious about my presence as I walked next to Jareth. We left Emmeline in the care of the housekeeper, fresh after a feed. At two weeks old, and steadily gaining weight, I knew I could leave her for almost two hours before I had to be back. Still, as we drove away, I looked longingly back at the nursery window, wiping stray tears away. I felt ridiculous crying over such a trivial thing, but yet I could not stop myself.

We walked into the shop, Jareth holding the door open for me, allowing me to enter first. I stood awkwardly next to him; I was not used to these shops. I did not feel like I belonged among the high-class feel of the store.

"My lord, how can we help you today?" The sales lady approached Jareth while looking at me with a quick glance.

"It seems I have overlooked my wife's wardrobe, Mrs. Hansel," Jareth answered. "She needs staples to wear out and around the house when company is over. Something that will work as her body returns to normal from the baby."

I watched her eyes run over me once more. "Of course, come this way. Are there any colours you like?" she asked me as she pulled me towards a rack of clothing.

"I'm really not picky," I answered her, unsure of myself, and looked back at Jareth.

"A green dress, if you have one, is my only request." He smirked at me and went to sit in a vacant chair, pulling out a book from his jacket.

I spent the next half hour picking out clothing before I was shown a dressing room. When she saw my undergarments and clucked her tongue, she ran out and came back with a few pieces. I shook my head at them.

"I just had a baby two weeks ago," I explained, motioning to the more serviceable underwear. I was still recovering and nursing. Her eyes went wide before laughing.

"Then I will get you black, as well. My goodness, though, you are in top shape for being two weeks postpartum," she told me, and left for another moment, coming back with another set of undergarments that she had me try on. I marvelled how comfortable they felt, but still had functionality for nursing.

I ended up with three new skirts that were knee length: a grey wool that was slimmer than the rest, a navy, and a light blue that flared and rippled off my hips. Two new white blouses, a yellow that had little white flowers, a blue striped and collared shirt, and a light green that had tiny, darker green vines embroidered on it, which was my favourite. Two sweater sets of soft wool, and even a pair of high-waisted trousers for when I went into the orchard that were a dark grey plaid.

Next, I chose two dresses, one a soft pink that was made from floaty chiffon, and another black dress that was cut to have more structure. A woman always needed a black dress the matron told me.

Finally, she had me try on an emerald green silk gown that had a high neckline and fluttering sleeves that fell off my shoulders. It was long and down to the floor, where a pair of black velvet heels peeped out.

I walked out of the room and shyly looked at Jareth, my hands nervously gathering the skirt in my hands. He stood up and circled me with a smile. "You look beautiful. It will look lovely with your necklace," he noted. He knew the only reason I wasn't wearing it was because Emmeline had a tendency to grab for it while nursing.

"It's not too 'out there?'" I asked, turning to look in the mirror. I was fully covered, yet I never felt so out of place in such a fine gown.

He shook his head. "It's perfect. Change while I settle the bill, and we'll head back home before it grows too late," he told me. I looked at the pile of clothing I had accumulated in the 'to buy' pile, along with another pile of undergarments that included slips and petticoats. "Don't worry about it, Sarah," he told me quietly. "This will be nothing compared to when you go shopping in the city."

I simply nodded and went back to change, the matron passing me one of my new blouses and skirts to wear out. Dressed in the light blue skirt, blue striped shirt, and a pair of white and black oxfords with a small heel, I looked at myself in passing the mirror. My stomach was still rounded, but the new clothes gave me such a fresh look that I smiled to myself. We walked outside before Jareth opened up the car door for me. "I set it up with Mrs. Hansel that you will have an open account. Should you need anything, all you have to do is go in and charge it to the account," he told me as we drove back to the manor.

As we drove, I saw Lena out of the corner of my eye as she walked down the country road that connected the two farms. I raised my hand as she nodded her head.

I unpacked my clothes and hung them up after settling Emmeline in her cradle after she nursed. Looking over the pieces of lingerie the matron had packed away for me, I blushed at the sight of the dainty lace and pale pink satin; the inky indigo with spider web lace. They were no doubt beautiful, all high-waisted, full coverage bottoms with garters attached for my stockings. Of course, they all had matching girdles to wear under formal wear. Still, in the back of my mind, I knew they were meant to be seen. Who would wear such things for them not to be seen by someone? The thought and idea made a shiver run down my spine.

Yet, the thought of having to go through another pregnancy and birth made my body shudder. Too soon a thought when the memories of labour were still so vivid in my mind. The strange feeling as she left my body; that slippery, gushy feeling as I felt like I was being stretched in two. No, definitely did not want to experience that again for a long while. I made up my mind as I placed everything in a drawer. These were just the basics according to Jareth, yet they were the prettiest things I owned. Father spoiled me, but clothing was never of this quality, especially as I had been a growing child.

We spent the rest of the afternoon walking through the orchards. I'd wrapped Emmeline up into a sling and walked next to him as she napped, listening to the sound of my heartbeat. We had a quiet dinner before we gave Emmeline her sponge bath and put her down for the night. We always went to bed separately, but somehow, in the middle of the night, things always changed, and that night was no different.

It was a rather quiet night, too quiet as I rolled over in my bed and saw that it was past the time Emmeline usually woke up to feed. She always fed around three, and it was almost four-thirty. I sat up in bed and combed my hair back from my face. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I stumbled sleepily down the hall to Jareth's room. He'd taken her earlier that night when she wouldn't fall back to sleep after her last feed so I could get some rest. He had been strange all day. While it wasn't uncommon for him to watch after her as I did other things, his quiet mood struck me as something odd. I found him sitting on the floor in front of her cradle, an intent look on the profile of his face as he watched her.

"You know, she's not going to disappear on us," I told him with a tease in my voice.

"She's eighteen days old today," he responded like it should have meant something to me. I lowered myself next to him, noticing old photos resting in a pile in front of him.

"Is that Eden?" I asked, picking one up and looking at it in the glow of the lamp near us. He nodded his head. "They look similar," I noted the same straight nose and brows. The only subtle differences were the shade of hair colour. They were truly sisters, there was no denying that fact, as each day her features became more noticeable and showed she favoured Jareth in many ways.

"She was only eighteen days old when we put her to bed and she never woke up," Jareth told me quietly. "I remember Dinah's scream in the middle of the night. Of course, back then I rarely helped out because of the nanny being around," he admitted. "I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. I've just been watching her breathe, unable to take my eyes off of her. I know she's a lot healthier, and catching up quickly with each passing day. She's almost seven pounds already…"

"But it still haunts you?" I finished for him as I gazed into the cradle, watching her tiny chest rise and fall with each breath she took. "Why don't you have these out?" I asked him curiously.

"Dinah found it was easier to move on if they were placed out of view—which I can understand. It _was_ easier, after a while, to move on and live our lives without them reminding us at every turn what we lost. We never forgot her. I'm sure we both pictured her throughout the years as she grew in our minds. Sometimes, I still see her in the corner of my eye when I walk down the stairs; a long blonde braid, my long limbs. She would have been twelve this year," he told me, which struck me strangely as I was only five years older than Eden. I only ever saw her as a baby when I thought of his previous children.

"My stepmother was only seven some years older than I," I told him. "She was nineteen when Father married her. It was nice to have a woman around, but it was strange, at times, that she was closer to my own age than fathers," I admitted to him in return. "We should wake her, she needs to feed. It's almost been four hours since her last one."

He nodded, his gaze falling to my chest for a moment before he gently woke her up. I rolled my eyes at him, but knew full well that I wasn't wearing a brassiere, and my nightgown had a deep dip down the front. While a gentleman, he was still a man at heart. I shook my head and we both stood. I headed over to the bed as he picked her up and brought her to me while I settled down on what was more or less my side of the bed. She fussed for a moment, unhappy about being woken up, but she was still far from being big enough to sleep through the night without at least two feeds before the sun rose up in the sky.

We both woke up as the sun streamed through the window, our eyes meeting once again. As we reached for each other's hand, we heard the small grunting sounds coming from the cradle at the head of the large bed. He got up and brought her to the bed before laying back down, placing her on his chest as he laid down on his back. I smiled and scooted closer to him, brushing back his hair with one hand. I made a mental note to draw this from memory if I had time later that day.

For now, I was just going to bask in the sunlight and enjoy my time, with no expectations or fears of the future. I would cross those bridges when I was ready.

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I hope you all enjoyed this and enjoyed venturing into more of Jareth mind as he opens up to Sarah and how he still see's his other children in his mind.

The next few chapters are still quite baby-centric with varying background scenes, as I learned from my friend the baby rules the roost in the early months of life lol. Sometimes I feel like I am writing a lot of baby scenes but I suppose that would just be life for them at the moment for them.

There is much more to come and finishing off chapter twenty in the next few days after I finish some research. Oh, my the research haha!

As always I look forward to your reviews and thoughts on what happening and what may happen in the upcoming chapters lol.

Tina.


	19. Chapter 19

Here we go into Chapter 19. I hope you all enjoy it and possibly not hang me for what is to come. I am trying to build on the society and this is what sprang into my mind.

Thank you for all the reviews and follows, everyone is so sweet and amazing.

Thank you to my beta who find Time to edit these chapters for us in her busy life.

Thank you to Hachimanskitsune for our conversations of when I wasn't sure if what I wanted to do would be to out of a blue for a reader.

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Things were shifting and changing as each day passed. It had been all too easy of an adjustment for both of us. I was changing, but I couldn't quite grasp just how I was changing. It felt so wonderful to feel normal and have my own stable thoughts and moods. No more shifting emotions, or overzealous thoughts running through my head at all times.

Our days started off with morning feeds at dawn with Jareth handing her to me. We never spoke of it, how I gradually switched rooms. It was just easier in those first weeks, before we knew what we were doing. Eventually, we hammered out routine, taking turns through the night getting up when she cried out, even if it was just him bringing her to me so I could nurse in the dark room. The three of us laying on our sides, sometimes we talked softly. Other times, we just lay in exhausted silence, listening to her quick breaths and hungry swallows. Usually, we left her in the bed with us so we could catch another hour of sleep.

By 7:30, we were up and getting ready for the day. He would shower and shave in the mornings. Some mornings I would sit up on the vanity, watching him with his razor. He found it amusing that I watched him; kicking my bare legs in the air like a child, wearing nothing more than a nightgown with curlers in my hair. Other mornings, I stole a few extra moments in the large bed, listening to the radio relay the news.

"Did you ever speak to Lord Albany?" I asked him one morning as I sat on the vanity, after I heard his name on the radio. Unfortunately, I asked as he was gliding over his jawline. I heard Jareth grunt before placing the razor down. He was dressed only in trousers with a towel over one shoulder.

"Are you trying to harm me, woman?" he teased as I grabbed the wet cloth and pressed it to the knick I caused by my question. "Yes, I spoke to him. He admitted he fathered a child from an affair but assured me that while he knew of Luna's infatuation with him, he never once encouraged it. It seems he came clean to Laurel and they conducted a plan. One where he could hide the child for a few months, and then they would announce they were looking to adopt and bring the child home for them to care for."

I simply nodded my head in recognition of his answer; what woman would willingly take her husband's child from another woman? I thought back to his friend urging him to take a seat in parliament. Even the righteous were flawed, it seemed. They turned young girls into brides and breeding vessels, placing a large importance on family and duty. Yet, how many men were not living up to the commitments they made? How many had mistresses or affairs?

"Did he ask how you knew?"

"He pieced it together. He remembers you from that day," he replied with a small, crooked smile, and went back to shaving.

Still, something didn't sit right with me. Did Luna truly leave for no reason beyond wanting to be free? Maybe she heard what was coming and decided she would not be part of any sort of society that made young girls nothing more than a means of survival for our race.

"Have you heard anything about Lena?" I asked him. "I mean…Ofsimon," I corrected myself. I couldn't slip up in public.

"Not yet. I am sure when it happens, we will hear from them," Jareth replied. "I am—"

"Do not apologize for what you cannot control. We knew along that our friendship came with an expiry date." I shook my head at him as I placed my hand on his forearm. "I should dress for the day," I told him as I hopped off the vanity and headed back into the bedroom.

Much like my presence, my clothing found its way into the drawers and closets. I picked a new set of panties and my brassiere from a drawer. Since I'd recovered, I began to wear more of the delicate and pretty ones. I looked over at the bathroom door before I tugged the panties on over my feet and up my legs. I felt much more comfortable with my body now. While I cherished the memories of feeling Emmeline kicking within me, I felt like myself once more, even if my stomach was covered in marks and still squishy in areas. I pulled off my nightgown and quickly pulled on my bra, hooking the band closed. I took a moment to place the cotton nursing pads into the cups.

I was pulling on my stockings when he came from the bathroom, buttoning up his waistcoat. He stopped for a moment as I hooked the garter hook to the stocking, the cool metal hitting my skin as I let go of the elastic. I stood up, ignoring him as he watched me walk over to the drawers. I pulled out a floral blouse and navy skirt.

"Are you going to just stand there and watch me?" I asked, turning and giving him a look.

"I can't admire my wife?" His voice was amused at my reaction. He reached and carefully lifted Emmeline from the fort of pillows around her in the large bed, cradling her in his arms. "Sometimes, I find it surreal that we made her," he spoke honestly.

I looked at him, my mind flashing back to those nights. I loved Emmeline, but at the same time, those long hours during the night when she wouldn't sleep or nap, and Jareth was out managing the orchard during those first few weeks of her life, I could look at her with such disdain. She wasn't at fault for how she was conceived, but still, in those dark, exhausting moments, she reminded me of how she came to be. Those thoughts passed within moments, and I cherished her with each passing tick of the clock. The midwife patted my shoulder sympathetically when I admitted to my thoughts during a checkup. It wasn't totally uncommon for new mothers to have some blue days with all the hormones running through her body.

I looked around the room, suddenly wishing I was in my own space, my own room. How was it so easy to push away those memories like they never happened? I never went into the guest room that was used. In some ways, I wanted to burn that room. I never ventured to the corner of the house where my first room was. The nights he tried to calm me and make sure that I was stable enough not to do anything foolish. Those memories sprang forward like a tidal wave, hitting me square in the centre of my chest as I sat down in a chair, my knuckles white from gripping the arm. Ludo was still in the room and looked up from his spot. He came and laid down beside me while giving Jareth the stink eye.

"Don't—" I warned him as he approached out of concern. "I just need a moment alone," I told him. I didn't have to look at his face to know that my rejection hurt him, but he took a step back. I could see his shadow from the window nod his head as he left the room.

I drew a shaky breath and patted Ludo's head for a moment, collecting myself and my thoughts before I finished getting dressed for the day. I pulled the curlers from my hair and pinned half of it back from my face. It was long again. It had grown quickly while I had been pregnant. My hair reminded me that I had noticed Jareth's had been getting long again, too, that we had been too busy to cut it.

I ventured downstairs. Jareth was just sitting down at the table with his cup of coffee, and Emmeline was lying in her Moses basket that we kept downstairs. I sat down quietly as the cook placed a plate of eggs and toast before me.

"Thank you," I spoke quietly and focused on Emmeline. Each new morning was a surprise. Jareth had dressed in her in a light pink dress, and she was chewing on her fist as we stared at one another. Watching her grow and change, while seeing her explore and learn about the world around her, was surreal. It was like each new day was a new mystery when we looked upon her in the morning. She had her father's long limbs, we learned, as she began to stretch herself out and lose her newborn reflexes. She still only weighed close to seven and a half pounds, gaining a pound and a half in the past six weeks, but she had the sweetest rosy cheeks on her face that gave off the appearance of being a chubby infant.

She nursed constantly as of late, which only meant another growth spurt. The midwife was supposed to be over that afternoon for a six-week check-in, the last one for us before we switched over to a regular doctor. I was apprehensive about this check-up, and I had no idea what Jareth had in mind when I reached the point of being fully recovered. We never truly spoke of that aspect of our marriage.

"Sarah?" his voice brought me out from my thoughts. I turned my head and gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine, just some old memories. I suppose with all the changes, and Emmeline turning six weeks, everything is just catching up with me," I told him quietly as I reverted back to watching Emmeline.

"I should have considered my words," he responded. "I was foolish to believe that the past year would not have any ill effects on you."

"It's been a whirlwind of mixed emotions. I haven't felt like myself in over ten months. Getting back to normal and all these new changes haven't been easy on my mind," I admitted to him for the first time.

"I have noticed, to a degree," Jareth admitted. "You must know that I'm not going to push you into anything just because you're healed from the birth." Jareth grasped my hand as he spoke, which made me turn to look at him. "We can do things to your own timeline. We can build slowly up to things, if it makes it easier. This will only work if you are comfortable with everything."

I simply nodded my head, but wondered, would I _ever_ be ready? I had to be a willing participant at some point, because that was how children were made. "How many do they expect?" I asked him. "How many will satisfy them without the need of bringing a girl into our house?"

"Three," he admitted with a sigh. "Possibly four," he added, before I nodded my head.

"Well, nursing generally suppresses a woman's cycle, or makes it sporadic," I told him awkwardly.

"Then we will continue on as normal and approach the subject at a later date," he stated as he cleared his throat. "You must know that—"

"I know it's different from what we experienced before," I blushed. "I know there can be some pleasure for both parties. Emmeline did not just play havoc on my moods, it was also my body." I told him honestly, blushing again as he coughed at my admittance and gave me a rather amused look. "Don't look at me like that!"

"I always wondered," he laughed out loud at my own embarrassment.

"You are such a man," I rolled my eyes at him, the previous awkwardness dissipating with the embarrassment and laughter.

"I cannot find fault with that since I am one!" He laughed once more as Emmeline let out a shriek to be included in the conversation.

"Okay, okay, we get it," I hushed her, picking her up and rubbing her back as she sat on my shoulder. "You like being the centre of attention; always hungry, and don't like waiting for food."

"We are really going to have our hands full with her one day," Jareth commented as she nuzzled into my neck while I tried to finish my own breakfast with one hand.

"She will have a choice, won't she?" I asked him quietly.

"I will do everything in my power to make sure she is free to live any life she chooses," he reassured me, even though his voice held a tone of uncertainty about what kind of life she would have truly.

We fell back into a comfortable routine of sidestepping around the obvious things that we weren't ready to face, going on about our day as we usually did. I spent the morning with the housekeeper, going over accounts and grocery lists, and then the midwife came and left, leaving us with a clean bill of health and a warning not to jump into anything too fast. It was easier to fall pregnant shortly after giving birth than most thought. I reassured her that was not the plan, and that I wished to wait a small amount of time before trying once more. She patted my hand and nodded her head.

It was after she left that I was browsing his study for a set of pencils I was missing. He was out in the orchard and Emmeline was in my arms, yelling at me with no end in sight, still angry from being undressed and poked about during her examination. She wasn't hungry or dirty, but she continued to shriek at me, letting me know her annoyance about being kept from her nap. The phone rang on his desk, making me jump. I looked around as it continued to ring over Emmeline's vocals. I never answered the phone. I never even made a call by myself. The housekeeper always initiated the calls when I was calling somewhere, or to invite ladies for tea.

"Oh, Emmy, please, just calm down," I cooed at her, trying to remain calm. Still, she shrieked and managed to wrap her fists around a strand of my hair and pull at it. "Emmy, no!" I cried out in pain. How do babies have so much strength? I remembered Irene telling me that if I wore my hair down around Toby, he was going to pull it. I always ignored her. I was still a girl, I didn't want to wear my hair up all the time.

I turned back to the telephone and walked over to it. I didn't remember knowing the number that was connected to my father's house, but yet, I remembered it. I barely comprehended what I was doing before I heard the ringing.

"Hello?"

I choked back a sob.

"Hello?" he repeated.

"Papa?" I whispered breathlessly into the receiver, and Emmeline shrieked. I shushed her, patting her back.

"Sarah? Are you alright?"

I let out a muffled cry as Emmeline shoved her fist in my face. "I'm fine…please. I shouldn't have done this. I love you." I begged him as I scrambled to hang up the phone. I heard him beg for me to stay on as he told me how much he loved me.

Oh! What did I just do? Could they trace telephone calls? I sat there for who knows how long in a daze from what I had done. I silently cried as Emmeline finally exhausted herself to sleep. I'd never even considered the possibility of even using the telephone before this point.

"Sarah? What's wrong?" I heard him ask as he crouched down next to me, still dressed in his casual clothing from walking the orchard.

"I did something stupid, really, horribly stupid. I didn't mean to! I was looking for my pencils, and I turned, and next thing I knew, I was dialling an old number. I didn't mean to!" I spewed out the verbal vomit as my body shook, thinking I would be punished in some sort of way.

"Shh," he took my hand into his. "Who did you call?" he asked gently.

"The only person I shouldn't have called," I admitted, unable to look him in the eye. "I don't even know how I remembered the number!" I cried.

I saw him sit back on his heels for a moment before piecing it all together. "You used this phone?" he asked. I nodded as the feeling of sinking further into the floor grew greater with each passing second.

"I will deal with this. Pass me Emmeline," he said.

I did as he asked, and hiccupped, "I wanted to draw her. She was screaming at me for no reason. I didn't mean to cause you trouble."

"I know. Has anyone else been up here since?" he asked. He began pacing while holding our daughter, stopping once to look my way before I shook my head. "You were in a panic over something. Women do often call their mother in such instances. It would be a natural response to call, hoping to speak to your stepmother who has had a child and was like a mother to you. If they ask about the call or say anything about it, I can say it was a lapse in judgment. You were in a panic, and it just happened. You did the right thing telling me. It works in our favour, showing you never hid it from me."

"What about Siobhan? Or even Nina? They would have been able to help me?" I wondered about the help.

"They were outside hanging up the laundry and beating the rugs," he told me. It was the truth. I did remember going over the cleaning list earlier that day. "I will figure this out. I'm not sure how, or what they will ask for, or if they will say anything at all to us."

"What if they ask why you didn't report it?" I asked him, wondering if his omission of the truth would get him in further trouble.

"I didn't see the point of wasting their time for something so trivial, that I punished you as I saw fit." He spoke so nonchalantly that it ran a shiver down my spine. "It was an innocent phone call. It's not like you tried to run away. You said yourself you've been out of sorts since Emmeline was born."

But he spoke like he was rehearsing a scene. Punishment? They would make him punish me?

"Everything will be fine," he tried to reassure me, but we both knew it was a lie. It was now just a game of waiting. How long would it be? When would they contact us? Hours? Days? Weeks? Were they going to make us walk on eggshells until we thought we were safe?

We spent the rest of the day quietly going on about our day. Every time the telephone rang, I jumped, but it was never them, whoever 'them' was.

He said nothing when he looked up as I walked into the room, towel drying my hair and wearing a light cotton nightgown. We gave each other a small smile, and he pulled down the covers and went back to his papers. As I silently got into the bed and curled up on my side, he tucked me in. We never truly touched each other in the large bed, each of us staying to our own side. But as I felt him settle and shut off the lamp, I rolled over and inched closer to him. I dared not look at him as he pressed a kiss to my hair. His presence was already washing over me like a waterfall as my eyelids drifted downwards until they closed.

Only time could tell us the answers we sought after. If I had thought the Mistress and the Academy had been unkind, the ornate, cold room where they all stood around questioning me was worse. Watching as they handed him a thin switch of wood no larger than his thumb, I knew from that day forward I had to be wiser about my actions. But still, as Lena came crying about how she couldn't do what they wanted, I knew I had a choice, and being a meek little wife was not one of those choices.

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While writing this chapter I realized why didn't Sarah just call her father. Surely telephones are a thing in this world I created, he was a barrister for the town he lived in. He would have one, wouldn't he?

This down came this spiral of what will show Sarah the society she lives in is more corrupt then she imagined. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go down this road. I knew I had to though…

They would know she called, Someone is always listening into from the switchboard. This is not something she could hide.

Anyway, I hope you are still enjoying the story, Chapter 20 in editing and is a long one. Let me know your thoughts on everything that is happening and what is about to happen. I am nervous about going down this road but if I wasn't nervous. I would be playing it safe and no interesting story is playing it safe at least in my mind.

Also for my A03 reader, which fandom did you find this under? Labyrinth or actual Handmaids Tale archives? I didn't realize it posted in both. Its pretty easy for the labyrinth fan to understand the store, but im wondering if any Handmaids Tale fan stumbled upon it and understood where I was going with it?

Tina.


	20. Chapter 20

Welcome to the longest chapter yet. Clocking in about 4200 words this chapter was a whirlwind to write.

Thank you HachimansKitsune for all your lovely advice and encouragement about topics and subjects I choose to take on in this chapter. Our community is really a great one, knowing we can go to fellow authors and discuss and ask questions about whatever we are researching without worrying about disturbing or feeling awkward about said topics!

Thank you to my Beta Sheyrina. I'm glad you're purely Canadian Parcel of goodness! haha. I can't wait for mine!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter I will issue a warning, but you should know where this is going from the last chapter.

Warning-Corporal domestic punishment is in this chapter.

Chapter 21

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The room was cold as I sat there in a tall wooden chair, my back ramrod straight as I tried not to show them how scared I was. I had dressed in a simple dress that went down to my ankles, a modest and demure shade of blue. They kept repeating themselves with their questions, and yet my answers never changed. They kept replaying the same ten-second call that had been recorded, trying to break me as I heard my father's voice say my name over and over as I begged him to forget me. Tears threatened down my face, but I refused to let them try and break me.

"My daughter was screaming at me. I didn't think. All I wanted was someone to tell me what to do. I remembered when my younger brother was young, and next thing, I heard the dial tone on the phone. I didn't even know I remembered the number," I answered, trying to hold my calm demeanour. _They cannot make me feel inferior without my consent_. Was that not what my father used to tell me whenever the other children teased me about my dark hair? This was the same answer I had been giving them each time they asked.

"What if your father traced the number?" one asked me, changing the subject for the first time since I entered the room. "Tried to bring you home?"

"Considering I am married and have a child, I would have sent him home. I was a child of a single parent because my mother died when I was young. I would never force a child to live without their other parent, nor would I take my husband away from his child," I spat out, disgusted they would think I would do such a thing. I was beginning to bubble with anger at their accusations. "Why does it even matter if he knows where I am? Don't you have children? Wouldn't you want to know that they were safe and alive? How is my father any different than you, in that respect? Wouldn't he find out anyway? Jareth isn't exactly a nobody in society. One photograph in the newspaper and my father would know and recognize me, would he not? At least he found out first hand, rather than one day reading the paper."

I watched as one of the elders' mouth dropped. It was like they never considered my husband's standing in society, and how my family would find where I was. I could understand why they separated us, cut us off from our families in a bizarre way. It was the easiest way to follow and comply with their commands, and the majority of the time, it worked.

"I will take whatever punishment you give me, but I ask you to leave my family alone. They have never done anything more than love me, and they never initiated the phone call," I told them with a force that I wasn't sure I had until now. I didn't know how, or if, they punished my family for not sending me to the Academy willingly when the decree was made.

I looked towards Jareth, his face expressionless as he stood off to the side. They never spoke a word to him, and for the first time, I realized how different my husband was in this setting. No emotion showed on his face, his eerie eyes never straying far from my form as he watched and listened. All I knew is they called, saying nothing more than we were requested at Capital Hall within two days' time.

We had no choice but to bring Emmeline with us for the long drive. In the six weeks of her life, she'd never left the outside walls of the manor. Thankfully, she slept through the long ride, only waking up once to nurse.

Even as I sat there, my mind wandered to my daughter. I knew it was getting to be that time again. It was past her feeding time, and my body was demanding it the more I thought about it. My eyes widened, flickering over to Jareth as I felt the warmth flood my brassiere.

"May we take a 20-minute recess before we proceed?" he asked them. "It seems my wife is past the time she feeds the child."

All their eyes were on me at that moment, taking in my increasingly soiled state before they nodded. I barely even nodded to them before rushing out of the room, thankful for the first time that I over packed like any new mother. Not just for Emmeline, but deciding to bring a spare brassiere, and even a spare blouse and skirt. As soon as the door opened, you could hear her screaming in her anger for having to wait. I gave Jareth a quick glance back and caught a few of their shocked faces at the sound of Emmeline's vocal show. She had a set of lungs on her and never was afraid of using them to her advantage.

I found a quiet corner where I calmed her down enough to get her to focus on latching. I threw the soaked cotton pad into a wet bag that Nina held open for me. "There is a washroom down the hall," she spoke softly.

I nodded as she dug through the bag for my spare clothing, knowing I would need them. The last thing I wanted was to smell of spoiled milk, especially in front of the men. I nursed for almost fifteen minutes before Jareth came to check up on me, warning me of the time.

"She's not finished, I can't just let her starve," I answered him hotly as I switched her over to the other side. I tried to keep a calm demeanour, knowing Emmeline would pick up on any emotion at a moment's notice. "Please, can you just tell them that she's going through a growth spurt?"

"Sarah—" he warned me about my request.

"I'm not going to let her cry and be hungry, Jareth!" I hissed at him.

"Do you always let your wife talk to you in such a way?" A voice spoke up behind him and I reached to cover myself up.

"Of course not. However, in certain aspects, I follow her lead. Like the child's schedule while this young," Jareth answered back as he looked towards me. The elder gave me a look, as if not believing my excuse. I sighed and slipped my finger into the corner of Emmeline's mouth, breaking the seal. Loud, angry shrieks erupted from her until let her latch on once more, her dimpled hands kneading into my flesh as she noisily ate.

"Although, Emmeline rules the house more than anyone," Jareth spoke with a slight tease in his voice.

It was the truth. Emmeline was demanding and cared nothing for any sort of schedule that did not suit her. It was almost a full three-quarters of an hour before I managed to clean up and change into my clean clothing.

Punishment.

It couldn't be that bad after everything I had been through; childbirth, those ceremonies. I didn't like the word that tumbled into my mind when I thought of just how Emmeline was conceived. I looked around for Jareth as I entered the room once more, noticing that a large horse vault had been placed in the middle of the room. It was like they did this regularly.

I spotted Jareth and watched him take off his coat out of the corner of my eye, and a shiver ran down my spine. My father spanked me as a child; most children were, at some point. He never laid a hand on Irene from what I had seen, but then again, what happens behind closed doors was another thing.

"Sarah Lutin, we have come to an agreement. Twelve strokes for your lapse of judgment, one for each word spoken, which your husband and head of household will deliver," his voice rang out. "You are aware of the rules that are set forth for punishments?"

I nodded my head slowly.

Father always made me count as a child when I was naughty, though that was always a few light swats when I was really bad. It was nothing like this. I stalled for a moment, unsure of where to go or what to do. It wasn't until a matronly woman came up and asked if I was wearing a slip that I realized what I must do. I unbuttoned my skirt and let it fall, pooling around my ankles. Stepping out of it, my hands pulled at the light material of my slip.

I approached Jareth, looking down before kneeling in front of him, and asked for punishment with a clear certainty in my voice that my eyes did not share as I looked up into his. They were dark and cloudy, matching his unresponsive face. I was learning that this was who he was to the outside world, much like I would learn to wear a veil to cover my own emotions in society. Trust was not a commodity for anyone now. Any chance to raise yourself into a higher station would be taken and used. I am sure that whoever recorded the call I made was rewarded handsomely for their part.

The padded horse came up almost to my waist, and as I approached, I took a deep breath before I bent myself over the length of it. My hands grasped the grips, and I tried not to tense up, knowing it would only make it worse.

I heard his footsteps before I felt his hands on my thighs for a moment, and I forced myself not to jump as I felt him undo the metal clips of my garters at the back of my legs, underneath my slip. I never even thought of releasing them. He gave one a gentle squeeze before removing his hand and stepping back, then I heard him pick up the cane.

No words, no warnings before I heard the slight rush of wind from the cane as it came across my thighs. I gripped the handles, biting my lip as he held it there for a moment before removing it from the spot. The burning sting tingled over the spot before it radiated underneath the surface of my skin like a burning fire..

"One," I called out against the coarse material of the vault. The second and third were the same as the first in varying areas. The fourth and fifth radiated through my body as I still had yet to cry out vocally. I could taste the copper tang of my own blood in my saliva. By six and seven he was running out of areas that weren't covered in burning welts. It took eight for me to cry out, blood spattering from biting my lip so hard as I felt my skin break from the impact.

"Eight," I sputtered out weakly, my stomach churning as I braced myself for the impact of another. My shrieks echoed across the room as he hit another hot spot, my back arching from the impact. Refusing to open my eyes, I squeezed them tightly, despite the leaking tears that ran down my face.

The last four went by in a similar fashion, with my screams bouncing off the walls. All the while they sat there, watching with emotionless faces. I jumped as I felt Jareth place his hand on my lower back when it was over.

"Slowly," he whispered as I straightened myself up. He handed over my skirt, and I awkwardly pulled it over my head, not wanting to bend. I just wanted to run and hide as I stood there, dabbing my lip with the hankie that Jareth passed me. My legs were shaking as I tried to remain standing while they whispered amongst each other. The punishment wouldn't be discussed now. They witnessed it and were satisfied, it seemed, in my response. The infraction was settled in their eyes, and that would be the end of it.

Or so I thought before one spoke up.

"We've decided that in light of your claims of your family knowing where you would be, and who you are joined to, that the best course of action would be to allow lines of communication to remain open to a small degree. You may receive a call quarterly and speak to them. That way they can be ensured that you are being cared for and have no need to try and rescue you from anyone or anything." He looked at me in such a way as he spoke that I knew… I knew that it was to make a point of making them believe that I was cared for in any sort of circumstance that might arise. That any marital problems would not be discussed to any extent. "The calls will be monitored, of course. However, since you claim that you will never leave your marriage, it should not be an issue."

I nodded my head. "Of course, my Lord," I answered quietly. No use in getting excited for what they had given me.

"You're dismissed." Those were the last words they spoke to us.

I felt Jareth place his arm around my waist to lead me out of the cold hall. I followed him silently as he led me back to the washroom where I washed my face and pinned my hat into my hair. As soon as we reached the front door we spotted Nina with the pram, waiting for us. I gathered Emmeline into my arms, breathing in her one of a kind scent. It was like Jareth thought ahead when he suggested we walk to the hall this morning from the townhouse. I definitely was not in any condition to sit at the moment. Nina offered me the pram, but I kept a hold of Emmeline, who seemed to be the glue that was holding me together at that moment. We walked quietly through the park. It was strange when people turned and nodded their heads to us as we passed.

We reached the townhouse within twenty minutes and I dismissed Nina, telling her to have the rest of the day off. Thankfully, Jareth had sent some staff ahead of us and they found an old round bassinet from the attic. I placed Emmeline in it. She looked like a small princess tucked away in the centre of the darkened corner of the room. I looked over to Jareth as I reached for the top button of my blouse.

"Let me…please?" he motioned to my blouse.

I was still in a daze, so I nodded and let him undo the buttons. One by one, pieces of my clothing fell to the floor. I watched him unhook my garters and kneel before me as he rolled them down. I used his shoulder to balance myself when it came time for me to lift up my foot. He left my brassiere on, more out of necessity than anything. I was afraid to look at the back of my thighs and legs in the mirror. Instead, I took off my earrings as he filled a bucket full of ice and water from the bathroom. He came up with a stack of cloths and what looked like a bottle of some sort of oil. He helped me into the large bed so I was lying on my stomach.

"May I?" he asked as he waved to the cotton of my panties. I nodded and lifted my hips as he pulled them off.

"How bad is it?" I finally spoke up.

"You'll be sore for a few days. Bruises and you have a few areas of broken skin," he admitted as he reached for the oil and poured some into the bucket. "You'll heal without any markings though," he added as an afterthought. He placed the cool cloths across my behind and thighs, changing them as they became warm.

The smell of the fragrant oil surrounded me, pungent and earthy as I buried my face into the pillow. I'd never seen this room before last night, it was very much the same as the one at the manor. Light greys, silvers, and blue linens on the bed. The only difference was the lighter oak furniture that graced the room.

He pulled the cloths from my backside and covered me with a blanket, then left and came back with two white pills I recognized as a pain reliever. I took them from him gratefully, rolling onto my side and gingerly shifting so I was sitting upright. He passed me a glass of water and watched me take the two pills.

"Rest awhile. I figure while we are here we should take a few days for ourselves. We can order you some more clothing and visit a few shops for Emmeline." He handed me a white shirt after taking the glass from me and placing it on the bedside table.

"Stay with me?" I asked him as I pulled the white silk shirt over my head, realizing it was one of his that was more billowy than the rest.

He looked at his watch for a moment but nodded. I watched as he unbuttoned his waistcoat and pulled his suspenders from his shoulders, letting them hang down from the waistband as he undid the clips and placed them on his dressing table. Keeping to his side of the bed, he lowered himself onto it. He never reached for me. Instead, he let me decide how close I wanted to be to him. I carefully twisted onto my side and curled up next to him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into his chest. "I'm sorry you had to play your part. It couldn't have been easy for you." I could feel him exhale a long breath, then he carefully wrapped an arm around my back, his fingers grazing over my shoulder. All I could smell was his cologne and aftershave; the light yet tantalizing smell I had grown used to.

"How?" I asked him after a moment of silence, trying to find the words to understand how he could live with something like this. Dinah would make comments about his reliance on spirits here and there. Even he admitted once before that he drank heavily in the past. It only made me wonder if it was the same now?

"Duty and honour are very different things. It was my duty, which I could accept, but I had no honour doing it," he finally spoke up. "I know what you are thinking; I wanted to, but the fact I could have hurt you much worse stopped me. I never want to be the cause of your pain, Sarah. You've been through so much already with Emmeline."

"I don't count Emmeline as pain," I admitted to him. "It hurt, don't get me wrong, but I love her so much that I just see don't see the pain anymore. I'm not saying I want to go through it anytime soon, but I can deal with that pain." I told him as I wrapped my arm around his waist, ignoring the pulsing sensation that radiated from my lower half. I felt him kiss my hair as a response.

We stayed in the city for almost a week before heading back to the manor. The Signor was to come visit the following month and we needed to prepare. I spent my afternoons in the shops buying more than I imagined. More clothing, shoes, and trinkets; earrings and hair combs that sparkled. Jareth said we would be invited to the yule ball this year and I might as well get things now. He took me to a store devoted to children's clothing and toys. I almost fainted when I saw the prices; they were almost the same cost of my own clothing! Still, Jareth took things out of my hands whenever I tried to put something back. Darling little gowns full of lace and embroidered flowers and cotton day gowns with printed ducks on the hems and waistbands caught my attention. I didn't want to buy much knowing she might outgrow something before wearing it more than a handful of times.

It was the last day when we had to pass the unavoidable: the town square with the wall of bodies and the groups of girls talking, all dressed in red. I covered Emmeline with the blanket as we drove past. She would know it eventually, but for now, I would protect her from it.

It was when we arrived back to the manor that we heard the news that Lena had given birth to a fair-haired boy. I wrote a note of congratulations to Lord and Lady Sutton, wishing them all the happiness as would be expected as their neighbour, offering to come over when things were more settled. The reality was I only wanted to make sure that Lena was faring well after the birth.

It was a little over a week later when I received an invitation to view the new child. I had managed to stay out of the friendship circle until now. They had always been Dinah's friends, but now I realized they weren't so bad. They had endless streams of advice, as the Sutton's had an older, already married daughter. It was the first time I realized how much older the ladies were compared to myself. They were the first generation to notice the declining birth rates.

I excused myself to use the ladies room when I ran into Lena. She was pale and tired from the long nights of feedings that she was obligated to do until the child could be weaned.

"Are you well?" I asked her.

"I will be," she told me quietly. "I shouldn't keep you."

"If you ever need anything—" I whispered, squeezing her hand before letting go.

Heading back towards the living room I spotted Emmeline, who was on the blanket on the floor. She was one look away from being ready to scream, still not enjoying playtime as much as other children. I swooped down and took her into my arms, rubbing her back as I bounced slightly on my heels while she grumbled at me. "I should get back to the manor. She is almost at her nap time and I do not wish anyone to hear her vocals when she is past tired," I excused myself from the gathering. "Thank you for having me, he is a beautiful child," I repeated for the umpteenth time as I peered into the bassinet.

The child was sweet looking, resembling his father more than Lena herself. I gathered my purse and baby bag, nodding to all the ladies before leaving the room. I asked the housekeeper to let my driver know that I was ready to leave and went out into the fresh air.

It was three weeks after my punishment, in the middle of August. Getting ready for company and the first harvest, the phone rang. It was hot and humid, making everyone overheated and tired. Jareth answered, wiping the sweat from his brow as he listened for a moment. He held the receiver out for me as I approached him with a questionable look. He told me it was my father. They always patched the calls through, and they always knew which residence I was at.

Those moments, precious as they were to me, were very much a punishment in themselves I would learn. We could never truly talk to one another. We learned to avoid any talk about my marriage. We favoured lighter topics about weather and I would ask about Toby, only to learn I also had a sister, Clara, as well. Something that fuelled another fire in me, my daughter and sister. I needed to protect them at whatever cost I could afford.

He would ask about the children with a strange pitch to his voice. Emmeline, Imogene (who we called Genie), Ruby, and lastly, Lincoln, our only son. He would say their names with such preciseness as he tried to picture them. I would tell him how much they had grown from the last portrait he'd seen from the national post.

Much like everyone else, he wonders how many would we have—could we have? Though, knowing the little I knew of the man who was my father, in his mind it was how many would Jareth _make_ me have? I knew this by the way he would grit his teeth when he tells me congratulations when I am with child or recently gave birth. If he only knew I was the one who chose when to expand our family. That Jareth left the timing and numbers up to me, never trying to add to the pressure that was around us. More than once I would warn him by saying the word 'Papa' with a tone that would make him stray from his original words. A simple warning for when he was getting too worked up about the subject and needed to drop it. Some calls ended on a melancholy note of wanting to be together, but more often than not, our calls ended on a sour note. Just another reminder of what these conversations were.

Punishment—a cruel punishment.

Because after the pain receded and my backside healed, I would have these for the reminder of how I disobeyed them. Knowing I forced them to watch my life through a stained glass window hurt more than anticipated.

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Well, I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you have thought, this was quite a new subject for me to write.

Things are definitely gearing up starting to move ahead. Chapter 21 is written and going into to editing. Chapter 22 will approach the topic of what everyone is pretty much waiting for haha. So you can expect some smut soon enough haha. After this chapter, I think I owe it to you haha!

Thank you again to my lovely fellow authors who talked me through this. You are all amazing lovely ladies.

Have a good weekend!

Tina


	21. 21

Here we go!

I have two or three more chapter before I start jumping time and filling in some gaps of where and how Sarah got to where she is as she writing this.

Thank you, everyone, for all the reviews and follows you really are the highlights of my day. I enjoy reading them.

This chapter is a little lighter in tone, but still holds a pivotal moment for them and this story. All of you waiting for some smut will have to wait for a couple more chapters. It is coming, I assure you but it's taking it time getting there.

Thank you to my amazing beta, and have a wonderful time going to go see Labyrinth this weekend in theatre. I am jealous as Canada did not get the special viewing this time!

Anywho! On to the chapter!

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Chapter 21

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I was nervous, to say the least, as I smoothed my hair and dress in the mirror. I had brushed out my curls, letting them fall into loose waves. On my crown, I pinned and rolled up two of three curls into fashionable rolls. After one too many occasions, where Emmeline had gotten her tiny hands around my long hair, I took the shears to my hair, cutting it to my shoulders one night as Jareth watched from the doorway. It was still long enough to style into various styles, but short enough to not get caught by Emmeline's tiny hands. While my hair was straight, I always enjoyed that it held a curl with no problem. Now, with more time in the mornings, and Emmeline sleeping the majority of the night, I had time to style it.

I spritzed myself with perfume before I looked back at the clock on the wall and headed downstairs. The last time I had seen the Signor it was under completely different pretences. I went from being a 'family relative' to being the Lady of the house. I prayed that he was enough of a gentleman to not bring up the subject of how I became Lady of the house. Nor did I know if it was a subject I could even discuss with anyone besides Jareth. Everyone I'd met just ignored our past. I wasn't sure how the Signor would react to the changes of the household. Smoothing my hair once more, I stepped out onto the veranda. Walking to Jareth, who had Emmeline outside with him, I tucked my hand into his and gave him a shaky smile.

I watched as the truck pulled into the tall gates before I turned my head to the basket that Emmeline was in. She was intently sucking on her fist. She looked up at me with her large, wide eyes as I reached to take her fist out of her mouth. She would suck it until a blister formed, if I let her. Both Emmeline and I were wearing shades of pink. Hers a light pink with smocking, while I was wearing a darker, dusty rose with short sleeves and a flared skirt. I picked her up and held her, one hand in my own, trying to distract her so she would forget about sucking her hand raw. It worked for a few minutes before she realized I was keeping it from her. She let out an angry scream as the Signor walked up the stairs of the veranda.

"Jareth," he greeted my husband with a firm handshake and a rather crooked smile my way.

"Lady Lutin," he gave me a shallow bow.

"Signor," I nodded my head at him as I gave up and let Emmeline have her hand back so she would stop shrieking angrily in my ear. I knew from that moment that any question of my new status would not be an issue. "May I introduce you to Miss Emmeline?" I smiled at him and turned so he could see her more clearly as she rested on my shoulder.

"She is a beautiful child. How old is she now?" he asked sincerely, though I could see him mentally count in his head. He knew more than he let on, it seemed, but merely smiled and traced over her chubby cheek.

"She turned three months on August third," I answered him nervously. "Now, I placed you on the lower level. Emmeline doesn't always sleep well, and I don't wish to disturb your rest," I told him as I led him and Jareth into the house. The young boy, Seamus, whom we hired over the summer, followed us, carrying the Signor's two bags.

"She's a little doll," Signor commented as she looked at him from her spot on my shoulder. "I am sure I will be fine with whatever noise she makes."

I laughed out loud. "Don't say that, she'll hear you and take it as a challenge." I stopped at the door. "I hope you will be comfortable. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask." I smiled at him and turned to Jareth, who was following us. "I will leave you gentlemen to talk. I have a few things in the nursery to take care of."

"Of course. I will let you know if we go survey the land and see if you wish to come along," Jareth told me as he kissed the downy hair of Emmeline's head and chastely kissed my lips. Something I was still not totally used to as I blushed and stammered a quick goodbye to both of them.

I spent the rest of afternoon in the nursery, going through the drawers of clothing that Emmeline had already grown out of, and I brought out the larger cloth diapers as the others were getting too snug. She'd developed the most delectable pot belly as she'd grown over the weeks, and I would often blow bubbles on it as I dressed her in the mornings and after her baths. She was still getting used to baths in the shallow tub that sat in her room.

The first time, both Jareth and I sat in front of it, trying to hold and wash her at the same time. She was like a slippery fish as she flailed her limbs about, screaming until we lifted her from the water. She warmed to them slowly over the passing weeks, getting to the point where she contentedly rested in the warm water, looking at us with large eyes. Her eyes were a mystery. They were constantly changing, sometimes leaning more blue or green, depending on the day.

Her personality was beginning to show, which delighted Jareth, who swore she would be a handful. Even though she reached ten pounds in weight, she still woke us up once a night to feed. Sometimes, she refused to go back to bed after we changed and burped her. Those times we were learning to leave her in her room as she babbled to herself. If she cried, we let her know that we were there for her after making sure nothing was actually bothering her. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but it seemed to work her into a schedule. I would never let her cry on end. I wasn't cruel, but every mother I spoke to told me that letting a child learn how to console themselves was part of life.

The conversation was light and interesting as we sat around the round dining room table. Tales of childhood mischief and planning for the next day were the chosen topics. I found it strange that the Signor never spoke about his own life, and when he did, he was careful with names. I found myself watching him as I drank my glass of white wine mixed with ginger soda. I found it strange that, a year ago, he offered his help to me.

The hour grew late, and as we sat in the sitting room playing card games, we heard an angry cry come from above the stairs. I looked at the time on the wall before excusing myself, knowing I checked. I made my way to the nursery where one of the maids was already checking in on her. "I thought I left the nightlight on?" I asked the maid, looking at the turning carousel that beamed images on the wall around her room.

"It must have shut off," she shrugged. "I only stepped out to go the washroom," she explained as she tried to fix the lamp, to no avail.

I looked at her with a look of disbelief and picked up my crying child. "It's not your fault. I'll have someone look at it tomorrow," I sighed when I realized I was being unfair towards her. "Go home to your husband," I told her, looking at the time. She was no older than me, and already married. Her sweetheart had married her shortly before her sixteenth birthday. A lot of girls did that, a way to dodge the Academy in a way. The loophole didn't last, as the elders caught onto and amended the legal age to seventeen for females to marry, while our men had to be twenty to take a bride. This way they had less of a chance of losing the girls who filled the Academy.

I spent the next hours trying to get Emmeline to sleep. She refused to nurse and clung to me. It wasn't until Jareth came to grant me a few moments of peace to use the bathroom and shower that I had a moment to myself. I was exhausted as I fell onto the bed and he passed her to me, crawling in beside me. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she quieted down. Nuzzling her head into my chest, I sighed and moved the nightshirt over for her and let her nurse herself to sleep.

The next day, we all went walking through the orchards. The last of the harvesting trees were only beginning to be ready for picking. I carried Emmeline in her sling as she remained grumpy and red-faced with drool running down her face. Teething is what one of the infant books told me as I looked up her symptoms that morning. She still refused to use a soother, more content on sucking on her hand more than anything.

"Ahh, the adventures of teething," the Signor slowed to walk beside me as we headed back towards the house. I had instructed the cook to make a large pitcher of lemonade and iced tea for us. The heat was becoming unbearable, and I was looking forward to the cool shade of the veranda.

"So it seems," I nodded my head. "I hope she didn't disturb you too much last night," I apologized to him.

"It was nothing. I have been through those nights." He smiled at me before continuing to explain,

"I have a son and two daughters." He hummed as he thought of them. "Lucan is turning thirteen, and Elara and Delia are almost eight."

"Twins?" I asked him as I sat down in a wicker chair. I tasked myself with taking Emmeline out of the sling and placing her in the basket with a canopy that kept the sun from her. Jareth bent down and kissed my hair, excusing himself to record a few things in the study before joining us.

"Mixed or one or the other?" I asked him, motioning to the pitchers.

"More tea than lemon, thank you," he replied, before continuing on. "Twins, yes," he nodded his head and pulled out his wallet, fishing out a photograph. Passing it over to me, I smiled at the picture of twin girls with their dark hair much like my own Emmeline. The more I studied the photo, the more of an eerie feeling I got from looking at it. "They aren't identical, but Elara is on the right, and Delia is on the left."

I nodded my head as he explained to me, looking once more at the photo. I pushed back the peculiar feeling with a shake of the head. Surely, I was overthinking it. Was it nothing more than a child looking like another child?

He passed me another photograph. This one of a boy with short hair that stuck up hazardously. While the girls looked a fair amount like him, that boy was the complete opposite. Fair as the sun as his sisters were dark. He had a tongue sticking out while making a face at the camera. I studied the photograph closely, noticing a lady with her back turned to the camera in the corner.

"Is that your wife in the background?" I asked him curiously.

"Yes, Celina. She doesn't enjoy having her photograph taken," he explained as I looked back towards the twins.

It clung to the depths of my mind as I went about my day. The photo stuck on repeat as I held up one of Emmeline. I was crazy to believe such a thing! The photograph already fading from my own mind as I tried to compare the two from memory. There was no way a possibility, surely. Jareth would have suspected something, would he have not?

Still, as I brushed out my hair, I watched Jareth undress in the mirror. "The Signor is an interesting man," I pondered out loud. "How did you meet one another?" I asked him, which caused him to turn around and look at me in the mirror. His shirt was already off and I could see the ripples of his muscles on his stomach. My hairbrush stopped midway as I watched him from my mirror.

"He found me," he responded as he pushed his trousers from his hips. He stood there in his drawers for a moment before he stepped out of them and placed them on the chair. "It was a few years ago. His wife enjoys fruit, but they are rare while living in the southern-sphere. She is from near our borders. He gets enough so she can make preserves to last throughout the winter and spring."

"Why doesn't she visit with him?" I asked him curiously. Things were not adding up in my mind about the Signor.

"I extended the offer early on, but Celina doesn't enjoy travelling. She usually stays to watch over the ranch and the children. I am sure if you ask about them, he will tell you about everyone," he said as he crawled into the bed and opened his book. He read for a moment before looking up with a worried expression. "Where's Emmeline?" he asked, looking around the room like he had momentarily forgotten about her.

I laughed. "She is out like a light for now, though I am sure she will be up later at some point," I told him as I shed the robe that covered my silky long nightgown and moved to join him in the large bed. It felt different being in here with him with company in the house. No crying baby, just silence in the house. It felt like before, that night when the Signor had last visited.

Jareth must have caught the strange look that crossed my face as I went to slide my body onto the bed. "Sarah," his voice echoed like waves in my mind, crashing into me as I took a deep breath and sat down gently on the bed. "Talk to me?" He gently guided me as my mind went into overdrive. He crawled closer, his palm rubbing gently down my back.

"The last time he was here," I started, my voice low with a haunting that still plagued me. Some days I wasn't sure if I could move past those nights. Happy as I was, it only took a thought or words to make me relive those moments. "I was so angry that he was here. The charade the whole bloody weekend. Lord, help me, what he thinks what was going on back then," I confessed to him, and my own worries about my reputation.

"He understands our world to an extent. I explained to him before he came here that things had changed, that I had remarried," he replied, his hand still rubbing my back. "As for the other part of that weekend, maybe I can allow you a better memory?" he asked simply as I turned to look at him. Unsure of what he had in mind, I stared at him with wide eyes. "Come here," he nudged me and brought us back onto the pillows.

He cupped the side of my face with one of his large palms. "I'm going to kiss you, Sarah," he whispered, his thumb running over my bottom lip as his eyes bored into mine. "I won't go any further," he murmured as he kissed the edge of my jawline. "Just let me kiss you."

I nodded my head as I breathed shallowly in my chest. His lips were soft, yet firm, as he planted his on mine. Adjusting the pressure, he moved them softly until I was brave enough to kiss him back. My inexperience only made my fumbling hands unable to choose a spot to hold on to, switching from at my side, to his arms, to his chest, and back to his arms.

He chuckled deep in his chest. "Stop thinking so much," his voice husky against my lips before kissing them again, this time catching my bottom lip and sucking on it long enough for me to catch my breath. It was intoxicating as his scent filled my senses. His breath tasted like cardamom and spices from his toothpaste. It tingled on my tongue as I licked my lips when he pulled away. My cheeks flushed pink, knowing my response was juvenile at best.

"Hmm," he hummed softly, his hand gripping my waist through the thin material. This time I took the chance. Capturing his lips, I kissed him boldly for a moment before I wavered, unsure of what to do next. He must have felt my hesitance as he took the lead once more. Running his tongue over the seam of my lips, I shyly responded by parting them. His tongue slipped into my mouth, tangling with mine before retracting. Once, twice, three times it took for me to become brave enough to explore his timidly.

I fell back onto the pillows, his body moving with mine as I ran my fingers through his hair. His hands stroked my waist and hip gently over the curves, up over my ribcage. His body was close yet positioned in such a way that it kept his weight off of me. His hand settled over my stomach for a moment, like he was looking for those little kicks that used to greet him.

I tensed up at the sudden change of thought, which caused him to pull away.

"I'm—" I started to blurt out.

"Shhh," he shook his head at me, cupping the side of my face with his hand. "Don't be sorry, I got carried away." He shook his head again, not accepting the apologies I tried to say. We laid in silence, wrapped up in each other's embrace. I kissed his jaw as I snuggled into the curve of his arm, my head resting on his shoulder as he ran his fingers through my hair.

It was in the early morning when Emmeline woke up to nurse. Just as the sun was rising in the morning sky, I sat in the rocking chair that I pulled to face the window, the golden and coral skyline glowing as the sun rose. I saw a familiar figure in red coming from the east of the orchard. I wrapped Emmeline in her sling before covering myself with my robe and walked silently down the stairs to the back of the house.

Tears streaming down her face was what greeted me as I pulled her onto the dark porch. Her dull red hair pulled from her face in a worn uniform we once shared. As I pulled her into the light, I saw she was covered in ash and soot. She was holding a bundle in her arms, and I knew it was her son.

"There was a fire," she cried. "They aren't home. I didn't know where else to go or what to do. I can't go back there. This is my only chance!" I knew exactly what she was talking about at that moment. I pulled her into my arms and comforted her, careful not to crush either child who were asleep. I rubbed Lena's back like a small child as she cried quietly on my shoulder.

"I think I know someone who can help you," I whispered to her. "He asked me once before if I needed help without anyone knowing. Jareth trusts him, so I should be able to trust him." It was a dangerous move, but I had no other choice as I held Lena in my arms. She stole a peek at Emmeline. Seeing her for the first time, she cried once more at my sleeping cherub.

"I was so worried when the news broke," she whispered. "I'm glad she was healthy." I nodded, nothing had been more terrifying than those hours in labour, unsure if she would survive. Would she be able to breathe?

Then I asked the most honest question I could. If it came down to it, if she escaped this life, would she do it alone? We talked for another moment before I saw her stiffen. I turned to see Jareth taking in the tired and pale form of Lena.

"Is everything all right?" he asked.

"I was nursing, and I saw Lena out in the yard," I explained to him, letting him piece together whatever he thought may have happened.

"I woke up to smoke. I grabbed Max and just ran as I saw the flames grow," Lena explained. "Don't make me go back, please. This is my one chance to escape if they think I'm dead," she pleaded.

She was so shaken, I didn't know what to do other than to lead her to the table to sit down. I whispered to Jareth. "Wake up the Signor," I told him as I looked towards the guest room down the hall. "He once asked me if I needed help last year." I saw his mind processing my words, but he did as I asked.

We all sat around the table. It was only in-house, as none of the hired help lived with us now. We all thought there had to be a way to make this work? The hardest part would be getting past the border. We were asking a lot of the Signor, but he took it in stride. He never asked for anything in return and offered Lena a place to stay as she got on her feet if she didn't mind the flat sandy lands of his own.

The Signor left with Lena and her son hidden away between large pallets of fruit built up around her like a forte in the bed of the truck he drove. The border was only an hour drive south, but still I sat in agony for three hours until the news broke about the fire that destroyed the Sutton's entire house. As the day wore on, I listened to the radio as I worked on my sketches. I watched the front gates from windows I passed as I tried to go about my day.

They had to have managed the border. We only had to wait for the Signor's call, a hidden message within his words. While we waited, they searched the rubble of Sutton house. There was too much damage, the fire too hot as it burned in the hot August night. There were no bodies. There was no way they could have escaped the fire, they said. Another young maid, who had yet to turn sixteen, was labelled deceased as well.

Then, almost a week later, the phone rang. 'The peaches made the journey. The extra protection kept them from bruising." Such a normal statement about fruit, but we finally let our minds sigh in relief.

If we only knew what we had started, and how it would change our lives. The whispers of hope that spread between the girls in red. The rumours of someone escaping that circulated between them.

They began to see that even in the darkest of night, the stars still shine brightly in the sky.

That hope existed even in the darkest of times.

That hope still existed, even for them.

 

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This one wrote itself into a long one as you can tell.

Also who else loves half ice tea/sweet tea-half lemonade? I love Arnold Palmer and can drink them by the case sometimes. As a Canadian, I call Sweet tea-Iced Tea. I tried McDonald's sweet tea last year on a road trip and couldn't do it, it tasted too strong of tea haha.

The Signor is back for a visit. What do people think about him? I left some clues floating around about him and wondering if anyone may have picked up on them. Some of rather blatant, other maybe not so much haha!

Next chapter is shorter and will be a break from the normal POV. So if you have been missing how Jareth feels and his thoughts, it is coming next chapter!

As always let me know what you think. If you have any questions are pondering. Always review in a way where I can reply back to you privately. Guest reviews aren't great for clarification that you may want or need!

Tina.


	22. Chapter 22

Here is Chapter 22!

A slightly shorter than the usual, but I am sure you will forgive me!

Thank you for all the reviews, favs, and follows! Everyone is amazing and sweet.

Thank you to my lovely Beta who edits these so they can be top notch for everyone!

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Chapter 22

Those months that passed after Lena's escape was a blur. I had never liked living in the Capital, and back then it was no different, but still, I found myself back there in a fishbowl of people who I did not know trying to befriend me. The parties and the constant stream of ladies knocking on our door were tiring.

Jareth and I were happily playing house, but it would soon come crashing down on us. Who knew they would take my words literally? I had given them what they needed, and they used it to their advantage.

So, to my readers, I give you another small glimpse into his private thoughts of those years past that have survived. Those precious years that we shared together through his eyes.

_December 26th_

_I should have known they would pull something like this after Sarah's speech. Not that I blame her for this; she was only stating the truth of my position in society. Ever since we arrived in the Capital for the winter months, things have felt different as of late. I should have known that this would be coming, yet they completely blindsided me._

_We attended the Yuletide ball together this year. It was as grand as I remembered it in the old days when Dinah could attend. The decadent ballroom had been decorated in sheers and silks, and I watched Sarah take in the room as we entered. Her hair was curled and piled on top of her head with the pearl pins that I had given her that evening. She was dressed in a long, flowing green gown, one that I bought her back in the summer. She refused to let me buy another dress when she had yet to wear the other one._

_She kept close to my side for the majority of the night, nestled into my side as my hand rested on her hip. I could feel her anxiety flare as she reached for her necklace—the one I had given her on our wedding day—when people came up to hello, or if she recognized one of the elders. It was after dinner when the dancing had started, that I stood up and held out my hand to her. She shook her head, trying to tell me she didn't know how to dance._

" _Let me lead you," I whispered in her ear as I pulled her close to me, staying near the edge of the dance floor._

_I could feel the structure of her undergarments through the light material of her dress. The sheer material covered her arms and collarbone, leaving only a trace of what I knew was hidden away from view. As I twirled her, I watched her skirts float around her as she gracefully spun back into my arms._

_We were still learning so much about each other, little things that made us smile. She loves to cook and is often trying to learn from the cook how to make simple little things. She's not exactly the best at it, but she always looks so proud when something comes out halfway decent. She enjoys watching me shave in the mornings, watching from the vanity in her nightwear. Some mornings it's hard to not want to kiss her senseless, and when I do, I imagine many more scenarios in my head._

_I am no saint, and it is difficult to pull away from her at night as her touches have become bolder over the months. Emmeline seems to know these exact moments, usually crying out to gain our attention. Then, by the time Emmeline is consoled or fed, any evidence of my own struggle is gone. Sarah was always beautiful, but now it radiates off of her. Watching her with Emmeline, I never imagined it could be so intoxicating to my senses. Sarah has grown into such a woman, and if Emmeline is anything like her when she grows up, I know she will survive anything that may come her way._

_We danced twice more, a slow waltz and a mid-tempo foxtrot. Before we stood and applauded the band until they started up once more. The familiar beginning notes of what is considered to be our national dance rung out. It was the dance that every child learned growing up, no matter how poor or well-to-do they were. I watched her smile light up as she recognized the music, her eyes bright as she recalled the steps of the dance. If we'd had an actual wedding, we would have danced to it for the first time at the reception. Instead, we were dancing it together for the first time at Capital Hall, going through the motions that we learned when we were young as she smiled brightly at me. Laughing at herself as she remembers the steps from the top of her head._

_We took a small break, wandering over to look the table of desserts before Sarah excused herself to use the ladies room. It was when she came back that I watched the President walk up to the stage, his wife following him only to stand behind him._

_I was soon to understand why I'd had such a nagging feeling all night as I listened to him go on about the future, and our futures in society as almost 200 children had been born so far under the decree. I watched Sarah out of the corner of my eye, how her back straightened, and a steely look crossed her face. She gripped my arm so tightly as she tried not to show any emotion, clapping politely as others did when he finished._

_Then the bloody bastard called upon me to accept the position of his Vice President. I looked at Sarah, rather shocked before she nudged me. I held out my arm to her; she was trembling, but her expression was blank. His words still echo in my mind:_

' _A leader of our ways. A perfect example of a family man who has done his duty for the cause.'_

_The words made me sick to my stomach. They'd succeeded. They'd managed to twist my arm to get what they wanted six months before this day._

_We excused ourselves after a large number of congratulations that came our way. We learned over the weeks that using Emmeline as an excuse was accepted without question, one we used to our advantage when the invitations came to our door. Many wives told Sarah they would call on her in the upcoming weeks. While she smiled graciously, her eyes seemed distant. Sarah was not one for social calls society-wise. I thought the look would disappear once we got back to the townhouse, but that look stayed with her as she got ready for bed, pulling out the pins that held her hair up and unzipping the back of her dress._

_I watched as she undressed from the mirror I stood in front of, admiring the black satin and lace lingerie that covered her torso. I don't think she knows how beautiful she is in these sorts of moments, her innocence showing through her every movement as she tries to keep her body hidden from my view, yet she is comfortable enough to change with me in the room rather than change in the washroom. Still, as I watched her undo the hooks of her brassiere, I could see the curve of her breast as she pulled on her nightwear. She mumbled about going to check on Emmeline who could be heard grumbling in the next room._

_Something was running through her mind. When she will be ready to share, I am not sure. Even as she sleeps beside me as I write this, I can see the wheels of her mind turning as she tosses and turns in her sleep._

_January 14th_

_Two weeks of trying to figure out what's going through Sarah's mind. Two weeks of spending more time at the Hall than being home with my family. She never complains, always coming down the stairs to greet me when she hears the front door open. Emmeline is usually fighting sleep, whimpering and rubbing her eyes. Sarah tries to put her to bed, but she clings to me as her cries simmer down. She misses me throughout the day and my heart sinks. I am never gone this much from her and she knows it. I sit with her on my chest as she snuggles into my shoulder. Listening to my heartbeat, she finally allows herself to fall asleep._

_Today, Sarah walked down to the Hall with Emmeline and a basket of prepared food. I'd left in such a hurry this morning that I had forgotten to take the lunch the cook left me. So, bundled up against the cool wind, she decided to walk it over to me. Her cheeks were rosy from the walk over, and Emmeline squealed as she heard my voice from her carrier, reaching out to me. Sarah untied her from the wrap and passed her over. As she contentedly babbled in my ear as I held her, Sarah and I picked at the food. Not wanting them to leave, I showed them around a little more as I carried Emmeline. More than once, the secretaries gathered around us and fawned over her while the senators congratulated me when they saw her, often mentioning how she regretfully had some of my facial features._

_She is a pretty child, then again, I am rather biased as her father. Feathery dark hair and bright eyes that lean more blue than green as of late. She's almost tripled her birth weight now, weighing in at a chunky seventeen pounds at seven months old. It wasn't long ago that Sarah started to feed her mashed up fruits and vegetables at the dinner table when we ate. Emmeline often looked at our plates with such curiosity, trying to reach and grab things that were within her reach. Though she was still very much attached to Sarah, nursing many times a day still, she slept for almost eight hours a night now._

_We said our goodbyes before I went back to my office. I wouldn't be home until late and I told her to not wait up for me. Still, I found Sarah sitting cross-legged on the bed wearing a pair of my old flannel pants and a thin camisole. Not her usual nightwear, but it was cooler these nights. I kissed her forehead before I went on about my routine undressing._

" _I started my cycle today," she spoke up quietly. The first one since before Emmeline, she explained. It did explain her abrupt coolness the past couple of days with the household, as well as her general frustration that I couldn't quite place. It now all made sense, though. I've lived with women all my life, this was something I have lived with for the majority of my lifetime. Still, I found it amusing that she sought out my old flannel pants to wear._

_She looked up at me with wide eyes as she fiddled with the hem of her pants, her lips parted to say something. I stooped down in front of her on the bed and placed my finger to her lips. I tried to tell her there was no rush, that society can be damned, that Emmeline was only seven months, but she only shook her head at me._

_She was tired of hearing other men's quips about another child when she was in their presence. She was tired of the other women trying to find out if she was expecting again. Never outright asking, but she saw through their veiled attempts._

_In her mind, it's now or never, and I'm not sure if I am ready to share her with more children._

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Well, there you go!

Chapter 23 is gone to the beta so it shouldn't be too long of a wait. Chapter 24 is being written at the moment. Then everyone can rejoice, haha! The moment everyone is waiting for is in Chapter 24!

After Chapter 25 I'll be starting to fill in the blanks and jumping sometimes. Learning about the other children and all that fun stuff.

Side note. I am not good at politics. I barely understand my own countries Parliament haha!

How I see this going down. Is the council is full of older men of old titles and large amounts of wealth and such who actually run the country/kingdom? The 'Senate' Is more of the younger men who have high standings in position and make what the elders want to become a reality. The President and Vice President would be the in-betweens of the two groups. Everyone wants to become an elder or make their way up in the world which is how you get the snitches or people trying to get people punished.

Not sure if that makes any sense but that's how it plays out in my head. So I would figure I would let you in on that!

As Always I love to hear from you all and what you think!

Tina


	23. Chapter 23

Welcome to chapter 23!

Prepare for some embarrassing moment with a bit of fun for these two characters.

Thank you all for the amazing feedback you all have been giving me and all the follows You are all amazing people really!

Sorry for the delay the Beta and I had some email troubles haha! Otherwise, it would have been out earlier today!

Huge thank you to my beta as always, you really are the best!

Chapter 23

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Sometimes things change so gradually that you don't notice it. Sometimes, you forget about the times when things were different in the past. All I knew was his lips were always soft, his breath tasted like cardamom, and I loved the feeling of his five o'clock shadow on my jaw. Sometimes he took the lead while other times I bravely pulled him towards me, acting impulsively on my own desire.

It started off so innocently, only to become intimate moments—moments where I tried to allow myself to trust him on a deeper level. Still, his kisses were intoxicating, making my thoughts float around in a large vast sea of what was my mind. The taste of his lips and the feeling of his stubble that ran across my jawline as he kissed my ear and then my neck ignited my whole body in a way I didn't comprehend fully just yet.

I was nervous, shaking as my hands gripped his shoulders, half wanting to push him away, the other half wanting to pull him closer.

His hands ran over my body, over the light silk of my nightgown, moving to cup my breasts in his hands. I moaned softly at the feeling. It was entirely different from what I expected it to feel like. His lips grazed over mine before he kissed his way down my jaw and neck, smiling to himself as he kissed the tender flesh that he exposed. I felt him trace around the area with his finger until I felt the tips of my breasts pebble beneath them, the goosebump feeling as I felt my body react and breathe heavily.

Slow and steady, with a questioning pause for each new touch he made. I felt the familiar ache in my lower stomach, purring as he pushed aside the nightgown. I shivered as the cold air hit my skin, then I felt a familiar tingling sensation. Soon after that was accompanied by a warm trickle that ran down into my armpit. I pushed myself up as I tried to push him away, grabbing my breasts to keep them from spraying him. I looked at him for a good moment in horror.

"Oh!" I blurted out, shocked at my body's response. "Please tell me I didn't get you!" I looked at him in dismay before his mouth twitched and I heard a rumble of a laugh.

"Sarah, it's all right," he tried to calm me down. "It's natural, it's only milk. It doesn't bother me," he told me rather calmly for someone who had just been hit with milk. I'd never even thought of the possibility, which embarrassed me. Then again, why would I have? I rarely leaked now and had given up wearing any sort of breast pad in my bras. The only time I found that I let down unintentionally was sometimes when the warm water for the shower hit me.

I looked at him as we both sat back amongst the pillows with a sigh. Any sort of moment was lost now, and I made a mental note to try and nurse Emmeline before we attempted any sort of moment again. I sighed and decided to get up and get a fresh nightgown, crossing the hall to the washroom as the master bedroom didn't have an ensuite.

I had been rather sad to leave the orchard, but Jareth's standing within the council made it necessary, along with the harsh winters the Manor got, according to him. We had been in the city for a week before the women started trickling in. Neighbours and wives of men who held high positions all stopping by to greet me and see Emmeline.

It had been two weeks before a familiar face knocked on my door. Another Academy girl, who had ended being chosen as a wife for an older gentleman. She had brought her young son with her. Amelie, I remembered her name. I also remembered her once vibrant personality that would come out in the quiet nights in the dorm. Now, she looked older and more reserved, always wearing shades of blue.

I didn't trust her. I didn't know why. Then again, I didn't trust the city, let alone trust my own household. I still remember the look on her face when Jareth greeted me so casually, yet so affectionately as he came back from the men's club. A lingering kiss on my lips as his hand ran over my side. I blushed but traced the back of his hand before he pulled it away from me.

She asked me what I was to wear to the ball, only to go back to explain the ball to me when she saw the blank look on my face. Of course, Jareth would be invited and expected to go this year with me by his side. I half expected her to ask to see my closet to help me find a suitable gown. She might have if Jareth hadn't come home when he did. So, I told her that I had a green gown that Jareth had bought me not long ago that would be suitable for the occasion. I looked to Jareth to confirm my assumption.

"Of course, should I call the tailor to see if there are any adjustments to made on it?" he asked me as he sat on the edge of the sofa.

I shook my head at him, "I am sure it will be fine, it's a forgiving silhouette." I really had no idea if I'd even packed the gown or not to bring with me.

It was later when he found me browsing through the large closet that the maid had unpacked for me. "Why didn't you tell me about the ball?" I asked him curiously.

"I merely forgot about it. I haven't attended it for years. I am not even sure if we have been officially invited to it yet, but I am sure it will turn up in the post now," he responded as he reached for the gown. Giving it a look over as if he was telling himself he had good taste in clothing, he hung it up on the post. I gazed at his clothed body. It was true, he did dress impeccably. Everything was tailored to fit him perfectly. His trousers hid nothing from view, yet still remained a decent enough fit to be modest.

I snorted at my own thought as I took a moment to appreciate the sight of his backside as he turned away from me.

Jareth's trousers were anything but modest.

He turned to look at me, and I smiled playfully at him, raising my eyebrow before leaving him alone in the closet.

"What are you giggling about?" he asked me, following me with an amused looked on his face.

"Nothing," I shook my head. I tried not to giggle as I attempted to escape him. Still, he caught my waist and pulled me to him, his long fingers poised as he threatened to tickle me. "Don't!" I plead him not to.

"Hmm, and what do I get for not tickling you?" He smiled crookedly at me, to which I raised my eyebrow.

"Well, considering I have grown a human for you and brought her into this world…" I drawled. "But, if that is not enough, I suppose this might do?" I say to him as I pulled on his lapels and kissed him firmly on the lips. It's been almost four months of this new stage of our marriage. While he still initiated most advances, I had my moments where I took charge.

They always said practice makes perfect, and he never let a chance pass us by.

The day of the ball I spent the afternoon preparing. Sitting in the bath, I relaxed with my hair piled high on my head in curlers from the night before. I ran my hand over the length of my legs. I couldn't quite remember the last time they felt so smooth. Maybe a few months ago when Jareth took Emmeline for the afternoon? The depilatory creams were well worth the smell and slight burning at times. It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that I broke out of my daze.

"Sarah?" Jareth's voice called out to me. It was filled with uncertainty, something I had not heard in his voice yet.

"Come in?" I called to him, unsure of what was going on. It took a moment as he shuffled something around before the door opened. There in his arms was our daughter, covered in what seemed to be pureed carrots with patches of…baby oatmeal? And wrapped up in a large muslin to try and keep her from staining his shirt.

"Pass her over," I said, shaking my head. He nodded and quickly divested her of her soiled undershirt and diaper.

"Water's not too hot?" he asked, suddenly worried over the temperature. I give him a look of 'Are you being serious?' and he hands me Emmeline.

"Shoo!" I motioned to the door with my head as I held Emmeline, who was resting on my bent legs in the bath. He laughed as he turned, telling me to let him know when to come take her away.

"Did you have fun with daddy?" I asked her, tickling her stomach until a large smile popped on her face. "Did you make a mess so you can come see Mommy?" I cooed as I ran a wet cloth over her head, wiping away the mess.

The ball was as grand as I imagined a ball could be, with thousands of twinkling lights, and long sheer panels covering the walls that shimmered and sparkled as you turned your head. The first half of the party was cocktails and mingling, and I sipped on a small glass of wine as I stayed near Jareth. I kept rather quiet, only speaking when spoken to as introductions were made.

The second half was when the dancing began, something I was not practiced or skilled at, while Jareth was an excellent dancer and helped cover my fumbling feet. It wasn't until the familiar notes came on that I let out a breath of relief. I knew this one. Everyone knew this one.

It was lively, yet now as a married woman, it was extremely intimate in a way I never noticed before. It was the simple touches and gestures. The look on his face as he watched me twirl while he stood there clapping with the other gentlemen. I smiled before I twirled back into his embrace, breathless as he held me, his arms keeping me from falling as I arched my back. He pulled me back up slowly, the warmth of his hands as they moved up my back searing me through the sheer material of my top. I breathed deeply as we stared intensely at each other, caught up in the moment before we heard the clapping around us. I blushed and stepped away from him, adverting my attention to thank the band like the others.

Not long after, I excused myself to use the ladies room where a dozen other women were fixing their faces with powders and lipstick. Some nodded their heads to me, some smiled as I waited for a cubicle. I had met most of the women by now and I smiled back at them. It was strange how suddenly I was just one of them. No background or breeding issues, I was just the wife of a Lord, an equal to them in the ways of the Law. Still, I heard their whispers, everyone's speculation about us as I washed my hands.

I walked into what neither of us expected. We should have seen it coming, but never did. The thought had never crossed our minds. We should have known that nothing comes without a price, that I had given them the ammunition that they needed to place him where they wanted him. He waited for me to reach him before he offered me his arm, and I prayed that I could keep the shock from showing on my face.

Then it hit me like a freight train as I stood behind him on the stage, much like how he had no choice but to accept their offer of Vice President in front of everyone. My world was going to change, our marriage would have to change. My womb was already a source of speculation; how many times had I been asked about expanding our nursery?

We spent the next hour being congratulated on his nice role. It wasn't until I spoke up about Emmeline most likely being hungry that they let us go willingly. It wasn't an exact lie, but she was still asleep when we got home. We fell into our nighttime routines as I unpinned my hair and washed off my cosmetics. I fumbled around with the zipper of my dress and peeled it away from my body, stepping out of the gown and stooping to pick it up and place it on the back of my vanity chair. For a moment, I stood in the black satin and lace undergarments that covered my body, then went to work on a large number of little hooks that held the bustier closed before I let it fall from my body. Hunching forwards, I tried to hide my body from view as I changed. I didn't understand why changing felt so much more personal around him. He'd seen me in some of my most intimate moments. I reached for my nightgown and pulled on a plain cotton with pink flowers tonight.

The following days were busy. A steady flow of callers filled my afternoons, along with invitations to many mother and infant groups, a popular activity to fill our days so children could learn to socialize and allow women to be around other women. I wasn't keen on them, but at the same time, the support of other mothers about stages and skills was reassuring to me. I found myself floating half in of these so-called friendships, often trying to remind myself that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. However, watching older women whose children were obviously not their own tore at my heart, and it went out to the young women and girls who'd had to give up their children.

Jareth spent even more time at the office, more so than usual as he stepped into his new role. Many nights I waited for him past our usual dinner time. Even Emmeline noticed his lack of presence during the evening when he was generally home. By the second week, she was frustrated and let us know her disapproval, refusing to be put down to sleep until he came home and did it himself.

It was during those moments as I watched him cuddle and rock her to sleep, I realized that much like Emmeline, I missed him. I missed the small moments and nights we spent in his study. The moments of quiet as I cuddled into him at night, neither of us saying anything, too afraid to break the moment.

We were playing house, pretending to be a normal, married couple, yet we were still far from it.

I didn't recognize the familiar signs, it had been so long since I had dealt with my cycle. I put the sore breasts down to nursing and the short temper to being without any help during the day. I was tired and moody, but I spent my days with women I did not like or alone with my child. So it had been rather a shock to see the stains on my underwear mid afternoon as I returned him from bringing Jareth his lunch which resulted in a tour and him proudly showing off Emmeline to any who passed us in the halls. It all made sense now. I went on a search, looking in various cabinets and cupboards. When was the last time I had even thought about dealing with it when I came up empty-handed? Out of desperation, I looked through Luna's old room, then even the room Dinah once occupied. It was there I found an old package of sanitary napkins. Better than nothing, I supposed.

I asked the housekeeper to keep watch on Emmeline, explaining that I had to run to the pharmacy and wouldn't be long. I collected my purse and looked at the few bills Jareth had given me to keep on hand. I hoped it would be enough, as I was unsure the cost of things nowadays. Worst case, I had one of Jareth's bank drafts, but I never used them.

I was sitting cross-legged on the bed when Jareth finally came home. I'd managed to get Emmeline to sleep without him tonight after a long, warm bath and her fluffy sleeper. I saw him look over to me, wearing a pair of his flannel pants and one of my camisoles. His eyes moved over my appearance of messy hair and comfortable clothing. He said nothing of it as he kissed my forehead before walking over to his dressing area. I watched him undress with tired movements, trying to decide just how to tell him.

"I started my cycle today," I told him simply, and he turned to look at me. "The first one since well before Emmeline…" I added on for clarification. I looked down and picked at the frayed hem of my bottoms. "I think—"

He stopped me before I could even finish my sentence, his finger touching my lips to quiet me. He tried to tell me to not worry, that there was no hurry. I shook my head at him, the nagging feeling at the back of my head of everyone speculating about our marriage. Even if we shared a bed at night, it didn't mean anything. I'd heard some women call me selfish in low whispers behind my back. How dare I deny him his basic rights as a husband? All the comments other men gave Jareth about children. It was all getting to be too much, and now, with him as the Vice President, it was only adding to the pressure.

I spent the day planning Jareth's birthday dinner. That was coming up at the end of the month. Inviting a few of his friends, I sent them by messenger and awaited their replies.

He was turning thirty-eight this year. I'd never really considered his age when I thought about him, and now the thought frightened me slightly. I was almost twenty years younger than him. What if the worst happened? What would happen to me and the children? Would we be destitute? Would we have the security of our futures? I could own no property of my own. It would have to go to a son. A son would give me security as he would carry on in his father's place.

Without a son, Jareth's whole livelihood would turn to ash. Maybe, by luck, a son-in-law could take it over. I had two weeks to get my head into the game. I didn't know if I was truly ready for it, I might never be fully, but I had to at least be willing to try.

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Okay, so the last teaser chapter before we get to the good stuff. Don't worry though, it's coming, next chapter. I swear. I promise all of you cookies and cupcakes that next chapter will be what you all have been waiting for.

The random author notes….how's everyone weather lately? I swear I went from a Canadian winter, no spring and straight to summer. I broke out my air conditioner because it has been hot and humid in the high 20sC of 70'sF even in the 80s! It's only May still!

As per usual I enjoy your comments and look forward to you happy dances for next chapter.

Kristina.


	24. Chapter 24

Hello, My lovely readers! Today is the day! Ha Ha

I hope everyone enjoys this as I know it was long awaited. Thank you all for your reviews and kind words last chapter.

Thank you to my lovely Beta, I'm sorry for tugging at your heartstrings hehe.

I won't keep you waiting any longer, so here we go!

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Chapter 24

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I watched as he blew out the candles on the cake that I placed in front of him. The room was cheering and singing out loud as he smiled and looked back at me. I smiled back and sat down beside him in my chair. It was like the room was in a box; everything around me was muffled as I watched him laugh and chase over the dancing flames.

I'd asked him when the last time was he had celebrated his birthday in such a fashion early this morning. He couldn't remember the last time he truly celebrated it. He said it made him feel old. Something about how he didn't like to think about it with Emmeline being so young, about how he was nineteen when I was born.

I laughed as he handed me the knife in defeat, failing as he tried to cut the cake evenly. I stood next to him and sliced into the tall cake covered in frosting, his hand running over my hip and down my leg. I'd finished dishing up the cake when I heard Emmeline let out a cry in the other room and excused myself to go check up on her.

She looked up at me, frowning as she sucked on her thumb, grumbling. I laughed and picked her up, setting her against my hip. "You just want to be part of the party, don't you?" I teased her. "You'll have your own soon enough, little miss."

"It seems someone felt left out," I announced to the room as I re-entered. I passed Emmeline over to Jareth and grabbed the camera that was sitting on the sideboard, quickly snapping a picture of them together as Emmeline reached for his cake with her small hands. We were beginning to learn that tiny hands could make a large mess.

"You are still too young, little one," Jareth chuckled and placed it out of her reach. "A few more months until you can try the cake. For now, you must stick to these," he offered her a piece of cut up strawberry, watching her carefully as he talked to his guests to make sure she wouldn't choke. She was only a few days shy of being eight months old and had a good amount of teeth now. I could watch him interact with Emmeline all day. We spent the last remaining hours of the evening talking and playing old games. It was almost ten when I excused myself to settle Emmeline down for the night. She would sleep from eleven to almost six or seven in the morning now.

I was sitting on the bed when he came into the room after checking over the house before retiring.

I kissed him on the cheek. "Did you have a good day?" I asked as he settled into the bed after coming out of the bathroom.

"I did," he smiled. "Emmeline went down all right?" he asked as he always did if he wasn't there to help.

"She did," I nodded my head, trying to think of a way to express my want to begin trying once more. "I have another gift for you," I told him and reached across to my bedside table, pulling out a heavy frame. I had found an old, ripped photo of what appeared to be a young Jareth and his mother. "I had to reference some of your other photos, but I think it came out all right," I explained to him. The original photo had torn over her face, but it was such a sweet photograph it made me want to recreate it for him.

"It's beautiful. I never cease to be amazed by your abilities," he leaned in to kiss me properly.

"You never told me her name before…" I said after a moment.

"Her name was Imogene. She disliked it immensely. She preferred being called Jean," he explained to me.

"Imogene," I let it roll off my tongue. "Genie for short could be a wonderful family name for the next one if it is another girl. I know your father's name was Lincoln. I thought if we are lucky to have a son, we could name him after your father? I know it's rather corny being your birthday and all, but I thought maybe we could try tonight…" My voice dropped at my request.

"If you feel like you're ready," he responded. I know he would have liked to say he would never force me, but we both remember the past. We both know the truth. I nodded my head at him.

"I'm freshly milked out," I joked, even if I knew it didn't bother him as much as it bothered me. He chuckled and shook his head at my antics. Placing the frame on his night table, he turned back to me.

"Any moment you feel like you want to stop," he said to me. "I mean it, Sarah, just say the word and it will all stop." His voice was stern, and I nodded my head while enjoying the sound of my name on his lips.

"Of course," I replied.

It started simply, with him kissing me. The usual moments we shared at night, but with slightly more intent. The gentle touches had a bit more weight to them, his kisses deeper. Still, with each new moment, he paused before I responded in some way or form. A sigh or moan to show him that I was enjoying it.

I kept telling myself to just feel. Don't think, just enjoy the moment. Don't think about the past, just think about now and this moment. I caught his lip as they grazed over mine, kissing him back as our tongues danced around each other. It was enough to keep me from overthinking, to ignore the fact that his hands were creeping underneath the satin of my nightgown. I always imagined being in love when I was in a moment like this. Then again, what is love? I knew the love I had for Emmeline and how it filled my heart like no other. Did I love him? Could I love him as a woman loves a man? Did he love me? We never truly spoke of love to one another. We were just us. We were married and had a decently comfortable friendship at this point.

But could I love him? Possibly? I thought about the possibility even after everything. How his want to right his wrongs and ensure my happiness was a sure sign that he respected me. It was the little things in daily life. It wasn't the flowers or gifts he brought me, it was more about how he valued my opinions, how he always included me in conversations at dinner parties. It was the moments when he carried our daughter through the orchards, explaining that one day this would be something she would look over. He would make sure that she would have options for her life. She would never fear for her life.

He kissed down my neck, careful not to overstimulate my breasts now. The nightgown was pushed aside as his tongue twirled around a nipple. I was past the point of caring if I leaked or not, and I was pretty sure he had secretly tasted my milk out of curiosity. It was a jolt of a twitch as it rubbed against my leg that sent a shock through my body and up to my mind. It took me a moment to realize what had moved, and I shivered as a chill ran down my spine. A flash surfaced in my mind as I felt him hard against my thigh, the silky material of his pyjamas cool against my bare skin. He seemed to know, understanding without me saying a word. His kisses made their way over my jaw and to my lips as he shifted himself away. I felt oddly cold when he did and found myself pulling him closer to let him know that it was fine.

It was still strange for me to run my hands over his bare chest, feeling the soft prickles of the fine blonde hair that tapered down into his pants beneath my palms. I realized for the first time that I had never seen him fully nude. Even during the ceremonies, he had worn clothing to cover himself. I explored more, my palms flat on his stomach, and the feeling of his muscles tightening under my touch made me smile.

I was curious, but yet frightened. How could I be less frightened to deliver a child than to be a wife in all meaning of the word? With my nightgown bunched up around me, my body was flushed with a sensation that I hadn't felt in a long while. A gentle hum that sat deep in my lower stomach brought me back to the nights where I would lie awake while pregnant. Those nights where I tried to please my own needs. I could feel my own wetness, clinging to my flesh as his hand ran over the curve of my thigh, my hip, and to my stomach.

I didn't know what to do. Should I do anything? All we'd ever been told at the Academy was to lie back and let your husband do what he wishes. Surely there had to be more to the act than just lying there? Would he want me to touch him? I let my hand fall lower, my uncertainty wavering with each passing second. He looked up at me in surprise before he covered my hand with his. A groan escaped him when he moved my hand under his against his hard length, then back up again.

"Touch me, explore me," he whispered to me. "You don't need permission."

I nodded, gulping down some air. I moved slightly, only to find that my nightgown had twisted around me. I struggled for a moment before I felt him pull at the hem, lifting my hips from the bed as my hands took the weight. Once free from beneath me, he pulled it up and I lifted my arms, letting him pull it off. I went to cover myself with my arms, but instead, I laid back down on my side.

I was at a loss for what to do, or where to even begin. I was completely unclothed, yet he was still wearing his bottoms. I started at his chest, knowing that zone well enough as I ran my hands over muscle and his flat nipples. They weren't really flat, but I had no other word to call them after comparing them to my own after months of nursing. I travelled my way down, guided by the trail of fine hair that was hardly noticeable. When I reached the waistband of his pants, I grazed my hand over the tented area. He let out a hiss which made me pull my hand away—or I tried to, but he stopped me.

"It feels good when you do that," he explained, and I nodded my head. It took a few moments, a few experimental touches before I wrapped my hand around him—or tried to wrap it around him. Curiosity killed the cat, I told myself. I took a moment before I pulled at his waistband, allowing myself a shy glance. I blushed at my own boldness. He was larger than I expected, larger than what I remembered. I had very little experience with men, but somehow, I knew that he was more endowed than the average man, even if I didn't have anything to compare to. It was a strange and interesting sight as I looked him over and the sack that sat below it.

He seemed to understand my hesitance, and that I needed some sort of distraction. His hand ran back up my leg to reassure me that it was all right if I wasn't ready to explore fully. He pulled me closer, catching my lips once more. His hand rubbed along the inside of my thigh, gliding up towards my centre, gently pressing his palm against the smooth skin that I thoughtfully took care of the day before. I moaned into his mouth as his prodding fingers stroked my slick folds. Those familiar shocks of pleasure shot through my body as his fingers rubbed circles around my pulsing bud. It was like he owned my body in that moment.

Panting against his lips as he worked his fingers, I broke away. My entire body flushed as we looked at each other, and I rolled onto my back to give him better access. He followed seamlessly, leaning over me as I clutched the sheets in my hands. It was then that I felt him press against my opening with the pad of his finger.

I nodded my head to tell him it was all right. I knew he was trying to make this as easy as possible for me. We didn't know how I'd healed from the few stitches I had after having Emmeline. He kissed me once more as he continued on with his mission. I felt him, his long digit sliding into my body, and I moaned at the feeling. It didn't hurt, but then again, it was only just a finger. His other long fingers still caressed that sensitive nub that sat above my entrance.

I was close to what I remembered the end feeling like on my own, chasing the high as I writhed under the ministrations of his dual movements. I groaned as I felt him stretch me by adding another finger. I'd never imagined something could feel so good. I was beginning to lose control, my voice echoing off the walls as I felt something inside me burst. My back arched off the bed while thousands of sparks ran through my body, my toes curling as I stretched out.

I'm not sure what happened next. I know some things that may haunt you don't completely go away. It will always haunt the back of your mind, lurking, ready to come out when it has its chance. I knew to expect it, but I didn't think it would affect me in such a way. Even the other two unions never sent me into such a fit. All he did was touch my knee, or was it my ankle? I don't remember now, but I gasped for air and struggled against my emotions.

He caressed the side of my face, not saying a word at first. "I should have been more careful," he murmured.

His voice calmed me as he stroked my hair and the side of my face as I looked at him with wide eyes. How long had it been since we'd started this?

"Sarah," his voice was low, pausing for a moment. "We don't have to do this the usual way," he suggested. "There are other ways."

I tilted my head in confusion. Wasn't the man always on top? "I don't understand," I whispered, blushing at my own naïveté.

"I'll show you." He motioned for me to hold onto him for a moment and I nodded, still unsure what he wanted us to do. He rolled us over to one side of the bed, and it wasn't until then that it dawned on me what he wanted as he grasped my hips and helped me straddle him. I could feel him just underneath me. I wasn't sure if I should try and cover myself or just go with the flow.

"You have all the control now," he explained.

I looked at him, my hands resting on his chest and nodded my head. It did feel better. It was less haunting to be on top, as embarrassing or awkward as it seemed. Still, I wondered if I could be that brave?

He helped me as I raised my hips, holding himself with one hand while his other nudged my hips downwards in a signal for me to lower myself, pausing only to adjust his placement. I felt him fill and stretch me with each inch that disappeared into my body. It was oddly comforting, being joined as we were, though it was uncomfortable for a moment before I shifted and readjusted myself.

I looked at him as I experimentally pulled myself up. I felt empty until I sank back down on him, followed by a long groan. My movements were awkward, and sometimes disconnected, until he held my hips and guided my movements. Soon after, I felt the familiar tingle that ran through my body as I rocked my hips, my own wetness leaking down my thighs and coating the base of his shaft. I could feel his balls move with each movement I made, and each new movement I made became more fine-tuned. I felt his bulbous tip rubbing against a spot I never knew existed inside me, and I lifted my body so my arms were behind me rather than on his chest. The angle and depth change took my breath away. I had no idea how I was doing, but he wasn't correcting me, so it must have been all right for him.

"Sarah," he muttered with his face scrunched up. "I'm…not going to last…much longer," he stammered. I nodded to him and curled up to his chest as he rolled us once more. This time it was different as he pulled my legs up, and I wrapped them around his hips. We were clutching at each other, not wanting to let go.

It was another few minutes before he grunted and gripped my hips as he raised himself off me, sweat beading on his forehead for the exertion that it took. Even my body was covered in a sheen of cool sweat. He stuttered something and I felt his body stiffen, gripping my hips tightly as he thrust sharply. Something big was overcoming my mind and body once more, but it never came. Instead, he buried his face in my cleavage as he rested for a moment, his breath quick but steady.

A warm, oozing feeling came shortly after he pulled himself out of my body. We laughed as our legs tangled, not wanting to cooperate. I almost hit him in the face with my knee as he tried to toss one leg over to the other side so he could roll off me. Finally, we situated ourselves as he tucked me into his arms. He kissed my forehead, murmuring something I didn't quite hear before asking if I was all right. I nodded my head to him in response. I was too tired to speak as I yawned, reaching to pull up the covers around us.

This was more than just copulation. This was more than doing our duty for society. I always wondered just why some of the older generations called it making love. For the first time, I understood the emotions that tied it all together.

It was the one question I was asked most when people would hear of my past. They asked why I stayed. Was it because of the children? Was I afraid I would never see them again? Why did I stay with him after things came tumbling down as we stood in the atrium of the council hall? When we had enough to overthrow the regime for good? After all the years of hard work paid off. My school, the plans to save young girls the same fate as ones before them. The questioning, the punishments when something went wrong.

My answer is simple. We're not victims. We are survivors of the old govern, and most of all? I stayed not just for the children that called him father.

I stayed because I loved him.

* * *

Well there you have it, I hope it was everything everyone was hoping for and possibly more. It was a lot harder to write than anticipated. Maybe from Sarah and her nerves and the unknown of what it would change.

Poor Jareth though! I realized the poor man probably hadn't had any sort of 'Proper' action for a very long time. Don't worry though I am sure he made it up to Sarah next time and probably last a little longer. He's a man sometimes it happens!

There is only a few chapters left as I am starting to wrap this up. Three more catch ups, a final chapter and then an Epilogue most likely If I plotted it out correctly.

Anyway, all your thoughts are always welcome I look forward to all your happy dances with this chapter.

Tina.


	25. Chapter 25

Welcome everyone, Sorry for the delay but Life has been crazy and things will be crazy for the next two months. I found out I am moving to a new province so It's a flurry of packing, cancelling services and calling moving trucks.

So bear with me and be patience over the next few weeks I will be continuing to write when I can but I have a whole condo to pack up by myself as my hubby leaves to start work and find a place for us to live!

Thank you to everyone who keeps reviewing and messaging me with the story. So much love to all of you! You are all amazing.

Thank you for all the reviews and follows as well. Again you are all awesome.

Now onto chapter 25!

* * *

It took longer than I anticipated to become pregnant once more. I assumed—we both assumed—that after such luck with Emmeline, it would come easily for us.

We had been wrong.

It took over a year before I found myself with child once more. On a cool spring day, I awoke to my stomach turning for the third time that week. Those first few months we were more content with learning each other's bodies. We weren't too worried if it didn't happen right away. Still, as the months passed us, we both began to worry as each new cycle started over again. A few false hopes that ended in tears as I dealt with my cycle after more than a week delay.

It wasn't until the year had passed that I fell back onto my knowledge from the Academy. It took me almost another four weeks of being overdue before I felt brave enough to ask to call the midwife.

A winter baby this time, if I managed to keep the pregnancy. They always said the second pregnancy would be different. That every pregnancy would be different. It was then I realized just how much energy it took to grow a child. Had I been this tired with Emmeline? Or maybe it was that fact I was chasing a toddler for hours on end. Those thoughts ran through my mind as I pulled Emmeline into the master bed with me with hopes of rest. Hoping that any sort of afternoon nap would help my nausea and exhaustion.

Still, watching Emmeline grow and learn was one of the most beautiful sights I had the privilege of seeing in my life. Watching her run through the orchard as she giggled, hearing her shout out 'Daddy!' as she ran around the trees, and listening to her laughter as he caught her mid run from his hiding space. She would never learn the truth of our marriage, or her own birth until she was much older. All she knew was she was loved.

Those first few weeks were always rough, tiring. It was a hot evening. Too warm for spring, or maybe it was just my body. I heard the telephone ring in the study, but I was exhausted and had spent the last hour throwing up my dinner. Morning sickness was more like all day sickness this time around. I knew, though, that there was no excuse other than I was dying to not answer it.

" _Hello, Papa," I answered weakly as I took the phone from Jareth and sat down in the large leather chair. "No, I'm fine, it will pass in a few weeks," I explained subtly after he asked if I was feeling well from the sound of my voice. I knew the news would spread like wildfire from whomever was observing the call._

" _How is everyone?" I asked him, trying to change the subject. "Did Irene have the child?" I asked, wondering about my new sibling I would most likely never meet. I had been surprised when he told me the news on the last phone call—or was it the one before?_

" _No, not yet. Soon, most likely, though," he responded. "Toby is growing fast, though. We had to lengthen his britches again. How is Emma?"_

" _Emmeline," I corrected him like I usually did. Only on rare occasions did we call her anything but Emmeline. If anything, we called her Emmy in moments of play. "She's good. Precocious and into asking why for everything," I told him._

" _Much like yourself." I could hear him smirk. "Some days I thought would never end with your questions. You were walking and talking from an early age. I remember you toddling about the house, asking for your mama. You didn't understand." His voice trailed off and we both sat in silence for a moment._

" _Excuse me for a mom—" I said quickly as I felt my stomach turn for the umpteenth time that evening. The receiver clanged against the desk as I raced for the washroom._

The news spread quickly among the wives after that. The streams of congratulations came in abundance once I announced the news publicly. Our new neighbour was a young woman who had left the neighbouring kingdom to come here. She hadn't known the strange details of our society when she arrived, although her husband wasn't the first man to look outside the borders of our kingdom for a wife. Somehow, I found myself welcoming and befriending many of these women. With these friendships, I had felt compassion from complete strangers when I told them my own story for the first time. It didn't matter what they thought, or how appalled they were, they all learned fast to conform and not go against the law. My neighbour though was Ruby, and soon enough we spent most of our days with each other when we were both in town. I had spent the hours with her as she laboured with her own son, who was only a year younger than Emmeline.

As the weeks progressed, I found myself more energetic. It was like a strange flip of the switch. I had just put Emmeline to bed for the evening when I walked into the study to find him in his well-fitted suit. Looking at him, he took my breath away. We'd spent the past year learning and enjoying each other's bodies for pleasure. Still, it took quite a while before I felt comfortable with those moments, to allow myself the desire that allowed me to initiate those moments between us. Nothing had been more thrilling than when I finally weaned Emmeline. I enjoyed the attention that Jareth gave my now smaller chest as much as I enjoyed wearing the pretty lingerie without the worry of sour milk.

" _Sarah, what colour of tie matches your pink dress?" he asked without looking up at me as I walked through the study doorway. We were expected at the town hall tonight for the monthly meeting and we were both running late._

_I looked at them both before I tossed them aside. "Neither. I prefer you unclothed," I told him with my voice rather low. I smirked when I saw his feet shift and glanced up under my lashes. I was being rather bold and I was enjoying it._

" _Do you now?" he hummed, amused by my response. "Isn't it a little inappropriate to be unclothed in the study?"_

" _Hmm, only if we leave the door open," I teased him, tapping my fingertips up his chest while I undid the buttons to his shirt._

" _Whatever has gotten into you?" he mused, but the smile on his face told me he was enjoying it. "Do I need to correct your behaviour?" he teased._

" _The only thing that has gotten into me is you," I replied innocently before I pulled him down for a kiss._

_He worked fast at the buttons of my dress and picked me up by my thighs, placing me on his desk. My skirt hiked up around my waist as he pulled the sleeves from my body, taking in the lace brassiere I was wearing. I was dangerously close to overflowing; I had forgotten just how fast my body could change._

_I was never this bold, but that fire that fuelled my desire was not letting me take the demure way out. It took many tries, many weeks and months before we found our rhythm._

_(Please leave out in final edition for the family, please.)_

_Our tongues danced around each other as he made short work of my panties. When was the last time I felt well enough to be with him in this way? Weeks? Months? Nobody wants to pleasure someone when they are close to throwing up. It was like my body made its mind up for me when I saw him standing there a few minutes previous. His hands grasped at my breasts, tugging at the pebbled peaks until I was moaning and writhing on his desk._

_We had come to learn and enjoy different ways that didn't send me into a moment of panic. Those times were rare, but still not forgotten. They always lurked in the corner of my mind._

_His hands travelled down over the light material of my gown, over the slight swelling that held our child, caressing it lovingly before he continued on over my hips and thighs before disappearing under my skirts. I shivered with anticipation. Cupping my mound in his hand, I moaned at the pressure and what it sent through my body. My hands gripped the lapels of his jacket as I tried to push it from his shoulders. He chuckled and shrugged it off, removing his hand for a moment in the process._

_My whole body felt alive as I palmed his bare abdominal muscles. Was this what hormones did to you during pregnancy? When you knew what your body craved? When I hit the waistband of his trousers, I smirked as I felt the straining wool. I made quick work of the fly and pulled them down his hips. He was warm, hard, and soft to the touch all at the same time as I grasped him in my hand. He grunted as he thrust his hips in a steady rhythm as I ran down his length and back up again. His hand kneaded into the dampness of my panties, pushing them aside as he sank two fingers into me while his thumb teased my pulsing nub._

_It was a frenzy of hands and breathless moans as he tugged my panties down. I lifted my hips just enough for him to pull them down my thighs and fall to the floor. I pulled him close, feeling the tip of his long shaft run down my slit. We both let out a sigh contentment as he thrust into me for the first time in weeks—or was it months? I wrapped my legs around him, not letting him leave my body more than necessary._

_We heard the clock strike the half hour, people were waiting for us! Our movements became more rushed, our bodies rolling together. We were never like this. I never would have considered doing such a thing, never thought I would be such a woman. Yet it felt so amazing to shuck all society standards and exceptions._

_He nuzzled my neck, panting as we both came down from our high, his hands caressing our child once more._

_(Edit Finished)_

I had been almost seven months with Imogene when I was walking across the park with Emmeline, who was burning off some energy. Ruby was beside me with her son in the pram. I had never expected to hear the whispers—not from them, not when I had been one of them. I held onto Ludo's leash with one hand as my other held hers. I never chose this for my life, but I had two years of watching my daughter grow to warm my heart.

" _Traitor,"_ I heard someone say behind my back as they walked by us.

"Mommy?" Emmeline looked up at me with a quizzical look. "What's a 'tater?'" she asked with her small, high voice.

"Nothing, darling. Run along and play," I urged her. I pointed towards the playground where other children playing. With a large grin that was so like her father's, she ran off. She was too young to notice the difference, or what the girls in red represented in our society. I had been welcomed into society by the women who stood by and used the handmaidens for their own families, while my once sisterhood had disowned me entirely. It didn't matter that their hope for survival rested in the quiet talks that happened in the night. Change didn't happen quickly, it would take years to make a difference. Sometimes, it felt like we went two steps back and not forward.

"Oh, Ludo," I sighed, and patted his head as he looked up at me with a grumble.

I dreaded the days I accompanied Jareth to the Academy, dressed in my finery while surrounded by cloaks of red. They didn't care that I had been one of them. None of them knew me or what I had gone through during my time here. All they knew were rumours that I had once been a handmaid, and now I was married to the vice president, someone who had helped shape our Society—the man who owned the Academy's building.

It was during one visit that I noticed a young girl coughing and wheezing. She had golden hair and a slim figure like all the others, except on second look, she was much too thin.

" _She's ill?" I turned to question the Mistress who seemed to be frightened of my presence now. "Has a doctor been called?"_

" _Not yet, Ma'am, it is just a cold," she spoke after a moment. The girl was pale and had obviously been sick for quite some time. I looked towards Jareth before he nodded._

" _We are heading towards the hospital to see the midwife. I feel we'll bring her with us and make sure she is all right. She truly does not look well." I expressed my concern at her well-being, as well as outing news that had yet to be announced officially._

" _Of course! What a blessing!" she exclaimed. "A second child from my second group of girls trained? It is providence, I daresay." I ignored the Mistress but smiled tensely. I whispered to Jareth, telling him we would be late if we didn't leave soon._

_I put a comforting arm around the young girl as I lead her to the car. "What is your name?" I asked her as we got into the car. "Your real name, I mean."_

" _Zara," she whispered before she coughed, the horrible sound wracking her chest as she did._

" _Zara, will you trust me?" I whispered to her as I looked into her clear blue eyes. Somehow, she did as I ran through my brain for a plan._

It wasn't hard to get a doctor's note that put her on bed rest and fresh clean air. The country, essentially. I would take her in if she got well, a mock trial run of what it would be like in a house.

Things had changed since my two years out, and most girls were sectioned off, divided to be brides. Other ones, ones who didn't meet qualifications to become a wife, became handmaidens. Letting the men choose in the beginning turned out to be a rash decision in the Mistress's mind. In the end, the Mistress agreed to let us take her, only because she would not be useful to society if she did not get well. She only got weaker as the weeks passed—or at least that is what we told people who asked about her. At first, many people speculated that Jareth had taken another handmaiden. Why else would she be in our house? It wasn't until I began to show once more that the rumours died down slightly, but they still had yet to disappear.

It would be too strange a coincidence to have the Signor over as another girl in the area disappeared on the same weekend. We needed another way. The river that ran across the back edge of our land was our way out. The borders were patrolled, but Jareth knew of a few places that were out of the way of their view. In the end, it was my screams and a floating red cap down in the river below us along the cliff. I was too hysterical to prove as a witness. Did she fall? Was she trying to keep Emmeline from the edge of the cliff? I wasn't sure what exactly happened. It was something rather traumatic to see, and I was in such a state that they couldn't get a straight story from me. Women were delicate in nature they said as I huddled into my blanket clutching Emmeline to me. Father always told me I had a flair for the dramatics. It seemed like they still worked. I watched the tree line across the wide river, then I heard the call. The sound of an owl hooting in the distance, a flash of shining blonde hair hitting the sun as they turned to leave. I only hoped that the plan didn't scar Emmeline too much, that she was too young to remember any of it. I don't know exactly where Jareth had found the body, then again, I wasn't going to ask him about it.

Imogene was my first child born in the Capital, in the cold morning of mid-winter. Unlike Emmeline, who had come into this world small with dark hair and weeks too early, Imogene had been content to make us wait, counting the days past my due date. Waiting for her to make her appearance was agony. I went to the ball uncomfortable and large, deciding to get out rather than anxiously waiting for her arrival. Jareth had been attentive as usual, always making sure I had a chair to sit in, a pillow for my back, a shawl if I got cold. We sat out on the dancing, except for one slow waltz where I moved rather clumsily in his arms.

It was in the middle of his speech that I felt the beginnings of my labour. He must have seen the look on my face as my brow furrowed and I rubbed my stomach. He cut himself off, thanking everyone for the wonderful year. There was a rush and a flurry as the others realized what was going on as he escorted me out. A rush of well wishes followed as they found our cloaks for us in quick time. I was happy to leave.

He was barking orders as he helped me up the stairs, then he helped me change into a short old nightgown. Ruby followed as she changed out of her finery before taking Emmeline for us, trusting her nanny to watch over the children as I laboured. No child needed to witness such an event. Emmeline had a small grasp of what was happening, that she was going to be a big sister, and that a new baby was on its way, but how she would react when the baby came was a whole other mystery to us. She was rather a spoilt child who had spent two and a half years of her life without having to share us with another.

Ruby stayed, helping to get things ready for when the midwife arrived with Jareth. It was already agreed upon that no matter what the doctors or midwife said, Jareth would remain with me.

I paced the halls as the bed was made up with large amounts of pillows to prop me up for the time being. Everything was quick and steady this time around. I had probably been in labour all day and not have known it because when was my back not sore?

I spewed and stammered nonsense; I didn't remember it being this intense with Emmeline. The midwife didn't seem concerned. The baby was in position, and everything seemed fine. It was only progressing more quickly as my body already knew what to do, though I had issues catching my breath this time. It wasn't until a few hours in that Jareth called the doctor. I didn't notice his arrival until I felt a cloth and plastic mask being held over my face. I struggled to brush it away, and as I breathed it in I struggled more, thinking he was trying to knock me out.

"It's only gas and air," he told me. They all knew I didn't want any sort of medical or drug intervention unless it was absolutely necessary. "It will help you breathe. Even the midwife agrees with me. It's useful for labouring mothers. It won't harm the child, and you will stay alert." It was rather a new sort of labour treatment, and it really did help take the edge off my contractions.

It was still dark when I gave my final push that brought our second daughter into the world. Jareth was behind me, encouraging me with each contraction and push. Downy hair and a squished little nose, she nuzzled my chest after Jareth cut the cord. Another daughter, but she was too precious to dwell on it. It wasn't until she was washed off that we took notice of the copper glint of her hair. We looked at each other, rather amused, as we had argued about what sort of hair he or she would have. Red was not a colour we imagined, but my own hair had plenty of reddish undertones, so it was possible in the end.

"Imogene," I cooed down at her, testing out her name on her for the first time. It fit her, but at the same time, it felt too mature for her at the moment. "Genie, yes, you shall be Genie to us, though you took your time, didn't you?"

"She took the time she needed," Jareth chuckled.

"Are you disappointed she's not a boy?" I asked Jareth, who reached for his turn to hold her.

"Never. She is who she was meant to be, Love," Jareth smiled and kissed my hair.

"Next one will be a boy," I told him, trying to reassure him of knowing my duty to this family. I heard the rumbling in his chest as he chuckled at my statement.

"How about you rest and heal before we consider adding another addition to the family? Now, get some rest. I'll bring Emmeline around when you're awake and cleaned up?" I nodded and pulled at the covers. I didn't need any more encouragement to rest.

I woke hours later. It wasn't until I heard the clicks of Ludo's nails on the floor that I realized I wasn't alone. "Hi, boy. I'm sorry if you've been neglected lately," I scratched his ears. He spent most of his time downstairs watching over Emmeline and me. "Do you want to meet the newest addition?" I grimaced as I stood up and walked gingerly to the cradle. I gathered her up in my arms and made my way back to the bed. I held her in my arms as he gently sniffed her and grumbled and licked my arm, telling me he was all right with this one. I watched him walk and circle three times before lying down in front of the fireplace.

The nurse came and went after checking up on me and helping me bathe. She left me, telling me she would alert the master who was with the Little Lady that I was up and ready for them.

I could hear her chatter before they reached the door. Jareth was holding Emmeline's hand, keeping her by his side as she bounced in her little black shoes. I watched her light pink dress that was crinkled from playtime sway with her excitement.

"Now remember, Emmeline, be gentle and quiet. Mama is tired and had a long night, but we wanted you to meet your new sibling." He spoke quietly as he knelt beside her to make sure she understood him. He stood back up before he walked her over to the bed, lifting her up beside me. I noticed the camera on his neck. It hadn't left the spot since this morning most likely.

"Emmeline, I want you to meet your sister, Imogene, but we can call her Genie for short," I tell her softly as I moved the blanket away from the little one's face.

"Genie small," she repeated after me as she peered into the blanket. "Orange?" She pointed to the poufs of hair.

"Yes, she has red hair," I smiled and used my one arm to hold her close to me. "Plus, you were smaller," I told her as she looked at me with wide eyes. It was strange looking at Genie, who was almost nine pounds. She was so much larger than what I remembered Emmeline being. "Gentle," I reminded her as she leaned in to kiss Genie. A photo Jareth managed to catch. Not that anyone could doubt he would miss such a chance.

It wasn't long before Jareth had set up the tripod and the timer, getting everyone ready for the first picture of the four of us together. My hair was tied off to the side in a long braid with Jareth's arm wrapped around my shoulder. Emmeline sat in-between both of us as I held Genie in my arms. Even with my tired, happy smile, deep down I was still worried.

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed this one!

Only a few chapters left now, it's really starting to hit me that this is almost finished. I keep watching the show every week and sometimes I'll write something and then something on the show happens that mimics my own ideas which keeps me inspired.

The whole show gives me emotional whiplash.

As always I love to hear from you all. Tell me what you think and what you think the future holds for them. Things are changing fast, and moving fast in the last few chapters as I stated before. Plot lines are being closed and things are changing for them.

Tina.


	26. Chapter 26

Hello, my lovely readers! I hope you all enjoy this. As of next week, I will be moving and settling into our new home. It's been an adventure of a month that is for sure.

Thank you all for your review and follows. They all mean a lot to me!

Thank you to my beta who finds time to edit these for us!

I hope you all enjoy this one!

Chapter 26

* * *

Emmeline was turning six and Genie had just turned three when Ruby came into the world. Two children proved to be more of a handful than I'd anticipated. Even though Jareth and I resumed our intimate moments rather quickly after Genie, we were always careful and thoughtful about the time of the month the first year of Genie's life. He always left it up to me, never pressuring me. He had a way of reminding me when the pressure became too much for me that it was none of their business. The maids talked; everyone knew we had a healthy appetite for each other. We'd been caught more than once in compromising positions in his study and other rooms of the house.

Emmeline had been five when I took to teaching her to read and write, filling my days with more things than I barely had time to do. It was a task in itself to keep Genie from climbing the furniture. It always seemed like keeping her from harm was impossible some days. I dreaded the day when I would have three. It felt like my life would be a constant cycle of pregnancy, diapers, and potty-training that would start again when the youngest was old enough to dress themselves.

"I need a nanny, or someone to help me with the children," I told Jareth one night as I removed my cosmetics at my vanity. "I'm exhausted. How am I expected to care for two children, help with community affairs as your wife, and still grow a child?" I explained myself. "I'm not complaining about the last part though, I did quite enjoy all that trying." I heard him chuckle as he undressed.

"I'm glad I still please you at forty-one," he teased me. "I will look into getting some help for you tomorrow," he told me before my words had sunk in. He turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. "I thought…?" His head tilted, unsure if I had just told him if I was pregnant or not. With Emmeline, it had been all very clinical when I walked into his study.

_I was nervous as I looked at his door. Maybe I should go to Dinah first? My stomach rolled once more at the thought. He seemed like the better choice. I knocked lightly, waiting to be called in._

" _Is everything all right?" he asked as he saw my pale complexion and nervous shake._

" _I think we need to call the doctor or midwife," I said after a moment. Trying to get the words out of my mouth was much harder than I anticipated. "I haven't been well, and there have been other signs," I explained to him._

" _Of course, I will call right away," he nodded with a strange sound to his voice. I nodded and hurried out of the room._

It was such a difference between then and now. Even with Imogene, it had been a moment of nerves. Both of us were rather relieved after what had seemed like an eternity of passing months.

"Well, I wasn't being overly concerned about it, either. Though you seem to still be rather virile even in your old age," I teased him as he came over and pulled me up into a hug. "It's still rather early, I could be wrong," I warned him. "I haven't been to the doctor's or even called the midwife."

"You have never been wrong, so if you think you are, then you must be," Jareth shook his head. "We may need a larger house or redecorate some rooms." He looked around the room.

"The girls are fine sharing for the moment. Though I am sure Emmeline and Genie will need their own rooms at some point," I agreed with him. I hadn't even thought of the possibility of room and space. I had assumed we would clear out a room or two when needed.

"I would feel strange abandoning this place, but I think we could all escape some ghosts in this place." He spoke in a rather haunted tone. He pressed his palm over the gentle curve of my stomach that was from having two children previously, something that bothered me after having Genie. My whole body changed after Genie, it seemed. Maybe that was because I was older?

"What about the manor?" Surely, he didn't mean to leave the manor? Even with its haunting rooms?

"I thought we could remodel. We can always add on as well, make a new wing?" He thought for a moment. "We will figure it out." He kissed my forehead. "After the celebration, of course," he whispered in my ear with a grin. I could feel his hands untying the sash of my robe. I smiled and laughed lightly at his antics.

As promised, Jareth looked into getting some help with the children. A young woman no older than myself who had been found unsuitable for placement. 'Unsuitable; infertile' were the words they used. I always wondered what happened to those young girls who never were able to provide society with children. I found out over the years that they were sent back on their own, finding other employment in households, or other means of employment in shops. Some went back to their families, while others felt too ashamed.

Lara was a most welcomed help. A natural with children, it seemed, as she helped me organize my daily chaos. Fighting to get clothing on in the mornings—and to stay on during the day—was much easier. It wasn't until I asked her to read something to me from a telegram that I saw her look of shame. I saw for the first time that I was a lucky one. How many girls never learned to read and write? Even in the most basic forms of signing their name?

Rather secretly, I began inviting her into the schoolroom with me. I watched her as I taught Emmeline her letters and her numbers, her shaky hand trying to mimic me. It wasn't until I saw her use her left hand to hold her cup while having tea that it dawned on me.

When I went back to lessons, I switched her pencil to her other hand. She looked up at me with wide eyes. "No one is going to punish you for being left-handed—not here, at least," I told her gently.

Slowly, over the months, she learned, which only gave me a much larger idea. A school. I had several young girls coming over daily as I taught them how to mend, embroider, and read, in some cases. I practiced on the piano, my fingers rusty as I went through scales so I could teach them how to entertain through music.

It caught on to the point where the council brought it up to Jareth. They were curious about my afternoons but saw an advantage to training society girls. They gave a building for a school, with other ladies helping, taking on their own classes. I looked over the school as a whole while I taught drawing and reading. Girls as young as five came into my care until we took a break over the summer.

During this time, we found an old house on the edges of the capital. It was reclusive and private, which proved to be relaxing. I could envision the children running around the yard when he took me there one evening. Jareth said he would have it ready for the fall for us when we returned from the Manor. Now, I just had to find a way to make it appealing to the elders. I was due in the autumn and I was not looking forward to spending the hot summer months pregnant.

Slowly, we worked on the manor, holding each other's hand as we opened the door to that one room. Nothing had changed, dust sheets still covered the furniture. Even after all the years, the ghosts still lived in that room. Maybe this had been a mistake? Maybe we should have let someone else do this?

I cradled my growing stomach as my mind went into a whirlwind. So much had happened, so much had passed since those days. I looked towards Jareth, trying to judge his look and what he felt.

It reminded me of the aftermath of one of our more elaborate arguments. We never fought often, but occasionally, we had our spats. All couples did, did they not? I scarcely remember what exactly started it now. The colour of my gown? My blatant, unenthusiastic response towards his speech one night in the middle of a crowd? I had not been feeling well and wanted to stay at home, yet I was expected to be by his side.

" _You were acting like a child who didn't get her way!" he shouted as we tore off our cloaks. "I told you to wear the other gown, and you didn't."_

" _If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly where I used to be body wise! Did you want me to wear a dress that was so small my breasts were spilling out the top?" I slammed my clutch down on the table. "It was a gown!"_

" _It was red!"_

" _Oh, so just because I used to be your handmaid, I can never wear red again?" I spat at him. "What next? Wives can only wear muted colours? Workers only in earth tones?" I turned on my heel. "And it was wine coloured, for your information," I corrected him before stomping up the stairs to check on the girls._

" _Sarah!" His voice bellowed from the foot of the stairs. I ignored him and took refuge in the nursery._

_I slept in the nursery that night._

"We can do this," I told him quietly. "We are stronger than the memories." I tried to sound brave, but my voice was weak.

We ended up getting rid of all of the furniture, even going so far as to burn the old wooden bed fame. It was a strange moment when we decided we would move the master bedroom into this one room. Neither of us could fathom having one of the children sleep in the room. It needed to be used though, and it allowed us to refurbish the others as the children grew.

We decided that Luna's old room would suit Emmeline for the time being. Dinah's old room was scrubbed clean and would be repainted at a later date for Genie. It wouldn't be too long before she left the nursery.

It started out to be a happy, carefree summer as I watched my children weave in between the trees as they played. Ludo, the dog, followed them both closely as they skipped and pranced. They loved the orchard. I could see their faces smashed up against the window of the car as we approached the manor. Both were giggling and bouncing in their seats. Emmeline was now old enough to know our routine. She knew we spent the summers in the country, while Genie had little recollection of the years previous.

As soon as Jareth unbuckled them they were out into the yard, running off their cooped-up energy. I laughed at their energy as Jareth took my hand while I got out of the car.

I tilted my large hat to look up into the sky. Taking a deep breath, I smiled. Finally, I was able to relax and be myself. I wasn't obligated to hold afternoon tea or have neighbours over. It was a summer vacation with the family. Even Jareth could relax and spend more time with his children, spending his days teaching the girls about the orchard, taking long walks while showing them the floral blooms and how they grew fruit. I hoped that this one would be a son to him—not only for him, but for my own body.

In the evenings, we resorted to playing games in the study with the girls. After they went to bed. I curled up next to him wearing some of the old maternity clothing I'd made when I had been expecting Emmeline. I showed much sooner than with the previous two. I swore that I was only a few weeks along when Jareth stated he could see the soft bump already forming.

The Signor came for his yearly visit, surprise coming over his face as he saw me with child once more. He had a folder of photographs hidden away in his suitcase of Lena and her son, pictures of Zara smiling happily to the camera. They all looked healthy and happy. I was sad to see them burn, but I could not risk their existence in our house.

When I told him about the school I was running, he grew silent. It was over the course of the day that he placed a recipe on the table. "My wife swore by this. She would brew it and drink it daily. It suppresses a woman's natural cycle and prevents pregnancy," he told me.

I knew it was for the girls, and I used it in the guise of morning tea for them.

"How is Celina?" I asked him curiously. "The children? I was reading a while back and I noticed that Elara and Delia, even Celina, mean moon."

"They are well," he said, then he sat for a moment in questionable silence. "I cannot fool you, can I?"

"Only a fool can be fooled, or at the very least, one who does not want to see what is in front of him," I gave him a knowing look. "You must really love her, and she must really miss Jareth dearly if you are willing to help us?"

"She never wanted to leave. When we met, she was in a desperate position," the Signor told me. "She doesn't want him to know. She says it would destroy him if he knew the truth."

"But it destroyed him not knowing what happened to her," I objected.

"It is not my choice to make for her." He shook his head at me before leaving the room. He knew I wouldn't tell Jareth without any proof.

Ruby was scheduled to visit the next week later. She had called the manor before leaving, yet as dinner approached and no car had driven by, Jareth grabbed his hat and the keys to the car. I left the girls with Lara as I gathered my own gloves and hat.

We drove over an hour one way before we found a car in the ditch. The road had washed out from the storm early that morning. I was scrambling out of the car before Jareth killed the ignition, racing towards the scene before us.

"Sarah!" He shouted after me. "Remember your condition!" he chastised me as he pulled me back.

"Don't," I pulled my arm back from him. "I have to—" I tried to finish as I saw streaks of blood on the window of the driver's side. The top of the automobile looked like it had been rolled down the ditch. "No! No!" I repeated myself as Jareth's arms encircled my waist, holding me from the wreckage.

I sank down to the pavement, tears pouring down my face. Jareth went to inspect closer. The driver was slumped over, and from what he could see in the back of the car, he told me that it looked like her neck had broken during the accident. He picked me up and brought me back to the car, and we drove down the road to the nearest house where he borrowed their phone to call the local law enforcement to the accident.

I considered Ruby my one true friend. Why was it that every friend I made was taken away from me? Lena, Ruby…so far, the only ones who I truly considered a friend. It was a small prayer of thanks that she had left her son at home as he had not finished the school year yet. I did not want to hear that telephone call.

I fell into bed, exhausted from crying. Jareth brought the girls to me, who I cuddled into me. They didn't understand why mommy was sad. They were forever being subjected to my mood swings and constant fatigue. Emmeline had a better concept of my changing body, but Genie had more than once asked me why I was getting tubby. Her own words. 'Mama tubby' she told me one day in her small toddler voice.

The summer was full of change, not only for the family, but for my whole society. What shocked me the most was the urgency the council placed on marriage. Girls too young being told that marriage was the answer to a happy life. Sixteen years old, some as young as fifteen, were betrothed and married to men they barely knew. Not even the daughters of high society were safe, most of them being bargained off in hopes of gaining more leverage in council.

The worst was the ceremony of young men being gifted brides for their own achievements. I fought the bile that rose up my throat as I thought our own daughters who would go up when I looked to the stage that day.

Things always had to get worse before things got better, but how much worse did society have to become before things _got_ better? How many young girls had to be taken from families? How many young women put into potentially dangerous positions? How many did we have to lose from dangerous births? Taking their own lives when they couldn't cope with being torn from the children they carried?

We didn't have any names chosen early this time around if it was another girl. I was at a loss for what to call the child if it came to that. Surely this one had to be a male?

" _Still no child?" my father asked me during our telephone call when I groaned as I sat down in the comfortable chair._

" _Still another week or so," I told him. "Emmeline was early, and Genie was late. I pray that this one is just on time," I breathed out a slight huff of a laugh._

" _I am sure I will see the announcement," my father hummed into the receiver._

" _I am sure it will be in the papers," I agreed with him. We had done a family portrait with Genie last time. I was sure I would be made up to look like a goddess when I felt like nothing more than an emotional bleeding train wreck._

It was a stormy October evening, and we had barely settled into the new house on the outskirts of the capital. It was grand and rather majestic with its old finishings, original wood floors, and crown mouldings that went room to room. I watched the trees sway as the lightning flashed in the sky. I rubbed my large stomach as I felt it tighten once more. Candles lit up the room as the electricity had gone out from the storm. I only hoped the telephone would work and Jareth could reach the midwife. Lara had taken the girls downstairs with the lure of camping out in the conservatory.

"I can't get through to anyone," Jareth came back with his shirt sleeves rolled up. "We may have to do this alone," he told me truthfully. He seemed rather calm about the fact. He stayed with me during the last two, but surely there was a lot we didn't know about.

"It's still early," I tried to tell him. "Maybe I will ride out the storm?" It didn't happen. If we had thought delivering Genie in under a short eight hours was a quick birth, Ruby coming into the world around the five-hour mark was another.

Sitting in the tub of warm water, I tried to focus and relax. I never imagined I would miss the gas and air I'd had last time. The kitchen kept large kettles of hot water on hand from the gas stove. Warm towels stacked around us as Jareth kneeled shirtless beside the tub as he brushed my hair from my face.

Ruby was supposed to be here. She promised she would be here for this. The whole funeral had been bittersweet. She had been too young and too good of a person to lose her life so early. How her wildly curly chestnut hair escaped its pins. The way her eyes twinkled with laughter as we gossiped in small tea shops.

It wasn't until I felt that intense burning sensation that I knew that we were coming near the end. I gripped the edge of the tub. It was too awkward for Jareth to reach, so I clambered out of the tub and leaned against it on a large mound of towels. Five or six gas lamps were around us to give us more light as the candles burned.

"Sarah, stop," I heard him instruct me.

"You really I think I can just stop!" I shouted at him, thinking he was a fool to think I could stop at this point.

"You're going to have to, love," he told me calmly. "I think the cord is wrapped around the neck. I just need to figure this out." He spoke more calmly than I imagined I would ever be in his position.

It was only a few minutes later when Jareth caught our third daughter in his hands. Her face was scrunched and frowning, and she was red and angry, but she was breathing and not white or blue. We sat there, marvelling at the moment. I knew well enough that if I could get her to feed, it would help with the afterbirth. She was the size of my forearm but felt even heavier than Genie's eight pounds.

It was hours before the doctor managed his way to us after hearing our message. Jareth had severed the cord after much apprehension with his pocket knife, tying it off with a piece of twine for safety. The doctor said he had done a fine job as he looked over the child. He said she looked perfectly healthy. From her lungs to the tips of her toes she was healthy. He declared us both in good health and promised to return in a few days. Never hesitate to call, he told us before he left.

It was morning when we washed the baby for the first time, seeing the dark brown fuzz that covered her head. Her bright baby blues were already looking around, alert as a newborn could be.

"I want to call her Ruby," I told Jareth. After a few tries to get her to latch, we had her contentedly nursing at my breast. We were waiting to introduce the girls to their sister until after I had finished feeding her. It was only an hour later, and Jareth ushered them into the room, holding both of their hands.

"Don't be too excited, Genie, all they do is eat, sleep and poop," I heard Emmeline tell her with the airs of big sister.

"That's all you do," Genie giggled. She was the most excited of the two girls. Emmeline remembered a little of the early days of Genie's life. She wasn't shy about letting her status of older sister be known. They got along well enough, though there were times they fought like animals.

"Don't be gross, I'm a lady," Emmeline huffed as she climbed up on the bed like the little lady she believed she was. "She looks like a potato," she stated as she looked at her sister. "She's all wrinkled and smushed." I choked back a chuckle as Jareth barked out a laugh as he lifted up Genie onto the bed. Every new day their personalities emerged and changed.

"She's pretty," Genie contradicted her sister. "Squishy and chubby, but pretty," she added on.

"She is over nine pounds," I told them. "Her name is Ruby."

"Mommy?" Genie asked, looking up with curious eyes. "How did Ruby get into your tummy?"

I heard Jareth snort at her question. "When you are older, Genie," he answered for me as he sat on the bed. The tripod all set up for us to take our new family photo.

"Really, Jareth, I look a tired mess," I gave him a look.

"You are beautiful," he answered. "One day you will want these photos."

I knew he would be right.

Ruby would have Jareth wrapped around his finger from day one. Maybe it was the intimate moment of actually delivering her into the world. Maybe it was something else I wasn't sure about, but as she grew, even when we had our son, Ruby always remained by Jareth's side. He was a great father to all, but Ruby he had the hardest time saying no to.

I spent the next few weeks recovering before I found myself back at the school and teaching once more. I carried Ruby around the classroom in a sling as I walked the halls. Mornings were a flurry to get out the doors some mornings, fighting with the children to hurry and dress. Getting them their breakfast and brushing their teeth before Jareth gave us a lift to the school. He dropped us off at the steps with a kiss for each of his girls before he went on to the hall.

I knew I had to be careful, so I mixed the tea at home and had the girls steep it themselves during morning break. I used the excuse that a good hostess always knew how to steep a pot of tea, that way it didn't seem out of place when someone asked about the morning ritual. I sat there daily, watching the older ones drink their cups. Silently, I prayed that this would help them.

I also prayed for my family that no one would catch on.

* * *

Each chapter is such a bittersweet experience to write these days. The building to the end is always.a bittersweet experience I believe.

Not sure when the next will be up, while I am taking a two-week vacation I will be also moving and unpacking and then starting work at the new store thanks to a job transfer! Yay moving with a job, but I also plan on applying to the Ballet there and trying to get into the wardrobe so I can learn how to make tutu's lol.

I always love to hear what you think. So we know about Luna, but Jareth is still in the dark about her. This was not the original plan, but one day I was like…what if Luna ended up marrying the Signor it would explain a fair bit about the Signor. Also, I feel at the moment, Jareth is at peace with his sister being gone. Of course, he still wonders but he knows he has to put his family first and not obsess over it. He doesn't want to repeat history.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this one and have a wonderful day!

Tina.


	27. Chapter 27

Ah ha! I am back! Finally moved and settled in and back to work! I hope everyone is well and excited about this chapter that is about to happen. Thank you all for the support and feedback it really was amazing.

There is also a rather good dose of smut but also deals with a sudden loss.

Side note, this has yet to be run through the beta, but she will and when she does I will adjust the chapter. I was just really excited and wanted to give my loyal fans something after a rather long wait!

Tina

* * *

Over the years we have gained allies and informants that are our eyes and ears that watch over the city.

We stood together as nothing more than strangers amongst each other.

Hidden in the dark corners with our society silently praying we would make it through the night.

It started off small with men and women slowly joining us. Sometimes it was by chance, sometimes it was them looking for were our eyes and ears, they were the reminder of hope in times of darkness. They were the inner workings the formed a whole alliance.

Rebels they called us, rebels who helped girls, even men escape. We were the hope that shined under all the restraints placed upon us.

Eventually, we had more help from the outside. They didn't know us, we didn't know them by name. We knew though, that someone was always waiting on the other side holding a light in the middle of the darkness.

* * *

" _Take your sister for me please," I say away over the receiver. I pass over the infant who was only little over a year old that who was constantly attached to my hip. I watch Emmeline in slight awe that she was already seven years old. Her long dark hair in two thick braids that hung down to her small of her back. Her eyes bright with youthful curiosity. She would be eight next year, but some days it was like she was seven going onto seventeen._

" _Yes, mama," she nods hoists her sister in her arms. "Come on Genie," she tells her younger sister. I smiled and shook my head at Genies red wild curls escaping the confines of her ribbons. "Let's go wheedle some cookies from the cook," she tells her with a sly smile that she inherited from her father._

" _Be good!" I warn them as they left giggling. I sank down the oversized chair. "oh that's better on my back" I sigh with relief._

" _Again Sarah?" My father's voice rather perturbed at my statement. "So soon?"_

" _Papa, Ruby already one," I reply thinly trying to remind him that people are always listening to us. "A child is a blessing." I remind him. The truth though was my own carelessness that leads to such a relatively quick pregnancy. Jareth had been rather shocked when I told him about being pregnant again only months after having Ruby. He was rather worried at the strain that it put on my body._

" _I just worry, your mother." He stops for a moment. "Your mother died from a miscarriage when you were only seven months old." He spoke after a moment. I sat there speechless, I had been told she had gotten ill as a child and passed away._

" _I'll be fine Papa, I have the best doctors and midwives around me," I tell him trying to reassure him. It would be my fourth child, it would be all right, wouldn't it?_

It took longer than it should have to realize that I was pregnant. I had been drinking the tea at the academy. It wasn't until the ingredients seemed to give Ruby indigestion or reflux I stopped it. I was tired and wanting to keep a happy baby so I made another pot of tea for myself in the ploy of my fussy baby. It wasn't until she began to refuse my breast some days I began to clue in.

I thought at first it couldn't be possible, but the midwife told me once years ago. "It was easier to get pregnant after having a child then you would think'. Especially when you couldn't depend or track a cycle. It wasn't until she examined me and stuck a piece of paper into a cup of urine she told me what we both assumed. Pregnancy tests were a strange thing to see, a new innovation that allowed you to know right away almost. If the stick turned blue it meant you were pregnant. I was told to nurse as long as I could, try and get her used to the changes of my milk. Just eating well and keep hydrated and I could continue nurse while pregnant. If she continued to refuse to just supplement with formula.

" _Hmm," he hummed to himself. "And we are positive?"_

" _Oh it was a positive result," I nodded my head. "There's a baby all right, I'm sure you'll be getting dragged to the club to celebrate your quick work." I tease him knowing men liked to boast at their accomplishments._

" _If I remember correctly it was you sneaking into my shower," he smirked. "Not that they need to know that,' he paused for a moment with a silly smile on his face. "Can it really change that much to make a difference to her?" Jareth asked curiously, his eyes resting on the swell of my breasts in my nightgown._

" _Apparently it can," I tell him amused by his questions. "Or at least she notices enough of a difference," I answer him before I followed with a shrug. "I mean if your curious and don't believe me you're more than welcome to compare to what it was like before," I smirked at him._

_We fell together in a tumble of laughs on to the bed. Jareth already searching out the soft flesh of my stomach through the layers of my slip I was still wearing. He sobered for a moment as his one hand stroked my face. "This isn't too soon is it?"_

" _Ruby is six almost seven months, I will be fine. It's not like I just gave birth to her 8 weeks ago," I try to reassure him. "We will all be fine, I promise you. If something doesn't progress or happens we will go through our options." I tell him quietly. He's been through those options before, something we have been lucky enough to avoid so far._

Everything seemed fine up until my eighth month. My days busy with the school and my children. It wasn't until Genie came up to me asking to feel the child move I tried to remember the last time I felt any sort of movement. I swallowed hard as I told her sibling seemed to be sleeping. I broke down as I tapped, poked my stomach in multiple places for over an hour trying to find some sort of movement. I was too afraid to try and find a heartbeat with the stethoscope we had lying around. I walked across to the study and picked up the phone.

"Sarah?" He answered his telephone unsure of why I called him. Why was I using the telephone at all, especially the one in the study?

"You need to come home," I tell him. "You need to bring the doctor," I whisper in a hollow voice.

My heart still aches as I write this. I had woken up in a white room in a daze from whatever they had me on. My hands went automatically towards my stomach which was much deflated now. I felt sore and a wreck.

We didn't know what had gone wrong, but the overall consensus had been what I already knew. It didn't take much longer for the cramping to start, I cried as I realized I would still have to give birth to this child. It was a cruel world it seemed as the memories flooded my mind.

A very small child wrapped up in a blanket, you could barely see its face. Hold it, grieve him they told me. I shook my head refusing. 'Say goodbye to the child it will help you heal.' I choked on my own cries as I covered my mouth.

Only a moment later I heard multiple footsteps approach my door. Jareth looking solemn as he approached the bed and kissed my forehead. The doctor rambled off a bunch of nonsense I did understand. Essentially, the child wouldn't have survived long if it had been born.

"What was it?" I asked once more I look between Jareth and the doctor who seemed to be hesitant to respond.

"It was male," the doctor finally spoke. Whatever resolve I had until then broke. My first pounded the bed as I broke down. Jareth grasping my wrists so I couldn't hurt myself. I cried into his chest for what seemed like hours.

I was home a few days later, still in my foggy daze as I walked slowly up the stairs. The girls bringing small presents and cards that had large 'get well soon mommy' on the front. I wasn't sure what Jareth had told our girls. Though they seemed to understand to not ask or question my smaller stomach and lack of a sibling.

We buried him under the willow tree a small stone that said the name, Gabriel. Jareth had chosen it. He said it meant strength and angel at the same time.

I was stuck in a permanent haze, I forced myself to get up as I heard the telephone to ring on a Saturday night at 7 o'clock. I walked blindly across the hall only to stop when I heard Jareth speaking.

"Robert, I'll go get her. Please though I ask you not to say anything about the child. There was a complication," he spoke carefully before he was silent before continuing. "She is physically well, emotionally it depends on the day."

I entered the room with a slight knock, Jareth looking up. "Here she is," he spoke before handing the receiver out to me.

I barely spoke during that one call. I couldn't after remembering my own father's worries when I had told him about the child. He spoke about the weather and how the girls were doing. How tall Emmeline was getting, she seemed rather tall in the Yuletide photo they had posted in the press. My answers were short and one worded until I feigned an excuse after a long ten minutes of awkward silence.

I don't know exactly how long I spent stuck in my own mind. My pile of sewing laid abandon. The half-finished blue sweater I started knitting when I found out I was pregnant was hidden away. I had told Jareth this one had to be a boy. It just felt different to me this time around. Now I couldn't even look at it or think of finishing it.

Life had to go on though, I still had a toddler. I still had potty training and children to raise. Even though Lena looked after them without complaint I was still their mother.

Life had to go on even when I didn't want it too.

The community around us joined in on our mourning. There had been a stream of flowers and condolences. A large amount of food and fruit left at our doors. Losing a child was one of the most devastating things to our community. We all mourned a lost child, a sick child, a lost child.

We had been told by the doctor to rest and allow my body to heal for a few months before trying again. Trying again? I could barely cope with the reality and they were already telling me to try again? Some days I watch Jareth, angry over the lack of emotions he showed. I knew he was hurting, more than once I had found him in the nursery watching Ruby. Other times he was sitting in front of the fireplace with a drink in his hand. Often staring into the flames as they flickered. He's been through this before, he knew how to deal and survive the heartache. Some nights I would lay curled up next to him. Hearing his whispers that it would get better as the time passes. That the heartache wouldn't feel as painful one day. I wasn't sure I believed him, but the reality that he had two children before we had even met reminded me. That you could learn to live with the reality that you didn't see your children live another day or take a breath.

That the day that would have been my due date came, he wrapped his arms around me. He took the day off work to make sure I wouldn't be alone. We wondered that day if he would have been like Emmeline impatient to come into this world. Or may like Genie was still a slowpoke and late for everything? Ruby who was often just a curious child always asking why.

It was almost six months before I allowed my self to feel happy, to feel pleasure in the small things in life. Six months before I allowed myself to touch him in such a way that allowed him to know that I wanted him. It was slow and meticulous, his hands running over my body as if he cherished every curve and dip. His lips flowing his hands, tasting my skin with each new kiss, his tongue gliding over my peaked nipples. I panted, breathless from the stimulation over his worshiping lips.

If someone had told me nine years ago that our marriage bed would like it was I would have never believed them. His teasing hands and lips that still had a skilled patience behind them. We knew each other much better know, I knew he would always make sure I found my release before him. Sometimes we were joined. Sometimes he made it his mission to hear my whines and cries. Waiting until the last moment before he allowed himself to bury himself deep within in.

We stared intensely into each other's eyes, afraid to blink as if it would take the moment away from us. It was the first time I saw how much time had passed since the early days. Emmeline was eight now which meant I was twenty-five. Which meant Jareth was forty-four. His blonde hair beginning to have streaks of silver at his temples and beard when he grew it out on rare occasions. He was still energetic, but more than once I had to remind him to take an easy with the heavy lifting and long hours. More than once I had found lying on the hard floor of his study with an out of place back.

He caught my lips his tongue brushing against my lips until I parted them. His hands kneading my breasts until I purred and arched against him. My legs spread wide as he lay in-between them. My nightgown already long thrown off into a corner, his think silk pants soft against my legs.

I pushed him off me, motioning for him to lie back, I tugged down his pants, smiling at the sight of him as I sat on his thighs. My long hair draped around my shoulder and touching his thighs as I grasped him in my hand. Smirking at his rumbled groan as I cup his balls with on hand as the other ran up and down his length. The early days I had been so curious about how I could please him in some way or form. It was through the quiet talks between wives I decided to try what seemed to be men enjoyed the most. They had been right though and with a gentle guidance, I learned what he liked. I learned I could drive him mad with a simple swish of my tongue. It was rather intriguing how I could have power over a man from such a simple act.

His hands massaged my scalp as I bobbed up and down his length. My tongue swirling around him as I taste him on my lips. It wasn't my favourite thing I have ever tasted in my life, but I am sure at times he has thought the same think about me. I run my tongue down the long vein on the underside of him. He rarely let himself finish in such a fashion. It was usually when I surprised him in the shower or the rare occasion when I was in I was dealing with my cycle. Only then could I bring him to the brink.

"Sarah," he groaned as he thrust his hips, upward his long length going towards that back of my throat. I relaxed as I smiled as I felt him pulse and grow as I worked him with my mouth and hand. I went on for another few minutes before I felt him tug at my hair to tell me to stop before I sent him over the edge. I crawled back over him, straddling his waist before he rolled us smirking as I let out a small squeal. I didn't know what time of the month it was and at the moment I didn't care. His kisses trailed down my neck, breasts and stomach. Shifting his body on his way down as he went. I remembered another moment of our relationship as I felt him kiss the small mole on my inner thigh.

"You have a beauty mark on your inner leg," he murmured in fascination. I laughed softly before he kissed it as he rolled down my stocking. "What other secrets are you hiding from me?" He smirked as he saw my already damp panties.

My hands tangled into his hair as I gasped as I felt his tongue sweep down and into the warm folds of my body. His hands gently grasping the flesh of my hips as I moaned his name. His tongue circled around the pulsing bud. I never thought something could feel so sinful and pleasurable at the same time. Was it sinful to be this absorbed in each other in such a way? Was it sinful that enjoyed his skillful tongue? It all felt magical as his tongue swirled and his lips that gave a steady pressure. I left out a soft cry as my body shaved and exploded into a million scattered pieces. My toes curling as I gripped his shoulders, my nails leaving behind small half moons.

I didn't even mind the taste of myself on his lips after he crawled back over my body as I lay there panting. The smirk on his face, the one that always appears when he knows I've been satisfied for the time being. I peeked over to the door, the key in place keeping it locked. We had an open door policy most days, but the children knew if the door was locked that we were not to be disturbed. It was the only time when we truly got any privacy these days. It was always a steady stream of children seeking refuge at night with us. Storm and nightmares the most common were the most used excuses from them.

I sighed deeply as I felt him press into me. My arms wrapped around his neck as we rolled our hips, meeting with each thrust. My legs adjusting themselves as we rocked back and forth. Small cries escaping echoing off the walls with each thrust. He hooked his arm around my leg. Moving it until my knee was hooked over his shoulder. Changing the angle of our bodies so that it hit that spot deep within me. The one that made my toes curl and my back arch more then it should be possible. Each time it added to the growing sensation the coiled in low in my stomach. It was like all the pain and heartbreak was transforming into a storm of pleasure. I didn't realize I had been crying until I felt Jareth caress my face afterwards. After my body shuddered and arched underneath his. He followed shortly a long groan and few almost painful sounding grunts from him.

He kissed me tenderly as he untangled our bodies and rolled off to the side before he pulled me close.

"I love you," I whisper in the darkroom into his chest. I couldn't see his face but I felt him straighten out from my declaration. It wasn't something I said to him before that night. While he called me 'love' on occasion, he never expected anything in return. Over the recent events and my depression, he was always there making sure that I had all the support that I needed. Even if it was his shoulder to cry on.

"I love you too," he responded after a moment kissing my hair as he did.

Ruby was already two when I realized I missed two cycles. I had been in denial over it, it seemed. I didn't even tell Jareth until I was over twelve weeks, only for him to tell me he already knew. I learned he was a scared as I was when it came to our son.

We decided to keep the new to ourselves. If people asked we would tell them, but we would not be announcing it. The girls knew but yet they remained sombre over the news. Only Ruby seemed the most excited, she wouldn't be the baby anymore. Somehow my children would all be three years apart. It made me laugh with irony when Jareth pointed it out one night.

I was almost twenty weeks along when I had been resting when they barged into my sitting room. Telling, no demanding my presence at the capital hall as they pulled me up from my position on the sofa.

"Mommy whats going on?" Emmeline whose voice teetered from being frightened. I watched her grasp Ruby's hand who was now two who was on the brink of crying at the commotion whimpering mommy repeatedly.

"I don't know, baby," I say as they push me towards the door. "Be good for Lara, watch over your sisters," I tell them before they shut the door on us.

* * *

Okay, I know a rather bad place to leave it haha! My apologies to everyone, but it just felt like the natural place to leave it!

The next chapter is laid out and planned and by plan I mean I'm writing on the seat of my pants making things up as I go. Also, it's looking like a rather long one!

Let know what you think and I hope everyone enjoying it, or maybe you hate me at this point who knows! My apologies for the rather sad undertone of the chapter, but it was something that I never planned but it came to me like a swarm of fish in my mind and I knew I had to do it. No apologies for the smut though haha!

Also, I am really, really glad this move is done and over with!

Tina


	28. Chapter 28

Welcome to chapter 28.

We have arrived at a monster of a chapter which I hope you all enjoy.

Thank you all for the reviews and follows and patience with the story. I can't believe in a few short weeks it will be its one year anniversary since I posted the first chapter.

To the Guest review from last week. I think I probably answered some of your questions through the story. I will say though that while the academy covered many things, teething and actually child development beyond pregnancy. Many of them wouldn't be mothers, they wouldn't need to know the signs of teething. They weren't being actually sterilized with the tea, but it was being used with the younger girls to appear like they were late bloomers etc.

Anyway here is chapter 28, clocking just over 6000 words.

* * *

The air was cold as I sat in a chair in the atrium. How did I always end up here? I had to remain calm, not only for myself, but for my child. Surely they couldn't punish me while pregnant? They couldn't. There was too much risk of losing a child if they punished me now. They would never risk a child's life, but I was still afraid until I heard Jareth's voice bellowing from the hallway.

"What in the world is going on? It's freezing in here!" I saw for the first time I could see my own breath as I exhaled. Maybe I was too terrified to feel how cold it was? Was that even possible? "She's expecting! Light a fire for heaven's sake!"

Jareth stalked over to me, removing his jacket and placing it around my shoulders. "Just remain calm," he whispered and I nodded, pulling the jacket closer around me, letting the smell of his aftershave comfort me.

"What is going on?" I asked him.

"Where did you get the tea from?" Jareth asked instead.

"The Signor gave it to me," I answered him, shakily. "It's just tea. He said Celina drank it and that it was a gift," I schooled my answer to sound sincere. "It was just called 'midmorning tea' on the recipe card."

"Do you still have it?"

I nodded in response. It really just said 'Midmorning Tea' with the measures of ingredients in a list.

"What is going on?" I asked him again.

"Someone inspected the tea and found a few ingredients that can be used as contraception. Especially if it is brewed correctly and used daily," he explained. "Where did it come from?"

"The Signor gave it to me," I whispered back and watched him nod his head.

"I will call the Signor and get this sorted out," Jareth said before addressing the council for me, explaining that it was all a misunderstanding. tThe tea was given to me by another, a family friend who bought from the orchard each year. I was too young to remember when contraception starting being banned, and the fact that I had been pregnant three times since the tea was another thing to consider.

I lived on pins and needles for the next week, guards constantly watching as I took the children out for a walk. I had been banned from going to the school until I had been proven innocent, which was more of a relief than anything as I progressed in my pregnancy and tired constantly. I stayed home with the girls, trying to remain as calm as possible. They knew something was wrong but they didn't know what. It wasn't until Emmeline had come home from a visiting a friend, and she looked at me solemnly. I heard her ask if I was going to be punished because that's what her friends told her. I swallowed hard and told her the truth, that I didn't know what was going to happen. Admitting my sins to them would never be an option I could have. Not now, when punishment would most likely happen no matter the outcome.

I was beginning to notice that the older she got, along with the more time she spent outside the confines of the house, she was developing airs that I never allowed her to have growing up. Even with her status of being a Lord's daughter, I never allowed her to be unkind. Now, I was stuck, as I couldn't correct her in public when she used them to her own advantage. I could only try to keep her sweet and innocent as long as I could, but still, I could see Society changing her in small ways. nr If I only knew that in a few short years I would arrive home to Emmeline hysterically shouting at Jareth. I would learn that she found our marriage certificate that we kept hidden away, and that she was angry at both of us for lying to her about the circumstances of her birth. We ended up explaining that we had made a conscious decision to add a year into our marriage when she was only a year old. It was just easier that way we told her. We didn't want her to think she came out of such a situation.

She never had to imagine or fear being a handmaid, but she knew who and what they were to Society. She knew she could always refuse a young man's advances while at a function. She knew she should never allow a man to touch her in any sort of way that she didn't feel comfortable with. She knew that handmaid's didn't have that choice when becoming a handmaid.

The look of horror on her face as she realized just how she came to be, the look of disgust crossing her face when she turned to face Jareth. Her father, the man she adored and looked up to, that she respected, had taken and used a handmaid. She didn't know the word, she was never taught the word. The word was not allowed to be spoken now. She didn't know the word 'rape' or how to associate the word with the very large issue of our society.

She was our own child we reminded her. A small part of each of us, something we cherished about all our children. She, like all children, knew about handmaids and their purpose. As many of her friends had been born by handmaids. The thing I could never figure out was if they were proud or ashamed of it?

h I was a nervous wreck when Jareth and I drove back to the capital hall. I felt like my stomach had popped out even more overnight. There was no hiding it underneath my clothing, even if I was still carrying much lower than previous pregnancies.

It was the same as before with the accusations.

"I didn't know what the tea did or could do. I drink it often enough, and it's safe to say that it had no effect on my own body," I told them simply.

"You lost a child little over a year ago," they pointed out.

"Which was something completely different. You think as a mother of three, that I would wait eight months to decide I didn't want my child? That I _wanted_ to go through that?" I was beginning to get hysterical, but really, who would ask such a question? "I was a mess! I barely left my bed for a month, if you must know! I am sure my household can account for my sorrows."

"Yet, all these other young ladies who have drank it, their mothers have commented on lack of cycles, claiming girls to be unwomanly," he spoke sternly.

"My son died of a rare condition that we did not foresee happening," I contradicted him. "He would have barely been able to breathe outside the womb from what we were told. That is something a tea could never do. Even my midwife told me so when I asked her if I did something wrong, if there was anything I could have done to prevent it. I have lists of foods and items that can harm any unborn child. Do you _really_ think I wouldn't double check the recipe? I had to ensure that I could drink it even while I was nursing. There was never any indicator that it would cause any harm," I calmly explained to them. I had gone over those lists to make sure my story would be believable.

"Excuse me, Lord, they have arrived," someone spoke up and I looked over to the door. I recognized the Signor straight away, but the person who stood beside him shocked me. I had not expected her to come. I also was not expecting the young man that accompanied them. He was possibly in his early twenties, with blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes.

"State your names for the hearing," they commanded.

"Signor Randolph De Toro, secretary of the state in Matero," The Signor stated. "My wife, Signora Celina De Toro, our son Lucan De Toro," he introduced them and I watched Jareth stiffen beside me as he watched Celina turn to face us. She was older, but there was no denying who she was.

"My wife's birth name is Lunette Lutin," he added as he watched me and Jareth. The whole room erupted into a frenzy of chatter at the mention of Jareth's sister.

"Jareth," she whispered.

"I-," he shook his head, unable to express himself. "Let us just focus on the task at hand." He spoke stoically, his hand gripping my shoulder. I knew he was struggling with how this was playing out. This was never how he imagined seeing his sister once more.

"Of course," Luna nodded as she turned to the council. I had a large coil in my stomach that was twisting and turning, my fears opening up into my mind. What if they killed her? Could they kill her for lying to protect us? Could they punish her for her involvement?

I must have turned pale with anguish over the situation as Jareth quickly handed over a wastebasket. He knew the look well enough by now over the past four pregnancies I'd had. I wanted to scream and shout at him about dragging Luna into this. She was alive, and now she may be dead because of us! None of it came out, not here, not in this place where there were eyes and ears everywhere.

All it took was one dry heave before I was excused to go tend to my illness. Jareth followed closely behind to make sure I would make it without incident. I heaved into a sink as I felt my anxiety reach a new high. This couldn't be good for the child, for me to be in such a state of panic to the point that I was sick. I felt him rubbing my back as I gasped for air, breathing in deeply and exhaling until I felt somewhat normal. I allowed myself to reenter the room as we heard Luna speaking up to them.

"I gave her the tea, the recipe was sent with my husband as a gift. I had two written out in the recipe box and he must have copied the wrong one. Such a man he is, at times. I really meant to send them a simple herbal tea. Jareth, nor Sarah, had any idea what the tea was or what I used it for. The tea in question is rather effective, but even then there is a chance it still may not work. I mean, I have a set of twins because I relied on the tea more than I should," she joked, trying to lighten the mood, which didn't work.

I watched the council mumble and mutter for a moment. We waited for a verdict, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Lord Albany staring at the young man. A young man who was standing next to a man who was clearly not his father.

At the end of it all, they let me go. They had no choice at the end of the day, as I was pregnant. I had a feeling that as soon as the child was born they would ensure that I would never trust such a gift ever again.

"Come, we will all talk back at the house," I found myself telling the small group. "We should probably all talk and you can meet our girls." I tugged on Jareth's arm until he nodded his head. He was still in a daze.

"Jareth—," I heard Luna start.

"Not here," he shook his head to the point that he was rather cool in his delivery.

I nudged him in the side at his attitude.

"What is your problem?" I hissed at him. "This is all you ever wanted, and now you treating her like she's not wanted?"

"It's fine," Luna shook her head. "It was Sarah, wasn't it?" I nodded my head, wondering if she realized I was the same child from years ago.

The house was in chaos when we all returned back to the house. I quickly went to calm the girls, who were anxious about the whole situation. At the same time, I managed to ask the housekeeper for tea before I changed into a more comfortable dress.

We managed a quick introduction of the girls before sending them on their way to the nursery to play. As soon as they were sent away, I saw Emmeline huff. She didn't think she was a baby anymore, but before she could whine about having to be with the babies, Jareth gave her a stern look. She sulked as she stomped her feet on the way out. I turned back to Luna and the Signor to apologize for her insolence, but found Luna holding back an amused look.

"Well, she definitely has Jareth's stubborn streak. I remember that look a fair bit when I was really young and mother told him he wasn't allowed to do something," Luna spoke. "She looks a fair bit like our mother, actually, except for your dark hair, of course. It is a rather striking look she has, though that redhead is surprising. You sure she's yours?" She jested with a smile.

"Genie is most definitely ours." I found myself thinking back to the quick labour with a laugh. "Emmeline looks like Jareth to me, most of the time," I said,d looking over to a photograph on the table. I turned towards Jareth, who was sitting there with a stoic look on his face as he watched us speak.

"Well, Jareth took after our maternal side more than I did," Luna smiled. "I suppose we should get on with it, as you are probably wondering where I have been hiding all these years. It's a lot to explain, and I had no alternative but to leave as I did. I was given no choice since I was sure Ashton would deny every word I said." She spoke his name with such deliberation that they turned to look at him.

"What do you mean? Albany can confirm that?" Jareth asked, confused.

"I was seventeen. You were busy with Dinah and I went to a party. I don't remember much, but I remember waking up sometime in the evening with Ashton in the room getting dressed. I asked him the obvious and he just shrugged. It took me a few days to hazily recall the memories. I confronted him about it a few weeks later. At that point, he claimed that I had thrown myself at him like a common whore and that the child couldn't be his. He essentially ran me out the city, telling me that I would be the one to blame, that my own brother would disown me. It took me a long time to realize that I was never the one in the wrong—that _he_ was. He knew I was intoxicated. I remember arguing with him, that he had a wife. Later, he came up to me, miffed after he saw me flirting with another young man. He said that playing hard to get was just a play to make him notice me more. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, I really don't remember. He just kept pushing until I gave in." . I watched her take a deep breath.

"I managed to keep ahead of you, and when I finally crossed the border, I let myself breathe. I'd heard rumours of a group of women who ran ships up and down the coast. I shared my predicament and they gave me a place to stay and work to keep busy. Luka was about a year old when I met the Signor, when I finally had a stable job sewing at a local shop in his town. I didn't trust him at first, but he wore me down. When I told him about my son, he'd asked if I wanted to go to a festival, and I told him I had promised to take Luka." I watched them both, watching the Signor watch Luna as she spoke, holding her hand as she hesitated at a couple of words.

"I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how to show myself to you. It wasn't until we were married that I told him about you and Dinah. I never asked him to come here, he did that himself to bring me news of you and Dinah, each visit only more sad and depressing; Dinah being bound in a chair, youre drinking. I'd had the girls by then, and so many years had passed since that it was just easier to keep away. It wasn't until the past couple of years with the constant news of changes. Hearing that Dinah had passed away and you had remarried and already had a child had been quite a shock. It was only when I realized you had been sucked into a society that I felt disgusted to be related to you," she admitted, which made us all suck in our breaths.

"It was never like that—" I tried to explain, but Jareth took my hand and shook his head.

"Damnit, Luna, I think you would know me better than that! It was never a choice that I made lightly! I had little choice, just as much as Sarah had no choice in her own future. There is very little choice left in our lives, and whatever little control we do have, we grasp at it like straw through our fingers. The fact is, there is no amount of children Sarah can have that will please the council. That I will have to watch my daughters be pawned off because, if I don't go along with it, I am not in compliance and not living up to the principles set out for us. The few people we manage to save comes with risking our _own_ lives!" he roared as he started to pace the room.

"Jareth," I whispered, going over to him. "Remember what the doctor said. We have to keep your pressure low. I know this is difficult for you, but you have to listen and try to understand," I say quietly as I tried to reach him, caressing his face. I could feel him relax as his hands reached for our child through my dress.

"He lied to me," Jareth finally spoke, turning towards his sister. "I asked him if he knew anything about your disappearance and he told me no. He swore he had nothing to do with it after Sarah recognized him in a photo from years ago."

"Sarah knew him?" Luna's brow furrowed, confused.

"How many dark-haired children did you run into on your way out near the border?" I asked her, watching her face process and try to remember that day all those years ago.

"You were the little girl who was lost in the forest…" She exhaled at the coincidence of it all. "I am surprised I didn't see it earlier. Rather comical that you ended up with my brother."

"Well, he had ulterior motives when he found me over a decade later." I shrugged with a small smirk towards Jareth. I sobered, thinking back to the days when Dinah was alive. I returned to my seat and fixed my skirts. "Maybe a year or so after we met that day, Albany came by with a child for my father to care for a few months. A few months later, he and his wife came to adopt the child. When telling him this, I mentioned the child was wrapped in a blanket with embroidered moons. We had thought that maybe you had his child in secret and later gave it up, which clearly you did not do."

I looked towards Lucan, who had been rather quiet through everything. How would a child—no, a man—feel knowing that he came from a one-sided union? Did he know the history behind his whole existence? My thoughts shifted towards Emmeline. All she had known was love and happiness, but would her own story affect her one day?

"I had my suspicions, truthfully, and I never forgot you. The names of your daughters, even your alias, all mean 'moon,'" I said to her.

"You are rather smart," she smiled. "You and my brother get along extremely well together," she changed the subject. "When Randal came home saying Jareth had a young woman in his home, I was rather curious because Dinah had no siblings. Of course, the next visit, of having a child and being married, it was rather a shock. That's when I started learning more and more about what was going on. I assumed some very strong opinions. I didn't even want Randal to risk going back the next year. Of course, he still went, always bringing back news of how happy you were, that there was another child on the way. Then you sent your friend with Randal and I began to see more of the truth. She explained more about you and what was going on, about Dinah. It was hard to digest, but she painted it in such a way that I finally understood the gravity of this whole place. How strong you must be to accept and embrace the changes."

"It's never been easy for us," I reply truthfully. "At the end of the day, we realized that we had to make it work if we wanted to see our daughter grow up." I offered her the only answer I could think of. "Are there nights where I still wake up full of anxiety? Of course. They come and go much like everything else in our lives." I tried to explain to her the best I could, about how we managed to live the life we lived. "You've driven past the old square, you've seen the bodies. Years ago, it was worse, with people being killed right and left, men who didn't want to join the ranks of town security. This is our life and how we survive. Think what you will, but the main goal at the end of the night is that we are both alive and our children safe," I spoke frankly.

I went upstairs shortly after to rest and check in on the girls, who all crawled into the large master bed with me. Pudgy hands pressed into my stomach so their sibling knew they were wanted. When I woke up they were gone, except for Emmeline who was curled up beside me.

"I don't have to get married, do I? Like ever?" she asked me curiously, in a tone much like her father used when he was contemplating something.

"Not for many years to come. Not at all, if you don't wish it." I kissed her hair and breathed in the scent of her soap. It might end up being a lie in the future, but right now, it was the truth. "I thought you wanted to be grown up?"

"I do, but boys are gross," she made a face as she snuggled into my bosom. We laid in bed for another moment before I heard the door open. I looked up towards the sound to see Jareth and I nudged Emmeline, who was busy playing a game with her unborn sibling. One that consisted of poking him until he kicked her in response.

"Time to wash up for dinner, Emmeline," he told her in the fatherly voice he used. I watched her as she sat up, ready to say something before he continued on. "If you are presentable and quiet, you may eat in the dining room with the adults," he offered with a crooked smile. Her mouth snapped shut and she rolled off the bed and raced out the door. "How are you feeling?" He walked towards me and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Large, sore, nauseated?" I offered him one to choose as I pulled myself up, pushing back my hair. I moved closer until I rested my head on the hollow of his shoulder blades. Breathing in the scent of his cologne and wool vest, I sighed, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

Things were never perfect, but at least he knew his sister was alive. It was rather a relief that they let Luna go without any reprimanding. It was a grey area because she wasn't exactly one of their citizens anymore, and the Signor was smart enough to travel with a lawyer for them. He knew his laws as any government official would. Harming them could begin something much bigger than a revolt. They also didn't want to spread the word of just how our council operated in these circumstances. Maybe this would work for our benefit, having the word spread of just how corrupt our society was?

They stayed for two days before leaving. As I was too uncomfortable to make the drive to see the orchard, Jareth took Emmeline and Genie along for the long ride. I had sent Lara with them to help keep the girls in check. It was Luna's last wish to see the manor before leaving as it was on the way to the borders. With only Ruby left in the house, I spent my morning having tea parties until the rain stopped. We ventured out in the afternoon, down to the toy shop where I watched her eyes beam at the sight of the plush bears and porcelain dolls.

"Can we put this on my husband's account?" I asked the shopkeeper who was watching Ruby grab for a soft bear.

"I'm sorry, only cash, or your husband must be present to charge it," he shook his head in a way that I was taken back. I'd never had an issue charging a thing to Jareth's account. "New policy," he offered with an apologetic shrug that didn't seem to be genuine.

I cursed inwardly as I rifled around my bag. I swore Jareth had left me more than enough funds to last the few days without him. I thought I had put it in my purse, but it wasn't there. I must have left it on my vanity.

"I'll pay for Lady Lutin." I looked up at the sound of the man's voice.

"No, it's fine, thank you. I shall come back for it tomorrow," I shook my head. Finally, I looked up into the eyes of the man who was at the forefront of Jareth's sister's disappearance. We were still unsure if we wanted to ask Albany for his side the story. There wasn't much we could do now as the situation happened over twenty years ago, but was there any way we could prove or hold him accountable for his actions? It made me think about just how many other girls he had done the same thing to? Was he one of those men who I heard whispers about? Ones treating handmaids like they were his personal companion? "Won't we, Ruby?" I asked my youngest. "That way we can get one for Genie and Emmeline, as well, as a surprise for when they get home?" I said sweetly as I watched her put the bear back. I prayed he wouldn't follow us, as I assumed his own children were around the store, or his wife at the very least.

For the first time, I was glad that my children, while they had their moments, were raised to be kind and understanding. Not many children would willingly let go of a toy after being told they may have it. I kept looking over my shoulder the whole way home and breathed a sigh of relief when I shut the front door behind me. I had a quiet dinner with Ruby before the maid drew us a warm bath to share. Ruby needed one, and I needed to clear my mind as I watched her splash around in the large sunken tub. I knew it was the hormones, but as I watched Ruby babble on as she played with her water toys, her golden hair wet and hanging around her face, it made me miss Jareth, even though he had only left that morning.

I brushed and braided the fluffy hair that Ruby had inherited from Jareth and tucked her into the large bed. She had fallen asleep while watching me apply my 'potions,' as she called them, to my face. I tried to remember the last time I had spent the night apart from Jareth. The nights in the hospital? The first nights after having the girls? Still, he was never far from me, always ready if I needed anything.

Was this truly the first time we had spent apart, hours and distance separating us? I fell into a fitful sleep, waking up more than once, trying to remember if the door had been locked. I paced the front hallway. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I heard the phone ring in my sitting room.

"You should be in bed," his voice greeted me.

"Then why are you calling?" I teased him tiredly as I sank down into the rocking chair.

"The girls were being a handful. They wished to make a fort in the living room," he admitted. "They are now sleeping in a fort," he added with a chuckle. "I went to check on them. Somehow, I felt like you would be awake. Knowing you aren't with us here is stranger than I thought it would be."

"Likewise," I agreed with him. "Ruby's in our bed, passed out, but yet I couldn't find a comfortable position or something kept ticking in my mind," I told him. I wanted to tell him that things didn't feel finished, but we all knew well enough that nothing was private in our lives.

"Soon enough, Sarah," he retorted with a chuckle. "Soon enough, he or she will be here, and you will sleep more comfortably when we manage to sleep."

"I am counting down the days," I replied wistfully. I truly was. Each passing day was worse than the day before. While I continued to grow, I found myself teetering on the edge of exhaustion and constant hunger. We spoke for another moment before we hung up with a simple 'I love you.'

I walked silently up the stairs, looking down at the front foyer. I stood for a moment before shaking my head at the strange feeling I had that night. Maybe it was just the lack of Jareth's presence that had me on high alert?

It was a cool, early spring afternoon when I felt the familiar pains. We had yet to leave for the manor because I was so close to having our child. The house was in a flurry of commotion as things were made ready for my labour. I knew by now that every birth, every labour was different, and this one was taking its time it seemed. I spent the evening playing chess and building puzzles with Jareth and Emmeline to pass the time. She wasn't going to be there for the full event, she was too young for that. However, she was curious about how things worked, and the midwife allowed her to help keep me comfortable. It was strange that she would be turning ten this year. It hardly seemed real that she was turning into a young lady. They always spoke of how time flew by when it came to your children.

I knew well enough what to expect, to know how to breathe, and allow myself to relax through the pain now. Things escalated quickly once my waters broke. It was only then that I had sent Emmeline to bed. I reassured her that I was fine, but it was time for me to focus and for her to go to bed.

When it was all said and done, I sobbed joyfully as I held my son. Looking between him and Jareth, I grasped for words that didn't make it out of my mouth. He howled for a moment before I cuddled him into my chest. I didn't even know what time it was, but I heard the patter of small feet racing down the hallway. I motioned to Jareth, who turned with a smile as he heard it, too. He kissed my forehead and went to the door, poking his head out.

"You have a brother, but your mother will need another few minutes to be up for company. She can have visitors when she is ready, since you ladies seem to have forgone bedtime." I heard him speak directly to them. "Go across the hall. I will retrieve you when she is able to see you all." I watched him shoo them away with a hand motion, but also stopping to ruffle someone's hair. He turned, and I could see the permanent smile on his face as he approached the bed.

We both stared in awe for another moment.

I stroked his dark hair. He looked so much like Emmeline, yet so much more boyish in his features with his smushed little nose and little mouth that was suctioned to me. For the first time, I realized that I had no idea how to raise a son, how to guide or even toilet train a boy.

"I have no idea what I'm doing with this one," I said out loud, to which Jareth responded with a chuckle.

"You teach him to be kind and considerate, like all children. You let him play in the dirt, and eventually, I will tackle the whole standing up to relieve oneself for you," he teased and covered my lower body with the dark blanket. I pulled the robe closer around my shoulders, more for warmth than modesty. I watched him leave to escort the girls in to meet their brother for the first time.

Ruby was rubbing her eyes, obviously tired, but still excited as Jareth held her in his arms. Emmeline and Genie were running straight to the bed to look at their new brother.

"What's his name?" they asked in unison.

"His name will be Lincoln." I smiled as I watched them gaze at him in awe. They only stayed a moment before Jareth decreed that they should all be in bed. Daddy's word was law at the end of the night. Lights out, and tucked into bed they all were out within the next ten minutes.

The children slept in late that morning, leaving Jareth and me to bask in the glory of our son. All the worry was forgotten for the time being as we counted his fingers and toes. By the end of the week, we were packed up and on our way to the manor. Jareth tried to make me rest another week, but I would not have it.

I was ready to be home.

Even after everything, the manor was still much more of a home than any other place.

"This will be all yours one day, Link," I told him as I walked amongst the trees in the warm summer sun. "I hope the world will be a different place by then," I whispered to him.

I turned as I felt Jareth coming up behind me, and I started to wonder if we would ever be able to escape this life. How long did we have before we heard from the council? What would they consider an adequate punishment for my 'accidental' involvement with the tea?

Would my children live this life?

Would my girls be a bride at an age that seemed too young?

I leaned into him as I heard the girls' laughter around us. How could life be so sweet and good and yet the future so frightening? Bittersweet is what it seemed to be as we stood in our orchard. A bittersweet ending is all I saw in the dark corners of my mind.

* * *

Well there you go, I hope I managed to fill in some of the blanks. There will be another chapter explaining more about Luna next chapter as well. Then two or three more chapters in total. It is coming to an end which is entirely strange to me.

I look forward too all of your comments and musings over this chapter. I am sure looking forward to them that is for sure.

Tina


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

A small blessing of a new chapter within a week of the last! It's a miracle haha!

Thank you to my lovely beta for all her hard work. It really has been an adventure….still no promises about making you cry next chapter.

Thank you all for the reviews and follows. Everyone has been amazing and sweet and I still can't believe you guys.

Here is the last snippet into Jareth's mind.

* * *

I cannot tell a story of a reunion between siblings without revealing his own thoughts on the matter. My husband was a man of many thoughts and emotions. He lived, lost, and loved fiercely.

When arranging this memoir, I found the journals he wrote in. I wasn't sure if he would allow his thoughts and memories to be public, but then someone reminded me of all he fought for so he could live and see his children safe. He would have given me the simplest answer: yes, he would allow it.

These will be the last look into our world through his eyes.

(Excerpt from Jareth's Journal)

_October 2nd_

_It is strange to have seen the woman Luna has grown into. She'd been immortalized as a seventeen-year-old in my mind for so long. Seeing her as a grown woman close to forty with her own family is something I never imagined. Listening to her as she speaks of her children and the charities that help young girls and women has made me proud, despite all the hurt that has come over the years._

_I asked her if she wished to talk to Albany, but she shook her head. She had come to terms with what happened long ago. Lucan could decide for himself, but she had no intentions of seeing him. Dear lord, do I even know the man I once called a friend? A man who took advantage of my younger sister and then lied to my face about her disappearance?_

_Had I been that preoccupied with my own life back then? So preoccupied that I didn't notice that my own sister was going through something that horrific? She says she doesn't blame me, but how I cannot understand. I was an appalling brother and guardian._

_Lucan, my nephew, seems to be a well-adjusted young man. He spoke saying that he bore no ill wishes on the man who fathered him. He said he mostly felt sorry for him. It wasn't until Luna left the room for a moment that he made a comment, wondering just how many siblings he might have from the same behaviour. If he'd ran out his mother, how many other girls had he done the same to? He'd only come along to look into the face of the man who gave him half his makeup. He wanted to see just who he resembled for the first time in his life, never believing her when she told him he looked very much like his uncle whom he had never met._

_He really does look more like our side of the family than Albany's._

_It was after Sarah went to lie down that Luna gave me more insight into her story, a part of the story which she didn't want to share in front of Sarah in her condition. Sarah mentioning the child in the blanket wasn't as much of a coincidence as it seemed to be when I first looked into it._

_Somehow, Ashton tracked her down not long after Lucan had been born. She never understood how, but he'd managed it. By then she'd had a decent way of life and was surprised at seeing him. She had made friends in the small community of women who took her in. She spoke of a girl named Mari who had been sent away from her home for wanting to keep her child. They had been due around the same time, but unlike Luna, who pulled through the ordeal with little trauma, Mari bled out before they could save her. Lucan was only a week old when it happened._

_It was another two weeks before Ashton appeared, walking into the room where she had been feeding the girl as she had decided to nurse them both while she could. He had assumed, as she was feeding a child, that child had to be his. Another girl had been watching Lucan, thankfully. She fought him off for a few days before another told her to give him the female child and keep her son for herself. Giving the orphan to a wealthy family couldn't be that bad, could it? A future for the child who had no family?_

_She regrets it now, seeing how our Society turned out to be. I remember Ashton's daughter's marriage, she had only been sixteen at the time he arranged it, another way to gain a step up in Society._

_That was only four years ago._

_Now, I wonder if I can even protect my own daughters. Even Lincoln will have his own set of rules to live by. Sarah never thought much about the other side of the situation, but how do you shape a society you deem perfect without shaping the young men of the society, as well? It had been a sad day when Sarah came to ask me what her father meant when he said Toby was being sent off for training._

_It had been only a few years into the new regime and the mandatory training in the military. All young boys, from the ages of eleven to sixteen, were trained in various forms of combat and armoury. With all the uncertainty that came with raising daughters, she wept after learning that even young boys were being corrupted, bred to be the ideal citizen. There was no escape for anyone, male or female._

(Except from another journal)

_I am worried about Sarah, but then again, I am worried about much lately._

_Lincoln is thriving. It is so different, yet still so similar having a son versus a daughter. I don't think I have ever been intentionally jealous over the amount of time Sarah spends with them as newborns, but I swear, I have seen him smirk my way before he starts nursing. Our little man is already such a ladies' man when it comes to company coming over to see him. He puts on a good show, but we know now that his temper was much worse than Emmeline's when she was colicky._

_Sarah has been off lately, but I've seen it before, the wave of emotions after a birth. Though this time something is different and I have not been able to place my finger on it until today._

_I found her in the nursery, and when I reached out to her in the dimly lit room, she jumped, her large green eyes wide as she turned in fear. She silently pleaded with her eyes for me to keep my distance. It always seemed to be worse after having a child, her memories always more pronounced, more real to her in the aftermath of childbirth. This was not the first time we'd been through this. Seeing her so terrified only brought me back to find her crying in the corner of her bathroom, a reminder of a night that still haunts me. A night full of guilt for bringing her into my home and treating her in such a way._

_I breathed her name quietly. She hadn't been lying when she told Luna she still had her nights. Nights when a simple thing turned her mind into a fast spinning wheel, the anxiety and fears overpowering her own reality._

_I had followed her to the nursery after I felt her avoid me in our large bed. Lincoln was sleeping soundly in his cradle as we silently communicated. I must have turned to her in my sleep, my body betraying my sleeping mind as I woke up in a rather stiff predicament, the only explanation I had to her sudden retreat from our bed. Even after all this time, I wait for her encouragement, waiting to know if this is what she wants._

_It took a moment before she could speak, rambling on about dreams and how this could all be a dream. That she might wake up one morning and see Dinah in the dining room, that only Emmeline might exist in the universe but she wouldn't be mommy. Something was off here, too, as if she knew that something was going to happen that she could feel in her bones._

_I want to tell her that it will be all right, but we both know that truth. Things have been too quiet, even the President has been quiet since the whole tea incident. I have mail sitting beside me as I write this that I am too afraid to open, not wanting to know what they are expecting from us. If we had been any other family, I am sure there would have been harsher punishments, that we may not all be alive at the moment._

_That is the thought that frightens me more than anything in the world at the moment._

_For Immediate Confidential Reading by Lord Lutin_

_Vice President to Clandestine,_

_After much deliberation and consideration of your family's participation in the incident last fall, we have come to an agreement for a suitable compromise for their unknown involvement._

_Ivan Edwards, the grandson of the President, is nearing the age of release from service. Afterwards, he will be continuing on at the university to follow in his father's footsteps._

_We all know how important it is for our young men to have a symbol of encouragement, a future to look forward to so they make it through the trials of training and studies with pride._

_We suggest a betrothal between the two children of these prominent families. A union that can benefit each family. We hope that they may form and grow into a friendship, one which will be a basis for a stable marriage once Ivan has finished his training and studies. By that time he will be able to provide for a family and your daughter, Emmeline Byrd, will be of legal age for marriage._

_This offer should be accepted within one week of arrival so that we may prepare the necessary paperwork. As well, we are sure your wife will wish to plan a special celebration to commemorate the occasion, as it is truly a joyous occasion for your family with such a distinguished match being made._

_Cordially,_

_Simon Fiery_

_Secretary of State_

* * *

_Please don't kill me….Please, don't come after me with all the pitchforks for what I finally revealed to you after all these chapters._

_I had to do it, and I knew early on that when Sarah was writing this that Jareth was no longer with her. How far into the future and when it happens you'll find out in another two chapters._

_Next chapter is being written at the moment. Hopefully won't be too long as I wish to have this wrapped up by the end of October. This story has had a year in the making and I'm looking forward to some downtime._

_Also, side note... I just realized Jareth journal entry is October 2nd...that is the day I first uploaded the story I believe...this is a coincidence i never intended to make haha_

_Tina_


	30. Chapter 30

Welcome to the last chapter before the epilogue.

We have come a long way from the beginning and its crazy to know this is ending with one more chapter.

So a huge gracious thank you to my Beta who worked so much magic and kept my secrets. She spent the last year know essentially the whole story. I owe you an amazing Christmas present!

Thank you for all the reviews and follows the last few chapters. It's been amazing.

You may want tissues…

Chapter 30

* * *

 

It was a whirlwind of emotions when the news broke. I flew into a violent rage when Jareth recited the letter from the council. They couldn't, they had no right to demand such a thing. Yet, they found our weakness. As any other parent in the world, our children were the easiest way to twist our arms.

How did we explain this to a child? How could we tell her that her own choices were being taken from her? That there was no way we could change this? We were her parents, her protectors, yet in the end, I put her in the line of fire as her own mother by my own choice.

I cried for most of the day before I managed to pull myself together enough for Jareth to pull her into the study.

We told her in the plainest and simplest terms what was going on. That this could be a good thing as she had a few years to get to know the boy who would be one day be her husband. It was the only thing we could do at the end of the day.

It seemed rather strange for a young man to have a pen pal who was six years younger. Any points of interest would be hard to come by. He would be a man when she came of age to marry, while she would just be turning into a young woman.

I wanted so much more for her.

I wanted her to have more than a life like my own. I wanted her to have options, to choose a path for herself.

Somehow, Jareth managed to work out some sort of compromise. We weren't objecting to the match, but we wanted her to have a childhood. We wanted her to remain a child for a little while longer.

It would be common knowledge, but there would be no formal announcement, no party until she reached her thirteenth year—when she was older and able to comprehend what this meant and how her life would be changing.

We had a small family gathering instead for an initial meeting of the two. They had met in passing before, but this was different. The young man in question was rather understanding of the situation. He acted every inch the gentleman he was bred to be. I heard him tell my husband that he would always be considerate, be whatever Emmeline needed him to be.

Friends, courting couple, fiancés, spouses.

Each one step slowly changing into another over the course of the years that would come. We could only hope that it would be a good match. He made it impossible for me to dislike him. His understanding and own compliance with the situation. What young man wanted to be tied to a ten-year-old? He took it all in stride as she displayed her card tricks. It wasn't until she grabbed a few of the crystals that Jareth still had lying around from years past that she laughed, twirling them in her hands and showing off a talent she'd never showed us before.

I looked around the room and spotted the camera. I snapped a photo, meaning to use the copy to draw it out later if I found the time.

Time was something that we cherished. It seemed that life was nonstop and Lincoln was growing like a weed. His clothing was ever changing and larger than the day before. Luna kept in contact as often as she could, but calls and letters were hard to get through at times. If they did get through, they were heavily monitored. The days passed quickly as we moved on with our lives.

It was strange how one could just cope and learn to move on after such an ordeal.

It had been a warm autumn day when Jareth came stumbling through the door, his knuckles bloodied and a large bruise on his face. His jacket was dusty and dishevelled as two guards nodded to me in politeness. I rushed towards him.

"Whatever in the world happened?"

"I'm fine," he told me when he saw my concern. "I had a slight run-in with someone who looks much worse than me."

"Thank you for bringing him home safely," I said to the two guards, who nodded and finally turned and left my doorstep. "Jareth Elias, you are forty-seven years old. I thought you would have outgrown the childish need to fist fight," I chided him as I lead him to the kitchen where I could grab a bowl and fill it with warm water. "Seriously, the last thing we need is more people watching us!"

"Trust me, Sarah, no one will judge me for laying it on him. The bastard deserved it," he waved off my concerns.

"Little ears," I warned him over his language as I grabbed the basket of first aid supplies, ones that the children often used when playtime got rough. "Or I'll use the stinging astringent." I gave him a look to show him I meant it.

"You are a cruel woman," he muttered gruffly, hissing as I cleaned off his hand. "A good mother, but a cruel wife at times," he teased me.

I didn't know it then, but there would be no more children. It was not a choice we made, it was just the way it was for us. Jareth had fallen ill, and by the time he came through from the fever, it had burned so hot in him that the Doctor pulled me aside after he had awoken, quietly explaining that the fever could have rendered him sterile.

There was little way to know for sure, but if we had our hearts set on more children, he told me not to be hopeful. In my tired daze, I sarcastically asked for that to be in writing, that he was the issue for the lack of more children. I never expected he would take me seriously. The next thing I knew, I had wives at my door trying to console our family's lack of good fortune. That it was a pity a handmaiden couldn't even help grow our family. I tried to remind them that we had four beautiful, healthy children, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

He was never quite the same after the illness, but he managed the best he could. Nerve damage we found out when one of his hands and feet would go numb for hours on end. We learned to adjust and make each day work for us. He hid it well from the public, too ashamed to ever admit how much the fever affected him.

For the first time, we both viewed life with an impending mortality. That there was a chance that he would leave us long before he wanted to.

He spoke one night suddenly, as we sat in his study and I wrote the notes that he dictated to me. He was frustrated to the point of self-pity at his useless hands. He admitted he finally understood what Dinah had gone through, her good and bad days.

We never spoke much of Dinah. The children knew he had been married before our marriage. It was a hard fact to hide, but that was the extent of their knowledge. The only difference for him was there was no death sentence looming overhead. He admitted one night to me that he never really understood the toll her illness had taken on her. He could understand better now. How she had made her choice in the very end, even though she always seemed in such a good mood up to those days.

Still, after his illness, he was set on discussing things I wished I didn't have to know. His last wishes and what he wanted to be done to his body were all drawn up in a will. That everything would go to Lincoln and be held in a trust if he had yet to meet the age of majority, one that I could manage until the day he turned twenty-one. The girls were set aside their own inheritances, also in trust. When they married, they would take their inheritance into their marriage. A dowry essentially, as they could never legally hold a large sum of money in their own name. If they never married, Lincoln could manage it for them.

We were both older, and it was not something I could put off thinking about. Maybe his illness made him think of his own mortality, what he was leaving behind when it was finally time to leave this world.

We both mourned the loss of more children, though the reality of being faced with such a fact made me relieved that I was to have my body back. No more weight gain and losses, no more strenuous labours and slow recoveries, or learning to balance life with a newborn and children who could be jealous. Gone were the days of nursing and long nights when they were newborns. No more diapers and toilet training.

There were still days when I mourned the loss of any more children when I saw a new child be born. I would miss those late nights and early mornings.

I would cherish having my body to myself at the end of it all. Even after a decade and four children, I felt like I was in decent shape. I was shaped differently, of course. No one could stay seventeen forever. I was softer, but somehow, even after all the sweets and snacks I had eaten, I managed to bounce back rather easily.

I ran my hands down the silk of my gown, sea foam green with silver threads running through it. It was long and swished around my ankles as I walked over to Emmeline's room. I paused before knocking lightly and opening the door.

I smiled softly at her as she struggled with the zipper of her dress, sighing before she asked me to do it up for her. For the first time, she was wearing a grown-up dress that went to the tops of her ankles, one that was covered in white lace and a blush underlay. It had long sleeves with a tasteful sweetheart neckline that left her creamy skin open. Her father wouldn't like it, but he still couldn't fathom the idea of her wearing a brassiere yet, either.

I hooked the jewelled and beaded belt in place, then wrapped it around Emmeline's slim waist. Her skirts were held out with a fair amount of tulle, making her seem even smaller than she was. At fourteen, she was truly a young lady of her day, her long, dark hair half up with the length of it hanging in waves down her back.

I brought her over to my vanity and, for the first time, let her explore my cosmetics before she chose a blush with a nervous laugh. I showed her how to apply a tinge of blush over the apples of her cheeks. Next, I skillfully dabbed some tinted lip balm on her small rosebud shaped lips. I watched her dark lashes flutter as she looked at herself, frowning in the mirror as she stroked her brows into place. She never liked her dark brows, they titled ever so slightly upward, much like her fathers.

I had never seen her so quiet as we walked up the stairs to the capital hall. I smiled and shook my head at the thousands of times I had watched Emmeline skipping along the steps when we had come to see Jareth. He was dressed in a dark velvet suit, such a dark blue that it looked black.

Everyone kept congratulating us on the good fortune of the match. It was the polite thing to do, after all, even if they all knew the truth.

I watched Jareth and Emmeline from a distance when I came back from the ladies room. When had she grown so tall? She was almost the height of Jareth in her heels. When did I grow old enough to have a daughter who could look so mature? Ivan was standing attentively near her as she laughed lightly as some joke. He had grown in three years, and she looked so much like a young woman, yet still so much like a child next to him. Everything was still so cordial, awkward between them. Yet, he always made sure she was properly attended to. In some ways, it was very older brother like. Then, now and again, I would see him watch her with a strange fascination in his eyes, seeing glimpses of the woman she would become in a few short years for the first time in his own way.

I choked back a sob at this whole mess. Some days, Emmeline didn't understand why I was so upset with the whole situation. All she knew was this life, all she knew was that it was her duty to follow the commands of the council. Even Ivan was gracious about everything. Our girls were little women, while our young boys were raised to be gentlemen.

Maybe, if we didn't have all corruption that lay hidden in the undertow, we could have had a perfect society. I watched Emmeline blush as she took the offered hand from Ivan for a dance from my distance. Jareth clenched his jaw as he nodded at her to go have fun.

A large group noisily passed nearby me, straightening up as soon as they saw me near the window. A group of young men in uniform. Security, I assumed, who had snuck some of the spiked punch at some point in the night. Children would always be children. I shook my head before I went back indoors.

The evening was just beginning to wind down when a foul-smelling smoke began filling up the hallways. As the men tried to find the cause, the ladies went outside to escape the smell. There was no fire though, just smoke.

Foul smelling smoke.

As soon as the place was deemed safe we ventured in, my arm tightly around Emmeline as she was afraid. She'd never truly felt afraid of anything until that night. As soon as the men came towards us, she ran to Jareth and tucked herself into his embrace. Daddy's girl she was when he was around.

"Jareth?" I whispered to him. "What is going on?"

"We aren't sure entirely," he said softly as we walked down the halls. We all stopped as we came to a large brick wall that was covered in red paint, the voices around me whispering what we all read.

' _Sinners break the innocents so they can become the sinners. You are not righteous, you are Savages!_ '

I gulped and pulled Emmeline to me, trying to shield her from the words, but it was useless as she clung to Jareth. We couldn't even protect from this now. There was a cry of anger, for the anger that was directed at them for the first time. Whispers from children who were confused, asking why people would write such a thing about their families. They didn't know any better, they were raised in the world they lived in.

Whoever wrote it, I could tell they were not happy with the higher standing class. How were they to know that some of us felt the same way?

They couldn't.

When we finally made it home, I went peeking into the many rooms that were occupied. Genie was turning eleven. She was shy and studious, and we often found her reading the limited material available to her. Not because of her age, but because women were deemed too delicate, too simple minded to read anything of great subjects now. They had talked about banning reading and writing all together once, only to ponder the question of how they could read and know the laws that showed them their place in the world. How could they cook, or write down recipes if they didn't know how to read and write?

Her hair was long and usually trapped within two braids that hung down her back. It was still bright copper, a shade that went with her curious green eyes perfectly. At the moment, she was tucked into her daybed, her hair like a glowing crown on her pillow, softly snoring as she hugged onto one of her dolls. She wasn't happy about the impending changes as she left childhood and started becoming a young woman.

In the next room, Ruby was sprawled out on her stomach with the blankets kicked off, along with her night clothes. Her straight blonde hair was tied neatly into a braid that she slept in at night. I shook my head. No matter how we tried to keep her clothed, at night she always managed to toss them off after we left. She was turning eight in a few short months, and her biggest worry was having snow on her birthday. When it came to play time, she preferred trousers to dresses, most of the time. In all actuality, she tolerated wearing dresses on a daily basis. Jareth often reminded her that if she wanted to be his little lady when she came to see him at work, she had to dress the part.

When I went to Lincoln's room, I found it empty. I shook my head and turned to my own room across the hall.

"Ludo?" I called out to the old canine, and his head lifted up from his pillow. Curled up next to him was Lincoln, clutching his blanket. "He stole your pillow again, didn't he, old boy?" I scratched his ears and wondered just how much time we had left with him. He was fourteen, after all.

"I'll bring him back to his bed," I heard Jareth whisper behind me. I nodded my head and watched him pick up the small boy.

"Papa?" Lincoln grumbled in his sleep as we walked him back across the hall. Tucking him in, we both kissed his dark hair. He and Emmeline both looked alike, my dark hair with Jareth's features, though Lincoln had my nose as everyone told us. I tucked the blankets around him and went to check on Emmeline.

She was brushing out her hair, already having washed off her face. Her gown was tossed aside on the floor, and she was sitting in her slip. I picked it up silently and draped it across the back of one of her chairs.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and patted it. It would still be two years before she would be old enough to marry. Sixteen was technically the legal age for marriage unless your father signed for you to marry earlier, something Jareth refused to do while Ivan still had two years of apprenticeship. There was no way he could marry and support a wife as an apprentice. When she finally came over, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her as I heard the ticking of her clock behind us.

It was shortly after the party that Emmeline found our marriage certificate. She had been looking for her birth certificate for something, and instead, she found our marriage certificate.

"Come, sit with me," I asked her as I pulled her into the master bedroom. "I know you are still angry at us," I admitted to her.

"You lied to me," she objected. "My whole life has been a lie," she added dramatically.

"Your life has never been a lie. Yes, I was a handmaiden once, but that has never meant that we have never loved you. You were loved more then you could ever know," I tried to explain to her. "We never spoke much of your father's first wife to you children. We wanted to spare you the pain of back then. Your father made a choice, and that choice gave me a life I probably would have never had without him. Were we unconventional? Yes, and I don't really think there has been anyone else in our situation besides your father and I, from what I can tell. Dinah was ill, though. She didn't have long to live, and the only thing she ever wanted was a child." I paused for a moment, trying to find a way to explain the past without frightening her with all the details we tried to forget about.

"You've seen the graves at the Manor?" I asked her, knowing she had, but I waited for her to nod her head. "Eden was your father's firstborn, a daughter long before you were born. She lived for eighteen days. The other was a miscarriage in the second term. Your father used to stay up all night watching you breathe. He was so afraid after what happened with Eden, afraid it might happen to you," I told her, remembering those nights. I pulled her close as other memories flashed in my mind. I remembered our own little Gabriel, buried deep in the ground. How many children had Jareth buried?

"I went into labour the morning that Dinah finally let go. I was so afraid. It was too early, as you know already. I spent half the night scared out of my wits, walking the floor with Ludo, too afraid to get your father, afraid to disappoint him if something was truly wrong. He found out when he came to tell me that Dinah had passed away. I always believed she left this world to make a place for you the next day. You were so tiny, but you were healthy. Even your father was there. One of the more unconventional things we did when you were born," I told her, elaborating more on her birth than I ever had before.

"I know where babies come from, mom," Emmeline told me with a look. "I am not a child anymore. You, yourself, told me all about what happens in a marriage. You willingly walked into that room and laid down for him—"

"You may never understand, Emmeline, what my life was like back then. You have had the best of everything we could have ever given you. You've never had to worry about anything that I had to worry about at your age. I was only fifteen when I was taken from my home and placed in the Academy. I was terrified and thrust into a system that made me feel like chattel. By the time I was sixteen, I met your father, who seemed to have taken an interest in me. By that time, survival was my only means of concern. I had been whipped, tortured, starved into compliance. He gave me much more freedom than I ever imagined I could have. He's been patient and considerate of every aspect of our marriage since the day we married. All we have ever wanted was to give you a stable home to grow up in, a stable home for your siblings. Have we made mistakes? Obviously, " I wave my hands up in the mention of the whole situation she was in because of my own mistakes. "I am truly sorry that you got dragged into this. It was never my intention to ever put you in the line of fire with the council." I watched her bow her head in shame. I'd never spoken much about my own life before marriage, and telling her now, she finally understood why I tried not to relive any of those memories.

"Please, don't judge your father for the past. Much like everyone else, he was merely trying to wade the waters. No one knew back then what was going to happen," I said to her. "He loves you dearly, Emmy, never think otherwise. He most likely saved me from a very hard life, and the thought of ever giving you up terrified me back then. I would have nightmares that I would wake up and Dinah would be cured, and then I would have to give you up. I know now that I couldn't have, or wanted to, survive another posting." It was a hard thing to admit to your daughter, that my own will to survive would have been gone if she had been taken from me.

I left her room with a sigh as she sat there, unsure of what to say with everything I had told her. In the end, it took days before Emmeline came to terms with everything. Finally, after almost a week of silence, I found Emmeline and Jareth in middle of a competition of chess, laughing at each other in the study. I watched from the doorway with a sigh. I prayed that things would be stable. I turned and let them be as I had a to track down my other children.

The calm before the storm is always a false hope. Wedding plans took up our days. Multiple dress fittings, new gowns being made for her changing life. Sunday evening dinners with Ivan, so he could visit with Emmeline, took up our lives. The younger children learning to accept that their sister was soon to leave them. They were not exactly happy, but they understood that it was a new phase in her life.

I stood in front of the large window one morning and saw a young boy looking up at the house with interest. Dressed in his uniform, he spoke to the guards before they nodded. The added security was a nuisance but needed in the end. There had been more and more vandalism since those words had been painted. It was beginning to escalate more each time. Arson, robberies, demanding young girls be set free. Once they even tried to set fire to the Academy late one night.

Jareth and I spent the next hours trying to find a place for a few girls that were left there. There weren't many left that they could take from the lower class. It was an issue that the council had been trying to find another solution too. It always frustrated Jareth when they thought the girls as nothing more than breeding stock. A breeding stock they only cared about when they were running out.

A few of these radicals had been caught, but they all would rather die than rat each other out. They went, shouting a name who I assumed was a sister or friend at one point. They were a group we could not get under our wings. They were too dangerous to be exposed to, their anger fuelled their aggression. Anger could be volatile to all our work in gaining alliances beyond our border.

I met him at the front door, curious about what was going on. The closer he got, the more noticeable the blonde curls became underneath his cap.

"Lady Lutin?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes, that is me," I nodded kindly to him with a smile.

"This came for your husband." He handed over an envelope.

"Thank you. It's rather warm out, would you like a drink of water before you head back?" I asked him as I saw the sweat on his brow.

"Very much, thank you, ma'am." He took off his cap and followed me to the back of the house where the kitchen was.

"What is your name?" I asked as I pulled open the fridge for the water jug.

"Tobias, ma'am," he said, "but most just call me Toby." I turned to look at him, the glass slipping out of my hand in the process. I tried to think back to how old he would be. Eighteen, nineteen even.

"I'm sorry, I just haven't heard that name in so long," I apologized at my clumsiness. "I have a brother who is named Toby. I haven't seen him since he was a baby," I explained. "I am sure, though, that they would never let him come here."

"Well, if it makes any difference, I once had a sister," he offered after a moment. "She haunted my childhood. Father talks to her occasionally, but she never visits," he added after a moment, rather bitterly, I detected. We both stared at each other, afraid to make any sudden movements or declarations.

"Mommy!" Ruby came storming into the room, her dungarees covered in dry paint. "You promised I could paint today."

"Of course, baby," I told her before looking to Toby, who stood and watched with a stony face.

"Have a good day, Lady Lutin," he half bowed to me before looking at Ruby with subtle interest. She looked so much like Jareth with her blonde hair. "Miss Lutin," he nodded to Ruby before stalking out the back door.

I walked up the stairs in a daze and flopped down on the sofa beside Jareth. I handed him his telegram.

"I met Toby today," I told him before rambling on, wondering just how many times I must have seen him while never recognizing him. Then again, I hadn't seen him since he was a baby, how could I recognize him? Something Jareth reminded me of.

I pondered silently at his own admission about having a sister. He must have known who I was by the sound of his voice.

As the world was shifting and the tides turning, I wondered if it would fall before the so-called 'blessed day.' I didn't want my daughter to be a wife so young. Was it wrong of me to want more for her?

With all the incidents, our main concern was the children, naturally. How to keep them safe and not afraid of what was happening. They picked up on everything, and the less time they spent outdoors, the more they began to question. Everything from the large number of guards that accompanied them to park to escorting them when they spent an afternoon at another's house. Even schools had been postponed until we felt it safe for them to go. Our worst nightmare would be an incident happening at the school. While the acts of violence had been directed at the council, we couldn't take any chances.

As the rebellion continued, we reached out to our friends outside the borders. Mostly to ensure that they were on high alert for disaster while trying to find the source of these outbursts that were plaguing our cities.

At the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than to bar the doors and windows and hide away, to wake up one day and have this all be over.

Emmeline had chosen a summer wedding, one set for the end of July. She wanted to spend some time at the Manor before leaving it officially for the last time. Her sisters followed her around while Lincoln begged her not to leave him. I never asked much of her during those weeks, trying to let her have a break before she found herself running her own home. Genie and Ruby took over as they were old enough to do most of the chores now. Just because we had help, didn't mean they couldn't clean their own rooms or even dust the living room when I asked.

Her sixteenth birthday was bittersweet as she blew out the candles on the cake, her sparkling ring shining in the light that night as she served that cake. One hand had the ring from Ivan, while the other had the ring Jareth presented her that morning. She would always be our daughter, and her birthstone sat between ours, a garnet and two pearls; her pearl was white, while mine was black with a greenish hue to it. It was a small family affair as the wedding was only around the corner.

Somehow, it was granted that Luna and the Signor would be welcome to the wedding. It was a family affair, after all. It was deep within the cellar where we finally managed to discuss the terrifying acts that kept plaguing our lives. Every bordering country was on high alert, we learned. They were just waiting for the moment where it seemed to right to intervene.

It seemed strange to me. What more could they need to help our society from a monster? How many people had lost loved ones, lives, and futures because of one man who called himself President?

I never had a wedding gown like the one Emmeline had, floating and dreamy with lace and satins. We searched for it in the attic one afternoon as she wanted a piece of it to be sewn into hers.

"You were only a few days old," I told her as I looked over the dress. "I was surprised I looked as well as I did," I said, thinking back to the wedding portrait we had taken. We never did have another ceremony like he said we could.

I did up the many buttons on the back with ease, even though my senses were on alert. It was a beautiful day and people had lined up in the street to see the car through the city centre. The hair on the back of my neck prickled now and again. I left Emmeline in the waiting room with her attendants, hugging her before leaving the room to find Jareth.

"I will be okay, mama," Emmeline had whispered in my ear with blind courage. It wasn't that I wasn't ready for her to begin this new life, but I was worried about much more. The bride was here and we were ready to begin. I walked down to the halls, ready to tell the men that the bride was ready. I was almost there when I looked back down the hall. I watched silently as Toby slipped into the corridor from a doorway. He stopped when he saw me as he was turning. He stood for a moment, watching me.

"Joining the council?" he spat out.

"No, I am looking for my husband, our daughter needs him," I told him. My alertness peaked at his statement. He seemed unsure, unsteady for a moment before pulling himself together. It was like he remembered just who I was married to.

"Your husband is no better than the rest of them. Savages who believe they are above everyone else," he spat out bitterly.

The door behind him went into the tower that leads into the alcove of the council room, I remembered. I could only think in horror of whatever he was planning. "There is so much you don't know or understand. It doesn't have to be this way," I tried to remind him. "This here, inside here, is my family."

"I was your family! You _had_ a family!"

"You think I left willingly? If you think I haven't wanted to visit, you have been wrong. The reason father has spoken to me at all over the years is because it's my own punishment. Punishment for calling him in a moment of exhaustion and desperation. I was punished for calling my own father. I was humiliated and physically punished for a simple telephone call." I thought back to the day. It was the only time Jareth ever did such a thing in our marriage. I knew my place. There had been a few incidents of my speaking out of turn in front of his peers, but usually, that was when Jareth smirked, saying that correcting behaviour in private was always much more enjoyable. "I have sacrificed so much in my life to be able to stand here today. You will never understand the depth of those sacrifices, the sacrifices of people who have died for the cause. You have no idea what we have lost while trying to rise above this tyranny."

"It's all lies," he spoke stubbornly. I knew he would never truly believe what we were capable of doing for society.

I shook my head. I really didn't want to ruin this day. Not because I wanted this day, but at the very least, I wanted Emmeline to be able to look back fondly at her own wedding. I turned on my heel before turning back to him. "You were a sweet baby, I am rather ashamed of the man you have become."

"You never even recognized me! I've watched you for years, and you never even saw me until that one day!" He threw his biting words at me, and for the first time, I saw the hurt in his eyes for a moment.

It flashed before my eyes, the reality of his life. Clara was turning fifteen, younger than my Emmeline by a year. He'd already lost one sister, he dared not lose another.

"For that, I apologize, but you were barely a toddler when I had to leave. How could I know what you looked like? Your blond curls are no more, and you have changed greatly over the years. How could I have picked you out in a sea of people?" I retorted back to him. "I have never even seen a photo of Clara," I tried to explain to him.

"Don't you dare say her name!" He yelled so forcefully that I took a step back, almost afraid. Maybe that wasn't the right path to go down with him.

"I want to help you, but you need to trust me that this will end," I pleaded with him.

Maybe it was a miracle, maybe it was sheer dumb luck. Truthfully, I don't remember much. A loud piercing sound and Toby trying to grab me to keep me from entering the wing. The whole room turned at my presence, but I never saw Jareth. I saw their confused looks as they saw Toby grabbing at my arm, pulling me.

It was a jarring shock of hot air, rushing at me with a force that knocked me over. I heard the warning sirens going off as I faded into darkness, my body being covered by debris as I held onto my brother's hand.

* * *

 

Now I am going to run and hide because I am sure people may hate me for throwing that plot twist in.

Let me know what you think of it. I look forward to your thoughts good or bad.

Tina


	31. Epilogue

Independence Day and the Lutin's

Independence Day is the day we celebrate the end of the old regime. The day the Alliance and a group of rebels managed to overthrow the council, putting an end to all the societal decay of the previous two decades.

It was later revealed that Vice President Lutin had been a large supporter of the cause. It caused quite a shock when he walked in with the foreign aides of our bordering countries, they who had been on high alert to issue relief and support for a collapsing state. It was with their help that the transition was as smooth as it could be. One of the main supporters was the brother-in-law to Lord Lutin. Signor De Toro was a governor from the southern states who helped rebuild the fallen society. Signora De Toro, his wife and Lord Lutin's sister, worked with the women, showing them how to cope and move on from their past lives as handmaids.

The group of young men who had been terrorizing the capital went on trial only to be found not harmful to society. In the end, they were honoured for standing up to the Council. We know them now as the men who had been joined together by the pain of losing sisters, and even lovers, to the rules that the Council had made. Their leader was none other than the younger half-brother of the Vice President's wife, Tobias Williams. Tobias was awarded for his bravery in helping to bring forth the end of the Council.

It was a dark time in our history, one we have tried to reconcile. As much as we wished to bury and forget about the past, the wrongs and lives we had taken could not be forgotten as we teach for a better future.

Independence Day began with a memorial set up by Lord Lutin's wife after the first year of independence. The Council had been demolished, now being governed by what we call a democracy. A woman who had once been a handmaid herself in her husband's house was helping to rebuild their society alongside her husband. It was her courage and will to see a change that sparked that alliance, allowing it to grow from nothing more than a desire to live. She only wanted her friends to have a chance at a life that didn't involve giving up the children they carried.

A mother of four, Lady Lutin grew up in a middle-class home, raised by her father after her mother passed away unexpectedly. She was taken from her home at age fifteen. In the early years of the old regime, she was sent to the Academy to become either a wife or a handmaid. A peculiar situation arose when Lord Lutin chose her after his wife pleaded for a child. Knowing the Lady Dinah would not survive another year, he chose to do the only thing he could think of. A child would need a mother if there was one, and the child would already have a biological mother.

Lady Lutin was a woman of strength as she navigated the dark waters. It was a treacherous road being a lady of standing and a member of the Alliance.

As Lord Lutin stepped into his role as President of a shaky Society that may have not trusted him, he worked long and hard to right the wrongs of the past years. He demolished the Academy and terminated many laws related to women and handmaids. The largest hurdle he crossed was how to deal with the children of the families born of handmaids. Many of the birth records had been partially lost in the Capital Hall fire. The smallest of the children who were infants were placed with their birth mothers. Toddlers and young children often went through an adjustment period. After meeting their birth mothers, they slowly worked up to spending equal time with her. Older children were given the choice for what they wished to do. Most chose to know who gave birth to them, as they were curious about where they came from.

Others were met with sad news. Sitting in a bright room, they were given a photograph of the young woman who gave birth to them. Accompanying the photo was their personal history. It wasn't always easy, but a group of devoted researchers never gave up, finding out all they could from family and friends so they could have a picture of the woman she had been.

Older women were given the option for divorce if they had been a victim of an arranged marriage. Some often stayed, but some were not in suitable or safe situations. They didn't need to show proof; their word was enough. If they needed protection, it would be granted, not only for their safety but for their children as well.

Finding a delicate balance was never an easy road, and there was still the issue of falling birth rates. However, advancements in science and the medical work that came by cooperating with others soon found options for the couples who struggled. Age was no longer a defining factor in fertility.

" _It has been many long years since those days and we still cannot allow ourselves to forget what once was. We must learn from the mistakes of the past so that we may make a brighter future."_

Those were the words Lady Lutin wrote at the beginning of her memoir.

The memoir found in an old manor gave us the first insight of what life was truly like for women of that time. While the Lutin's have gone down in history, they have never spoken outright about those years of the regime. Lord Lutin left office in favour of a simple life with his family after six years spent rebuilding our society.

Most things known about them are from the local newspapers. The births of their children, future marriages, and deaths were all told by the ink of the printer, their photos in the archives of the museum that showcased another life.

Their children went on to live full adult lives.

Emmeline Byrd went on to marry Ivan Edwards when she was eighteen. A choice of her own making after a short separation while living with her aunt in the southern states. They had a small family of twin sons.

Imogene Seralyn became the first woman in politics. She often encouraged equal rights for both men and women. "Genie" to her family and friends, she stayed true to herself. She lived with her companion, whose name is unknown but for her nickname, Lola. They never married, stating they didn't feel the need to get married even if they legally could.

Ruby Jerrica, who was often deemed Lord Lutin's shadow in some columns, grew up to be a prodigy dancer and a prima donna at sixteen. She eventually caught the eye of a foreign diplomat in her early twenties. She retired from the stage at twenty-five to settle down and have a family. She is the one and only child to leave her home country.

Lincoln Rhyse, the heir to the Lutin estate, was only fifteen when his father passed away. Still in school, his mother acted as his trustee until he became of age. He spent another four years in university before fully taking over the estate. He was known as a fair master, much like his father. He settled into bachelor life while living with his aging mother. While he never married, he did have a child. It was said the mother had died shortly after childbirth and left him to care for her. With the help of his mother, he raised her out at the manor, which she eventually took over when he wanted to retire.

While not much is known about Lord Lutin's life in his later years, as he kept much from the public eye, it was a large shock when the small announcement was printed in the paper about his passing. It is later believed that his advancing age came with health issues. It is believed that it was a sudden passing after his heart gave up.

Lady Lutin outlived her husband by almost thirty years, watching her children grow their own families, seeing her grandchildren—and even a great-grandchild—be born. Their history may have been forgotten, but her memoirs are the reminder of what was and what must never be again. It was never finished, ending with her being trapped in debris during the explosion. We may never know just how they all adjusted to life without the constant need to look over one's shoulder, though it most likely was never easy.

It is in this new edition that includes a few papers found from old journals by Lady Lutin, depicting her own struggles to adjust and heal.

**Excerpt from a Journal found at Lutin Manor:**

" _Some people would ask why I stayed after the fall of the old regime. The only answer I could ever give was that not being together after so much time seemed terrifying. We had come a long way from our early days. That forgiveness hadn't always been easy, but it was something we always strived for. We are two people who learned to make it work. We complemented and enjoyed each other's company. Why ruin something that brought so much joy into the world?_

_In other words, I loved him. Not because he was the father of my children, but because of the man I saw him become during the revolution."_

**Excerpt from another Journal:**

" _It was shortly after my recovery of the day that was my daughter's almost wedding. I had been pulled from the debris, barely breathing and covered in dirt. My body was covered in scratches, even burns in some places, and my arm had been broken by a large rock. It would heal, though, along with the rest of my injuries. Toby was found next to me, worse off than I was. His back had been broken, but he was alive._

_Jareth told me to dress comfortably for a long drive, and that he already had the children ready, even if 'ready' meant mixed up shoes and sweaters on backwards. He helped me with my sweater and tied my sling back around my neck for me._

_I knew the road well in the back of my mind. It had been so long since I had seen it, but I remembered it even after eighteen years. We were barely out of the auto before the door was opened by a man who looked so familiar, yet so much older. His eyes remained the same, though. The same mossy green eyes I shared with him. He looked at me for the first time since I had been taken, it was a look that only a parent could give a child._

_We said nothing as he ushered us all in. For the first time, I saw the photographs lining his mantel, starting with the very first photo Jareth had ever taken of me with my long dark hair against the greenery of the bushes behind me, holding a rose delicately between my fingers. Further on the mantel were my children, our wedding, clippings from the newspapers._

_Toby looked up from where he sat; he saved me from the worst that day. I looked across the room. My stepmother looks older. She offers me a smile while keeping hold of the young girl with curly blonde hair and dark grey-blue eyes. Clara, I realized. She looked very much like Irene with pieces of my father in her._

_I looked towards Jareth with a shaky smile and then back to my father. Taking a deep breath, all my resolve fell. Tears poured down my face as he wrapped his arms around me, like he had when I had been a child._

" _Papa," I breathed. "I want you to meet my husband, Jareth."_

_I introduced them for the first time with a proud smile on my face._

* * *

_Authors Note:_

_Well, this is the finale. I am sure it was not as you pictured how it would end. The final chapter is taken from how Atwood ended Handmaids Tale. Except I gave it a less ambiguous ending because you never find out or know if Offred lived and died._

_I want to thank everyone for this wild ride. My readers, my reviews and most importantly my beta reader. Without you, this story would have never been._

_So I thank you all from the bottom of my heart._

_Until next time my dear readers. I am unsure where I am going from here but I am sure it will be an interesting ride._

_Farewell, A bientôt!_

_Tina_


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